The Vagrant Knight

“Kissing him in front of everyone was a pretty gesture” Fandral told Thor as he sat in the large bathing chambers “Did not expect that of you”

“You think me incapable of pretty gestures?” Thor soaped himself in a large tub on the other side of the screen between them “I may be a vagabond but I know romance”

Fandral lounged in a cushioned window seat the sunlight shone on his bright blonde hair. He was a seasoned Knight, though younger than Thor and Balder. He was responsible for Thor as of now by Loki’s orders and was to give him everything from information to a good enough grooming that he passed as Balder.

He’d been here for a full day and the celebrations hadn’t stopped. It was marvelous how Thor was shown what life he would have had, had he chosen this instead of Balder.

He was revered, cherished and loved by people he didn’t know.

Both Sif and Fandral had been charged to make the changes Thor needed and ensure that he became the man they wanted him to be.

Thor had learned that there were only a few people who knew his real identity. Loki, Fandral the General, Sif the warrior, Hogun the sentry, Volstagg the warrior and Heimdall, Loki’s man of affairs. Other than these six people, no one on this isle was aware that their beloved leader was dead and an imposter had taken his place.

It was a secret that Loki had made him swear an oath to never reveal. From this day on, he was to be Balder in exchange for a good life, a home and anything he desired. There would be no tethers to his freedom in exchange for this charade and at the end of his life, he would be buried as a Knight in honored armor.

“I will admit it was an impressive gesture, the people haven’t stopped speaking of it since” Fandral stroked his jaw as he looked out the large window “I just hope that it did not conceal a clever trap”

Thor halted “You distrust me? In this situation”

“It is an unusual situation” Fandral said “things would get rather unpleasant if this turned out to be another snare for Loki, I will tell you this right now. He has been through enough hell, you do not need to add to it”

“Loki accepted me” Thor said

“He had no choice” Fandral told him “you left him with despair and nothing, telling him that you were not going to accept this offer then changed your mind and rushed over. Do not try to tell me this was a change of heart, Sir”

“Perhaps it was” Thor shrugged “but it would be a shame if you managed to drive me out with your threats, aye? Loki would suffer, yet again”

Fandral looked at the latticed screen between them, seeing Thor’s shape only vaguely.

“I have never understood the reasoning of those in your profession” Fandral said “you take what you need without concern for others, is that it?”

“I have only just arrived to save the ‘others’ in this isle have I not?” Thor asked “and I have done nothing of offense to make you attack me the way you are”

“You kissed him in front of everyone”

“And a long lost husband returning is forbidden to do that?” Thor continued his bath “people expected it. It would have been strange and I see no reason for you to object unless your relationship with Loki runs deeper than you let on”

Fandral grit his jaw “It does not”

“Then have no fear, I will not hurt your precious lord” Thor sniffed the soap “does it seem to you that everything in this godforsaken isle smells like flowers?”

Fandral exhaled and closed his eyes to calm himself. He had no choice but to back down. If Thor left, then it would be his doing and it would hurt Loki all the more.

“The whole isle is a garden, what did you expect?” he asked “even the village ditch smells wonderful”

Thor smirked “I heard that it is linked to the sea to take the refuse away. The garderobes in the chambers are likely linked the same way”

“I … do not know what to say to that” Fandral huffed and stood to open the window and let in the flowery air “But if you could hurry, we have your lessons and grooming to get to”

“Ah yes,” Thor said “the charade awaits. Tell me, General, how does someone like Loki end up a master of a realm like this?”

Fandral saw him continue his bath and went to sit back down.

“His mother taught him the art of potion making. Taught him all he needed about herbs. His brother spent all his time riding from tournament to tournament until he foolishly died in one. His father was only interested in scholarly articles and pursuits. He had no interest in land management. They died one after the other till he was left completely alone in this world. Laufey was murdered in Spain and Helblindi died while in a joust. His mother passed when she became ill. Loki was left all by himself at the age of sixteen and the only heir to the isle. I would say he’s suffered enough”

“Aye” Thor stood in the tub and water cascaded down his body “Hell’s teeth, I smell like a bud”

Fandral lowered his gaze as he tried not to snicker at his irritation.

Thor reached for the towel by his side and wrapped it around his waist before he stepped out. He had a magnificently sculpted body, it glistened as he walked out from behind the screen and studied Fandral, seeing a hint of envy in his eyes.

“Alright, then” he said “let’s get to grooming”

Fandral’s gaze went to his left hand and he hissed in realization.

“We have a problem”

Thor frowned “What?”

“Sir Balder had a tattoo on his left hand, similar to the one on Loki’s” Fandral said “you do not”

Thor looked at his left hand, then back

“What kind of tattoo?”

“Wedding swears” Fandral got to his feet “you wore a glove yesterday so it was not visible. Had you not been, it would have caused problems. So either wear the gloves or get a tattoo”

“I am not putting something permanent on my person just for you” Thor grabbed his trousers “what I have agreed to now is the limit”

“Very well”

Fandral got himself a pair of scissors and pat a chair placed there for Thor “Here you sit”

Thor narrowed his eyes – and dropped the towel.

Fandral looked away, trying not to let his petty little gesture get to him and made no comment as Thor  put on his trousers, then came to sit in the chair.

“Do not cut my hair too short”

“You agreed to …”

“A little of it, I like that it stays long”

“But Lord Balder preferred it short” Fandral touched the middle of Thor’s shoulders “this is the best length I can do without arousing suspicion”

Thor sighed “Very well”

Within minutes, he felt the raspy shear of the scissors as his hair was cut and thrown to the ground. He didn’t admit it but it felt nice to have the angry growl upon his head tamed. He did not complain when Fandral cut his beard a while later, either, leaving only enough to please Thor.

He looked at himself in the mirror afterwards, with a short trimmed beard and well kept hair, he looked rather good.

Fandral collected the discarded hair to toss it away and Thor studied himself.

He looked clean.

He felt it, too.

Thor no longer looked like someone who made people pull their children closer or grab their valuables tighter. He looked like a man who had a home and respect.

It wasn’t his but he had it – for now.

“Here you are” Fandral handed him a tunic

Thor took a sniff from it when he held it in his hands.

“This is scented, too”

“Aye, everything is” Fandral told him “I suggest wearing a cape so that wearing your gloves will not look strange, aye?”

Thor gave him a nod before he pulled the tunic over his head. Fandral departed to leave him be and Thor once more studied himself.

How long had he wanted to look like this? He didn’t remember. He knew it was long enough for him to pretend he no longer wanted to.

There was a part of him who had always wanted a home and hearth, he’d just silenced it because he never thought he would gain it.

He touched his beard again, marveling at how soft it felt and how regal it made him look.

Never had he thought he would look the way he wanted to.

Fandral had left a ribbon for him and Thor tied the top of his hair back into it, leaving the rest to flow freely. He then looked at himself one last time in the mirror and left the bathing chambers, only to bump into Loki, who had walked in from outside.

“Oh” Loki stepped back “forgive me, I was lost in thought”

He stared at Thor, taking in his new, cleaner appearance.

“You – You look so …” he began

“Normal?” Thor smiled

A blush painted Loki’s cheeks and he looked at his hands

“Nay, just … different” Loki tucked some hair behind his ear and felt his blush heat up further.

“I hope that’s good” Thor walked past him to get himself a drink from the decanter.

He was in Loki’s large chambers.

He knew it was an uncomfortable situation so he’d slept in a spare chamber not far from here. He’d locked it from inside and made sure no one saw him leave it. It had succeeded because nearly everyone was exhausted or suffering from over drinking last night.

No one would have noticed and were likely staying clear of the sleeping chambers since they expected ‘Balder’ and Loki to have an energetic reunion.

Behind him, Loki fiddled with his hands and tried not to look too nervous. He had a strange man in his chambers, who looked exactly like his husband and this was the first time he was alone with him.

He hadn’t time nor chance to get Thor in solitude and now that he had, his mind seemed to have decided to forget the art of any conversation.

Thor seemed much the same since he was taking longer to drink than usual, but eventually, he turned to look at Loki.

“You do not have to look so worried, I will not hurt you”

Loki blinked at him with his green, green eyes and then flushed

“I am aware” he said “or – or I mean I trust you enough, I am just not – not used to having someone in my chambers”

“You had Balder” Thor turned to him “Aye? Or did he have a separate room?”

“Nay, he was here” Loki fiddled with his sleeve “This is just strange for me”

“I can imagine”

Thor poured another drink and brought it over, this time for Loki. He stood before him and extended his hand with a meaningful look.

“I think you might need this”

That, Loki accepted gratefully and smiled at him

“Thank you”

He took the glass and went to take a seat in one of the large chairs in the corner. He sat there, sipping it as Thor came to sit in the one beside his.

Thor saw the way Loki sat – anxious and restless. He was clearly bothered and Thor cleared his throat before addressing him.

“If it is too painful for you to see me, I can go”

“No” Loki shook his head “N-No, I am alright. I am just thinking”

“About something unpleasant” Thor smiled a little “must be me”

“Nay,” Loki gave him a short glance, then looked back “It’s not you”

“Then tell me why you won’t look at me” Thor said softly

Loki stilled. His gaze was focused on the floor and his hands held his glass tight.

“It does hurt you to look at me” Thor said

Loki grit his jaw, then nodded slowly.

“I know what I asked” he explained “I just underestimated my own ability to handle how much you look like him. It’s stupid, aye? You are twins, bound to look like one another and I was aware of that…”

“It does not make you stupid, Loki” Thor touched his arm “it makes you human. It shows you have a heart”

Loki turned his head to him “What do you mean?”

“If it hurts, you must have a heart” Thor said “if you have a heart, it must hurt. Our emotions rarely listen to logic”

Loki looked at him steadily for a few seconds, then back to his drink.

“You’re very kind”

Thor smiled “Nay, I have just seen enough pain in you to try and keep more of it from you”

He gave his arm a squeeze and Loki placed his atop it for a few seconds.

“I am very grateful for your presence” Loki told him “the entire Isle is celebrating. New life seems to be given to the people”

“They did seem happy”

Loki nodded to that, then finished his drink and got to his feet

“I have to overlook a few things but Sif and Fandral are waiting for you” Loki put his glass aside “but I will come back tonight. Aye?”

“Aye, I will see you, Loki” Thor smiled

Loki nodded, then turned to go.

He had lied, there was nothing for him to overlook – he just wanted to get away from Thor. He couldn’t stand looking at his face and be reminded of how he’d lost Balder.

In a strange way, he missed the anxiety he’d felt when he worried about his Isle being lost.

It kept the pain of losing his husband away.

He walked down the halls and out from the manor and into the city.

There were people everywhere, food, celebrations and the like. It didn’t take long for Vali to come running beside him.

“My lord!” he gasped “We are all so happy! Is he well?”

“Aye” Loki smiled at him “he is in fine health, just a little tired, understandably. He wishes to rest before he starts to get back into his usual routine.”

“Thank the Norns” Vali said “Things will improve for us now that he’s returned”

Loki hoped so, too. The thing he hoped for the most was that Sir Byleistr didn’t return. They had that damned agreement to get to and Loki was not looking forward to cancelling it.

It would create a backlash, he was sure.

Loki headed to the stables, deciding on taking his horse, Svadilfari, on a ride around the Isle, to get away from the duties and find a little freedom.

Usually, he spent that time in his rooms but today, those rooms were occupied. He would go to the spot he went to whenever he and Balder had an occasional heated argument.

The stable hands greeted him with joy and Loki nodded to them as he walked into the stables, only to stop short when he saw something that hadn’t been there before.

Sitting on the floor of the stalls, clearly too much of a noble to be in one, was the fattest horse Loki had ever seen. It was a spotted one, with a fat, chubby body and big brown eyes that were focused on Loki.

He looked at Loki as though he was an intruder.

“Johan” Loki called “what the hell is that?”

Johan, one of the senior horse handlers, walked in and stared to the horse Loki pointed to.

“We don’t know, sir” he said “Lord Balder brought it with him – it’s a horse, for sure”

“It looks like a pig” Loki stared

“It sits like a dog” Johan walked over “watch”

He went to Sleipnir, who was munching on some of the hay before him and nudged him with his foot. The horse, irritated, gave an annoyed huff but sat him, as he usually did, right on his rump with his hind legs bent and his front set between them.

Loki stared.

“Extraordinary” he whispered

“He doesn’t let anyone ride him either” he said “he almost crushed Ivan to death when he tried. Fell over on him and refused to move”

“Then we best steer clear of this one” Loki went to get his horse out

Svadilfari was a large, slender horse, who looked at Sleipnir with clear disdain. He whacked Sleipnir on the face with his tail, earning an offended neigh from him, but nothing else.

Any other act would require moving and Sleipnir was not one to do that unless prompted.

Loki saddled Svadilfari and made his way out of the stables. He hopped onto the horse and after a wave to the boys looking over at him, Loki rode off, leaving behind his anxiety and his worries as he did so.

***

Thor was practicing posture.

It became very clear to him that Balder had much more finesse and grace than he ever would. He was of the same build, yes, but he was far from elegant.

All the dancing lessons Balder had taken as a child and the ones Thor scoffed at were now playing in his head. He was with Sif, holding her in his arms and did his best to move to the music Fandral supplied.

“Head up” Sif tapped his chin

“I will keep stepping on your feet if I don’t look” Thor argued

“You will do worse if you don’t look at me” Sif told him “now just trust yourself. You’re a warrior, you know how to move”

“Hardly a warrior” Thor held her as gently as possible “I can swing around a few weapons, that’s all”

“”What is your weapon of choice?” Fandral asked

“I prefer the axe, the one I have is pretty sharp” Thor said “but I am thinking about switching it for your much sharper glare”

Sif laughed softly and Fandral narrowed his eyes at Thor. He held his tongue, however, watching as they danced around. Thor seemed to be getting it but he noticed that he fumbled quite a bit.

“Your stance is so much different to Loki’s” he told Sif “everyone will notice”

“Aye, because I am not Loki” Sif said “and no one will notice, they are happy he is back”

“It’s is still a risk” Fandral told her “and his posture is incorrect”

“What do you mean?” Thor asked

“Balder walked with his back straight” Fandral replied, going to get a book “let us do that”

Thor almost groaned out loud and looked at Sif when she stepped back.

“I suspect you two of making a fool of me” he told her bluntly

“I would understand suspecting him, considering he is a ninny” Sif went to get her scarf “but I am a professional”

She was, indeed.

She was the first woman Thor had ever seen who wore trousers.

She’d worn then when he first saw her but hid them in her cloak that night. Now, he saw how well she looked in them and wondered why more women didn’t do the same.

Sif picked up her coat and went to use it as a cushion as she sat on the floor.

They’d moved the chairs back and she was in no mood to drag one over at the moment.

“Alright” Fandral brought a book over “hold still”

Thor tried not to sigh and did as he asked, standing still so Fandral could place the book upon his head.

“Very good” Fandral stepped back “now walk and try not to let it fall”

Thor took a deep breath, kept his posture and walked forward.

“Was Balder always in a bad mood?” he asked

“Nay, why do you ask?” Fandral frowned

“Because he was sure to have a stick up his arse if he walked like this” Thor said

“Have some respect” Fandral scolded softly “he was your brother”

Thor hummed, saying nothing to that.

He knew that, it was why he was doing this.

Loki was part of it, Thor had returned because it was what his brother would have wanted. He’d wanted Thor to accompany him to Seidr and Thor had refused.

He’d reached out to him a month before he was killed.

Thor had refused.

And now he was to live in a world where Balder was no more, thinking repeatedly about what he could have done to keep this from happening.

Contrary to what Fandral, and Loki, thought, Thor was not here to get something. He was here because he had denied his brother the chance to meet him once more, to mend their fight.

He’d reached out to him very much in the early months of his marriage but Thor never replied. He always ensured that he was far from contact.

A letter had managed to reach him once, a month before Balder was to depart for his expedition. He’d told him he was to face an enemy that he’d been chasing for a while now. He had wanted Thor to help.

Thor had read the letter and tossed it into the fire he was next to.

Had he known that was the last letter Balder would ever send, he would have behaved differently.

Thor said nothing as he walked to the wall, turned and walked back all the while keeping the book firmly on his head.

Fandral made him practice his dancing, his posture and even some of his speech. Thor found that easy, he’d always known Balder spoke more formally than he did so he managed to do that well enough that he was freed at lunch.

And the first thing Thor did was to rush out into the gardens just to get away from everything. This was slightly more challenging that he’d thought it would be.

It was so much easier to just lift a weapon and attack an enemy. This was actual effort.

Thor found an obliging peach tree and took some of the fruit, sitting under it as he ate the juicy stolen treat. He heard people in the distance, he could smell some of the cooking, too. It gave him a homey feel he hadn’t felt in years.

Thor remembered sitting in the large country side where he and Balder had grown up.

He would always escape the chores that his mother had assigned to the two of them. He’d always preferred to be outdoors so Balder had been saddled with the chores until the end of time. He never had the drive nor the desire to stay inside till he lost his housing and was given the live of staying in taverns or the open sky.

Thor had spent more than one night longing for what he had now, he could only admit in this rare moment. He’d wanted to be an honorable man but without Balder, he hadn’t been able to do it.

Balder had.

He’d been able to become a knight in, gain a home and settled perfectly. He’d offered that to Thor but he’d declined and turned that moment into the last time he’d ever seen his brother.

Thor had left, disappointed that they were settling down because in that moment, he wanted adventure. He should have known better.

Regret filled him deeply enough that he was able to pretend it wasn’t there.

At least in front of others. In times like these, with no one to lie to and no bandit or footpad to capture, he had to face the truth he avoided on a daily basis.

He remembered that night, he would never forget it because unbeknownst to him, it had been the last time he would ever see Balder.

“You must be jesting” Thor stared at his brother “marriage? To a boy you do not even know nor met?”

“I am not making a jest” Balder huffed “It is an offer and an opportunity for us to have the lives we’ve always wanted. I have become a Knight, you are close to it. With this Isle, we will have the best possible living and an army of our own”

“You mean your own” Thor told him “they swear fealty to you, now me, brother. I just help you”

“You do much more” Balder said “I wouldn’t be able to manage the finances as I do if you didn’t help”

“I pretend to be you” Thor took a sip from his cup “That seems to be the only way I can get glory”

They were sitting in their small study that served as a drawing room whenever Balder’s friends came to visit. It was small enough to warm the most in this little cottage. They had their after dinner port in here and told of their day’s stories. Tonight, Thor had told him about another possible commission to capture a rather lucrative criminal and Balder had told him of this.

His impending nuptials

He’d accepted the offer Thrym had given him and was sure to get Odin’s blessing on it. It was just another feat that Thor hadn’t been able to achieve. It would just be another notch in the post of Thor’s vivid failures in Odin’s eyes.

He hadn’t met them in years but Thor knew his disdain would likely make that mean nothing. He would still look upon him with judgement and disapproval.

“That is not true” Balder told him “you will get your own glory, just give this a chance”

“I rather like the life here in this part of the country” Thor looked to the fire “besides, why is my presence so important?”

 “Who else will be my General?” Balder asked “I trust no one other than you”

That made Thor turn to him again

“Your General” he repeated “I am to serve you?”

“Nay, not at all” Balder said “it’s just the fact that I will be the one to wed the heir of Laufey and …”

“And be my master” Thor finished for him

“You are my brother” Balder said “there is no inequality between us”

“There is in this instance” Thor got to his feet “forgive me for not jumping at the chance of your opportunity to command over me and show me, once more that I am worth less than you”

Balder took a calming breath, trying to tell himself that this was Thor’s reaction, his instinct, to attack him. It was the result of how Balder had been held on a pedestal while Thor was scorned because of how he was.

He knew that but it still angered him a little bit.

Thor was mature enough to know that Balder would never ever make it seem like he was above him.

To Thor, it was similar to him keeping just a little more money for himself with they split the earnings Thor went out to get.

“Thor, I would never command you” Balder told him “you are my brother and my friend.”

“And someone who is beneath you” Thor put his drink aside

“Thor” Balder got to his feet and looked at him sternly “your pride is getting the better of you. do not lose this chance over something so petty”

“You know much about pettiness” Thor told him “do you not?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Balder frowned

“Think on it, I trust you will find the answer” Thor turned to the door “good night”

Balder had let him go and shaken his head before he took the seat once more.

Thor had no idea about what had gone through his head afterwards. If he had, he would have known that Balder did not wish to leave without him a week later.

He’d returned to a notice of eviction and most of their belongings gone – nay, most of Balder’s belongings gone. Most of what was in their house had been Balder’s. All Thor had was a bed and a dresser in his chambers.

He remembered feeling betrayed, he remembered taking naught but the mattress atop his bed, selling whatever else there was and leaving.

He left that home and went to live in a lie where he, out of pride, refused to acknowledge that his brother had been correct.

Life would have been better had he just listened.

Thor exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair as he sat on the sweet, soft grass of Seidr.

He wondered if his brother had walked this path, too.

He had to have, since this had been his home for seven years.

He’d wanted to grow old here, retire, have a family, possibly.

Now all that was left were distant memories and a brother who was filled with so much guilt that he began to deny he had any.

***

Loki hid his surprise very well.

He’d still stared, however, when he entered his chambers and saw Thor dancing within. He was alone, no music with him, no partner, his eyes were closed but he was humming a tune in between mumbling what steps he was to do.

He was moving expertly, Loki noted. He possessed the grace Balder did but it was hidden behind the roughness and over all rogue aura Thor had. He lumbered, he didn’t walk. Right now, however, he looked graceful, he looked as though he knew what his movements were and Loki stood there, watching for a few long minutes.

Other than his quiet humming and the scuffing of his feet on the floors, Thor made no sound. He also seemed to be unaware of Loki’s presence.

Or at least, that’s what Loki thought until Thor spoke.

“I am not intimidated, you know”

Loki blinked in surprise when Thor turned and smiled

“You can watch me dance, I am not intimidated” he said

Loki frowned “Why would you be intimidated?”

“You are a far more accomplished dancer, I hear” Thor continued, turning away again “and I, barely a novice”

Loki smiled, just a little “Hardly, you seem to be handling yourself well”

“Thank you, my lord”

Loki rubbed his arms and closed the door behind him.

“Have you had dinner?” he asked

“I did” Thor said “Sif and Fandral guided me on table etiquette, it was the most unpleasant meal I have ever had”

Loki grimaced “Forgive me, those two took this too far”

“Maybe”

Loki went past him to his closet, opening the door to see Thor’s reflection in the mirror on the inside of the doors.

He was still dancing, likely, to keep any awkwardness between them at bay.

It wasn’t really working, so as Loki pulled his night clothes from the wardrobe, Thor stopped and studied him.

He was lingering and Thor knew it was because of him. He was making Loki uncomfortable.

“Would you prefer that I leave?” Thor asked

Loki spun and stared at him, taken aback

“N-No!” he said “why …no, don’t, please…”

“I meant the chambers” Thor placated “I didn’t offer to leave the Isle”

“Oh” Loki blushed “forgive me, I am…my mind is in shambles”

Thor smiled “It is understandable, you have been through much in the last few days”

“Aye” Loki looked relieved “I have had better days”

Less lonelier ones, too, Thor wagered.

He remembered how Loki had held him and took a step closer.

“If I may suggest” he said “would you like to take a walk with me?”

Loki looked surprised “A walk? At this hour?”

“You will be safe with me” Thor said “and I feel we have to talk, don’t you?”

“Oh”

Loki had made sure that Thor was given the information and taken care of so that he would have limited interaction with him. It was painful for him to see him this close, to see the face of his husband before him.

“It will be a short walk” Thor nodded to the door “come along”

Loki nodded, feeling odd. He’d only ever stayed in his rooms after dinner, talking with Balder. He felt empty and lost, with nothing to occupy him after dinner now.

But here was Thor, taking him on a walk that Loki went to somewhat willingly.

He followed Thor out and nodded to a few guards who looked at the pair.

Thor discreetly put his hands in his pockets so they didn’t notice the lack of his tattoo and Loki wrapped his arms around himself.

They went through the manor halls and outside, walking along the cobbled paths, seeing the horses and cattle be taken care of after dinner. Few people gave them attention and Loki was rather glad of it. He kept his head bowed and walked with Thor as they found the gardens.

There were crickets singing around them and Loki looking at him fleetingly.

“What do you wish to speak of?” he asked

“Much” Thor scuffed the grass with his feet as they walked on “mostly, about what I wish for in return for helping you”

Loki felt his body stiffen in apprehension.

Contrary to what he’d said earlier, Loki did not trust Thor fully. He barely knew the man. True, he was grateful for his help but the fact still remained that he knew more about the outside world than he did about Thor.

“Oh” he began carefully “what do you wish for in return?”

“Nothing too drastic” Thor told him “just a monthly stipend and allowance to spend some time with you”

Thor could tell Loki didn’t cherish the latter. Money was easy, that he would get, but he knew that Loki avoided him. It was abundantly clear.

“I see” Loki walked with him “I will see what I can do about that”

“I do not say this to hurt you nor to make you uncomfortable” Thor said “I only do so because it is expected so that your people believe the façade”

“Of course” Loki nodded “I apologize”

“Do not apologize” Thor said kindly “your situation is not an easy one. I do not think ill of you if you wish to spend time away from me. I just say this for the sake of what we are doing”

“Aye, you’re correct in that” Loki walked towards a few trees “I will make an effort, too”

It had been so easy to just avoid him, truly.

“Thank you” Thor smiled

He watched as Loki went to take refuge behind a few tall trees and was slightly mesmerized by how the moonlight hit him through the leaves. They swayed in the breeze and cast a stunning aura around him.

Loki had such pale, soft skin, it seemed more so in this moonlight.

Thor remembered how soft his lips were too and how pliant they were under his own.

He stopped that thought immediately, because this was his brother’s widower he was speaking to.

“You are the one doing us a service” Loki played with a flower that hung from the leaves around him “you shouldn’t thank us”

“I was taught to be gracious” Thor joined him

Loki looked at him again, then away once more.

Thor saw wariness and worry in his eyes. There was so much stopped by Loki, things he wanted to say but didn’t.

Thor could feel it.

“I know” Loki replied “Balder was the same”

Thor’s face turned sad, “Loki. I’m very, very sorry for your loss”

Loki looked to him slowly “Truly?”

“Of course” Thor said “how could I not?”

“You seemed displeased, I just assumed you did not like me”

Thor shook his head “That’s very far from the truth, Loki. I had my own disputes, I chose to leave those behind”

“For a better life?” Loki questioned

Thor thought if he could be honest with him and that if that honesty would lead to Loki being a little less distrustful of him.

“For an act of contrition”

A frown settled on Loki’s brow and Thor smiled a little sadly.

“Balder and I had a falling out before he wed you” Thor pulled at a leaf as he spoke “I, in my arrogance believed that I was correct. I believed that the life of a knight was to capture criminals and earn glory. He believed in more. When he told me that he and I could make a life here, my mind was still focused on gaining glory and becoming a knight.”

“Balder spoke about that once” Loki told him “he said he made mistakes and made you think you were beneath him”

“I was” Thor confessed “I truly was. I was good with a sword and a blade, that was my only use. – at least till now”

“He didn’t believe that” Loki walked to another tree “he thought you two completed and enhanced each other’s strengths. He had truly wanted you to live here, too”

“I know” Thor slowly followed

They went deeper into the small wooded area, one that would eventually lead to another part of the manor.

“Was he always strict?” Loki asked, aware of Thor behind him “he was when he lived here. Everyone was wary of him. He rarely ever smiled”

“He wasn’t too strict” Thor replied, touching a few leaves and low branches as he walked “he was rather passionate about things he loved and it showed.”

“Oh” Loki said

There was a hint of disappointment in his voice but Thor didn’t comment.

Loki was thankful for that.

He knew what his marriage had lacked and he didn’t need Thor to know that. Balder had been a god husband, he was fortunate to have him.

That was all he needed to think about, too.

What he’d had was enough.

“He loved investing time in these lands” Loki said instead “all that you see in terms of security was his doing.”

“That is truly impressive” Thor commented “but you managed before him, too”

“Before he came, I was in rather a lot of trouble” Loki laughed a little bitterly

Thor frowned “How so?”

Loki was surprised when he looked at him. He was sure that Thor had known – everyone did. They talked about it, about him, about what had happened to him. He saw either pity or disdain and wondered what Thor would pick when he told him.

Everyone had, Loki never gained sympathy or understanding or even commendation for his escape. He’d hated the feeling of people, his own men and women, looking at him as though he was fragile and would break upon impact. They acted strangely around him, handing him things they previously let him use himself, whispering whenever he entered the room, showing a merciless kindness that made Loki think he would go mad.

Or they judged him and talked about him, talked about how tainted he was. They made rumors about how he bartered his body to escape Helheimr. They also spoke about how Loki likely had an affair with Byleistr and got afraid when people began to catch on so he ended it.

He’d barely been a boy back then.

Barely.

“Well,” Loki didn’t look at him as he walked onwards “when I was seventeen, Sir Byleistr thought that it was a wise idea to kidnap me”

Thor stilled “What?”

“Aye” Loki spared him one, short look over his shoulder “he took me to his manor and kept me there long enough for everyone to ensure that my reputation was ruined. See, it’s a norm for young heirs like myself to be taken by men stronger than them and wed them.”

“I know of that sick sport” Thor told him

“Well, then you know what happens to people who refuse to wed their captors”

“I do” Thor said “they are shamed for not wedding the cruel man who took them in some disillusioned form of honor”

“Yes” Loki rubbed his arm “when I refused, he lost his temper. He broke a few vases, hurled insults at me and told me that I would lose my realm to more just like him.”

“What barbaric behavior” Thor growled “he’s worse than I thought”

“He’s one of the vilest people I know”

They were in the middle of the trees now, the moonlight fell in a beautiful circle where the trees had been downed to create a small sitting area. There were two benches illuminated by the moonlight and Loki went to take a seat in one while Thor sat in the other.

“I have a question” Thor asked

He saw Loki tense in apprehension but to his merit, he did not refuse. He nodded and looked at Thor, waiting.

“Why didn’t Balder avenge your honor?” Thor asked

“Oh, that’s a simple answer” Loki fixed his tunic “the trade back then was more important than a foolhardy attempt at gaining something that didn’t exist. Nothing truly happened, it would have been for naught”

“Didn’t Byleistr force himself upon you?” Thor asked bluntly

Loki blinked in surprise – there had been no delicacy about his words.

But he answered, shaking his head “No. He tried but I got away”

“Right…” Thor looked at the grass beneath them

“It would not have been worth it” Loki immediately said “I was safe, nothing happened”

“And Balder saw it fit to keep business going with the man who kidnapped you?” Thor looked at him

It might have been his imagination but he swore he saw a hint of anger in Loki’s eyes.

It was proved to be correct when Loki’s voice came out harder than before.

“It would have damaged us” Loki said firmly “my husband was a good man. Do not try to make him unkind or inconsiderate”

“I am not” Thor told him “I merely wish to understand his reasoning apart from business”

“I would have caused more damage than done any sort of good” Loki told him “we had trade to think about, nothing truly happened so it was in the best interest of the land for us to let it go”

“I didn’t mean to offend” Thor told him “but I know my brother. He would not stand the honor of someone he loved be tarnished.”

To that, Loki said nothing and silence fall between the two of them. It was by no means comfortable, but neither of them got up to leave, either, which Thor counted as a good thing.

Loki had his teeth grit and Thor was looking at the grass wondering how long they would have to sit here before they could go back to manor.

The crickets chirped around them and somewhere, hidden in the trees, owls hooted as they looked upon the two.

Thor opened his mouth to say something but Loki did first.

“I asked him not to do anything” he said softly “he wanted to. He wanted to cut all trades with him but my people needed the paths he’d opened to Seidr.”

“He should have wanted more” Thor argued “Had you been my - ”

He broke off, making Loki look at him curiously.

Thor was stupid. Loki was not his and would never be his anything. The only relationship they could have was to be unlikely friends. Loki looked upon him and saw the face of his dead, loving husband, nothing else.

What Thor saw, he wouldn’t say, even thinking about it was idiocy and he should have known that before he’d parted his lips to say his last sentence.

“Had I been your…?” he prompted when Thor focused on the trees

Loki thought he wouldn’t say anything, but Thor took a deep breath, then turned to him.

“Had I been in his place” Thor said “Byleistr would have no hands to dare to try and touch you with again”

Loki saw the intensity in his gaze and he knew he wasn’t lying.

Had fortune given him Thor, Byleistr wouldn’t have survived.

“Well” Loki said eventually “then I think it is good that I was given the level headed brother”

Thor smirked “You wouldn’t be the first to prefer him over me”

Loki saw the pain behind that statement but kept his mouth shut. Thor did much the same, sitting in the silence with him once more, wondering why he had to say what he did and how he did. Loki was right, Balder was level headed, he wouldn’t have provoked him like Thor did.

And he didn’t even know why he didn’t.

Jealousy, was the answer, the hint of jealousy and insufficient self worth made him unable to bear even the goods his brother had possessed.

He had always been Thor’s superior in sense and situation. Thor had few claims of those two attributes.

It was no wonder Loki had noticed.

They did eventually leave to head back to the manor but the air between them was tense and hard. Thor knew Loki wouldn’t welcome him in his chambers, but he was truly surprised when, once they reached the chambers, Loki stopped by the door.

“It would be wise for us to share the room tonight” he opened the door “come in”

Thor followed, then watched Loki lock the door and then go to get Thor a pillow.

“The couch is suitable enough” he handed Thor the pillow

“I think the floor will suffice” Thor went to place the pillow on a rug

Loki rolled his eyes, departed for the bathing chambers to leave Thor be.

Thor settled down and pulled one of the throws from the bed so he could put it over himself. His gaze went to the ceiling and stayed there even when he heard Loki exit the bathroom and walk past him to the bed.

“Sweet dreams”

Loki stopped and looked down at him for a moment.

“Just so you are aware” he said “I sleep with a knife”

Thor let out a soft snicker and Loki blew out the candle by his bed so that the room was cloaked in darkness so they could sleep.

***

If Loki thought that the next day would be better, he was wrong.

He was in his study, going through his financial reports when news of the nastiest kind came to him.

“Sir Byleistr is outside” Vali said from his door “He’s brought his contract for you to see”

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

His damned contract.

In all the excitement, he’d forgotten about that!

Hell’s teeth, he was going to lose his mind today.

However, Loki still smiled at the boy

“Seat him in the drawing room, I will be here” he said “no wine this time”

“Aye, how about some swill?” Vali asked “we have some the pigs didn’t want”

“Lower you voice!” Loki gasped, trying not to laugh “if someone hears you, you will be in trouble”

Vali grinned, not discouraged even in the slightest and then went to get them some dried fruits. They were easier to clean up.

Loki inhaled deeply, gave himself the mental patience needed to deal with this man, then walked out of his study to go to the drawing room.

He could have sworn, he could smell the stink that came from Byleistr, even before he entered the chambers. He took a breath of clean air and walked in, giving him a false smile.

“Sir Byleistr” he greeted “good morning”

“Ah, the most fortunate man in the lands” Byleistr approached “I know there are many in our neighbors who would love to have my protection”

Loki tensed when Byleistr took his hands within his own, fat ones. Loki almost winced when he saw the indents his rings made in his fingers and wondered if they would ever come off.

“I have drafted our agreement” Byleistr grinned “will you read it?”

“Oh” Loki pulled away “I should have written to you about that. I don’t think it will work between us.”

Byleistr frowned “What do you mean?”

“I no longer require protection” Loki clarified “you see…”

“How could you not require protection?” Byleistr tried to keep his calm “we had an agreement and…”

“I do believe that my husband told you that he no longer needs you”

Both Loki and Byleistr froze when Thor’s deep voice filled the room.

He was at the door, Vali behind him, clearly having summoned him like a wraith from the nether realms.

He was in Balder’s clothing, but had the dangerous aura around him that Balder didn’t possess. His thick arms were crossed at his chest and he studied Byleistr carefully.

“So what are you still doing here, Byleistr?” Thor asked

“S-Sir Balder!” Byliestr gaped “you live”

“Of course I do” Thor stepped in “rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated.”

Byleistr looked lost as he stared at him, all his plans and tactics suddenly faded to nothing. He saw Balder come to put an arm around Loki’s shoulders, who tensed a moment, but then went back to looking at the man in front of him.

“Ah, I am glad that you are in good health” Byleistr said quickly “Things would have been very difficult had this been more unfortunate than it turned out to be”

“Aye” Thor smiled at him “Now, correct my mistake if I am wrong but if I remember you and my husband seem to have had a few problems, yes?”

He felt Loki tense in his grip but he didn’t relent.

“We did, but we talked about that” Byleistr was quick to point out “we both know that he was a guest in my home and - ”

“That is not what I refer to” Thor’s tone of voice was hard

Byleistr stilled “Then what…?”

“Your constant raids on my husband’s shipments have caused him severe anxiety, Sir Byleistr” Thor kept his stance casual “Now I may have been gone but my protection and my name at this Isle stayed. You dishonored that, then in doing so, you dishonored me”

Byleistr stared, opening and closing his mouth as though he was a fish.

“I – I have never…”

“Darling, could you leave us be a moment?” Thor turned to Loki “I wish to converse with this man”

There was warning in Loki’s eyes when he looked at Thor, Loki was telling him not to ruin this, not to destroy the chance he’d been given. Thor saw those warnings and chose to bypass them by kissing him full on the mouth and stepping away.

“Close the door behind you if you can, dear”

Loki narrowed his eyes at him, but said nothing to either of them before he made his way out, leaving Thor alone with Byleistr.

The moment the door closed, Byleistr smiled at him

“I have never been happier that you wed him, Lord Balder” he simpered “I confess, I tried my hand at gaining him but a man like Loki, even if he is a bære is far too clever for me to possess. But as we agreed before, all that is water under the bridge”

Thor hummed “You seem like a man who has … at least a modicum of intelligence”

Byleistr beamed at that, almost causing Thor to roll his eyes.

“Thank you, Sir, I …”

“I am not done” Thor cut in “you seem to be a man with a modicum of intelligence, so I will say this once and only once. I will not tolerate your presence of the presence of your men around my husband’s cargo. If I find that they have been looted again, I will not only break trade with you, I will ensure that your neighbors will cease speaking or negotiating with you. You will lose what little respect you have and die barely above a beggar, understand?”

Byleistr stared at him, completely shocked as though he never expected him to say this.

That was then Thor realized it – he was not supposed to. He was supposed to be Balder, the level headed, calm knight in shining armor.

But what was done, couldn’t be taken back and Thor stood his ground, raising a brow at Byleistr, who looked cowed.

“I understand” he muttered, his gaze lowered.

He flinched a moment after when Thor snatched the papers from his hands and tore them up before his eyes.

“Good” Thor tossed the torn pieces into the fireplace “now I believe it is time for you to depart.”

“Of course”

Byleistr gathered his things and turned to the door, but stopped to look at him.

“If I may say so” he said “I think it is wise of you to get him with child and leave this land.”

Thor frowned “I beg your pardon?”

“Sir Balder, you are a man of honor and adventure. Give him the child and let him do what he does best. Do not be saddled down with him, one who is nothing but an anchor to your quests in life. There is more than being the husband of a potion maker” Byleistr said

There was a short pause as Thor studied the man with him, his arms crossed.

He had no idea that Loki was on the other side of the door, listening to the two of them.

“Is your brilliant scheme in dealing with Loki?” Thor finally inquired “to get him with child and leave?”

“He is the lord of a fat, profitable land, the only good thing left for you to do is to ensure no one gets it” Byleistr said “rumors of your death caused many to get greedy with the promise of this land. A child will ensure that you stake your claim in a permanent way”

Loki tried not to let it get to him yet it hurt and embarrassed him as he stood by the door, listening.

Inside, Thor exhaled “Then you are a bigger fool than I believed you to be”

Loki felt a smile curve his lips even if he didn’t want it to. It felt – good to be defended.

Balder had always only listened and stayed silent, he told Loki to let it go since it wouldn’t do good and though Loki understood and though Balder came to comfort him at night, it still hurt.

“Bah!” Byleistr said “we will see how fortunate you are when you need shelter from him. Do not expect me to house you in Helheim’s Keep”

“Helhiem’s Keep is the last place I will ever take shelter, least of all from my own husband” Thor watched him grab the doorknob “And one more thing, Byleistr, if you will listen”

“Aye?” Byleistr turned to him

“I wish to discuss this with you and let it be known that I come from my battles a changed man” Thor told him “I have seen the error of my ways so I will address this with you once more. It is about Loki’s visit to your home, years ago”

Loki froze

“I am aware that nothing happened and that you have been quietly reaping the benefits of Loki’s lands from all these past years” Thor continued “and all that at the expense of Loki’s honor”

“Now, now” Byleistr began “nothing happened, he stayed in his rooms, like I have told you…”

“Regardless,” Thor cut in “it was a kidnapping so you can be assured that for that, there will be a reckoning”

Byleistr’s face turned pale and outside, Loki felt his heart nearly halt.

“God’s eyes, man” Byleistr gaped “It was years ago, surely you do not wish to challenge me now?”

“Not now” Thor said “Loki will not condone any violence upon his beautiful lands. But you held him there, a boy of seventeen, against his will. So even if it is not now, there will be a time and a place where I will settle this with you”

“But – But I didn’t touch the boy!” Byliestr panicked

“That is not the impression you gave to everyone in the lands” Thor challenged

“I – I did it only to – to gain advantage when people traded with me over him, over a tarnished reputation!” Byleistr confessed “he stayed in the darn rooms, he didn’t come out”

“I believe you” Thor told him “now go. Your presence is unwanted here”

Once more, Byleistr looked worried and he rushed to open the door and leave, not even seeing Loki, who was pretending to talk to a passing servant.

Loki looked at him, at how he rushed away, muttering to himself and clearly afraid. He’d come here to gain something and was chased off with his tail between his legs.

It gave him satisfaction, seeing his tormentor, run like that.

Balder, for all his good spirit and honor, had never been able to do that to him. It was just chance that Byleistr was wary around him.

Now Thor, as Balder, had struck fear into Byleistr’s heart, sending him running as fast as he could, far away from Loki and his home.

Loki turned as Thor exited the drawing room. He looked so regal, with his hair braided back and his cold eyes focused on Byleistr’s retreating back.

Once Byleistr was out of sight, Thor gazed at Loki, who was caught between thanking him and scolding him for his stupidity.

Balder would never have done anything like that.

Balder would never have done that.

Loki lowered his gaze, trying to find the words to say, but Thor’s hand came to rest upon his shoulder and he looked up to see him standing there, right before him.

“Do not” Thor told him “do not tell me I shouldn’t have done that. He deserved far worse”

Loki nodded, looking at the ground and let Thor guide him into his arms. He felt one large hand cradle his head and Loki closed his eyes, feeling the anger and irritation from last night fade from him immediately.

Thor rubbed his back, setting his lips at Loki’s temple as he held him.

Neither of them moved for a long time.

***

Fandral watched, with slightly narrowed eyes as Thor and Loki walked on.

They had taken to walks after dinner, something Loki had never done with Balder. They’d left from the manor kitchens after taking some fruit with them, having a private moment where Loki likely told Thor more about his brother.

His expression softened when he saw Loki move to fix the shawl that Thor wore, because it dragged on the cobbled pathway they had taken.

There was happiness in Loki’s eyes, something Fandral hadn’t seen even when he was with Balder.

It cemented his belief that Loki had been happy with Balder because he had no choice. It wasn’t that he was unhappy, no. He’d been grateful to have a husband who wasn’t a bad man.

Loki had been content. He liked Balder and Balder was fond of him – Fandral knew.

He’d also known that, in their most private moments, when it was just him and Balder, that Balder had confessed about how he and Loki had rarely been intimate.

He remembered he’d told him that they had long spells where neither of them initiated sex. They tried for a child once or twice, but that was lukewarm in Balder’s experience.

Balder, for all his nobility and honor, chose to invest his time and emotions in this land.

He cared deeply for Loki, but more like a brother than anything else. They loved one another platonically, not passionately.

It had been hard for him to get the enthusiasm needed for a good romp in the sheets.

Loki was a young man, Fandral knew, in the prime of his life. He needed the physical attention, he needed the emotional one, too.

It was why he let Thor hold him so much, Fandral noticed.

He was starved for affection and Thor was generous in giving it to him. He always had a hand at his back, always ruffled his hair when he left the room, always gave his cheek a kiss when he met with him.

Loki, in return, took him on elongated tours, private little walks, picnics in the gardens.

If Fandral didn’t know any better, he would say Loki looked happier than he’d ever seen him before.

It had been three weeks since Thor had arrived and already the difference between the Loki he’d seen when he came here to the Loki before him now was stark.

Fandral smiled a little when Thor poked Loki’s side, making him jump away, then retaliate by doing the same.

He was still suspicious of Thor, but his suspicions were slowly deteriorating.

Thor showed Loki the care Balder had shown these lands.

Thor’s eyes were on Loki, on his stance, on his smile, his gestures. He was aware of the land and yes, he took to it, but it was Loki, who was his priority.

He was the one who had his attention.

“Fandral?”

A soft voice behind him made him turn and Fandral smiled when he saw Valka peeking out from the back door of the kitchen behind him.

“Aye?”

“I brought you some dessert” Valka blushed “if – if you wanted it”

Fandral gave him a grin and took it with a nod of gratitude.

“Thank you” he said “now will you join me?”

He held his arm out for him and, still red in the face Valka looped his arm through his and they walked down the path Thor and Loki took.

Who said that there would only be one pair of lovers beneath the stars tonight?