Keep Talking
Herder: Hi everyone, I have found my way back into existence after clipping off the map for over twelve hours. Take it from me, glitching out in the empty netherspace is no fun.
Kyla: .....you returned from the World between Worlds? Incredible.... Mother has been doing dark rituals for years to try to accomplish that. We always made her a nice breakfast of pancakes, eggs, orange juice, and fresh eyes just like she liked on those days to keep her spirits up sigh.
Herder: I did indeed, because I’m the legendary Commander Herder. If it’s any consolation it’s not nearly what you denizens of evil hype it up to be. Just a bunch of fathomless void with unused assets floating around.
Kyla: ....but if we could harness those unused assets with evil space magic.... mother was convinced she could get a whole comforter set and a sofa that way.
Herder: Well she’s free to knock herself out I guess, Maker knows it’s hard to get quality furniture in this day and age.
Kyla: They really don't make them like they used to. You think you're getting a nice wing chair and the edging starts coming off after a few months and turns out its just held together by staples sigh but I digress. ...So did returning from the World Between Worlds change your viewpoint on life at all?
Herder: Nah, it’s about the fourteenth time that’s happened to me, the novelty wore off a while ago. Now I just whistle my theme tune at the top of my lungs on loop to pass the time until the game resets
I did notice that they forgot to make a proper ceiling for the hovering bowling alley though, it’s just a flat 2D plane with a poor quality texture
Kyla: You.... have your own theme tune?
Herder: Of course! Didn’t you hear it when I arrived?
Kyla: Oh, oh I see. I did I just didn't realize that it was um, specifically your theme song. I just thought it was like the Imperial Waltz or something...
Herder: Excuse me? I’m an anti-imperialist, I would never associate with a propaganda anthem!
Kyla: But you have a whole song just about yourself? isn't that just like.... tacky?
Herder: No, it’s epic! I can’t save the galaxy in silence!
Elton: It’s very tacky to have your own song! And you can tell everybody this is my song doesn’t have the same ring to it!
Herder: Look who it is, Like a Candle Breaking Wind
Elton: Guess what, The Bitch is Back. Enjoying your inheritance?
Herder: I’m enjoying throwing your records in the incinerator.
Elton: That’s true, my records are 🔥
Herder: And now they’re little pieces of ash being scattered through space.
Elton: Good lord Commander Herder, have you never heard of downloads?
Herder: Burning things is more fun
Elton: Well once upon a time, every 1 out of 100 records sold in the world was an Elton John record, so there’s a lot of them. Should keep you busy.
Herder: Same it’s several centuries since you were last relevant. I bet most people use your records as coffee coasters now
Elton: The ones that haven’t been turned into novelty clocks, yes. Anyway, you’re one to talk about being relevant. The last entry in your franchise didn’t even have you in it!
Herder: And that’s why it sucked
Kyla: I don't know why, because I have never heard of you or played this series, but I feel the urge to defend that game till my last breath for some strange reason?
Elton: Anyway, we all know that the best game ever is Guitar Hero: Elton John edition. Or it will be when the publishers pick it up. There’s “not an audience” for it apparently.
Herder: Game? What are you talking about? This isn’t a game! This is WAR!
Elton: Who are you fighting? Library materials you enjoy burning?
Herder: Sigh Do I have to do my whole speech again?
Elton: Please do, I could do with a nap.
Herder: One more word out of you and I’ll go breaking a lot more than your heart
Elton: You wouldn’t if you tried
Kyla: I'm just saying that I'm supposed to be the evil one here but I'm not the one advocating for the descruction of cultural records. Personally, I think preserving art is important.
Herder: I am also in favour of preserving art, but not flimsy pieces of plastic that make horrible screeching noises when you put them in a record player
Elton: It’s okay, all the masters for my albums are stored in Tilly’s office, which is currently locked. Providing Commander Herder doesn’t start looking through our diaries, in which Tilly has inexplicably written down her top secret combination, there’s no chance of them getting them.
Herder: Barging into restricted areas like people’s homes and stealing their stuff is my modus operandi... And reading their journals that they happen to leave on the floor in little breadcrumb trails that pertain to the exact mission I’m on.
Kyla: ....wait hold up you just rob people???
Herder: It’s not robbing, they’re usually already dead. I know I just used the word steal but I was being dramatic.
Elton: Anyway Commander, if you bring me back all 100 of my records that I’ve somehow managed to misplace all over the entire map, I’ll give you a trophy. I’d also like you to break 10 pots, and click on Tilly’s office door 50 times. And then do all of this again on hard mode. And then in under 10 minutes.
Herder: I do love a platinum trophy
Elton: Pfttt, these are all bronzes. If you want a platinum, you have to spend your entire Tuesday with me. And then not see me for 10 years.
Herder: Oh no, however will I manage that?
Kyla: ....how do you get trophies and what do they do? Is there a benefit to getting them? Like Space magic powers?
Elton: They give you bragging rights.
Herder: A sense of pride and accomplishment
Kyla: Couldn't you get that on your own? Like by making a nice bowl of pasta alfredo? Or defeating your rival on a snowswept plain to get your grandmother's laser sword back? Or throwing a tantrum?
Herder: One can do both my strange emo friend. Also I heard your rival kicked your moody ass.
Elton: Of course, the best thing about these particular trophies is they’re non fungible. And also really bad for the environment
Herder: Much like Tilly’s breath and your singing
Tilly: Piss off! 🤣 ✨
Elton: Nothing says vibing quite like universal warming
Kyla touches the scar on her face, then scowls "....She'll pay the next time I see her. That scavenger won't get the best of me a second time I SWEAR IT!"
Kyla’s shout causes Emerald to wake up from her rest! She opens her eyes and turns to look at her friend, concerned. What are we swearing about, babe? Want me to teach you Equus profanity?
Herder: Tilly, that’s so not cool! What would sweaty say?
Tilly: Hey Herder, sooooo great to see you up and about! The regulations to which I adhere allow me to use stern language and lethal force against anyone who threatens to break Venusian law! So cool!
Nobody's gonna be looking through my diary, either! That's personal and private - you should know better than to go sneakily looking through a girl's private thoughts! My unrequited crush on The Great Sweat is no business of yours! So fun! 😻
Elton: Tbf you did leave it open on the exact page commander herder would need to break into your office. With a great big flashing “READ” sign as they approached it.
Herder: Yeah thanks for that. I must say your diary made for an interesting read, had to pause to vomit at those… fanciful drawings you did of you and sweaty though
Emerald: Trust me, girlfriend, dating a ruler ain't as much fun as it's cracked up to be. One minute you're snogging each other's faces off, and the next she's hidden away behind piles and piles of briefing memos.
Tilly: Hahaha I have no idea what you're on about! Rofl!
Emerald: Like I said, you don't want to know. Leave him be and find someone of your own socio-political standing.
Tilly: Haha are you asking me on a date Emerald???
Emerald: Not a chance in Tartarus, I'm just giving you some free advice. I don't date fascists.
Tilly: Your loss!
Clarence comes trundling in honestly dating isn't much fun in general, there was this one guy who's wife was looking to see if he was cheating on him - he wasn't, so I started dating him to get her the results she wanted, then they got divorced and he got so sad that he broke up with me!
Elton: So sad, so sad, that’s a sad sad situation
Clarence: I'm glad you sympathise with me
Herder, to Tilly: Don’t threaten me or I’ll tell them all about your… accident in the employee break room last week
Emerald: OOooooh, was there an accident?! Tell me about the accident!
Tilly: Wowwww, sounds like someone got out of the wrong side of the snooze-pod this morning! Haha! But don't you fucking dare!
Herder: It involved a copious amount of bodily fluid and a very nice white leather sofa
Tilly: That weird cat dude - Harley? Hankey? I don't even care what the names of staff members are! - cleared it all up! So it doesn't matter! Now fuck off!
Clarence is visibly taking extensive notes on this
Emerald: Oooh, we got her angry! Let's see what else we can make her do!
Pchib: Death is particularly sad if it happens when your hero lets it happen to someone in their place, bonus points if it’s more than once. I should write that.
Tilly: Hahaha I'm not angry! I'm a very even-tempered gal, me! Nothing to see here! HahahahahahaHAHA
Herder: Yes and poor Harley has been traumatised for life. No wonder they’re so timid. I bet the sofa won’t forget anytime soon either
Tilly: Haha well, artificial life forms like talking sofas don't experience trauma, they're not capable of it! They don't have feelings like you and I! Haha!
Clarence: Do you have feelings?
Tilly: Sure I do! I feel love for The Empire, admiration for The Great Sweat, dedication to the Regulations... :)
Emerald: And violent anger just waiting for the right moment to be released.
Tilly: Hahaha what! I don't know what you mean!
Pchib: Regulations give us purpose.
Tilly: Yeah exactly! You have such a great attitude to life!
Pchib: Lashing out in anger makes us just as bad as the people we lash out at!
Tilly:So true bestie!!!
Emerald: Well, if the constant threats and insults are any indication? I think you and me have more in common than either of us want to think. Emerald stalks forward, looking as menacing as a yellow unicorn can. I got to be the way I am from parental abuse. Bullies at school. Friends who weren't my friends. Who made you what you are today, Tilly McTillerson?
Pchib: We’re true friends here Emz. I’m calling you Emz because we’re friends.
Tilly: Wowww, that's soooo sad! You're breaking my whole heart, Emerald! I'm just sooo glad you found your way to VibeCity, where everything is just good Vibes, and everyone can leave their trauma at the door! 🙈
Herder: The great sweat is ugly and smelly and tells bad jokes. He never loved you or cared about you and probably doesn’t even remember your name just as you disregard and look down upon your own subordinates. Your hubris and self delusion will be your downfall and I for one shall be eagerly watching on the day you’re finally knocked down from your glass pedestal and lie broken and humiliated on the pristine floors
Elton: You really know how to flatter people Commander
Herder: I know, I try
Clarence: At this rate, we're going to be killing each other by the start of next week!
Tilly: Hahaha what a strange thing to say, bestie!
Emerald: Oh believe me Clarence, I only want to kill one of you.
Pchib: Don’t be silly, death is serious and irreversible. That’s one of the best things about my writing compared to those who came before me!
Elton: Hold up a minute, I can excuse fighting but I draw the line at murder
Tilly: Remember, fighting is only legal on VibeCity at the weekend!
Elton: When you’re this rich darling, every day is the weekend
Herder: Did you forget that time I shot you and you gave me your entire inheritance which I then donated to a union?
Tilly: Haha what a funny joke! But remember - doing that in real life would be illegal and punishable by death!
Herder: I eat death for breakfast darling
Tilly: Wow so brave bestie!
Clarence: If you eat death... how are you alive?
Elton: Look if Pchib is writing the story, there’s bound to be plot holes and inconsistencies!
Pchib: How dare you, you homophobe, you racist!
Tilly: So true! Nothing more racist or homophobic than criticising a straight white man! I learned that in my hostess training!
Elton: Got news for you people
Pchib: I’m adopted, why do you hate children and childless couples?
Tilly: So true bestie! But remember, adoption and childlessness is illegal under the benevolent rule of The Great Sweat! We must all do our bit in producing offspring for the Empire!
Emerald: What's a straight white man?
Herder: Being alive is a state of mind
Clarence: ... no it isn't?
Herder: What a bad attitude
Pchib: What’s the point of being alive?
Elton: Can’t listen to my music when you’re dead
Pchib: With your last number one being Sausage Rolls For Everyone is that such a bad thing?
Tilly: I just loooooove sausage rolls, they're so cool and great! But remember - not everyone can have food! That would be communism! Inequality makes us free!
Clarence: I'd like them, but my neighbour is a pig so I feel very guilty when considering them.
Pchib: Don’t move too far away from communism though. Stay around the middle. Hand over asians to nazis, criticise union activists, but also remember racism and climate change are bad.
Elton: Was with you up until that last part. NFTs4eva
Pchib: I didn’t comment on NFTs, I don’t know what that is. Remember, knowing things in advance is bad because it ruins the surprise!!
Emerald, to Tilly: Literally the opposite of everything my home country was founded on. We have an entire holiday about this!
Tilly: Wow, that's so weird and exotic and interesting!
Emerald: There's a very long story behind it. Anyone want to hear it?
Tilly: Sure! I just love hearing about less developed cultures!
Pchib: How many syllables does the culture’s name have? If it’s less than seven it’s too few.
Emerald: I'm going to ignore that, and just recite the narration of the last pageant I attended. Ahem.
Once upon a time, long before the peaceful rule of Celestia, and before ponies discovered our beautiful land of Equestria, ponies did not know harmony. It was a strange and dark time. A time when ponies were torn apart... by hatred!
During this frightful age, each of the three tribes – the Pegasi, the unicorns, and the Earth ponies – cared not for what befell the other tribes, but only for their own welfare. In those troubled times, as now, the Pegasi were the stewards of the weather. But they demanded something in return: food that could only be grown by the Earth ponies.
The unicorns demanded the same, in return for magically bringing forth day and night. And so, mistrust between the tribes festered until, one fateful day, it came to a boil. And what prompted the ponies to clash? 'Twas a mysterious blizzard that overtook the land, and toppled the tribes' precarious peace.
Though the rulers of the three kingdoms tried to seek out a new home, the tensions and strife followed, and the three leaders began to freeze up, their bodies becoming as cold as their hearts.
Luckily however, Smart Cookie, Clover the Clever, and Private Pansy all came together in friendship, defrosting the leaders and bringing about harmony to ponykind for the very first time. The three tribes were united, and their new home was called Equestria.
Piglet: Hello, everyone! I was just off taking a nice, long nap. What did I miss? 🙂
Emerald: Oh, the usual threats of violence and me telling the story of how Equestria was made.
Piglet: Oh!! Well, that second one sounds nice 🙂
Emerald: It is now, but it was tough going for a while!
Piglet: If you don’t mind me asking, I’ve been wondering - What is “death”? It sounds very scary! 😦
Herder: Only with that attitude!
Piglet: Oh! I see! So it’s like going on an expedition? Or flying on a balloon? Pooh likes both those things a lot but I get scared sometimes!
Emerald: Well, Piglet... Emerald sighs, and tries to channel Fluttershy. Death is... it's what happens when you aren't living anymore. It can be scary, but it doesn't have to be. Sometimes it can be peaceful.
Piglet: Oh, like when Christopher Robin goes off to school and we don’t see him for a while?
Emerald: Kinda, yeah. Except in this case, he'd never come back.
Piglet: Oh no! Oh d-d-d-dear!! Oh, he wouldn’t like that at all! It would be so very sad to not ever see your friends again. None of us must die!
Emerald: If Fluttershy was here, she'd be able to explain it... she works with animals as part of her job, and sometimes that means helping them to die. When she does it, it's kind of like going to sleep, only you don't wake up.
Elton: Except when I need a No.1 single
Piglet: Oh, my. Well, that’s a little less scary. Sleep can be very nice. I don’t think I would like that very much, myself, but I suppose different people like different things. 🙂 that’s okay.
Emerald: Well, you said you were stuffed, right? I don't think you have anything to worry about. Emerald smiles encouragingly. You'll be just fine, Piglet.
Piglet: Oh, well, thank you. 🙂 that makes me feel better.
Emerald: I'm glad! She hugs him, just in case!
Piglet: Aww ❤️ thank you! you’re very good at hugs!
Emerald giggles at that. Us ponies are devastatingly adorable creatures, no one's entirely sure why. Faust only knows.
Clarence: But, y'know, if anyone dies here... legally speaking I'm not supposed to investigate deaths, so I won't, but you can give me money.
Kyla: After death you can become a space magic ghost, so it isn't all bad.
Emerald: As the great guitarist Horse Georgeson once sang, "Sunrise doesn't last all morning... A cloudburst doesn't last all day..."
Herder: This conversation is so saccharine, I’m inclined to believe that Tilly has spiked the water supply
Tilly: Wow so funny! But I only drink bubble tea! Haha!
Emerald: Why do they call it bubble tea? I'm a coffee mare myself.
Tilly: Ohmygod, have you never had bubble tea!? It's SO great! It has bubbles! It's just the most fun drink in the universe! Me and bubble tea are both so bubbly, it makes so much sense that we have such a passionate love affair!
Herder: Ew
Emerald: But what about the caffiene?!
Tilly: Who needs caffeine, when we can be boosted just by thinking about The Great Sweat? 😍
Emerald: Clearly you've never played 12 hour shows in Germaney. That gets rough, real fast.
Tilly: Wow no but that sounds SUPER interesting!
Clarence: If I didn't have coffee, I wouldn't have the energy to get up in the morning, leave my messy, dingy, cheap apartment, and walk through the city that never vibes in an attempt to carry out my job. If I have one.
Kyla: Praise the Great Sweat!
Emerald: The life of a touring musician is hard, and it's not for everypony. But the feeling you get when the crowd is loving your work and you're loving the feedback... it's the best feeling in the world.
Tilly: Wow, love that for you!
Kyla: That does sound fantastic. I wish I could receive the level of praise I deserve like that... if it wasn't for that scavenger grumbles, kicks the wall repeatedly
Emerald hugs Kyla. I should take ya to my neck of the woods sometime, you might like it there!
Kyla: ....That might be an educational experience. So I probably wouldn't... dislike it. I guess I could go, but just because you want me to, not because it sounds like fun or anything obviously.
Emerald: That's the spirit!
Clarence seems to have gone off to his own world, speaking out loud as though he didn't realise he was doing it. It's a thankless job, being a P.I. The only feedback you get is inflammatory remarks. That's why, as soon as my latest client gave me the first half of the payment - something about their entire family getting kidnapped or something, I don't know, I'll read the file later - I decided I deserved a Holiday, and that's why I'm here.
Tilly: Wow, holidays are sooo cool! Almost as good as work days! :D
Clarence: Holidays are just a distraction from the grinding crunching iron gears of the world grinding and crunching down on the common people until they're... pulp... I guess...
Tilly: Yeah, so true!! Love me some big strong iron gears ⚙️ ✨
Clarence: I don't... they keep crunching me, and grinding up my bones, and breaking up with me after two weeks due to "personal differences"...
Tilly: Wow, sounds like things are working as they should! xD
Kyla: No, holidays are for celebrating the Great Sweat! On the best ones you get your own towel!
Emerald: Holidays are for coming together with the ponies you love and making good memories!
Kyla: This is true but it is also true if they are not ponies and are clones or a mass of limbs and tentacles with one huge eye 🙂 !
Emerald: Absolutely! Family is important, be it blood or chosen!
Clarence: You know... I don't think I've ever seen a horse until recently.
Emerald: Really? What were you picturing?
Clarence: Well I just thought their bodies would be a bit more... angular? Like, you could very clearly see the bones underneath the muscle. And their faces would be less circular.
Emerald: We probably are not typical representatives then! The Saddle Arabians might be closer.
Thirteen, to Pchib: Omg that sounds like something I would say
Kyla: Personally, I think we should give into our anger, and let the evil side of the space magic flow through us.
Emerald: Princess Luna tried that once... she turned into Nightmare Moon and tried to bring about everlasting night, forcing Princess Celestia to banish her to the moon for a thousand years.
Clarence: Could've just got a restraining order.
Kyla: Oh!!! My mom got banished to a moon too after she got dumped! They have so much in common!
Emerald: She got better when she came back, thank goodness.
Thirteen: Wow, Vibe Age Venusian Empire! More rich people getting rich quick, and more poor people than ever before!
Emerald: And that's a good thing, is it?
Kyla: Well the Great Sweat says so, so it has to be.
Emerald: I have a lot of problems with the Great Sweat and his views on the structure of society.
Kyla: Maybe you'd feel different if you got one of the complimentary towel's on Dry-est Day.
Emerald: Do they come with little bars of soap and shampoo bottles?
Kyla: nod nod and a bath bomb!
Emerald: I always wanted to try those, but the problem is... gestures to her furYou try cleaning the gunk out of this.
Clarence: That's nothing, do you know how annoying it is finding a bathtub as an elephant? Very.
Thirteen: So who is this Great Sweat? What does he look like? Mr Sweat?
Kyla: Oh! I'd love to explain, but I think that's a job for Tilly, for entirely in-universe-reasons that I swear make total sense and I am not just pushing off the answer!
Thirteen: Of course, I don’t have a problem with the structure of this society, so long as he’s playing fair according to his own rules 😊That’s me - sorting out fair play throughout the universe!
Kyla: Thank goodness someone here understands how our Glorious Empire functions.
Pchib: The Great Sweat needs a snappier name if he is to appeal to mass audience. How about I write a story of their exploits? The Legendarily Beautiful and Significant Greatness of the Sweaty One Who Rules Over Us written by The Mighty Pchib
Emerald: I applaud your ability at coming up with something that's actually worse.
Kyla: Be careful what you say about the Great Sweat or he'll cut 13 minutes from you before broadcast.
Pchib: That happened to me during production of Ballad of the Oceanic Demons.
Clarence: Wait, your stories have been... broadcasted? On television? Unironically?
Tilly, to Thirteen: Wow yeah wait what!
Thirteen: I wasn’t criticising you!
Tilly: Oh cool then yeah sure!
Thirteen: So long as everyone plays fair according to the Venusian Empire rules, I won’t have a problem!
Herder: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Bloody centrists...
Thirteen: What’s a centrist? Does it mean someone who gives both sides a fair chance? That sounds like a good thing. If people on both sides are angry with you, you’re probably doing something right.
Emerald: Look in the mirror, Doc.
Herder: You can have both sides of my fist blondie. If you're angry at me, I must be doing something right.
Thirteen: Watch out, I can do Venusian Aikido
Clarence makes a fist and tries to figure out what "Both sides" would entail
Herder: Two punches from different angles
Kyla: Your fist actually has more than two sides, you see, we live in 3-dimensional space 🙂
Thirteen, to Emerald: Do you have a mirror I can borrow?
Emerald: Not on me, that's a Rarity question. And she's not here.
Thirteen: It’s always important to look at things from multiple angles
Clarence: Surely that'd be the same side of your fist though, right? The side that's changing is the face...
Kyla, to Herder: I'm not angry, just disappointed.
Thirteen: You can’t punch me, I’m a woman and that would be sexist
Herder: Fine! I’ll threaten to slap her instead
Clarence: No, I'm fine with you punching her, I'm just... caught up on logistics. It's the curse of a detective's mind... Well, P.I., I'm not a detective.
Herder, to Kyla: Ah yes, nuance! Like how I’m a blunt instrument of the military industrial complex but also somehow an anarchist
Emerald: Vive la revolution!
Kyla: ....or consider: viva la things are going great in the empire so let's let it keep doing its thing!
Herder: Just doesn’t have the same ring to it
Elton: I’m all for things not changing! I’ve been writing the same stuff since the 70s
Thirteen, to Emerald: Just be careful, have you thought about who will make the violins after the revolution?
Emerald: I assume violin makers. What is wrong with you people? At least the Commander understands.
Clarence: Look, if we had a revolution now then it'd make all my work underneath the gears of society meaningless!
Thirteen: You don’t know what you actually want, do you? You’re all the same, all you screaming kids. How will you protect your glorious revolution from the next one?
Emerald: Oh, I know exactly what I want, Blondie! Socialism!
Kyla: Emerald, I only exist to serve my mother and the empire. Us clone-knights were cloned for two purposes: to defend and protect to the Venusian Empire and its great leader, and to impress my mother's ex girlfriend who she really wants to come back to her. Defending the Empire and its citizens, its way of life, its literally been flash-programmed into my brain in my cloning tank. I have to defend it, its the right thing to do!
Thirteen: Will you have music? Will people go to work? Will people go on holiday?
Emerald: If I didn't have music, I'd be out of a job.
Thirteen: So what I’m hearing is that you don’t know what you actually want. But I forgive you!
Emerald: I didn't ask for forgiveness, and I already told you what I want! Socialism! to Kyla But what do you want out of life?
Clarence: That sort of reminds me of this novel I had to read back in school, "Human Farm"
Kyla: with an air of "I just said it" ....to defend the Empire, its way of life, and its great leader, and to get my mom and her ex back together. ALSO TO DEFEAT THAT SCAVENGER kicks wall
Elton: I much preferred his other work, 1983. Reminds me of the last time I had a decent hit
Clarence: Never was a big fan of George Owlwell, if I wanted to be miserable I'd just look outside.
Herder, to Emerald: Two islands of sanity amid an ocean of depravity and vapidity
Tilly: Oh hey you wanted to see a pic of The Great Sweat? This is my phone wallpaper! It's me and the bestie 🥺I edited it myself by putting the Budding Spring filter over the original :D
Emerald: He looks like Prince Blueblood.
Elton: He was a riot in my last work meeting
Tilly: Of course, I didn't really meet him, but I like to imagine I did... in my dreams... to Emerald Prince Blueblood must be a real hunk then! 😍
Clarence: Sort of looks like Boaris Johnson, but not a Boar.
Tilly: But this is only one of The Great Sweat's many physical manifestations. He can appear like anyone... anyone at all... He's so POWERFUL!
Emerald, to Tilly: Oh, he's definitely a handsome stallion, he's just also an egotistical flankhole.
Tilly: Wow! He doesn't sound like The Great Sweat at all!
Emerald: Really? I think they sound eerily familiar. I guess lots of planets have a BLEEP
Kyla: Once me and my sisters tried to enter a contest to win a date with the Great Sweat by sending in cereal box-tops, but we all lost. We did get to eat a lot of honey nut cheerios in the attempt though!
Clarence: It's probably a good thing you didn't win based on that picture.
Kyla: But isn't he dreamy? According to my brainwashing, the Great Sweat is the most attractive person there is!
Elton: There is something about the way he looks tonight
Emerald: I'm into mares, not stallions. And one mare in particular. She sighs.Royal duty sucks.
Clarence: I mean, I may not be the best at judging this species, but... not that dreamy.
Kyla: Psh, yeah sure. Who am I going to believe, a PI, or my brainwashing? Clear answer there.
Herder, to Tilly: Now that’s just plain sad
Emerald: Suddenly I wish I knew any brainwashing breaking spells...
Tilly: He IS dreamy! You people obviously have no taste in guys! But hey, don't worry - your pal Tilly is here to help with all dating-related needs! If you like, we could flick through Venusian Tinder - Vinder - until we find you a match who's as much like The Great Sweat as possible! Oh, it'll be so FUN!
Kyla, to Emerald: I believe according to the test we took, all 100 of my clone batch are demipansexual and demipanromantic.
Clarence: He clearly wants to defend himself against the comment about his taste in guys, but is unable to
Tilly: Wow hey don't worry, I get it! You want a nice girl, just like The Great Sweat's wife, or his Planetary Secretary! I'm sure we can match you up with someone suitably green and wrinkly and racist! 🥰
Clarence: Uh... no.
Tilly: Love is just so ROMANTIC
Emerald: Or, I could just ask Princess Cadance. She's the Princess of Love, it's her entire job to play matchmaker!
Clarence: Most marriages end in divorce.
Herder: Old sweaty could learn what a comb is sometime
Tilly: Wow yeah that used to be so true! Thank goodness The Great Sweat outlawed divorce! Now everyone gets to be together until death do them part! So in a very real sense, the only way for someone to hypothetically get with The Great Sweat now would be to assassinate his fucking wife! Hypothetically, that is!
Herder, to Tilly: Come up with that all by yourself did you?
Emerald, to Tilly: What if they hate each other?
Tilly, to Herder: Yeah, I'm such a romantic at heart! 😅
Clarence: I'm starting to thing you don't have one, Tillipher.
Tilly, to Emerald: Woww, hate is such a strong emotion! There's no hate here on VibeCity! Only love and joy and good vibes! It's a happy place! to Clarence Hey, Clarry, that wasn't a very thoughtful thing to say!
Clarence: I'm just here to go on vacation to Dismaland and this four-armed harpy keeps tormenting me about my failed love life!
Emerald: If all you have is happiness, how can you play the blues? Emerald plays a blues number on her guitar.
Tilly: The only blues I know are the official imperial colours!
Herder: And that disgusting outfit
Tilly: My uniform is in the officially mandated colours of The Great Sweat! It is designed in His honour!
Kyla, to Emerald: Why would you want to be unhappy though? When you could be happy instead?
Emerald, to Tilly: Your uniform is making my eyes bleed, and I'm not even a fashionista.
Tilly, to Kyla: Yeah! That's such a healthy outlook, Kyla!
Emerald, to Kyla: Unhappiness sucks... but it makes you more well-rounded.
Tilly, to Emerald: That's very insulting, Emerald! You shouldn't say that about other people's clothing! Especially the imperial uniform! I'm struggling not to take that too much to heart, considering that... I put it on myself...
Emerald: Not helping your case.
Kyla: I try not to be well rounded. I'm actually pretty ripped. Every Kyla Verger is shredded.
Tilly: Heyyy! Do you know how difficult it is to get my wings out through the little holes at the back of the jacket? And that's without mentioning the time I spend on manicures! All to please The Great Sweat, if ever he comes to inspect VibeCity!
Herder: Is that hurt in your voice Tilly? What happened to being happy? Sweaty would be so disappointed in you
Clarence: Maybe it'd be easier if, instead of your blazer on you just shoved it in your mouth and stayed quiet, it's a better use for that cloth. Why do you even stay around here? Did Jeff put you up to this? Or Brian? Or Jort Rortugal?
Tilly, to Herder: Sweaty - that is, The Great Sweat to you - would forgive me for being a little bit hurt at your BARBED words. What happened to letting women have self-expression, and wearing what they like without judgement? What happened to #Feminism? Just because I'm wearing the imperial uniform in admiration of our great dictatorial ruler doesn't make me a bad person!
Emerald: Yes it does.
Tilly: Wowwwww. That's low, even for you!
Pchib: Feminism is a major theme of my writing, and Tilly you personify it so well.
Tilly: Making judgements about others, purely on the basis of their words, beliefs and material actions? Disgraceful.
Emerald: Have you even met me? I am made of barbs, literally! This horn ain't just for show you know!
Tilly, to Pchib: Oh so cool! Thanks so much!!
Herder, to Tilly: No I agree, bad taste in fashion isn’t a crime. Your taste in men and ideological power structures on the other hand…
Clarence: Her Existence is a crime.
Emerald, to Herder: You say that, but I know a fashionista who would arrest her on sight in the name of fabulosity.
Tilly, to Herder: Oh wow, judging people for their sexual and romantic preferences now, are we? This is a #NoKinkShame zone!
Kyla: Don't defame a glorious representative of our glorious government, that's morally wrong because our glorious government is right.
Tilly: I can't help what men and what ideological power structures I'm attracted to!
Pchib: All hail the status quo. May it never be challenged.
Tilly: #TuesdayWisdom
Kyla: Thank you Pchib, you get it. Thank you for standing up for the oppressor class.
Pchib: I respect fair play throughout the universe.
Herder: This conversation is a pertinent reminder that I need to set up more explosives around here…
Clarence: Maybe dating guys who leave you in two weeks is my kink, did you consider that, Tillington? It isn't, for the record, but it could've been. I'm going to get a drink. Clarence leaves
Elton: 🎶Great Sweat is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for space
Oh, and I can see Great Sweat taking your life
God, it looks like Great Sweat
Better say your prayers tonight
Oh, Great Sweat my saviour, you are better than me
Do you still feel the pain, of endless blasphemy
Your patience died, but you love more than I
Great Sweat your a star, in the face of the vibes🎶
Thirteen: He looks like a human… I thought humans weren’t allowed here?
Emerald, to Herder: Can I help? I can set them off with a quick burst of sound.
Herder, to Tilly: Yes I am judging you, extremely hard. I’ve read your diaries…
Thirteen: Why is he called the Great Sweat? Is it because he’s physically unable to sweat?
Tilly, to Elton: Wow great song Elton! I think you should play it on repeat during the entertainments tonight!
Herder, to Emerald: Just make sure Elton doesn’t set them off prematurely
Kyla, to Thirteen: Remember I am legally not a human!
Tilly, to Thirteen: Wow no that's so not true, that rumour is 100% false and everyone spreading it has been summarily executed 💅
Pchib, to Tilly: Is Elton on before or after my six act play?
Emerald, to Herder: I keep the Cone of Silence spell handy.
Tricky, to Pchib: Hahahaha rofl. So funny!
Herder, to Thirteen: I think the opposite may be the problem
Thirteen, to Tilly: Dating is not really something I do.
Pchib: I’m sure you’d be a good date.
Tilly, to Thirteen: Wow that's so not true, firstly The Great Sweat isn't a human, I don't know how you could think that!! Could a human rule the galaxy so well without it falling into chaos and madness? I don't think so! Hahaha! Imagine a human imperial ruler! Fucking hell!
But also, humans are totally allowed here on VibeCity, as long as they follow the human-specific regulations and keep themselves to themselves!
Pchib: Human good, earth confederacy bad. Right?
Tilly, to Thirteen: Wow, that's, like, SO weird, I didn't know that could be a thing! You probably just haven't met the right guy though lol to Pchib I wouldn't go that far lol
Pchib: Human neutral but sus?
Tilly: The Earth Confederacy is totes bad! But humans are legal! Pretty sus tho yep
Kyla, to Thirteen: Why not? Are you aromantic? 🙂 I'm sure its not that you like leading girls on while knowing they like you, and then giving them an excuse why they should still devote themselves to you while you give nothing back in return as you sit together on a beach hahah
Pchib: I’m not human, I’m an alien that happens to sometimes look like one. I’m kind of in flux like that. Totally not of earth.
Emerald: I'm a unicorn, the only human I know is Elton. And maybe Sunset Shimmer, but her situation is a little different.
Elton: It’s alright Doctor, I’m sure there’s a non entity that you have absolutely no chemistry with that we can set you up with by claiming to see obvious signs
Pchib: [scribbles down idea]
Thirteen, to Tilly: I had a wife once. I was a different man back then. But nowadays I can’t fix myself to anyone, because sooner or later it’ll hurt.
Tilly: Wow that's so unhealthy of an outlook, Doctor! I think you just need a husband to look after you! That's what men are for, after all, looking after us girls! 🥺
Thirteen, to Kyla: Yes, I’m aromatic, I smell great! Not entirely sure how that’s related though
Kyla: Oh... um...no I meant.... n-nevermind....
Thirteen: You don’t have a husband, do you Tilly? Isn’t that a bit rebellious of you?
Clarence comes back with an alcohol What about me? Why can't there be a guy to take care of me, huh? What did I do wrong in this world?
Tilly, to Thirteen: No, sadly not. No man I've met so far can quite compare to The Great Sweat. But I'm sure I'll meet a man I'm attracted to someday!
Emerald: I'd like to meet another mare again... not a royal this time though. Breaking things off with Twilight sucked.
Thirteen, to Tilly: If I regenerated into a man would you be interested in me
Herder: You’re all so boring, I romance numerous love interests of various species in different lifetimes, keeps life interesting
Tricky, to Thirteen: I don't know! I guess it depends on whether you remained as attractive as you evidently are now, or whether that quality changed as well!
Thirteen: Tilly are you implying that you have homosexual feelings? Is that allowed in the Venusian Empire?
Tilly: Hey what! I don't know what those words even mean, hahaha!
Sarah, to Herder: I understand what you mean, I’ve romanced humans, Gallifreyans, and part-human-part-Gallifreyans in my time. Variety is the spice of life!
Kyla, to Herder: .... I guess that's fair. I am just one of a hundred identical women.
Emerald: I'm getting the feeling that fillyfoolers and coltcuddlers are not allowed in this joint.
Tilly: Hey lol speak in English next time hahaha
Emerald: Excuse me, I'm not speaking "English," I'm speaking Modern Ponish!
Clarence: I dated a Rhino once, is that unique enough? And he still dumped me! Said I was "Too Angry". A RHINO!
Tilly: Ah well that explains it! That's not one of the officially mandated languages under which VibeCity operates!
Herder, to Clarence: Aren’t you generalising a bit?
Emerald: Tilly, Tilly, Tilly... do you not get that I'm not from your little empire? I haven't exactly been subtle about it.
Tilly: Hahaha well you're here now, taking our jobs and our benefits, so the least you can do is speak the actual language! 😜
Clarence, to Herder: I'm not generalising, I'm stating facts, Rhinos will always bump into you in the street and get mad at you for it, just because you're walking in the middle of a bike lane.
Herder: Listen I know I arrived here saying I’d save all of your sorry asses but now that I’ve actually spoken to half of you I may have to revise that statement
Emerald, to Tilly: What jobs? I've only got my own job, and quite frankly, after what I've seen of the universe so far I might just turn around and go home after my gigs are done.
Tilly: Hahaha well, you're very welcome here on Space Port VibeCity, as long as you're contributing to the local economy by spending money! #ForkOutToHelpOut, amirite!
Clarence: he takes a deep breath to calm himself down Herder, would you save me?
Emerald, to Tilly: Do you take bits?
Tilly: Hey don't worry, friends! Nobody needs saving! Nothing bad is ever going to happen on Space Port VibeCity! As long as everyone follows the rules, everything will be chill and groovy!
Herder, to Clarence: You? You’re on thin ice you great sellout
Thirteen: Following rules is so important! Otherwise I’ll have to sort out fair play.
Emerald: Rules were made to be broken! That's why I spent most of elementary school in detention!
Clarence, to Herder: What do I need to do to be on thicker ice?
Herder, to Tilly: Rules? I like to think of them as challenges
Tilly, to Thirteen: Hey Doctor, have you ever considered a career in Imperial Security? I could give you a great reference! :D
Thirteen: Sorry I don’t think I would be good at “having a job." I can’t fix myself to any one place.
Herder, to Clarence: Give away your worldly possessions, eat the flower on Tilly’s hat and help me make some Molotov cocktails
Thirteen: I like cocktails!
Clarence, to Herder: Clarence finishes up his bottle of undefined alcoholic beverage Well, I have a bottle, does that help?
Tilly, to Thirteen: Hahaha so funny! But everyone has to have a job! Otherwise they'd be a disgusting Unemployed, or alternatively a member of the very reputable and good Imperial Elite!
Maybe a career in the Division Division of Imperial Security would suit you! They get to travel around a lot, to sort out fair play in all different parts of the universe!
Herder, to Clarence: … Sure. It’s a start
Tilly, to Herder: Hahaha so funny! But if anyone tries to eat this flower, they will die, because it is poisonous to organic lifeforms! Lol!
Thirteen: I’m a Time Lord so I think I’m fairly elite already babes
Herder, to Tilly: I’m only half organic so I’ll only half die! Check mate despair hostess!
Tilly, to Thirteen: Hahaha wow, you sure do have a big opinion of yourself! Self-confidence and arrogance are sooooo important to being in Imperial Security! Also, don't call me babe, it makes me feel weird!
Thirteen: Sorry, I don’t like the idea of working for somewhere with “Division” in its name. I don’t know why but it just gives me a bad feeling…
Tilly, to Herder: Ah, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear that!!
Clarence: I'll go off and get more bottles then... For Molotovs. He goes off.
Kyla, to Herder: What do you think we need saving from? The oppressive regime itself? The homophobia preventing our own feelings and love from blossoming? The obvious racism? The inability of us to express ourselves publicly? The blind worship of our authority figures? The cloning of soldiers who have no choice but to serve and fight regardless of their own lives? The outright brainwashing?
These are core tenants that help make up the freedoms and good vibes we enjoy here! Like we need saving from any of that, psh.
Herder, to Clarence: Pats Clarence on the shoulder Listen bud, much as I appreciate your help in sowing discord among the elite and destroying government property, I think you have a drinking problem you need to see to first
Tilly, to Kyla: Wow yeah so true!!!! I wonder what homophobia is. Probably not important!
Kyla: Wow Tilly, so glad we understand each other with how great the Empire and Great Sweat are. Its just a great vibe to meet such a likeminded person.
Emerald: Kyla, this is part of why I want to show you Equestria. From where I am, everything you described just sounds horrific.
Herder: Read that spiel again out loud in a few days, I’m sure it’ll click once you’ve reached a specific stage in your character development script unless I make the wrong dialogue choices twenty hours prior about a totally unrelated subject
Clarence, to Herder: Not a chance, I'm not leaving until I have 5 more bottles and am seeing pink elephants on parade. Leaves again
Kyla, to Emerald: Well I'd certainly like to see Equestria--uh, I mean, I.... I wouldn't mind seeing it. Like, sure I guess I could go yeah. And if I did it'd probably be fine. to Herder I guess I'll check back in on that later, but I can't see how anything in this Great Empire could be bad!
Emerald: I'm picturing the welcome party Pinkie will throw you already!
Tilly: The only bad thing in the Venusian Empire is the rogue elements trying to undermine it! Saboteurs, who have caused the inflation crisis and various attempted insurrections!
Herder, to Kyla: Oh my sweet summer clone progeny… to Tilly Aww, glad to hear I’m getting under your skin.
Tilly: Hahaha, you're so silly, Herder! But don't worry, I don't think you're a real threat to the Empire! Cos if I did, I'd pull out your permanent memory chip and crush it to pieces on the spot! 🤣
Herder: That sounds like a challenge! I do love a challenge.
Tilly: Hahaha no it's not! lol!
Herder: I clearly need to up my game
Kyla: do you have any siblings, Commander?
Herder: I have no blood family, I grew up on the streets fighting to survive
Kyla: Oh I see. I didn't know if anyone cloned you or anything like that.
Herder: Oh yeah the evil corporation that reassembled me did once. Damn clone stole my ship and nearly ruined my birthday party
Emerald: I don't know what it's like to be cloned, but I did meet my human counterpart once. That was... an experience.
Thirteen, to Herder: What about Hamish McTavish?
Kyla, to Herder: nods in understanding Kyla-87 did something similar to me, you should try to make up if you can. Sibling rivalries can be rough, but sometimes they're fueled by things you might not expect, like jealousy. I'm sorry the two of you had a rough go of things, being birthed by an evil corporation is always rough.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to the original Kyla Verger....
Thirteen: I met a copy of myself once. She was very cute and I had a crush on her.
Herder, to Thirteen: Shhh don’t point out contradictions in my tragic backstory TM Though I suppose being distantly related to Hamish is a tragedy in itself
Kyla: Who is Hamish?
Herder: You don’t want to know
Kyla: Oh.... okay I guess I don't. Funny, I thought I did which is why I asked. Weird.
Elton: I have a clone. His name is Danny Elfman.
Thirteen, to Herder: This is how I feel about Tecteun so I empathise. I didn’t want to know, so I wrapped my memories up in a watch and threw them away
Tilly, to Thirteen: Hahaha wow, two of you? That must have been A Lot! Lol!
Thirteen: Actually there were three of me that day
Tilly: Oh wowwwww Wish I'd been there that day! haha! xD
Thirteen preens herself amidst all this praise
Tilly: 👀
Emerald rolls her eyes. Get a room, you two!
Tilly: Hahaha all the rooms in VibeCity are administrated by me, so in a way, I have got ALL the rooms! Is that what you meant?
Emerald: No, I mean get a room in private so you can do the horizontal tango away from the rest of us. In a whisper When is Clarence getting back with those Molotovs...
Elton: Hold her closer Tilly Dancer
Tilly: Hahaha I have no idea what any of you are on about!
Emerald: They don't have innuendo around here, do they?
Tilly: I can't say I've heard of that planet! Maybe it's outside the Venusian Empire! In which case it's not worth worrying about!
Emerald just facepalms.
Kyla, to Emerald: how do you tangle horizontally? wouldn't that be very difficult?
Thirteen: Not if you’ve been to a workshop on Venusian yoga!
Kyla: Interesting! I'll have to try this yoga sometime...
Elton: I have Innuendo. Wasn’t Freddie’s best work.
Emerald, to Kyla: Well, when a stallion, a mare, two stallions, two mares, or two enby ponies love each other very much... What follows is an extended lecture on the ins and outs of equine sex. Graphs and charts are involved.
Tilly: Wow that looks so interesting but I'm just not listening! Soz!
Kyla: is horrified, leaves part way through lol
Emerald packs up her visual aids and sighs. Every time...
Thirteen: Conceptually and literally, I love it!
Emerald: ...Well, that's new.
Elton: Identify theft is not a joke
Tilly: Haha all identities are property of The Great Sweat! He can do what he wants with us! 🥺
Herder: Excuse me everyone, I need to grind everything in my schedule of anarchy to a halt so that I can spend hours tediously surveying planets across the galaxy
Emerald, to Tilly: The Great Sweat can go buck himself.
Tilly: Haha that would be biologically impossible, I think! I'm not too sure any more, though!
Herder: Seems you don’t know old sweaty as well as you think
Emerald: Good to know someone was paying attention to my little lecture after all. Twilight wrote it, I just added some... embellishments.
Clarence: In the distance, a muffled voice can be heard singing "Look out! Look out! Pink elephants on parade, Here they come! Hippety hoppety, They're here and there, Pink elephants ev'rywhere..."
Piglet: AAAA! AAAA! HEFFALUMPS!!!! WHERE???
Herder: Everywhere! Didn’t you hear the lyrics Piglet?
Piglet: AAAAAA HELP!!!
Thirteen: Heffalumps? From the planet Heffalumpia?
Emerald: What's a heffalump when it's at home?
Piglet: I AM GOING TO HIDE BEHIND YOU
Thirteen: waves sonic no, don't worry Piglet, they're just elephants, not Heffalumps
Piglet: Wh-what’s… an elephant… I think I am going to stay back here for now !!!
Emerald: I've gotcha, Piglet. It'll be alright. ❤️
Kyla: rushes out of her room, laser sword in hand "PIGLET IS IN DANGER?"
Piglet, to Emerald: Th-thank you
Emerald: That's what friends are for!
Piglet, to Kyla: Oh… well… I suppose you are a lot stronger than a heffalump…
I guess I could come out… maybe in five more minutes
Kyla: Don't worry Piglet, we'll be here till you feel safe to come out.
Piglet: Aww, well. Thank you very much 🙂
Thirteen: I don't think Coming Out is allowed in VibeCity, but you'd have to ask Tilly
Piglet: Oh! Well, I suppose… if I’m not allowed to Come Out… maybe I could borrow your coat? Then I would always be In It. It’s a bit big for me, though.
Herder: Piglet are you aware that you’re hiding behind the cloak of a fascist?
Piglet: I… I thought she was a Woman? Whatever that is
Thirteen: Oh, well, I don't give my coat away to just anyone... but seeing as you're so cute, I'll let you borrow it! ❤️
Herder: When the revolution comes, where will Piglet hide?
Now that Thirteen has taken her coat off, her attractive arm muscles are visible.
Kyla: Commander, are all women fascists?
Herder: Only the fascist ones
Piglet, to Thirteen: Oh! Thank you! It is very cosy! I’ll try and take good care of it! Only till I’m allowed to Come Out!
Kyla, to Herder: I'll take that as a yes I guess?
Herder: Did you just call all women fascists?
Kyla: No you did
Herder: How bigoted of you. No u
Kyla: No you!
Herder: No you!
Kyla: NO YOU!
Herder: NO POOH!
Kyla: ....don't hurt Piglet like that Commander.
Thirteen: Don't fight!! I think you should SIT DOWN AND TALK.
Herder: Where is Pooh Piglet?
Piglet: sniffles Well… I guess he must be at home…
Kyla: hugs Piglet ....it'll be okay we'll get you back to your friend.
Emerald hugs the little bundle too. What she said. ❤️
Piglet: Thank you 🥺
Thirteen: How did you end up at vibe city, piglet?
Piglet: I’m so glad to have good friends like you. 🙂 when I get home, you should come and visit! I’ll show you all the best haycorn trees!
Clarence: Whoever is singing has clearly forgotten the lyrics and is just repeating the phrase "Pink Elephants on Parade" until someone says "SHUT UP" and they become quiet
Emerald, to Piglet: I'd be glad to! 🙂
Piglet, to Thirteen: Oh, I wish I knew! I was just walking through the wood on my own when I feel into this big log
Thirteen: What planet is that?
Kyla, to Herder: Commander, you have been in the World Between Worlds, do you know aanything about how Piglet could get home from there?
Piglet: I was so scared I’d get stuck, it’s happened before you know. Though only to Pooh, and there was hunny involved, so I guess that was different. Anyway, I came out the other side, and I thought it was okay. But then here I was!
Thirteen: This is how I ended up in this universe too. I fell through a warphole and got abdocted by Tecteun. It's a sore subject and I don't want to talk about it
Herder, to Piglet: There there, I didn’t mean to upset you small pink creature of ambiguous age. I just have a healthy mistrust of everyone in the event that several of us are revealed to be murderous saboteurs. It’s happened a few times before
Piglet: O-oh. That’s sad. 😦
Herder: It is 🥲
Kyla: "Oh.... yes I know what its like. Like when Liutenant Plasma gave away the information on how to blow up "Only Purpose is Destroying Entire Planets" base before Mom could turn it on. Never did get to see what it did. I still wonder."
Piglet: What’s a planet?
Thirteen: Umm... don't worry about it piglet.
Emerald: It's a big round thing in the sky. My planet is called Equus, and a lot of the creatures that live there are ponies, like me.
Piglet: Oh! Like the moon! That’s nice. I’ve always wanted to see the moon up close
Emerald: Yes!! Like the moon! Maybe someday, you can ask Princess Luna, she knows a lot about the moon.
Piglet: I would like that 🙂
Herder, to Kyla: He just needs to jump onto the next page
Clarence yet again trundles in, now carrying 4 empty bottles of non-specific alcohol and one half-full one. Uh Herrrrrrrrrr.... der, I have the bottles. he nearly hands the cat the half-full one before instead trying to pass over the other ones. What else does a mole... moletoffffv need? Actually, I'll just leave those there. he leaves yet again
Herder: Oh brother
Emerald: Well. Looks like someone got into the special Apple cider.
Herder: Pal, you just go find a nice cold shower to sit in until you sober up, I’ll deal with the Molotovs
Clarence: Gooooood idea, I probably need one.... Clarence looks at the unfinished bottle I'll finish this one off in the shower. Seeeeee you Hhiccup Hedgar. leaves yet again again
Tilly: Ahem! Uhhhh... Maybe you should put your coat back on, Doctor! Wouldn't want anyone (not me) getting distracted, would we? 😂 😵💫 🥲
Emerald: She's hot... but I have a type.
Tilly: Haha back off lol I mean what
Emerald: I already said I have a type, and my type does not include agitprops. You can have 'er.
Tilly: Haha I have no idea what you're talking about right now! So weird!
Thirteen: But what about Piglet?
Tilly: Haha Piglet will be fine, it looks better on you anyway! I mean, uh, Piglet can purchase a suitably sized coat from the VibeCity clothing emporium! Using his work credits! Yay!
Emerald: He doesn't have any work credits, you fool, he's new here. Like me.
Tilly: Haha, he'll just need to start working, then!
Emerald: How's he going to do that then? He's a foal for Luna's sake!
Tilly: Never too young to be a productive member of society!
Thirteen: Oh. Sorry Piglet, apparently you have to give me my coat back. I don't know where he's gone.
Pchib: If only you had a device that could take you any place and any time, then you could find him. Alas it’s not to be.
Thirteen: The Doctor bends down to look for Piglet... in the process, accidentally giving Tilly a view of her bum.
Tilly: Oh my! I mean, Um, Nothing to see here! Hm? Ignore me! Haha! 😂 😂 😂
Emerald, to Tilly: Child labor... holy Celestia I hate this dump.
Thirteen, to Pchib: Oh, I have one of those, it's parked downstairs. I don't let just anyone on it though.
Pchib, to Emerald: Work gives children purpose! #TuesdayThoughts
Emerald: You're not helping, four-eyes.
Tilly: I bet you'd let me on it, though 😏 ... because I'm in charge here so I can use my warrant to insist upon it! If I wanted to! Haha!
Pchib, to Emerald: Is that horn digging into your head making you lose your temper? I’m sure the doctor can help.
Emerald: I'm a unicorn. This horn is literally part of my body, without it my magic goes haywire and even somepony like me, who doesn't have alicorn-level magic reserves, could bucking well kill the rest of you just through the sheer thaumic feedback alone! So unless you want me to give it a TEST RUN, I'd keep my mouth shut! Clear?!
Thirteen, to Tilly: I don't take kindly to being bossed around. The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door, and believe me they've tried.
Pchib: [writes scene where the protagonist rips the creature’s horn clean off their body]
Emerald rolls her eyes and stalks over to the bar, flicking her tail in agitation. Bartender! Gimme something stronger than coffee! Make it a Sonic Rainboom in a cup! I'll need it to deal with... this lot.
Tilly, to Thirteen: Careful now! With talk like that, soon you'll be wanting agency and power over yourself and your relationships... SUCH a slippery slope! So much easier to simply submit!
Thirteen: What’re you gonna do, tie me up? That does seem to happen to me a lot.
Kyla: "I'm good at tying people up, and then talking breathlessly at them about my issues with my parents. Its called interrogation I think."
Tilly: I suppose we'll just have to see what happens! Just make sure you follow the rules, and I'm sure we'll both be happy!
Thirteen: Is that the only thing that makes you happy, Tilly? People following he rules? What else makes you happy in your life?
Tilly: ... Nobody's ever asked me that before!
Pchibs: I’m sure someone else will blow themselves up in an explosion after taking your place.
Thirteen: Oh thank goodness for that; I love it when people sacrifice their lives for me to Tilly Awww. Maybe it's something to think about, Tilly? Everyone deserves to have happiness in their life!
Pchib: Nobody deserves happiness more than me.
Tilly: That isn't what The Great Sweat said! But... Maybe it could totes be food for thought!
Thirteen: Definitely!!
Chromia: emerges from her quarters I have been reading up on The Great Sweat. Seems that the Great Sweat can take many forms--oh, you had that conversation today. Alas, my diplomatic and congressional work on behalf of the Googolplexian Monarchy has kept me very busy.
Emerald wanders over, looking very drunk but calmer than earlier. Hey there, Mia. What's new?
Chromia: Just been doing some fascinating reading. drops to a whisper The Great Sweat seems to be, well, sweaty. Sometimes he's orange. Which isn't necessarily bad, but a sweaty orange is typically not a sign of health.
Emerald snickers. Orange, huh? Reminds me of somepony I knew in middle school... biggest flankhole ya ever did see. Go on?
Chromia: But the Great Sweat seems to be a shapeshifter. That is not something I am deeply knowledgeable about. The monarchical records do speak of a shapeshifter called T-1000, but many consider him to have been fictional. And nothing indicates that the Great Sweat is an android or a cyborg, so that wouldn't make sense anyway. But still... one wonders...
Emerald: Maybe he's a changeling... bug-like equine creatures who feed on love and transform into whatever they want.
Chromia: An interesting speculation! Are changelings common in Equestria?
Emerald: Not generally... they live all by themselves in the Badlands, but a few years ago, a group of 'em attacked the wedding of my ex's older brother. The queen was pretending to be the bride, it was a whole thing.
Chromia: Sounds both terrifying and exhilarating all at once. I am not sure why the other diplomatic staff haven't arrived yet; we do have some security..
Herder: Any word on sweaty’s weaknesses that could be exploited in the event of a violent uprising in which he is forcefully deposed and carted out to the lazerbade guillotine?
Also I don’t believe we’ve met, Commander Herder, hero of the Bastion and scourge of all Cyborg Chinchillas and the wealthy
Chromia: I'm Chromia EDICT, diplomat of the Googolplexian Monarchy, home to androids, cyborgs, and anyone else who'd like to be there, as it's actually republic. We just kept the name--figured it was voluminous enough to hold multitudes. And as a diplomat I would not publicly call for the overthrow of a government we have diplomatic relations with. However, towels might be an issue for the Great Sweat. But the literature is thin about that sort of thing as far as I am aware.
Herder: wink wink Much appreciated comrade
Emerald: Whatever we need to do to take that son of a manticore down... I'm in.
Chromia: To be honest, I am not personally keen on violence, though I am tougher and stronger than it looks, and hopefully can do well in a scrap if called upon. Still, the Monarchy has no official stance on "taking down" sons of manticores.
Thirteen: I’ve told you, violence isn’t the answer! When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you don’t know who’s going to die!
Herder: No, violence is the question, the answer is the collapse of oppressive power structures and the redistribution of wealth
Thirteen: Have you tried talking to the Great Sweat?
Herder: Yeah I do, the people I point my gun at
Chromia: to self Also, can manticores have sons? I must investigate that.
Emerald: They can where I'm from. Come by and visit sometime!
Chromia: Oh, I would love to do that. Perhaps my next posting will be with Equestria.
Emerald smiles. Sparks would love you. She may be my ex, but it was an amicable split.
Thirteen, to Chromia: Well, as a traveller in space, one should always know where one’s towel is.
Chromia: That is what the standard guide says, yes. Does your towel have Live Laugh Love on it?
Thirteen: How did you guess?
Chromia: Well, puts this as kindly and delicately as possible it was indicated by recent statements and behaviors within our time here in VibeCity
Kyla: enters ah, our renowned ambassador is here. Greetings, I hope you are enjoying your time in our glorious Empire
Chromia: Well, I've not seen much of it as yet, but I hope to in coming days.
Kyla: I hope you enjoy it. We have some amazing towels here, you know.
Chromia: Easily accessible?
Kyla: Oh yes, a lot of places even give them out on Dry-est day! I always keep one with me, praise the Great Sweat.
Emerald: So you always know where your towel is... handy if you need to hitch a ride, yeah?
Kyla: Well, I never hitch rides. As a knight of Verger I have my own ship... or did before that Scavenger wrecked it ... but all travelers should have a towel, that's just common sense.
Emerald: Hitching rides was how I got here. Stallion in a bow tie with a floppy mane and a chin... hope I see him again sometime.
Herder: I have my own ship. The Derry is a true sight to behold, my pride and joy
Kyla: I have a Scarf-Fighter! ....or will when I get it back from the shop...
Chromia: I took general transport, as it is more cost-efficient
Kyla: Noble of you to conserve the resources your people have entrusted to you.
Chromia: Thank you. We do our best to be efficient and effective at whatever we do best.
Herder: Shame, nothing beats the epic thrill of seeing your own vessel lead an armada of ships against a ginormous metal space rodent.
Chromia: Did your vessel cut through the armada as if it were a curtain? Did you cry "How now, a rat" as you did?
Herder: How did you know?
Chromia: It is a story the bards would tell. And the mental image was quite intriguing.
Herder: I’m glad the bards have been singing songs about my exploits. A healthy ego is what makes me so fearless and bold, and there’s nothing like an artist to stroke it
Thirteen: A healthy ego? Wow, we finally found we have something in common!
Chromia: diplomatically doesn't mention that it was NOT Commander Herder the bards were telling tales of and instead nods
Herder: Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to stockpile lots and lots of towels for no particular reason, certainly not the assassination of a head of state
Chromia: Have a good evening doing whatever it is you're doing during it and which, since I don't acknowledge your entire excuse, I have plausible deniability from
Kyla: Enjoy your towel shopping? I ...think?
Emerald: You do that, Commander! I'll sit here and hang out with my two friends here! She gestures to Kyla and Mia, propping up her hooves on the nearest table.
Chromia: So, Kyla, Emerald, what do you do for fun?
Thirteen stands over in the corner sadly at being excluded from the friends’ conversation, but tries to pretend she doesn’t mind.
Emerald: Me, well... I'm somethin' of a writer. Little stories here and there.
Chromia notices, realizes her faux pas, and waves Thirteen over. This question also applies to you!
Kyla: I work out a lot, I love excercise. I also like communing with the souls of dead evil space Wizards, reading, doing arts and crafts with my sisters, I enjoy movies, and going to museums. Lots of working out though.
Chromia: Oh! Fascinating. I love stories. Communing with the souls of dead evil space wizards sounds really intense.
Kyla: Oh not as much as you'd think. Honestly they mostly want to hear about spaceball scores and how TV shows ended they died before the finales of. They'll often trade that for space magic secrets
Emerald, to Chromia: Mainly Daring Do fanfics... but there's some Star Trot in there too. Captain Earl Grey is my favorite.
Chromia, to Kyla: That seems...a bit of an uneven trade on their end.
Thirteen: Oh, well, I mainly travel throughout space and time, with my two best friends, Exposition and Comic Relief.
Chromia, to Emerald: Ooh, please tell me more about Captain Earl Grey. to Thirteen Odd names, but then again, I'm named Chromia
Emerald, to Thirteen: Sound like pony names... your friends aren't from Equus, are they?
Thirteen: No, Earth. But they’re not with me right now, because they took a trip back to earth for a bit. Yaz wants to see her family, and Dan said he needed to speak to his insurance company about his house.
Emerald, to Chromia: He's amazing! I never really had a father growing up, but reading his adventures in the books... he's kind, wise, good at listening... the kind of stallion I wish I could call my dad.
Chromia: He sounds like an excellent stallion
Emerald: No joke. So to cheer myself up, on the bad days, I imagine what he might say to me, were he real. And it helps!!
Thirteen: I have been doing some research on sweat-based lifeforms: Sweat is mostly water. A microfluidic model of the eccrine sweat gland provides details on what solutes partition into sweat, their mechanisms of partitioning, and their fluidic transport to the skin surface.[25] Dissolved in the water are trace amounts of minerals, lactic acid, and urea. Although the mineral content varies, some measured concentrations are: sodium (0.9 gram/liter), potassium (0.2 g/L), calcium (0.015 g/L), and magnesium (0.0013 g/L).[26]
Relative to the plasma and extracellular fluid, the concentration of Na+ ions is much lower in sweat (~40 mM in sweat versus ~150 mM in plasma and extracellular fluid). Initially, within eccrine glands sweat has a high concentration of Na+ ions. In the sweat ducts, the Na+ ions are re-absorbed into tissue by epithelial sodium channels (ENaC) that are located on the apical membrane of epithelial cells that form the duct (see Fig. 9 of the reference).[2]
Many other trace elements are also excreted in sweat, again an indication of their concentration is (although measurements can vary fifteenfold) zinc (0.4 milligrams/liter), copper (0.3–0.8 mg/l), iron (1 mg/l), chromium (0.1 mg/l), nickel (0.05 mg/l), and lead (0.05 mg/l).[27][28] Probably many other less-abundant trace minerals leave the body through sweating with correspondingly lower concentrations. Some exogenous organic compounds make their way into sweat as exemplified by an unidentified odiferous "maple syrup" scented compound in several of the species in the mushroom genus Lactarius.[29] In humans, sweat is hypoosmotic relative to plasma[30] (i.e. less concentrated). Sweat is found at moderately acidic to neutral pH levels, typically between 4.5 and 7.0.[31]
Chromia: Chromium! I'm part chromium, it's why I'm so shiny. (But I don't sweat.)
Emerald: So, uh... what's all that in plain Ponish?
Thirteen: So, I am assuming that a sweat-based lifeform is simply composed of a large mass of sweat, perhaps with some other substance to hold it all together. to Emerald Sweat is mostly water with small amounts of other substances in it
Emerald: Thank you! I haven't heard that much jargon since Twilight went on one of her big science binge-a-thons.
Thirteen: I also learned that small lifeforms called archaeae, which appararently eat sweat, live on people’s skin. I’m just offering this information as it could come in handy if we ever find ourselves needing to defeat a sweat-based lifeform.
Kyla: You'd be surprised, I guess once your dead your priorities shift a bit. Also, are we talking about sweat? Were some of you thinking of hitting the gym? We could spot each other!
Emerald: I could maybe stand to exercise my magic a bit... Sparks always said it was a good idea.