Things Left Unsaid
[The Mighty Pchib sits up and looks at his computer screen. This script makes no sense. It’s clearly one of his best.] The Doctor is sleeping. Why have we dumped a card on her chest? She clearly called out for Elton just now, where is Sir Elton?!
Piglet: Whew! That was a good nap! I love naps 🙂 How is everybody? I feel… different somehow… like I’ve moved really far? Into a different country? That’s odd
I don’t even really know what a country is! Hmm!
Elton:🎵 It’s nine o clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in… 🎵
Wait a minute, that’s not one of mine
Emerald wanders in, yawning and looking like she barely slept. Bucking weather… do they not have pegasi around here to keep the storms in check?
Herder: Uuuuuuugghhh… I feel like I’ve been head butted by a Krogan. I think there was something more than just catnip in whatever I smoked yesterday… I also vaguely recall agreeing to do a hot job on… someone
Emerald: What the buck for? Aside from Tilly Tillerson we’re all basically decent creatures… right?
Harley's head pops out of a vent in the ceiling. Hey guys, got a memo that something exploded here recently? Y'all okay? ...who's the new guy? ...also what's a 'hot job'. Actually never mind, I don't wanna know.
Emerald: That’s just the Doctor, apparently they can change faces when they die. Least they ain’t a changeling…
Herder: A hit job that’s… hot? That or the developers made a typo. Cue_E2_1A_Herder dialogue_Line 286_Bad meta joke
Harley: I think you've got a bit of a bug there, pal.
Herder, to Emerald: I dunno, there sure are a lot of fascist sympathizers around here
Clarence: peeks head out from behind a painting of Piglet with eye holes cut out of it Oh, you're doing "hot" jobs now? That's a bit... Well sometimes it's within my territory.
Herder: Now who was I supposed to assassinate…
Harley: Nods So you're gonna have outrageous sexual tension with whoever you're hired to kill, maybe fall in love with your mark. I gotcha.
Clarence: Kill!?! Why would you kill someone, that's illegal!
Harley: Yeah I'm pretty sure you need a permit from the assassin's guild for that. Or... or so I've heard. Wouldn't know anything about it myself. Just a mechanic!
Herder: Commander Herder needs no permits! My permit is my fist!
Harley: I don't think they go for that kind of defense in court, though… Not that I have experience with courts!
Emerald sips from her coffee mug, watching the conversation play out.
Herder: I thought you were a janitor…
Harley: Both! I do a little bit of everything.
Herder: Including hot jobs?
Harley: Uh, I mean, I could clean up after a hot job maybe...
Clarence: Experienced in covering up your tracks
Harley: Or of the mark is some sort of robot or sentient spaceship, I guess I could theoretically disable them. Theoretically. I never would! I'm just a little guy 🙂
Clarence: I think we may have different definitions of what a Hot Job is, my side is usually catching cheating bastards... well... in the act, as it were, I don't have to be involved unless the perp in question is rather handsome and not currently cheating on their spouse.
Fourteen: wakes up, stretches
Emerald: Hey! Good mornin', Doc! How ya feeling?
Fourteen: [From now on the Doctor speaks in a Scottish accent] Ah, that was a good sleep! Love a nap!
Harley: Oh, sir... ma'am... person... would you mind not exploding next time, you've left scorch marks. Not that I mind cleaning up, it's my job after all! Just, you know... mumbles saves me time.
Fourteen: Oh, that's rude! I can't help regenerating, you know. You should probably blame the person who shot me
Harley: Oh, was it a hot job?
Emerald: Oh is that what you call it? Huh.
Fourteen: She wasn't very hot
Herder: You can say that again
Harley That's too bad. Harley drops out of the vent with some cleaning supplies and starts scrubbing away at the scorch marks.
Clarence: charges up to the Doctor, notebook in hand What are your pronouns?
Fourteen: Whoa there, big fella! I've only just woken up visibly physically uncomfortable I need to go and get some new clothes and get changed. Can anyone lend me some credits to buy clothes?
Emerald: I got some spares in my room if you don't mind mares' clothes.
Fourteen: Thanks but I don't think those would fit me any better than what I'm currently wearing
Clarence, to Fourteen: disappointed Fair, fair, just let me know when you feel ready. I need to know. Anyway, uh I have a trenchcoat if you want, never wore that thing, made me look like a dick... As in a detective, but also I did kinda look like a dick in the other sense. Might be oversized on you, but it won't be too small.
Fourteen: Yeah that does look a bit too big for me. I could just… looks at sonic Yeah...
Doctor walks offscreen to go to a clothes shop.
Emerald goes back to her coffee, looking over at Clarence. Kinda impatient about the whole pronoun thing, aren't ya?
Clarence: I’m impatient about most things really, it's a character flaw that caused me to make impulsive decisions to my own detriment.
Emerald: So how'd you end up being a PI then?
Clarence: Well, they always said I was a good listener, so I just decided to become a really good listener for a living.
Emerald: Seems to have worked out well! I'm almost jealous, living somewhere where destiny isn't decided by a mark on your flank. I like my cutie mark, I really do, but some ponies drive themselves to distraction trying to figure out what they mean.
Clarence: What’s a cutie mark? Is it the weird tattoo thing you have over there? If you aren't choosing your marks, who is it that marks you?
Emerald nods, her own mark was a pair of blue headphones and a pink sound wave. Nopony's ever figured that one out, most say it's a destiny thing, and others say it's all up to Faust the Creator.
Fourteen: walks back on screen, muttering “thank god I don’t need to wear a bra anymore…” How do I look? And I’ll take any pronouns for now. I’m still cooking.
Emerald: Looking snazzy! Rarity would go absolutely ga-ga for ya if she saw that outfit! Red's a good color on you!
Clarence: Isn’t Faust that goat who sold his soul to the Mephistopheles in that Johann Wolfgang von Goethe novel?
Emerald raises an eyebrow. No? She's the alicorn, creator of Equus, of ponies, and all the other species that populate our world. Sparks only met her once, when she got her wings... said she was really nice and liked to draw.
Clarence: furiously scribbles That's a nice outfit I think, I don't know, I may not be the best at gauging gestures to the fact that he's wearing an unbuttoned button-up shirt underneath a denim jacket, and that this has been his outfit for six days in a row
Emerald: I’ve heard it said that she mainly lives in Elysium, where a pony goes after she dies, but obviously you can't find out for sure. Emerald's outfit today consists of her usual denim jacket and jeans, this time paired with a t-shirt featuring four ponies walking across a street.
Fourteen: I need to go and check on my TARDIS. I’ll be back later.
Clarence: mutters, possibly also writing it down What the fuck's a TARDIS?
Herder: I need to go tend to the Derry myself, I bet my crew is missing me. They can’t leave the ship except for specifically scripted interactions poor things
Emerald goes off to practice her music in the meantime.
[The Mighty Pchib pauses. This interactive murder mystery script is getting out of hand.] This new Doctor seems nice. I can’t wait to get to know them once they’ve settled.
Kyla: jerks awake Doctor? Where did they go? Oh no I fell asleep
Tilly: Hey gang, FAB news!! Sooooooo there I was, in my staff quarters, just sulking quietly and eating ice cream and enjoying some ancient pieces of classical art like Bridget Jones's Diary, when all of a sudden, I got a call on my communications device!
Long story short, Alejandro, owner and CEO of Alejandro Enterprises, is coming here, to VibeCity! I'm SO EXCITED! AAAAAAAA!!!!
Alejandro is, like, second only to The Great Sweat in terms of fame, power, and masculinity that I am very definitely attracted to and not just lying to myself about! Him coming to VibeCity is a Big Deal!!
He'll be arriving overnight, so he'll be HERE, at the space port, tomorrow! I know you'll all be DYING to meet him, but when it comes to autographs... ME FIRST!
I'M GOING TO EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESSSSSSS
Kyla: Oh, congratulations Tilly!
Tilly: Yeah! It's SO COOL! I bet you'll want to meet him too, Kyla!!
Kyla: I don't know a lot about him but from your description he seems great!
Tilly: He’s soooo cool! He built up Alejandro Enterprises from scratch, using only the money he inherited from his father's successful diamond mine!
Herder: Oh I think he’ll be… dying to meet me 😼 Oh we’ve dealt with each other before, me and Alejandro go way back. To Kyla, about the Doctor: They’re definitely not lying dead in a gutter somewhere with two blaster wounds in the back of their head
Tilly: Oh wow that's such a shame! I really wish they were! Hahaha only joking!
Herder: He’s the bastard that paid to have me rebuilt after the Derry first crashed
Tilly: So benevolent, so giving, so philanthropic... 🥺
Herder: I suppose I should thank him for that but… I can’t stand the son of a gun. He only uses people for his own sordid games
Kyla: seriously Did someone else attack them? I was supposed to be keeping watch, if they died under my watch because I fell asleep I'll never forgive myself-- I'll have to make a marketable helmet and kill a lot of people in revenge. Damn damn damn.
Clarence: Anyway, I doubt this Alejandro guy is half as charming as... Baseball player Mike Truk he stares off happily in the distance
Tilly: Hey don't worry Kyla! I'm sure we'd be able to give you an official VibeCity pardon if you did happen to accidentally let that bastard - I mean, that fellow passenger - inadvertently get killed!
Herder: Turns out you actually don’t need a gun to murder someone. You can just open the developer command menu of the game and write /kill, very efficient
Kyla: with no one correcting her misunderstanding that the Doctor is dead and it's her fault, Kyla will take her chair and smash it to bits in the corner while crying and yelling
Tilly: Hey Kyla! Just to let you know, we will have to charge you for that. 🥰
Kyla: WHO CARES? I'LL SIGN THE CHECK IN THE BLOOD OF WHOEVER MADE ME BREAK MY OATH AND SHOVE THEIR ASHES DOWN ANY ACCOMPLICES THROATS.
Clarence: Whispering to Herder okay but you didn't, like, actually kill them, right? You were just joking and coming down from a high and - oh by the way, I think you have a problem - but they aren't actually dead, right?
Kyla: I’LL RIP THEIR SPINE OUT AND MAKE IT INTO A SCARF. ILL BURN THEIR HOUSE DOWN.
Clarence: Now that's a bit uncalled for, kid, it's only alleged.
Tilly: Hey woah Kyla, loving the enthusiasm - this is exactly the kind of energy that The Great Sweat always loves to see in service of Him - but I think maybe you're taking it a little far! This is VibeCity, the happiest place in the universe - so please BE A BIT FUCKING HAPPIER! Haha! And if it is true that the Doctor is dead, my god, I'll keep this place the happiest place in the universe if I have to throw a "The Doctor is Dead, Hooray" party!!!!!!!
Herder: Mutters back Dunno, never assassinated a Time Lord before. It’s fine though, we can just make a robot clone in the worst case scenario. Or find another actor to play them, probably a young and up and coming one from a popular Interflix series.
I can’t remember what I did or didn’t do, all I recall is a green cat that smelled of spinach and something about a ring. It happens sometimes. I black out, can’t remember a damn thing that happened because my save file got corrupted
Kyla: huffing, but calming down ...yes. I apologize for losing my temper. I'll try to be more calm. Why don't I make someone else happy? Clarence, find out if the Doctor is alive and if they're not who killed them. And then I will go rip their eyes out and shove them down their throat. pause joyfully.
Tilly: That’s better! :)
Clarence: Well, I don't usually do unpaid work, and I am now running late to a date/dinner with Baseball player Mike Truk, but if I see the Doc I'll let you know, free of charge... But you have to give me a five star review on P.I.Advisor.
He walks off, stealing a flower from one of the flower pots
Kyla:…I have work credits? I have a Canon job I can pay?
Clarence: Oh, well, I don't object to you paying me, it's just... Well... You're a teenager, I just assume you don't have the right funds. Take it for free, leave me a 5 star review... And y'know, I wouldn't object to being left a tip. Leaves
Kyla: Teenager? I'm three years old! But I guess I'm the equivalent of a teenager... anyway thank you I'll gratefully accept your offer.
Lady Hinesly sidles up to Herder as indiscreetly as one can while wearing a red dress and large hat. Good timeofday, Commander. Have you been... successful?
Herder: Sniffs Hinesly Oh it’s you, Lady Spinach. Your guess is as good as mine
Hinesly: Brave words, Jesse Pinkpaws. And what-do-you-mean-my-guess-is-as-- did you kill her or not?!
Emerald pokes her head out of her door to shout in Kyla’s direction: Kyla, was that you I heard yelling over my music? The Doc’s fine, he just went to go check on his box!
Hearing this, Hinesly leans one hand against the wall, lightly claws it out of stress. Her eyes are bulging.
Pchib: Ooh, I can’t wait to meet Alejandro! I’m sure it’ll be an absorbing experience.
Emerald waves cheerfully at the green cat, then goes back to shredding on her axe.
Hinesly smiles widely, insincerely.
Pchib: Death is always a tragedy. Did the Doctor die or not? I really wanted to catch up with them.
Herder: Don’t worry yourself, I can always reload a previous save and make different choices. It’s not my fault the other save got corrupted
Hinesly: Cease your jabbering and listen. If you didn't carry out the execution, then I want it done as soon as the Doctor shows up again. We have a deal.
Kyla: …Now I'm unsure. Is the Doctor alive or not... I need to protect them if someone is after them.... and if they're dead eke out over-the-top vengeance...
Pchib: Are you now plotting an assassination that may or may not have already happened? Either way it’s evil. Assassinating people is bad, even dictators because it breaks the time-space recorded history.
Herder: In my defense, I was high at the time.
Hinesly: I’ve been drunk all week, you don't seememakinexcssss!
Pchib: When I left Davros behind on my homeworld Ranskaro, he threatened to have me killed in revenge. You’ll notice I’m still here. Assassination plots don’t always work is the point.
Herder: Listen lady, I’ve tried to be nice, which isn’t easy for me, but I sure as hell don’t appreciate being spoken down to. Say another word and I’ll assassinate your spinach stinking ass
Pchib: Commander!! Let’s now stop this talk of senseless killing. I treat death seriously in my writing, unlike Steven Draculthree before me, but the real thing is not something to speak of lightly!!
Hinesly: I have had a NORMAL AMOUNT OF SPINACH. I had ONE SANDWICH with spinach as ONE OF THREE INGREDIENTS. YOU smell like a DUMPSTER. You don't want to work for me? Fine! But I can see by the state of your armour that you need the credits.
Herder: Don’t diss my armour! Yes it’s the default set because I spent all of my credits on fish and little spaceship models for my cabin, but it still looks badass!!! Anyway, you don’t actually have to tempt me with cash or shitty rewards, I still hold resentment towards the Doctor for being an insufferable centrist and pacifist. But let me make one thing very clear: Never talk to me like I’m some incompetent underling again, or you will regret it.
Hinesly:… did you save any of the fish
Herder: No I forgot to feed them between missions and they all died
Herder: Do you still have the bodies? I'm peckish.
Herder: Yeah sure knock yourself out. They’re a little decomposed but I’m sure that’s par for the course for your regular diet
Hinesly: Sighs I suppose, as a woman in business, I can understand that. Very well. I'm sure you're a very competent murderer. I'm counting on it, in fact. She shoves the kipper not so much in her mouth as onto her face. Now, if that's all, I have a hangover to sleep off. Exit chatroom right.
Pchib: I respect women in business. The owner of Kerplunk is one such person. She’s made tonnes of money. Great woman!!
Kyla: Oh, Kerplunk. We have a Kerplunk Prime Family plan, the free 2-minute shipping is a great perk. Though they seemed annoyed that all 101 of us were on the same plan....
Pchib: Yeah, she’s a shrewd enough businesswoman to know that being cheated like that is worth the cost to get so many new customers speaking so highly of her service.
Elton: Feel like there’s something I should be doing tonight. Something I like to do on Saturday nights. Can’t quite remember what it is 🤔
Pchib: Saturday is a quiet day for me. Sundays I check-in with Russell and Steven. Then I’m sure it will be just a perfectly normal week ahead.
Kyla: For me Saturday nights alright for swordplay sparring, gotta get a little action in.
Emerald: I like a good Star Trot book on Saturday nights myself.
Kyla: I’m more of a Star Fights girl myself, or the brief attempt to make a spiritual successor to it FIGHTS which probably could have had a better name...
Emerald: What’s it about?
Kyla: These noble guys called the Evil Empire who are fighting the villains the Morally Good Rebels. For some reason a lot of it is from the Rebels perspective though.
Emerald: Any chance I could borrow the first book?
Kyla: Sure! runs off to room, returns with "The Star Fights, Episode 27, A Recent Hope by Georgia Leias" ignore how it says Episode 27 that's actually the first one they released.
Emerald: Thanks! Emerald takes out her own book, Star Trot: The Next Geneighration - Yesterday’s Enterprise. This one is my favorite: an earlier Enterprise comes out of a temporal rift, sending Captain Earl Grey and crew into a timeline where the Federation is in a war with the changelings instead of being allies!
Kyla: Interesting. I shall read it in return if you wish.
Emerald: Sure!
Fifteen: The Doctor swaggers back on screen
Kyla: DOCTOR!!!!
Fifteen: Sorry about the extended absence, folks!
Kyla: I thought you were dead!
Emerald: Hey, Doc! How’s a going?
Fifteen: SOMEONE tried to kill me, and I had to regenerate again! Kept this face though.
Herder: Clicks on the Doctor with the mouse and types /kill
Fifteen: Oh not again Hands and face glow orange again
Emerald: readies the spray bottle Bad kitty!
Kyla: leans over and presses ctrl z
Sixteen: The glow fades and the doctor still has David Tennant's face, but from now on they speak in an Irish accent
Tilly: Oh. It's you.
Emerald: So… does this happen to you a lot?
Sixteen: Not usually this regularly
Pchib: You really need to stop doing this. When I talk with Russell tomorrow I’ll need to have a word with him.
Sixteen: Hey its not my fault people keep shooting me!
Elton: On the contrary, keep on doing this! People like familiarity!
Sixteen: Oh, Tilly McTillerson! You should be careful with that gun, you could really hurt someone with it.
Pchib: Maybe there’s a reason. You should respect authority and not question it.
Hinesly: Oh for goodness' SAKE 😾 I wash my paws of this.
Emerald: What have you got against the Doctor anyway?
Pchib: Lady Hinesly, are you going to continue ordering executions and assassinations or will you back down and recognise authority must go unquestioned?
Tilly: There can be no more shootings once Alejandro arrives! We have to impress him!!
Emerald: Oh, is he coming? I missed that memo.
Hinesly: Tilly seems sweet on the Doctor, so I thought it would be a good display of power to force her to give me planning permission for a Hinesly Hotel in Vibe City… Never mind. There is, if you will pardon the vulgar expression, more than one way to skin a cat. I wonder if her precious Great Sweat is a spot more... mortal.
Kyla: …Lady Hinesly it was you??!?
Hinesly: I love authority! Why, I want as much as possible!
Pchib: Why would you think that? The Great Sweat is the superior authority figure around here. We must never question that state of being. This is how things are, we must operate within this paradigm.
Tilly: Oh, feel free to kill them as many times as you like. I don't care! They broke my heart! I mean... Uh. They have infringed one or two of the VibeCity rules so I can hereby authorise you to execute them if you happen to want to.
Hinesly: Well that's no use then, is it! Bah! BAH! bah.
Herder: Sorry Kale Queen, looks like this isn’t your day
Pchib: I withdraw my complaints, Tilly has granted the permission to execute the Doctor so it is okay now.
Hinesly, to Kyla: Having said that! It has not escaped my notice that you seem to have placed the Doctor under your protection. Why is that?
Emerald, to Tilly: YOU MOTHERBUCKING MOON-BANISHED Emerald’s string of Equestrian profanity has been censored to protect Piglet.
Kyla, to Hinesly: Momma always said the most important things for a girl were to help others in need, train every day, be a part of the community, and torture your enemies to death brutally. So I had to help someone in need when they were unconscious like that!
Hinesly, to Kyla: Sentiment was always your mother's second-greatest vice. The greatest vice being the torture.
Emerald: Go and play with a ball of string! Emerald throws a ball of yarn in Hinesly's direction, just to see what will happen.
Herder: Makes excited trill and pounces on yarn Realises what they’re doing and quickly scoots away Sorry everyone, I don’t know what came over me
Emerald grins. I oughta do that again sometime.
Herder: The attempting to kill everyone, not the yarn. As you know being violent and volatile is totally out of character for me
Emerald, to Elton: How’s it feel to be the level-headed one in a room full of nuts?
Elton: Makes me feel like a true survivor, makes me feel like a little kid
Emerald: Now I know why Sparks almost tried to drink herself to distraction when Celestia first sent her to Ponyville...
Hinesly: ”I resent this," Hinesly says as she pounces on the ball of string.
Emerald: I sure don't!
Hinesly: hisses
Herder: Lady Cabbage have some self respect!
Emerald just grins at her. Whatcha gonna do, order a hit on me?
Hinesly: She stands again, pulls herself up to her full height. Still holding the yarn though.
Emerald: Anyway, Hinesly, while you're here, I was thinking of something. You know how you own 80% of the hotels in Manehattan? Sure would be a pity if, say, one of the reigning princesses of Equestria looked into all those holdings of yours... such as, for example, the one I used to date before she ascended.
Sure hope everything's on the up and up, or you might have a princess of friendship paying your HQ a visit sometime.
Just somethin' to keep in mind before your next murder spree, kitty cat.
Herder: Damn it all to Pluto, it seems the developers have noticed me exploiting the game and have patched it so that I can no longer shoot the NPCs or access the command console
I am a… shadow of my former self. A broken cat. A husk. A pitiful wretch. Woe is me… oh, woe is me sobs uncontrollably sounding like a muppet giving birth
Hinesly: Oh, what is she going to do? Blow up 160 hotels with the power of friendship?
Emerald: Nah, she only does that if you're an evil supervillain bent on conquering the world. Instead you'll go face to face with something even worse: the legal system.
Hinesly: Ahahahaha! Ahahahahahha! Ahahahahhahaha!!! The Hinesly Brood is quite familiar with the legal system! It works for us :)
Pchib: Good to respect the position the legal system occupies. Remember, the system is not the problem!
Emerald: Not on Equus it doesn't! And Twilight Sparkle isn't one to bend to the whispers of feline bribery. She knows the books inside out and backwards, I trust her completely!
The Doctor is taking another nap after all this regenerating.
Kyla: Does the legal system do things? Usually they just do stuff like wink and say "don't worry, we can make it look like an accident haha praise the Great Sweat".
Herder is so utterly dejected they cannot even muster the will to make an insulting retort, so they merely grunt and go back to sobbing on the pristine floor in an ever expanding puddle of synthetic tears
[The Mighty Pchib writes a heartbreaking scene where the Doctor is executed by firing squad, because history must be portrayed but not engaged with. The scene is deleted so it’s unclear if it’s canon.]
Hinesly, to Emerald: Do as you will, but I have no immediate actionable murder plans. There is no reason to expect there will be any murder in the short-to-medium-term-future.
Emerald: All I can say is, when Twilight ascended she found all the loopholes the lawyers were using and closed them all up. Then she rewrote the tax code, just for fun.
Hinesly: So you agree? The system isn't the problem? :)
Emerald: Whatever you say, kitty cat.
Kyla: Loopholes? Like what?
Emerald: Among other things, there were these two unicorn con artists who traveled around the country, doing things like selling placebo curative tonics and getting away with little more than a slap on the wrist and/or fetlock. Sparks said they'd have to register every business they opened with the government, and last I heard, they changed their act and are now running a casino in Las Pegasus.
Piglet: Oh d-d-dear, what happened to that chair? 😮
Emerald: Looks like someone must've smashed it around a bit... hm.
Piglet: Oh! Oh my. Well they must be… very strong…
Emerald: I’m just glad no one was hurt!
A mysterious woman enters in who you have definitely never seen before, and is definitely not Kyla in a wig
Kyla: ”Why hello there my name is Mary the Radar Technician, wow indeed what a destroyed chair.... who ever did that must have been very strong. Why, I bet it was Kyla-82 Verger. I heard Kyla Verger had a 8 pack. I heard she was shredded."
Pleased to meet you, Mary T Radar Tech! I'm Emerald! She offers her hand to the woman, throwing her a big wink.
Hinesly hides an affectionate chuckle behind her paw. She's seen this one a few times before.
Kyla: shakes Emerald’s hand "Why a pleasure to meet you, Emerald who I am meeting just now for the first time."
Piglet: Oh! I hope not! Shredding can hurt! I’m sure she’s alright!! But it’s good to meet you, Mary! 🙂 Oh! You have a friendship bracelet too? 🙂 Kyla must have such a lot of good friends! That’s so nice!
Kyla: Why it is a pleasure to meet you too Pi--person I have never met before. Oh, uh yes! I happen to be lucky enough to know Kyla, what a co-incidence, I take it you know her too?
Piglet: Oh, yes! We’re good friends! 🙂
Emerald: Kyla’s great, I'm glad to have met her!
Kyla: Excuse me I am not tearing up, I just have... radar dust in my eyes turns around and wipes eyes, whispers to self Keep it together, keep it together. Turns back around I'm so glad to hear that!
Hinesly: You should see her on Halloween. She's a dab hand at the fancy dress.
Kyla:…I'm sure I don't know anything about the Verger family's group Halloween costumes, and certainly don't have pictures of them. I'm sure they'd be embarass--I mean I'm sure Kyla-82 would look incredible as always in them!
Hinesly: Yes, always very convincing.
Emerald: I don't know what Halloween is, but it probably sounds a bit like Nightmare Night... was there also candy and pledging some of that candy as an offering to darkest evil beings to prevent them coming after you?
Hinesly: We just eat the candy. These 'darkest evil beings' sound like freeloaders
Emerald: Princess Luna would resent being called a freeloader! Raising the moon and patrolling the dreams of ponykind is a very important job!
Kyla: Uh, no, we just went door to door in the neighborhood, marching down from our fortress of darkness, and knocked on the door asking for candy, and then we ate it together--I mean, that's what I did with my family, I'm sure Kyla's family had a very similar experience though, naturally.
Emerald: We did that too, we just also went to the statue of Nightmare Moon at the end of the night and gave her some of what we collected so she wouldn't eat our souls.
Kyla:….eating souls sounds like a big issue. I bey if Kyla-82 was there, she could have just defeated Nightmare Moon with her Space Magic.
Emerald: Oh, it's fine now, she's Princess Luna again! Nothing to worry about.
Kyla: Wait, people can just turn good from being evil?
Tilly: No! No they can't!!!
Emerald: They can if you hit them with the combined magical power of the Elements of Harmony - Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity, Laughter, and Magic! There's a great big rainbow beam, and then the dark magic that infested you is purged forevermore! Or you get turned to stone. That has also happened.
Kyla: Rainbows can defeat dark magic??? ...I am just a simple radar technician, but it sounds like more dark magic users should be aware of that danger.
Emerald: Well, the Elements could. But a few years back Sparks and the girls had to give theirs back to the Tree of Harmony, so now they have this Rainbow Power thingy that kind of works in the same way, minus the badass jewelry.
Anyway, I'm sure they wouldn't use it on Kyla. She'd have to try and take over the world first!
Kyla: I mean, do you think Kyla could take over the world? Like on a scale of 1 to 10?
Emerald hums, tapping a hoof on the ground. I'm gonna say 5. For her to really be able to pull it off, she'd have to go stark-raving evil and turn into a raging she-demon or something. As she is, she's too nice and sweet!
Hinesly: (wearily) if the world is this world, good luck taking over so much as a city block.
Kyla: Huh…. become a stark raving evil she-demon... mumbles I'll have to see if there is a FAQ or something...
Hinesly: Ask your mother for pointers.
Kyla: Why my mother is a simple Radar-Technician who (looks at writing on wrist) raised me in her trade along with my normal number of siblings.
Hinesly: I suppose it would be a normal number of siblings. If you were Irish.
Emerald gulps. If I've accidentally sicced another world-conquering demoness on Equus, Sparks is gonna be so pissed at me...
Kyla: I’m afraid all I know about Ireland is the St. Patrick's day party at the Technician's office haha. (Narrator: Kyla's knowledge of Ireland amounted to a Party City store Aisle.)
Hinesly: Keep it that way. Inferior breed. I read an article recently theorising that the Irishman is an evolutionary midpoint between human and ape.
Kyla: Hey now, the Radar Technicians Code, which is available online for easy reading, said that eugenics are a big no-no.
Hinesly: It’s not eugenics. We didn't very well make the potatoes go black.
Piglet: What’s - oh, never mind
Kyla: kneels down to Piglet's level, and in a gentle but still fake voice Eugenics is the belief the some people are better than others, and you can improve people just by having them have certain genetic traits. It means thinking that some people are better just because you think a skin color makes someone smarter or better. And it lets bullies blame bad things that happen to people they don't like on they way those people look instead of trying to help them.
Emerald is looking increasingly alarmed. Humans sound weird...
Piglet: Oh! Well, thank you for explaining that to me 🙂 That sounds so silly and mean! And it doesn’t make any sense - why, Pooh and Rabbit are both yellow, and they’re nothing alike!
Kyla: You’re much more wise than people seem to give you credit for. It is indeed silly and mean.
Piglet: Aww, thank you, Mary! 🙂
Tilly: So sad... Alejandro's shuttle has been delayed 😔 Hoping it'll be here soon, since it seems it isn't coming tonight 😭
Emerald: Oh no! Anyway...
Kyla: Oh no, and I spent all this time today... uh... fixing radars! So many radars, to get ready for that.
Emerald goes to have coffee, burying her muzzle in the book Kyla loaned her.