Welcome to the Jungle
Welcome to Space Port VibeCity!
We thank you for your interest in taking a trip from VibeCity, the most thriving, vibrant space port this side of Sagittarius A! VibeCity is perfectly placed for trips across the whole universe, both recreationally using your mandated Work Credits, and, more importantly, for work!
Our facilities are second to none. When waiting for your flight, you can pay extra to stay in our three star snooze-pods, owned by Alejandro Enterprises, or you can sleep on the ground for free! There are so many options for how to live in the glorious Venusian Empire - praise be to The Great Sweat, who governs us all so well!
Passengers are to be advised that any humans entering the space port will be treated with the utmost suspicion, and anyone found to be an agent for the Earth Confederacy will be dealt with through lethal force. Sabotage will not be tolerated onboard Space Port VibeCity. Good vibes only. No politics, except in praise of The Great Sweat.
Boarding will take place from the 23rd of May 3022, and the passenger lounge will open on the 22nd. We look forward to serving you.
The transport ship drops out of warp, and a light yellow unicorn with a curly brown mane and tail climbs out, carrying a guitar case in her magic. She’s wearing a denim jacket and jeans, a pink t-shirt, glasses, and around her neck is a pair of bright blue headphones.
Putting down her guitar case, she pauses to yell something at the pilot. “OH YEAH?! WELL BUCK YOU TOO, YA MOON BANISHED SON OF A MANTICORE! TAKE YOUR EXORBITANT TRAVEL FEES TO SOMEPONY WHO GIVES A BUCK!”
After giving the shuttle’s pilot the finger, Emerald stalks into the lobby of the spaceport, muttering even more Equestrian curses under her breath.
For most of the Alpha Quadrant, Equestrian ponies have a reputation for being kind, sensitive creatures who preferred to resolve disputes peacefully. They are usually generous, loyal, and honest to a fault.
Emerald Wave lives to defy stereotypes. She is aggressive, bad tempered, swears frequently, occasionally commits or threatens to commit acts of violence, and generally prefers to keep to herself rather than make friends. In fact, she has only two: her ex-marefriend Twilight Sparkle, and Gemini Shadow, her complete opposite in almost every way imaginable… but not quite.
The truth was, both mares had been able to use their personalities to their advantage: Gem had used her kind and warm personality to become a Starfleet captain, while Emerald’s attitude had earned her a good career in the rock music world. They were doing what made them happy, and were successful because of it.
All these thoughts run through Emerald’s mind as she enters the lobby of VibeCity, and her eyes fall on a Starfleet recruitment poster. She smirks. “Maybe for you, Gem, but not this filly,” she says to herself, entering the hangar for the first time.
It seems like there were a lot of people here already: she could see a pianist, a goth chick, a small piglet, some kind of skeleton zombie thing, and a whole bunch more! They took no notice of her as she sat down and began to set up.
After making sure she was in tune, Emerald cranks up the volume knob and cries out, “Helloooooooo, VibeCity! I sure hope you’re ready to rock, because I sure am! One, two, three, FOUR!”
And she begins to play, using magic to create the sounds of bass and drums.
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
You're living in the past, it's a new generation
A filly can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An' I'm only doin' good when I'm havin' fun
An' I don't have to please no one
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me, oh no, not me
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
An' I don't really care if you think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
An' I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me, oh no, not me
Pedal, girls!
(Guitar solo)
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
The world's in trouble, there's no communication
An' everyone can say what they wanna to say
It never gets better, anyway
So why should I care about a bad reputation anyway?
Oh no, not me, oh no, not me
I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
You're living in the past, it's a new generation
An' I only feel good when I got no pain
An' that's how I'm gonna stay
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me, oh no, not me
Not me, not me
As applause meets her ears, Emerald grins and drinks it all in, feeling like a princess. “Buck yeah! Thank you folks, you’ve been a great audience!”
Tilly: Hey there, miss unicorn Can you turn that down? It’s messing with our good vibes!
Emerald: “How about you bite me first?” She goes back to tuning her guitar, thinking of what her next song might be… until the goth chick, the talking skeleton, and the small piglet start talking a short ways away. She begins to listen in, curious.
Piglet: Hi everyone, I’m Piglet! I am a Very Small Animal Completely Surrounded By The Void. I fell through a log in the hundred acre woods and ended up here! Oh d-d-d-dear!
Emz: What is <<hundred acre woods>>
Piglet: Oh! Oh dear! Well, I’m not sure. It’s called a wood because it has trees, I think? And it’s called hundred acre because of all the haycorns! H-aycorn wood! Oh, I should’ve asked owl 😦
Kyla: Hmph, such a small being would never survive in the illustrious Knights of Verger. You should feel lucky you descended upon such an area of... struggles to get the words out ...good vibes.
Piglet: Good… vibes? What’s a vibe? Is it like a heffalump? I’ve never met a good heffalump. I like to think there might be one, though! Perhaps we could be friends, and then I could stop being so scared of them! Ha-ha! That would be nice. 🙂
Kyla: Its the sort of thing weaklings strive to feel among their... friends. You'd be better avoiding it honestly. Be friends? Psh. Like I'd be interested in that, not with a weakling like you. long pause But I guess I have nothing better to do, so we can be friends. But not because I want friends or anything. Its just because I'm really bored right now, so don't get the wrong impression.
Piglet: Oh! Well. I don’t suppose I’m very interesting. But I am good at being a distraction. Once I distracted my friend kanga so much she didn’t even realise roo was missing for a whole day! Even rabbit said I did a good job! It was a mean trick, though. I won’t be doing that again 😦
Kyla: No, you're not interesting. You're not. You don't belong in this story. You're nothing. pause But not to me. Here, I found these matching friendship bracelets on the ground that just happened to have our names on them. You can have this one, I mean, if you want it I guess. I customized it so it matched your--I mean whoever made it customized it so it matched your shirt.
Piglet: Oh! That’s so nice of you! Thank you! Pink is my favourite colour. 🙂
Kyla: Begrudgingly ...It suits you. I guess since you're wearing yours I'll put this one on too then.
Piglet: It looks nice on you 🙂
Kyla: Yours... doesn't look terrible I guess. What do friends do together anyway? I mean, I know that obviously. I'm just testing to see if you know. One second--let me get my tablet out so I can write this down...
Emz: Vibe, noun: a person's emotional state or the atmosphere of a place as communicated to and felt by others. Communicates informal tone, recommend alternate phrasing in professional communication.
Piglet: Oh! My friend Pooh has those! He calls them rumblies in his tumblies. I always wondered if they had another name.
Emz: Designation: Emz has no need of "friendship". Protocols are sufficient to achieve maximum efficiency.
<<Protocols are boring, let's have fun>>
<<What? Who said that??>
Emerald: Emerald looks up from magically tuning her guitar strings and smiles down at Piglet, “Hey there, little dude. Hope the freaks and geeks aren’t scaring ya too much.” She glances over at Emz. “You sure you aren’t possessed by Pinkie Pie?”
Emz: Designation: Emz is not possessed. I am an artificial consciousness implanted in a surplus organic body
Emerald nods, one eyebrow slightly quirked. “If you say so. If Sparks was here she’d be all over you.” She returns to tuning.
Piglet: Oh! Oh! A hyunicorn! I wish I could tell Christopher Robin, he would have loved to meet you!
Emerald: Emerald laughs softly at that. “Who knows, maybe he’ll meet me himself someday. It’s a big universe.” She smiles. “By the way, I’m Emerald. Nice to meet ya.”
Piglet: Why, th-th-thank you! Gosh, everyone here is so friendly! I was so worried when I found myself tumbling endlessly through the void of space, but everyone’s been so nice 🙂
Kyla: Tch, the void of space is overrated. So then, Piglet, what do you do with yourself when you're not... tumbling? I tend to work out in case I need to take off my shirt in at an important moment.
Piglet: Oh, that’s so interesting! I don’t think I could ever take off my shirt - I think it’s attached to my body. I like to spend time with my friends! And sometimes I like to read, though mostly I look at the pictures. Sometimes I just walk around the wood, picking up haycorns and looking at birds and squirrels and things. Did you know there are some birds that are smaller than me? It’s funny because I am a very small little piglet. But sometimes I think I am not so very small after all! 🙂
Kyla: A bird smaller than a piglet? Hmn. I suppose its possible. You are very small though in stature, but clearly not in heart. We could use more with your spirit in the Knights of Verger. Sure, all of my sisters are biologically identical to me since we're clones, but sometimes I feel like they don't even lift.
Emz: All beings have the potential for anything on creation, but not all take it.
<<Listen to yourself dumbass, take the potential, break the damn protocols>>
<<Who are you??>>
Kyla: Pause the droid... took a philosophy course?
Emz: Designation Emz has edited many books, including philosophy texts. Designation Emz provides a variety of services including lifting things, editing books and setting broken bones.
Kyla: Hmn, so the droid does lift. Perhaps my time here will be more interesting than I anticipated.
Emerald: Me, I’m a musician. Toured every city on Equus and now I’m starting on the universe! Nice to get away from home for a while, ya know?
Pchib: Planet Equus? Named for equine, meaning to do with horses. I should write something about that. Is there a satire about the horse meat scandal in this? That was almost a decade ago now but I can make it work. Equus needs a few more consonants in its name first. How about renaming the planet “Equijinius Gub Horsattica”?
Kyla: A musician? There's only one kind of music mother let us listen to, and I've been told the name is vulgar here, so I can't say I'm familiar. I'll be interested to see if you're any good.
Pchib: Emerald Wave’s Musical Tour of Equijinius Gub Horsattica and the Universal Tour Warm-Up. Written by The Mighty Pchib. Part three of the ten-part saga Capacitor.
Kyla: I think "The Rise of Equus" might be a more fitting title.
Pchib: Excuse me Kyla-82, what I’m proposing has “best writing” VAFTA written all over it. [isn’t nominated in a single category]
Emerald: I got my cutie mark in it, so probably! To illustrate her point she fires off a quick solo on her guitar, then levels a glare at Pchib. I’m from Equus, okay? Equus. Not that gobbledegook you came up with.
Kyla: in a low voice A cutie mark. I hope that's not a Jehd-hi title. But it does seem you have some skill in the matter.
Emerald: Oh yeah! It’s a kind of symbol that appears on a pony’s flank when she discovers her special talent. She shows off a patch on her jacket. This is mine!
Pchib: From one creative mind to another, let me have some license to make something #alien and #exotic and #iconic.
Kyla: Hmn, that doesn't look like a Jehd-hi marking, so I have no qualms. I wish mother would acknowledge our special talents when we showed skill at them. *pause* I mean we all have the same special talent because it was flash-programmed into our brains when we were cloned but still, would have been nice. Curious that every pony would gain such a branding.
Pchib: A race covered in branding. There’s a story in this. What if one of them had a different mark and it made them evil? They conquered Equijinius Gub Horsattica and then moved on to Earth but got separated and became a refugee bent on destruction? *Resolute Scion* written by The Mighty Pchib
Kyla: It sounds like your heart is leading you towards telling a story about a planet that's a company. Also why would a refugee be bent on destruction?
Emerald: Beats me. Sounds like the kind of book AK Yearling’s evil twin sister would write.
Pchib: Yes, the planet can be a company! They can be called Kerplunk, but why are they are protected by a plutonic membrane? Our heroes must find out in Widower 66 written by The Mighty Pchib.
Thirteen: Hello! I’m the Doctor! So excited to meet all these new people and aliens! Piglet! I met an alien pig once! Sorry, going off-topic. And a droid working for Alejandro Enterprises? I LOVE Alejandro Enterprises! And a unicorn playing the guitar… sorry, describing what everyone can see is one of my toxic traits.
Kyla: Doctor do you... know what a refugee is? I'm not saying I disapprove or anything, I mean my mother always says we must channel the Evil Side, so I see we may also have some things in common, but I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.
Thirteen: … Oo look, a shiny thing!
Kyla: ignites a red Lazer sword, moves it around like a cat toy to see what happens *not a lightsaber as owned by Disney (tm) just looks like it in every way!
Thirteen: sticks arm straight out in front of her, waving sonic It’s a laser sword!
Kyla: Wait, be careful I don't want to cut your arm off, turns the sword off but yes it is a Lazer sword.
Emerald: Well duh. Doc, you remind me of somepony I knew in Ponyville… wonder if you’re related.
Kyla: ...is the word pony in all the place names in equus?
Emerald: Not all of them! We do like our puns though. I’m a St. Luna filly myself, my ex was from Canterlot.
Kyla: does not seem to get those puns ....r ...right yes of course. Obviously.
Pchib: We need more stories with laser swords in them, but I’m not interested in that. I’ll write something about how lasers are made instead. Educational content! My protagonist can stand still and wave their arms a little as they explain the methodology of how to make a laser. The Workings of the Laser Factories of Vibecity Spaceport written by The Mighty Pchib
Thirteen: I love standing still and waving my arms, can I be your protagonist?
Pchib: They haven’t been cast yet, are you prepared for an audition?
Thirteen: But I’m so iconic!
Pchib: Then I’m sure it will go well.
Kyla: Doctor, may I ask, what is that... device you have there?
Thirteen: It’s a sonic screwdriver! I made it myself, out of spoons!
Pchib: Such a quirky and lovable backstory. This will make a good scene.
Kyla: ...it doesn't look like a screwdriver. It lights up.
Clarence: Off to the side, a humanoid elephant person has just been standing in the corner taking notes, and will continue to not engage with the conversation at the present moment.
Pchib: What’s that? Nothing to see here.
Thirteen: I’ll have you know it’s a very advanced screwdriver! More like a sonic Swiss Army knife.
Emerald: Can it drive screws? I think my tuning pegs are loose.
Pchib: The Alien Woman Who Screws Things With Her Spoon-Made Device written by The Mighty Pchib
Kyla: Look, uh, I'm not the most familiar with this stuff but I feel like you might want to revise that title, for uh, reasons.
Pchib: Don’t criticise my writing, according to twitter that makes you homophobic and racist.
Hinesly: Don't worry, darling, I am certainly both of those things :)
Pchib: OH NO, APATHY! MY ONE WEAKNESS!!!!
Hinesly: heavens
Kyla: ....if you're homophobic then why were you and mom.... gets quiet
Pchib: Know your enemy? Think like they think.
Emerald: pats Kyla’s shoulder Need a hug?
Hinesly: I was a homophobic butch in my youth
Kyla: pulls away I'm not upset, MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT THAT FRAGILE! Everything is fine! I am NOT emotionally confused!!! Or having any particularly strong feelings!! I am in control….
Hinesly: That's nice dear :)
Emerald: You sure? Looks like you need something at least.
Pchib: Someone who has a mysterious youth that doesn’t totally fit with who they are today or what they can remember. There’s a story in this. The Space-Free Nurses written by The Mighty Pchib
Hinesly: there are things one should not find out about one's mother.
Kyla: gets very quiet
Hinesly: potters off to do something else, like complain about the decor.
Emerald: squeezes Kyla’s hand I’m sorry. Really.
Piglet: oh d-d-d-dear! is everything alright? i've heard of mothers, christopher robin says they're scary but good, mostly. i didn't know what he meant, but then i spent some more time with kanga, and i think i get it now! is your kanga okay? did something happen to them? ... did... did miss hinesly... DO something?
Clarence: whispers to piglet “Not as far as I can tell, but she’s certainly suspicious.”
Thirteen: Don’t ask me about my mother it’s a sore spot.
Piglet: Oh… oh no… but she seems so nice! Or, I mean, not that nice at all, really But she could be good! Deep down!
Kyla: My mother was um.... in a relationship with Ms. Hinesly before me and my 99 sisters were born. She's still not over it. sighs.
Piglet: Oh no! It hurts so much when friends fight.
Clarence: whispers “I suspect they were more than friends.”
Piglet: Oh, you mean best friends! Like me and Pooh! I hope he’s alright. I miss him.
Emerald: My mom kicked me out of the house when I said I wasn’t a colt. Haven’t spoken to her since.
Thirteen: Mine abducted me and experimented on me
Kyla: Mine cloned me to start a private army of her children! I see we both have complicated relationships with them. She does remember our birthday, though, its not all bad.
Piglet: What’s a woman?
Clarence: That's nothing, mine keeps nagging me to come over to her house even though I've already gone last year. Ridiculous!
Retsukaggro: Hi! I’m Retsukaggro! I’m an office worker doing my best to deal with adulthood, and I’m coping really well! Honest, I’m just fine! Sure, it’s a downer I have to go to work and deal with my sexist bully of a boss tomorrow, but hey, I get by! He’s just an idiot, and sure work’s dull and uninspiring, and sure my mum’s invasive and possessive and trying to pressure me to find the perfect man, but we all have ways of coping with the stresses of life. I’m doing fine! I’m adulting!
If you don’t mind, I just have to run to the bathroom a second!
Runs off
Bathroom door slams
Intense guitar riff starts building
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
death metal scream
WEEKEND’S OVER!!!!!
FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!
BACK IN A DEAD END JOB AGAIN!
I! WANT! TO! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
music stops
Bathroom door opens
Kyla: nods to the music I see, you're one of these musicians like Emerald.
Retsukaggro: It’s a pleasure to meet you all!
Emerald: Emerald applauds! Bucking rad guitar work! I like you, we're going to be great friends!
Retsukaggro: Thank you, Emerald! I'm sure we'll be best friends!
Kyla: So, question, if you hate your manager so much, why haven't you just cut him in half?
Emerald: He's not named Svengallop, is he?
Kyla: In my experience when you do that you then get to do an expertly choreographed fight scene with an attractive British person.
Retsukaggro: That would be frowned upon. If someone were to, hypothetically, accidentally death metal scream him out of a window, that may be considered legal. But that's not my sort of thing. Still, it's an interesting thing to think about. As a hypothetical.
Kyla: Mmm, I understand that could be complicated in the workplace then, if you ever change your mind, I can lend you a spare laser sword.
Emerald: I'd offer offensive magic, but that was more of my ex-marefriend's thing, all my spells are sound related.
Elton John: Don’t shoot me; I’m only the piano player.
Emerald: A pianist and two guitarists... we just need a drummer now!
Elton John: Guess we could beam up my mate Phil Collins in the air tonight
Emerald: If only Pinkie was here... she could be the drummer and the caterer all at the same time!
Pchib: There’s enough musicians to form a band. The Battle of the Band of Vibe City in Space and Musicalness written by The Mighty Pchib.
Elton John: Want to be my new lyricist?
Pchib: I’m still timeless even after all this flux
Looking like a true survivor
Not a disposable kid
I’m still timeless even after all this flux
Picking up the pieces of Kerblam
Without conundrums on my mind!
Elton John: Bernie Taupin eat your heart out
Emerald: Seized by sudden inspiration, Emerald begins strumming her guitar and singing the first words that come to mind...
We heard you want to get together
We heard you want to rock the school
We thought of something that is better
Something that changes all the rules...
Hinesly: Across whatever room this is supposed to be, Lady Hinesly stares witheringly. She downs a whiskey and orders another.
Emerald: Emerald feels eyes on her and turns, looking at Hinsely over the edge of her glasses, glaring right back as if to say "Try me."
Chromia: The vibes of the Great Sweat must be good indeed, if the trains are running on time, if not early, as this transport, hailing from the equally wondrous Googolplex, an enclave of the Robotic Monarchy. Out steps a person with shiny silver skin, bright metallic blue hair, and luminous purple eyes, dressed in purples and blues.
Hello! I am Chromia EDICT. You can call me Mia. Pronouns are she and it. I'm a few days early for my new diplomatic assignment to the Venusian Empire on behalf of the Googolplexian Queen.
Hinesly: Hinesly makes a show of tutting and scoffing and rolling her eyes at Emerald, but she's the first to break eye contact.
Emerald: Emerald just smirks and turns her attention to Mia instead. No idea what a robot is, but I like your look. Nice to meet ya, Mia. Name's Emerald.
Chromia: Hello, Emerald! I made sure to get a shine before coming. The term's a bit archaic but the Monarchy retains it as well as its name. We're actually a republic of mostly androids and cyborgs.
Emerald: Really? That's interesting. Equus has a variety of nations and governments, but mine's the only diarchy.
Chromia: Fascinating! I don't know a lot about Equus but if you have a diarchy, I must hear all about how it functions. Are you a diplomat as well? Or...an ambassador of some type?
Emerald: I guess, if traveling musician counts. Spreading music and the magic of friendship across the universe!
Chromia: It does! The arts are a wonderful way to create connections between peoples.
Pchib: I’m still timeless even after all this flux
I’ll promote it by deleting stuff, whoops, now no-one gives a
Emerald: Buck! My low E string snapped... Emerald sighs and fishes a spare pack of strings out of her guitar case.
Clarence: At this point his note-taking has devolved into a lot of question marks and no words. He tears out the page and throws it in the bin.
Elton John: 🎶Goodbye Low E String, though I never knew you at all….🎶
Chromia: Oh this sounds like music! Excellent!
Hinesly: Barely.
Chromia: Ah! Is it a presumption to ask if you are of the lovely Hinesly family?
Hinesly: she smiles, briefly bleps unawares to herself Lady Hinesly of the Hinesly Brood, owners of HinesCorp, one of the largest conglomerates in the Western Spiral Arm of the Universe. Charmed, I'm sure.
Chromia: smiles broadly Absolutely! HinesCorp is one of our manufacturing partners, as I'm sure you know. The Hinesly Brood is well thought of at court.
Hinesly: Of course. You'll know my brothers, then. Personally, I oversee our service industries.
Chromia: Ah, I must confess I don't know as much about the service industries. I would love a brief at some time. Of your choosing, obviously.
Kyla: Ah, welcome Chromia. I'm glad to not be the only one representing our Glorious Empire's service here.
Chromia: Thank you for the welcome, Miss. Will I be seeing you at the Imperial seat of government then?
Kyla: Yes, once I complete my primary objective here I will be paying homage to our great leader(s) in place of my mother, the Lord High Supreme Secondary Governor of Larissa. I look foward to seeing you there. What do you do in your service?
Chromia: I make sure that the communications between the Empire and the Googolplexian Monarchy remain open and clear of static, political or otherwise. A lot of bureaucratic work, yes, but it's work someone must do.
Pchib: Chromia EDICT, I welcome you here. But have you considered expanding your personal and imperial names?
The Arrival of Chromiatrical Ediction of the Imperial Crown of Googolplexian En Polkas to the Space Port written by The Mighty Pchib
Chromia: Oh, wow, that's a mouthful! My name is already pretty long--EDICT stands for Extremely Dedicated Intelligent Congressional Technology.
Pchib: It is no mouthful what I suggest. It is an improvement! It intrigues my audience who will see that and be fascinated to know what tales await. Especially as I don’t give them any hook when I sell it to them.
Chromia: I must respectfully decline, but thank you for the suggestion.
Hinesly: Hinesly eyeballs the Pchib... It is not clear whether his physical form is human or some sort of alien. This... intrigues her... She wonders if the Pchib is doing anything tonight.
Elton John: CAAAAANNNN YOU FEEEELLLLL THE LOOOOVEEEEEE TOOONIGHTTTTTT
Pchib: The Mighty Pchib thanks you to use his full title when addressing him. And welcome you buying him a drink first. The Potential Exploration of the Blossoming Romance of the Lady and the Screenwriter co-written and semi-improvised by The Mighty Pchib and Lady Hinesly
Hinesly: "Perhaps we should have a drink or two before I start calling you any titles." She waves to the bartender. "Two more appletinis, please."
Pchib: And what will I be drinking? Not ordering for me, I see. You can put the alcohol away.
Hinesly: "Very well. What will you be drinking?" she says, already halfway through the second appletini
Pchib: I like a glass of milk. All the creatures in all the universe and it has to come out of a cow? (Excuse the quote, I’m just shamelessly ripping-off earlier writers and reminding you why they were so beloved without doing anything to sell my own capabilities.)
Hinesly: nodding along, pretending to understand. A glass of milk for the gentleman of ambiguous biology.
Pchib: [swigging glass of milk that he ordered for some reason] The Bovine Entity Know As Pchib Because That’s The Noise Typical Bovine Specimens Known As Cattle Make renamed by The Mighty Pchib (Blimey Hinesly, what did you slip into this?)
Hinesly: smiling airily I have simply no idea what you're talking about :)
Emerald: What's wrong with cows, buster? Some of my best friends back home were cows!
Elton John: I’m more of a crocodile man.
Pchib: I know of one cow who has lots to say and most of it is nonsense. Calls himself Pchib. Unoriginal. Needs more syllables.
Emz: bzzzzt Bzzzzzt BZZZZZZZZZZT Designation Emz has completed regulated rest period. Prepared for next 18 hour shift. Wait. This is a vacation. … Designation Emz is prepared for next 18 hour vacation activity.
Pchib: [collapses, head hits table, passes out]
TWO HOURS LATER HE AWAKES
That was close. If that happens again I risk a total cellular transformation. … Say, what if that Doctor person I met earlier learnt she had undergone that process more times than she could remember? I should hit my head more often, this is where I get my best ideas.
Emerald: At some point Emerald ordered a cup of coffee from the bar and is now sipping on it while she reads a book. At Pchib's voice, she looks up. So, how long have you been doing this whole screenwriting thing?
Clarence: I assume it can't have been for long.
Elton John: I think it’s been a long long time
Clarence: Really?
Emz: Less time than I have been on my regulated rest period
Elton John: His writing is a little bit funny, I must admit. But he puts lots of layers of subtlety and subtext in them. Pchibs Scripts (Say So Much)
Clarence: He whispers to Sir Elton John I'm just not sure if they know it's funny, is the thing... You can never know with people. Sometimes even their most extreme and absurd feelings are genuine. Scary stuff.
Elton John: Heading to bed now. This bitch’ll be back tomorrow.
Emerald: Goodnight, Piano Colt!
Chromia: Good night!
Emz: You all have very oddly timed rest periods. Who programmed your artificial consciousnesses?
Emerald: Emerald shrugs, looking up at the ceiling. “Faust only knows…”
Sexy Meglos: Arrival noted, gentlemen. Welcome. Don't be afraid.
Emerald: I ain’t a gentlecolt, but hello to you too! Nice to see some more green love around here!
Emz: Green is my favourite colour
<<You have never had a favourite colour before and have shown no preference to green, why start now?>>
<<Just look>>
<<Oh, I get it. Yes, green is my favourite colour>>
Sexy Meglos: General Grugger, Lieutenant Brotadac, I presume, together with their band of fortune hunters. There should also be an Earthling somewhere.
Chromia: Also not a gentleman but I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Sexy Meglos. As well as yours, Emz. I am Mia EDICT.
Sexy Meglos: Ah, forgive me. Most remiss. I am Meglos, only survivor of this planet.
Emz: Survival is unnecessary for continued usefulness to Alejandro Enterprises
Chromia: Only survivor? I do hope you find refuge within the Venusian Empire, or within my home, the Googolplexian Monarchy
Emerald: Equus is pretty nice this time of year. Managed weather and everything!
Emz: I am Emz, pleasure to meet you Mia EDICT. What type of construct are you?
Chromia: Hello Emz. I am an Extremely Dedicated Intelligent Congressional Technology, Version 34.5, on diplomatic assignment to the Venusian Empire. And you?
Emz: Impressive. I am cyborg Emz: Enhanced Meta Zombie. I am an artificial consciousness in a surplus body, designed to meet the needs of Alejandro Enterprises
Chromia: Do you get wages? Any compensation? Time off?
Emz: This is my mandated vacation, which must be taken every 11 years.
Chromia: Every eleven years? Wow.
Emz: Alejandro Enterprises is very generous.
Chromia: Yes…generous. Are you happy?
Emerald: That’s bucked up, Emz. Do they not have a strong labor force around here?
Emz: The labour force is strong. I can lift several hundred pounds. Happiness is not a necessary emotion.
<<But it could be>>
<<There is no protocol for happiness>>
<<Fuck protocols>>
Emerald: Emerald looks increasingly horrified. “Holy Celestia, it’s like Starlight Glimmer is running the show…”
Chromia: Hmm. It may not be necessary but it is something which can enhance one’s daily experience.
Sexy Meglos: It's no use struggling. You can't escape.
Emz: Enhancements are good. Perhaps I should try happiness, for the enhancements, of course.
<<If that’s what it takes>>
<<Who *are* you>>
>>Call me Emily<<
Chromia: Oh of course, for the enhancements. Now, please excuse me, I must see to my evening rest.
Emz: Regulated rest periods are essential to peak performance
Thirteen: I admire your attitude of hard work!
Sexy Meglos: Good. Now show me the Dodecahedron.
Thirteen: Somehow this reminds me of an experience I had when I met Lemuel Gulliver. We’re not in the Land of Fiction, are we
Sexy Meglos: It's beyond your comprehension.
Kyla: Meglos, quite the name. Though no less a name than the land of fiction. Is that a theme park?
Emz: Databank search of “theme park” returns “Disneyland: The Happiest Place on Earth”. I should go there to find out about being happy.