"No, stop" Part 2
Clint’s POV
He woke with a start to pounding at his door. Startled he jumped out of bed and grabbed his bow from its spot next to his side table. He moved slowly towards the door.
“Who is it?” He called, bow at the ready.
“Clint it’s just me!”
He immediately relaxed and dropped his bow to the ground once he heard Steve’s voice. He went to open the door, slightly annoyed at how Steve had woken him up.
“Jesus Steve you almost-” Clint started but he was cut off.
“I don’t know what’s wrong, Tony and I were just in the kitchen and we heard her screaming but we can’t get her door open, Tony’s up there now.” Steve said, panic on his face.
He didn’t need to hear anymore, he pushed past Steve and ran down the stairs towards her floor. Steve right behind him. He knew exactly what was wrong, and he needed to be there to help her out of it. As soon as he and Steve got to her floor he could hear her screams. Some in Russian, some not.
“No, stop!”
“Пожалуйста, это больно”
“Madame! Madame!”
Clint felt his heart skip a beat. These were different then usual. The things she was saying. How afraid her screams sounded. It sounded like she was in pain. Like she thought she was going to die. She screamed for Madame like a child calls for her mother. Whatever she was dreaming about must be one of her worst memories. Things she hadn’t told anyone. Not even him.
He ran to her door as fast as his feet would carry him. Tony was already there, doing his best to override the passcode locking her door.
“Please stop!”
“Мама, Мама”
“It hurts!”
Clint frantically pushed Tony out of the way of the passcode panel. He quickly tried to type in the code Natasha had given him to open her door in case of an emergency. In his rush he typed it in wrong the first time, this angered him, he didn’t want Natasha to be afraid for a second longer. After he tried again the door slide open.
“Stay here” He said to Steve and Tony. He knew they cared but Natasha would kill him if he let them in. These nightmares were something only he and Laura knew about, she had tried so hard to keep them a secret from the team. She didn’t want them to think she was weak. Like they ever would.
He ran to the door of her bedroom and stopped. She was thrashing around in the bed. Like she was trying to get away from someone holding her down. Tears were covering her face, she was sobbing.
Before he could move he felt Steve and Tony come in behind him. Apparently choosing to ignore his instruction.
He turned to them angrily, “I said stay outside, go back!” It came out a little harsher than he meant.
He rushed forward to Natasha’s side, flipping on the lamp next to her. He put his hands on her shoulders and attempted to shake her awake. Though she only started to cry harder and struggle against him.
“Natasha it’s me, it’s Clint.” He said loudly. She needed to know that she was safe, he wasn’t going to hurt her.
“Your not there. Your here in your bedroom and I’m right beside you.” He cried shaking her harder. She finally opened her eyes. He saw the fear in them. She looked like a scared child.
“Clint” She cried out, reaching out for him.
He scooped her up and held her close to him. She held on tightly and sobbed into his chest.
“Your safe, your safe.” He repeated over and over again. Rocking ever so slightly. He hadn’t seen her like this in a very long time. He wondered briefly what could have triggered this to happen.
She sobbed harder. And Clint felt tears start to form in his own eyes. It was hard to see her like this. He would give anything to be able to go back to when she was a child and save her from that horrible place. Save her from all the trauma.
“Clint, please make it stop.” She begged, “Please, Clint, please!”
He held her tighter. “I wish I could, Nat, I’m sorry, I wish I could.” It was true. He would do anything to help her. To make her feel safe. He glanced back to her door and saw Tony and Steve still standing there. He had hoped they would have left. Thankfully Natasha hadn’t seemed to notice them. Yet.
“I’ve got you. Your safe, your safe.” He repeated. He could feel her whole body shaking. Sobs racking through her frail form.
They stayed like for a little while. Clint holding her as she sobbed. Something she never does. He wished he could stay like this forever. Holding her. Keeping her safe.
But then Clint heard footsteps behind him, coming into the room. He stiffened as Natasha’s head shot up. Steve had come into her bedroom. Natasha darted out of his grasp and ran into her bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her.
“Nat, wait!” He called after her, trying the doorknob even though he knew for a fact that it wouldn’t open. He whipped around to face Steve, and now Tony.
“I told you guys to go, now look. Just leave.” He spat angrily at them. Part of him knew that they cared about her and were just worried but he was just so angry that they had caused Natasha to run and hide from him. He was relieved when they left without saying anything. He decided he would apologize to them later.
He went over to her door and knocked lightly on it. “Nat, it’s just me. They left. I’m sorry I told them not to come in.” He said softly. He put his ear to the door waiting for a response that never came. All he could hear were the muffled sobs of his best friend. He wanted to be in there with her. To hold her together when she couldn’t do it herself. He sunk down to the ground, pressing his back up against the door.
“I’m right here, I’ll stay right here for as long as you need, Nat.” He said. And he meant it. He would always be there for her. No matter what.
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Natasha’s POV
No. This couldn’t be happening. They couldn’t have seen her like that. Now they were going to think she was weak. And she was. It was just a memory that had happened long ago and she had let herself be affected by it.
She sat in the dark on the floor of her bathroom. Her arms wrapped around herself. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t keep the tears from coming out. She was ashamed. She was nothing.