The Vagrant Knight

He woke with the first kiss of the dawn’s twilight hours.

He wasn’t bothered, it was his instinct, when sleeping upon a hard, unforgiving surface, to wake with the sun. Though he had a rug under him instead of the hard earth and no insects had taken to making a home in his clothes, it was still difficult for him to wake later.

Had he been in a bed or sleeping on a softer, kinder bedding, Thor would likely have stayed asleep till late morn.

But, as it was, his years under the stars and the sun had given him this ability so he sat up and ran a hand through his hair.

He could hear the roosters crowing outside and sat waking slowly, something he’d considered a luxury a few weeks back. Now, he felt more relaxed, easier, too.

He was getting used to a full stomach at night, he was sure he would start showing that soon if he didn’t take time to spar and train himself.

But the food here was so damn good, he couldn’t help but indulge.

Ever since Byleistr had backed away, here was much that Seidr was able to enjoy. The food got better, the people got happier and last night, Loki was discussing the possibility of commissioning a new ship to take more of his supplies and bring back more for them.

Of course, Sif would be the Captain. Thor had no doubt about that, the woman was formidable and Thor knew most of the men here were afraid of her. She was beautiful and she was dangerous. Thor had sparred with her a few times and though she had yet to win, she was becoming a worthy contender every passing day.

She learned from him. She studied him and he found himself struggling when she sparred.

Sif truly was magnificent and Thor was eager to go out with her and test their mettle on the ring. And, if, sometimes, they went drinking afterwards, or had lunch together, it was a bonus. He knew he was attracted to her, there was just something so superbly powerful about her that he couldn’t resist. The spark of mischief in her eyes, hidden behind kindness was one of the things that lured him in.

He wondered if, secretly, he could be with her the way his mind – and body – clearly wanted to be.

He knew he had to spend time with Loki and he truly enjoyed it. He liked the affection and the kisses he gave Loki, but Loki seemed to lack the spirit that Sif had. Thor saw him as sensitive, as someone who was to be protected, rather than be the protector.

Fandral had mentioned that Loki had been different, that he had been stronger before all this happened and that the toll Balder’s death took on him and the subsequent disasters by Byliestr’s hand all changed him.

Thor listened, but he had yet to believe that. To him, Loki was like the sweet damsel that had to be protected from a vicious villain and in some cases, it was correct. He had been taken by Byleistr and it rooted a bone deep fear of the man into him.

But Loki was still young, Thor was ten years older than him after all. There had to be things that didn’t connect between them.

Loki had to fear things that harmed him, especially since he didn’t know how to spar.

Sif had told him he needed a teacher but trusted no one enough. There had once been a time when Balder had tried to teach him but that ended soon after for some reason.

Loki was a bære, made to nurture, not fight.

At least, that was what Thor thought.

He stuck to that thinking even now as he glanced to the bed where Loki lay sleeping.

With the thin white drapes moving slowly in the wind, it made Loki look ethereal, like he did not belong in this world. He looked like a mage from another fantasy realm, if Thor was honest.

He was beautiful, there was no doubt about that.

He had dark, raven hair that was soft to the touch. It curled sometimes, when Loki walked out of the bath, he hated how it looked then and brushed it through till it was the thick, slightly wavy texture it had now. He often tied it back to tame it, too.

His green eyes were like magic. Thor thought they sparkled when he was excited or talked about something that he liked. And recently, he had been. He’d opened up, he’d been more vibrant than he was when Thor met him. There was color in his cheeks, a joy in his step when they walked.

He was also a massive food lover, which Thor did not expect. More often than not, Thor pretended to be asleep as Loki snuck out of the room in the middle of the night to get himself something to eat.

Usually, it was something sweet.

He remembered one night that he’d gotten himself honeyed toasts and cream. It was something Thor never thought looked good together, but there was Loki, opening his book and having a midnight read as he lit a candle and enjoyed his treat.

Sometimes, he would freeze when Thor stirred in bed and stay frozen till he deemed it safe for him to eat again.

Whether it was because he was afraid Thor would ask to share or it was fear of judgement, he wouldn’t know.

But it was adorable.

Not that Thor would ever say it out aloud.

Loki was rather flustered when he complimented him. Apparently, Balder hadn’t done that.

It was strange, it really was. The more he heard about Balder, the more Thor began to think that he cared for the lands, not for Loki.

But, Loki did say that Balder came to comfort him and talk to him every night, he told him that they rarely had arguments and that he was there to help and support him.

Did he truly or was that something Loki thought was true to keep from realizing the faults of his late husband?

Thor had no idea and he most certainly wasn’t going to ask him.

He’d already had trouble enough.

There had been many vassals who had come to the border of these lands or had the gall to step into the lands, thinking Loki was not ‘free’ for them to take.

It had taken only a glance at Thor to have them running back.

One of them, a lord Fjolvar was more persistent than others and Thor had to block his path to glare at him to make him back down.

Not that he had, Thor was sure he would return to try his hand at gaining Loki’s favor.

He’d been a ballad before he struck luck and married a lady with fortune. The lady had passed in childbirth, leaving him with a child and a huge land directly behind Seidr. Unlike Byleistr, he’d kept his lands well and had openly traded everything he could with Loki.

Loki was grateful to him.

That was the extent of his interest towards Fjolvar but clearly the man had more interest in him than that. His eyes had followed Loki the entirety of his stay and his touches lingered on his hand. He didn’t dare try anything else because Thor was with them, but Thor knew that if he had been away, he would most definitely would have.

He looked like the type to seduce.

Sif had told Thor that he tried to best her in battle then to seduce her when he failed.

On both accounts, he’d been sent home without anything.

Of course he would have, he’d been dealing with Sif.

The mere thought of her had him smiling and Thor stretched, got to his feet and packed his bed away. He put the rug on the couch, put the pillow on the bed and rumpled the sheets a little bit without disturbing Loki.

He stopped, however, when Loki turned to face him, the shoulder of his too large tunic falling off his shoulder.

Thor’s throat tightened at the sight of that smooth, pale skin and an image of himself biting it came to mind. He imagined it, how Loki would gasp, how his head would tip back and he would arch that long, graceful neck…

Thor pulled away.

This wasn’t right!

His mind was conjuring up images he didn’t want to see. This was his brother’s widower, the man who’d survived him and Thor was not allowed to imagine what he was.

He wasn’t allowed to do anything.

And yet, he kissed him and embraced him. These days, Loki initiated it, sometimes.

It was bound to do this at some point in his life.

So Thor cursed himself, pulled the covers over Loki, then turned and left the room.

Sparring was definitely on the table now.

He needed it to be.

***

Sif danced around the clash of steel as she took the sword from Thor’s grip and tossed it aside. He had another, of course, she whipped around to face him and smiled. She held her own blade up to her nose, a perfect, undated horizon that led to her eyes, reflecting them in the polished blade of her sword.

Her smirk was lethal and when Thor struck, she blocked his blow easily, her sword shaking a little with effort, but it was unneeded.

It was a distraction.

For when Thor pushed further, she kicked his legs out from beneath him and dropped him to the ground where he landed with a surprised huff, his eyes wide.

The tip of her blade was at his chin the next moment and Sif was smiling down at him.

“Point”

There was a mild applause as those who had come to watch marveled over their greatest warrior. There were a few sullen men who watched, unamused, at the thought of a woman besting their lord.

Thor, was not one of them. He was happy and he let her pull him up and grinned brightly at her.

“My lady” he bowed to her “I am impressed”

Sif rolled her eyes “Of course you are”

But there was a smile on her lips and there was intensity in her eyes that hadn’t been there a moment ago.

“I am sure you can better yourself for me” Sif bent to pick up and hand him his sword “till then, I suggest you practice”

Thor just his jaw to the side as he grinned and watched her leave.

Aye, she was something else.

Sif opened the gate to the sparring ring and left, Thor tailed behind her, stopping to greet the few who came to tell him how good he was.

He didn’t need that, he knew he was good.

Sif was just better.

They left the ring and after Thor had his share of praise from the others, he jogged after her so they could walk side by side.

“The people are overly sweet” Thor told her “I feel like it will make me sick”

Sif snickered softly “They are just happy to have their leader back. I fear they think that Sir Balder will leave again so they make you feel comfortable”

“Do you not think it silly?” Thor asked “if I wish to leave, then their words will not make me stay”

Sif gave him a look and Thor rolled his eyes

“I said if, calm yourself, lady, I am not leaving this isle anytime soon”

They walked through an orchard and Thor plucked some apples from a branch, handing one to Sif. She took it with a thanks and they walked to a secluded part of the land to sit and enjoy them in the tall, sweet smelling grass.

Everything smelled sweet here, if Thor were honest. It was as though he was no longer on earth.

Sif took a crunchy bite out of her apple and looked at him.

“So, tell me” she turned to him “how does a bounty hunter find this little isle of heaven?”

“He finds it beautiful and slightly fantastic” Thor had his own apple “I have never seen a place like this on earth, it’s stunning”

“It is, isn’t it?” Sif asked “when I saw it for the first time, I thought it was a dream”

“Was that when Loki recruited you after he paid your bail?” Thor asked

“Aye” Sif nodded “then he recruited Fandral, don’t forget the order, it will get you into trouble”

“I won’t” Thor dismissed “I remember what you have told me, just tell me about your adventures on the sea, they sound incredible”

“Well…” Sif began to relax “I had a ship called Valkyrie…”

Thor smiled and leaned back, watching her as she spoke. She had such a grace about her as she spoke. Everything from her hair to her fascinating boots mesmerized him. He’d never seen a women like her, let alone one who could defeat him in a sparring match.

He listened to everything she said, taking it in raptly. Sif smiled as she told him about her battle with another horde of pirates, she made him laugh when she told him of the mishaps that had made her into a better pirate, she told him about how she had never thought that she would stay in this Isle or make a home of it but she had changed her mind.

“I cannot tell you why” Sif said “but I found something in this place that I couldn’t in any sea I have sailed.”

“Must be something grand” Thor wagered “to leave the adventure and freedom you had in the seas for six years”

“Aye, it truly was” Sif smirked.

They sat quietly afterwards, watching the grass waving in the soft breeze that came from the seas.

She looked at Thor every now and then, seeing how the colors he wore suited him. If she hadn’t known any better, she would have sworn it was truly Balder sitting with her.

Thor had changed completely before their eyes. He’d changed the way he walked, the way he spoke and even gained the regal air that made Balder who he was. He’d learnt the dance and once or twice, she’d seen him conversing with the public, too.

They all truly believed that their beloved leader was home.

Thor had done good.

They sat there in companionable silence for a bit longer before Sif snorted in laughter, making Thor look up.

He found the source of her mirth a moment later when he saw Sleipnir jogging over, holding a few strands of hay in his mouth.

“Stars above, I will never get used to your steed” Sif watched as Sleipnir bypassed her to go to Thor

“Nay, lady, he is no steed” Thor wrapped his arms around Sleipnir’s head as the animal nuzzled his shoulder “He is my best friend”

Sleipnir burred then let out a huff before he settled on the grass with his head in Thor’s lap, enjoying the scratches bestowed upon him.

He also lazily chewed on the hay and watched Sif with his brown eyes.

“I’ve never seen such a horse” she said ‘where did you find him?”

“A nobleman was selling him because he was ill” Thor told her “he was a foal, hungry and alone. I purchased him and spent weeks nursing him back to health. I rented stables for him, gave him food and medicine, there were nights that I spent sleeping in his stall with his head in my lap, running my fingers through his mane”

Sif’s gaze softened “As he enjoys now”

Sleipnir let out a neigh and smacked his tail happily

“Aye” Thor said “then he began eating and hasn’t stopped since”

He kissed Sleipnir’s cheek and the horse closed his eyes in contentment, laying there with his legs folded, completely calm.”

Thor kept his ministrations with Sleipnir going and looked to Sif again.

“Was Balder always strict?” Thor asked “I have seen people avoid looking at me”

“He had a reputation that I think he exaggerated for his benefit” Sif explained “people are quick to take advantage of a kind heart so he appeared unkind when he needed to. It kept order in the Isle for sure”

“Sounds like something he would do” Thor told her “he was always that way with me, too. He always stood there and made me make the bed”

Sif’s lips twitched “Did he truly? What else?”

“Well, whenever we wrestled or sparred, he would ensure that we knew what the rules were ten times before we actually started” Thor scuffed Sleipnir’s chin “it was so frightfully boring”

“But it taught everyone order here” Sif revealed “the scouts rarely made a mistake and his own men were strictly disciplined. So I fear you will have to uphold that”

“Aye” Thor said “Fandral has told me about that. He stood with me when I met them to make sure that I pretended well enough”

 Sif grimaced “Aye, he isn’t fond of you”

“I don’t think he’s fond of anyone but Loki”

“He’s very protective” Sif said “there were days where Loki locked himself in his chambers after hearing of Balder’s death. No one would be able to walk him out of it save for Fandral. He would get him to eat, to sleep…it’s no wonder people spread rumors about them”

“I’ve heard those” Thor made a face “either people are terrible at keeping secrets here or they wish for me to know those rumors”

“I think it is the latter” Sif shook her head “they like stirring the drama on occasion”

Thor hummed and focused his attention on Sleipnir again, when the horse nipped at his glove.

Sif sat back against the tree and watched the skies and landscape once more. It was nice and calm, Sleipnir snored softly when he fell asleep against Thor. Thor let out a yawn, too, then snickered when his stomach rumbled.

“Is it time for the afternoon meal?”

“Nay but it is close, come, we shall raid the kitchens” Sif said

Thor pat Sleipnir’s cheek but the horse didn’t move, sleeping soundly as he was. So Thor slid out from under him, taking his cape off to roll it up into a pillow for him and let him sleep there.

Sif watched, fascinated by the care Thor showed him.

“Will you not miss the cape?” she asked

Thor shook his head “Nay, he’s trained to bring it to his stall when he wakes, I don’t worry”

He got to his feet and walked with her, going down their earlier path so they could get to the manor. They were halfway there when Sleipnir trotted after them, Thor’s cape in his teeth.

Sif rolled her eyes when Thor gave her a smug grin as he took it from him and let the animal accompany them back.

As they did, people watched Thor return, waving to him and giving him smiles. They had been more enthusiastic before but now that they were used to his presence, their greetings were lowered in intensity, which Thor didn’t particularly have a problem with.

But, Fandral had told him, now was the time that they would observe him, so he had to be careful. There was much that he needed to do to make them successfully believe that he was Balder, not Thor.

The feasting hall were filled with people, they could hear it as they walked down the halls. Sif was used to the loud, hungry warriors making a ruckus around them but Thor, who was used to eating alone, being alone, found it a little but overwhelming.

Apparently, Balder had not because he dined here often.

Loki always had his food in his rooms. Thor wondered if it was another of Balder’s traits that made him eat there or if he just preferred it that way.

They cheered for them as they walked in and raised their kegs to Thor when he passed them to go to his table. Fandral and the others were already there, waving their hands to Thor. He gave them smiles as he walked to the high table to sit with them, looking down at the bounteous food and the people he was to rule with Loki.

They were so happy to see him – nay, to see Balder.

Thor wondered what would happen if they ever knew the truth. That if they learned that their beloved leader was dead, an imposter in his place, what would they do?

Nothing good for him, definitely.

A keg of mead was placed before him and Thor made a face before he had some, starting on his meal with the others. Once they saw he was invested in it, they all began to chat and gave him the freedom to speak to Volstagg and Fandral.

“Does Loki not dine here?” he asked quietly

“He never did” Volstagg said “he always dined with his mother, then alone when she passed.”

“Aye, he’s in his study at the moment” Fandral said “it’s always been here. Balder – you – tried a few times to get him down here but he refused”

“And Balder never went to him?” Thor frowned

“No, he chose to have it here, with us” Volstagg took a bite from his bread “why, what are you thinking?”

“Well” Thor’s face was contemplative “a long lost husband returning from a battle should enjoy dining with his spouse, yes?”

“Do not do anything that will raise suspicion, Thor” Fandral hissed

“I am not”

Thor got to his feet and a few curious people watched.

“I am merely making a few changes”

“Sit back down” Fandral glared

But Thor didn’t listen and the people at the benches watched as he made his way out, surprised that he hadn’t had a bite to eat.

“Can you believe him?” Fandral asked Sif “he will damn this whole operation”

“Perhaps” Sif hid her smile behind her own cup

In her opinion, it was high time Loki had some company at his table.

***

Loki’s desk in his large study was actually a dining table for eight people. There were scrolls, books, papers and all sorts of things that  he thought where useful to him.

There were scrolls on the floor, too, books stacked on the ledges of closed windows, pens and quills scattered about. It was a charming sort of chaos about this room and Thor smiled when he saw Loki sitting in the middle of it, under the table, bent over a scroll and a book, making notes in quick, efficient hand writing.

Thor cleared his throat and Loki looked up, blinking, startled out of his work.

He looked confused, as though forming a greeting was the farthest thing from his mind, so Thor obliged.

“I thought perhaps we could have lunch together”

Loki frowned “Lunch?”

“Aye” Thor gestured to the two platters in his hands “food, the midday meal.”

He walked in as Loki watched, then studied the table.

“I was hoping to have space to put it atop the table, but I guess that is impossible”

Loki blanched as Thor got to his knees to get under the table with him

“Hell’s teeth, no, no, let me…!” he moved to help

Thor shook his head “It’s no mind. I have always thought about how we could easily eat under the table, not over it”

Loki’s face was red in chagrin.

“Oh, please, Thor, this is no way to…”

“Hush” Thor smiled, sitting a little hunched over, “I am comfortable and I rather like this”

Loki was mortified, but with the platter in his hands and Thor just sitting there cross legged under the table, he had little choice.

“I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable seeing you this way” Loki said “let me clear up a spot, we can go to the feasting hall…”

“I am perfectly fine” Thor smiled “calm yourself, dear husband, there is space enough under the table. I wish to enjoy your company while I lunch. A duty I have been failing in for a long time”

Loki’s cheeks turned red and he looked at his platter, prodding at the food with his fork.

“You did not have to” he said “but thank you”

“You are more than welcome” Thor pointed to the two slabs of bricks under the feet of the table “What are those?”

Loki turned to see and smiled “Oh…it’s … strange, you will laugh”

“I love to laugh” Thor took a bite of his food

Loki sighed “I spent a lot of time on the floor under the table that Balder had the slabs put in to make the table higher, then commissioned a small throne so I was level to it”

Thor slowly grinned “Norns, I can imagine that”

Loki looked from him to the food again to hide the fact that his cheeks were once more prickling with heat.

“You are not at all like your brother” Loki stirred his stew about “He did this but he always let me eat here and respected my privacy”

“That’s noble of him” Thor smiled “not very nice but noble”

Loki frowned “What do you mean?”

“He had a duty to you, not the people in the feasting hall” Thor said “as your husband he should have made it a point to share your privacy, not leave you with it alone. I understand that sometimes, one longs to be alone when they are working but it should not become a habit, least of all one where it becomes something of a habit.”

“Well, he had the lands to overlook and…”

“As did you” Thor cut in gently “I am not trying to make him into a bad man, Loki, but there are and always have been things about Balder that even I disliked. I am just not afraid to say them out loud because even though they existed, I loved him, still.”

Loki frowned into his platter and had some food to keep from saying what he thought of this.

“I know you do not like when I talk this way” Thor continued “but the fact of the matter is that I have known him all my life. I know his faults and I know his qualities. I know that in finance and business were his forte but personal things and interactions with other people were not. That was why I was the one who dealt with those, with capturing, with getting more commissions and he was the one who handled the books”

Loki didn’t say anything and Thor placed a hand on his knee, making him look at him.

“It is alright” Thor said “I loved him. I miss him greatly. And it is alright to admit that despite being one of the best knights in the lands, he was lacking in some areas”

More than some, Loki wanted to say, but kept silent. He gave Thor a nod instead and Thor seemed content with that.

Loki was reluctant to open up.

Whatever information he’d given Thor about Balder seemed to be reserved, he was hesitant before telling him, as though he didn’t want to face some sort of judgement. Now, Thor realized that it was perhaps, a way for Loki to keep from realizing that the man he’d been married to for so long wasn’t a knight in shining armor.

Loki, in turn, noticed that Thor was quick to point out the flaws his brother had. He knew it was because Thor had been jealous, possibly, or thought he was beneath Balder. It was his way of coping, too.

Neither spoke about this to the other and focused on their meal instead.

“He liked to get me presents”

Thor looked up when Loki spoke

“Pardon?”

“Balder” Loki clarified “he got me books and presents whenever he went on missions or went to the city”

Thor’s lips twitched “You don’t say. He always got them for me, too. Though his travels were few since they were so expensive.”

Loki stared “Truly?”

“Aye” Thor reached up to pull a necklace from within his pocket.

It wasn’t much, just a small carved stone with a rune etched on it, looped into a piece of string.

“He got these for us” he said “one for him, one for myself. I kept it hidden from people, even myself, on occasion. They were ours, he said, to remind ourselves that we would be an indestructible force”

He expected a mild interest from Loki, but he saw his eyes widen and he snatched it from Thor’s hand, to look at it, his face pale.

His lips slowly parted as he stared at it and his expression grew horrified, as though he looked at a terrifying realization.

Thor frowned “Loki?”

Loki put his platter aside and crawled from under the table to stand, looking at the necklace again, like it would change in better lighting.

“Where…?” he whispered, then broke off

Thor went to him and Loki looked hurt, scared and lost.

“Loki, what’s wrong?”

Loki’s lips pressed together tightly and shook his head

“I have to go”

With the necklace in his hands, he strode to the door, opened it and all but ran out, leaving Thor staring at him, shocked.

He wanted to go after him, but he feared he would make things worse if he did. So Thor turned to pick up their food and went to the kitchens, trying his best to keep himself from being distracted by Loki.

But Loki’s expression of fear and shock etched itself into his mind and for most of the days, he found himself keeping a lookout for him. There was a need, an instinct inside to help him and Thor longed to hold him into his arms to embrace him.

He didn’t get that chance because there was no sign of Loki for most of the day and his friends seemed to worry, too. They were quiet as they sat in the feasting hall when Thor joined his table.

Thor studied them one by one.

“What happened?”

They looked at him and Fandral shook his head

“Nothing, it’s personal”

It was a clear lie but other than causing a scene and making this issue bigger than it was, Thor couldn’t do much. But he noticed that Sif, who was the chattiest and most friendly with him, was not looking at him. She wasn’t eating much either.

There was a glum, sad and tense environment around and Thor finished his meal as quickly as he could then rushed to Loki’s chambers, hoping he was there.

He truly wished that he hadn’t seen what he did a while later, because once he entered the rooms, he saw Loki sitting on the bed with his face in his hands.

There was defeat in the hunch of his back and soft sniffles told him that Loki had been crying.

Thor closed the door with a soft click and Loki tensed, wiped his face and tried to hide that he was upset. Not that it worked because he just seemed to get more troubled.

He seemed to look for words but lacked the ability to so Thor came to sit beside him and rubbed his back without saying a word. He did glance at Loki’s hands and frowned when he saw him holding both his necklace and Balder’s.

It fell into place then.

Sif’s silence, Loki’s tears, the two necklaces…

“He was having an affair” Loki whispered “with Sif”

Thor closed his eyes and grit his jaw. His arm slid around Loki’s shoulders and made Loki lean against him as he sat there, looking at the proof in his hands again.

“She had this necklace, she never told us where she found it, but she wore it, in full view” Loki croaked “it makes so much sense…”

Thor put his other arm around him “Loki, I am so sorry”

Loki extended the necklaces to him and Thor put them in his pocket.

A reality of Balder had come to light right there, for Loki to see.

There was little that could be said about the infidelity of a dead man. Thor just kept his arms around Loki and gave him what comfort he could.

“It makes sense” Loki said again “he never touched me. He never … he never initiated anything intimate. He found it odd…”

He sniffed and took the handkerchief Thor handed him.

“I don’t know what to do” Loki wiped his eyes “they betrayed me”

“You do nothing” Thor told him “you take your anger and grief and you move on. This is not your fault”

“What if it is?” Loki asked “it has to be because he found me lacking”

“Or” Thor said gently “because his desire did not run that way. I had never seen him with a man my entire life, Loki”

“So why did he wed me?” Loki looked at him “to gain my lands, just like all the other people that surround me, he used me”

There was anger behind Loki’s sadness and a realization that Balder had been no different than those who sought his lands. He had just been kinder about it.

“Then he was a fool” Thor said “and a disappointment”

“No, I was the fool” Loki told him “A stupid fool, who trusted people he brought here…”

His eyes watered once more

“I feel so betrayed”

“I know, Loki” Thor rubbed his arm “I am sorry”

He didn’t know if his words even had an impact on Loki but he had to say it, that at least someone was sorry that he was going through pain.

Loki didn’t reply. He set his head on Thor’s shoulder and closed his eyes as he looked at the necklaces in his hands.

Neither of them moved, Thor comforted him and Loki took the comfort from him, glaring at the necklaces in his hand.

***

Loki woke slowly the next morning, awash with regret.

He realized he was alone in the large bed he slept on, as he had been these past months. He would never be able to escape the overwhelming sense of sadness that yesterday brought to him. He also wondered if he has destroyed his own respect in Thor’s eyes by crying as he had yesterday.

He used to think he had a warm, loving, friendly relationship with his husband, which was destroyed in his eyes and in Thor’s. What he must think of him now? Unable to keep his own husband loyal? That was definitely a possibility. He’d been so desperate to have a good relationship with his husband that he’d not noticed his infidelity. So, Thor would think of him as stupid and blind, too.

Loki sat up and groaned, set his face into his hands and let out his despair.

God’s blood, he should have kept his mouth shut!

He felt unbelievably stupid.

Why did he reveal to Thor what happened!? There was no reason, no logic behind it. He didn’t have to know that information, he was already so hard on Balder, so eager to point out whatever he thought he did wrong.

He had made a mistake, telling Thor, he knew. But it was too late.

Rustling sounded from the other side of the bed and Loki looked to see Thor waking up, too. He saw him stretch and Loki immediately lay back down, pretending to be asleep when he realized it was earlier than he usually woke.

He gave Thor his back and stayed very still.

Thor sat up and looked to the bed, yawning. His eyes went over Loki’s sleek form and once more, those images came back to him.

And with that, guilt.

It was strange to know that his taste in women was much the same as Balder’s had been. Only, where Thor had thought about it, Balder had actually done it.

To Thor, it was strange – he’d always thought that he was the one more capable of deception, not his brother. But the more he learnt, the less he liked.

Balder seemed to be another man here, all loyalty, honesty and honor seemed to have vanished from him. It seeped away, like water from a leaky bucket and Thor didn’t understand why. Balder had been an honorable, good man.

He couldn’t fathom why he would turn to infidelity.

Thor sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking away from Loki and getting up.

His back hurt from sleeping on that small tough little straw rush and he pushed it under Loki’s bed and stretched. He winced when he felt his back crack, then made his way into the bathing chambers to wash up and get started on the day.

His reflection in the mirror told him that he would have to shave soon. He didn’t like the wild look he was capable of owning when he refused to do that.

When he’d come here, his hair was rough and unruly, now it was soft, so much that Thor rather liked touching it.

He looked so different, too. He looked worthy.

Thor took some time before he was done, then walked out, going out of the door to head out and get himself something to eat.

Once the door closed, Loki turned and looked upon the empty room.

Hell’s teeth. He was relieved that Thor had left – he couldn’t face the embarrassment of seeing him at least for two days.

He waited till he was sure Thor wouldn’t return, then slipped out of bed. He stretched, rubbed the back of his neck and then got to his feet.

Embarrassed or not, he still had the day to get to.

He had supplies for his new laboratory ready and he was eager to get that started, at least. Today, he just had to locate a spot for it.

Loki got ready quickly enough, had his breakfast and all but rushed downstairs. Fandral was waiting for him and he lowered his gaze so he would not have to see the pity in his eyes when he walked over.

“Are the horses ready?” Loki asked, giving him no chance to speak

Fandral studied him for a moment, then nodded “Aye, they are”

Loki was relieved he didn’t wish to discuss what happened and was even more relieved when he saw that Sif was nowhere around.

He didn’t think he would be able to keep from saying something to her again – he’d said enough yesterday.

The soft, soothing smell of their soft grass made Loki smile. He walked out with Fandral by his side, his mind going over the possibilities of where he could build his new laboratory. He would be able to work on his potions again.

Possibly, make new ones.

Sigyn walked over when they were at the stables and smiled at Loki.

“Good morning, your lordship” she bowed “how do you fare this morning?”

“Very well, Prioress. Yourself?” Loki stopped and let Fandral get the horses

“Good enough, the Recluse was at the abbey today” Sigyn said “it dampened the spirits of a few younger members of the abbey but they will be revived soon enough”

“Oh dear” Loki winced “what was it this time?”

“Ah, her ramblings about an imposter in the lands and how dire fate will rest upon this realm” Sigyn said “nonsense, so far”

Loki didn’t let his tension show on his face but inwardly, he cursed the damn recluse. He knew many thought of her as a mad woman, but once or twice, Loki had seen her predictions come true.

He might be mad for believing her, but this ‘nonsense’ about an imposter was hitting closer to the truth than he thought possible.

“Aye, nonsense” he said “but you know her, she’s lost everyone she’s loved and this is her only home”

“Tis the only reason everyone respects her, I believe” Sigyn smiled “Are you on a round of the Isle? You have not done that in quite a bit”

“Nay, madam, we are looking for a new land for my laboratory to be constructed” Loki told her “will you join?”

“Ah, a wonderful endeavor but I must decline, I haven’t ridden a horse in years” Sigyn bowed “but good luck and may God be with you”

“Thank you, my lady”

Fandral had returned with the horses and Loki raised a brow as Svadilfari was followed by Thor’s large animal.

He was nipping on the ends of Svadilfari’s tail and Loki looked confused as his horse, a noble steed and the most impatient horse in his lands, let him.

“What…?”

“He wouldn’t let me take Svadilfari without him” Fandral explained as he got on his mare “come alone, that one could use exercise”

“Of course” Loki said

He gave Sleipnir a look as he hopped on Svadilfari and kept looking as he nudged his horse forward. Of course, the fat horse followed, happily joining them on the ride.

“He is the oddest horse I have ever seen” Fandral told Loki “he lets no one ride him”

“He’s … definitely odd” Loki said

He was able to keep up with them too, as they walked through a wooded area to where Loki had thought to make it laboratory.

They had a few high hills that held Helheimr on the other side.

There was a beautiful little haven full of grass and flowers, backed by the moss covered rocks that made up the hill. Loki stopped to look at it and imagined working in silence and serenity.

He slid off Svadilfari to go and have a closer look, stepping into the soft sweet grass.

This land was certainly big enough

Sleipnir had clearly approved of his place because he started to graze, looking at Svadilfari when he didn’t do the same.

Svadilfari stood dignified and collected, watching the landscape as Loki and Fandral admired this landscape.

“It’s far enough from everyone to keep them from disturbing you” Fandral noted

“Aye, and close enough to come to me for any emergency” Loki touched the moss on the side of that large hill “it’s beautiful”

“And you can grow your herbs here easily”

“I can” Loki smiled “I don’t think we need to look at any other place, this is enough”

“Then shall I order the materials to be brought here and the construction to begin?” Fandral inquired

“Yes” Loki smiled “that would be best”

He was eager already.

He didn’t want to leave this place, he would be happy here.

“As you wish” Fandral stepped to his horse

He saw Loki unwilling to leave and cleared his throat

“Would you like to enjoy this place in solitude?”

Loki looked to him, then nodded “I would, thank you”

Fandral was happy to leave him, he bowed and left, leaving Loki with Svadilfari and Sleipnir, who was munching on some grass and flowers. Loki gave them a look and then sat on the grass, running his hands over it.

It was so soft, small insects rose and jumped away from the disturbance and settled elsewhere. Loki stretched his legs and sat back on his hands, looking at the high, high point of the hill and closed his eyes.

This was tranquility.

He let his mind wander, going to the future, about how he would have this laboratory running. He would make all the recipes he’d collected in his journal, he could try them all. He’d been so excited the night his old workroom burnt down, he was so close to perfecting a potion that would help with memory loss.

He had been going there when the flames erupted and took everything he’d worked for away. He’d run to try and stop it but Balder had grabbed him and pulled him back.

The herbs inside burnt, there were a few cleaning chemicals that burst, too. Had he been close enough, the fumes would have definitely taken him. He had been so devastated that he hadn’t thought about it.

Balder had.

He’d later confessed that it was better for that place to burn than for him and this place to lose Loki.

And how naïve Loki had been…

Loki huffed, irritated with himself.

He was supposed to imagine his work place not relive a past tainted with Balder and Sif’s betrayal. It would only seek to destroy the good mood he’d built by coming here.

Logically, he knew that there was nothing he could do after what they’d done. Balder was dead and Sif – well, she had been remorseful enough and taken his anger well.

He hadn’t seen her since yesterday and he didn’t want to even now. Perhaps as time went by, he would be able to forgive her transgression.

Perhaps.

Loki huffed and sat back again, letting out an irritated noise as he made himself think of other things. Mostly, he thought of his time spent making potions. The thrill of discovery, the multiple defeats and the happiness he felt when someone approached him and told him his potion fixed their ailment.

He felt like he was doing something for the land that had done so much for him. It had given him a home, a family, a husband …

And the grounds upon which he was betrayed.

Loki hissed at himself and opened his eyes only to blink in surprise.

Sleipnir was standing in front of him, looking at him.

“What?” Loki asked

The horse didn’t reply, instead it flopped down in front of him and set its large head on Loki’s lap.

Loki stared at it, at a loss of what to do.

Sleipnir waited, his tail swishing behind him, looking at him with his big brown eyes.

“What do you want me to do?” Loki asked “Hm?”

Sleipnir let out a soft whinny

Loki flicked his ear and was rewarded with a nudge at his middle.

“Oh” Loki realized, slightly distrustful

He scratched the horse’s head and saw his eyes close in contentment.

Loki smiled despite himself

He sat there, scratching Sleipnir’s mane, letting the animal enjoy it. It was soothing to him, too. He then began to pluck flowers from around him and braid them into his thick mane.

“You are such a strange creature” he told him “I have never seen a horse like you in my entire life”

Sleipnir grunted, pawing at the grass as he lay there, but didn’t move his head.

“You look more like a pig than anything else” Loki told him, “look at you, is this any way for a noble steed to look like? Big bellied, lazy…?”

He nodded to Svadilfari

“Look at him and compare yourself” Loki said “do you think you could beat him in a race?”

Sleipnir neighed and rolled on his other side, making Loki lean back as he performed the magnificent feat.

He huffed and lay down, wanting Loki to scratch him once more.

Loki laughed at him “You really do belong to Thor”

He scratched him again

“You odd thing”

Sleipnir grunted again and enjoyed the scratches he got and Svadilfari neatly lowered himself to the ground and folded his legs under him.

“See that?” Loki poked Sleipnir’s head and pointed to Svadilfari “that’s a horse”

Sleipnir was unconcerned, he cared only about his scratching.

Loki obliged and they spent most of the afternoon there. For lunch, Loki took a few apples that he shared with the horses and decided to walk back, leading them both onwards. He was humming to himself, enjoying his leisurely stroll through his lands. Everything here was so well tended to, even the wilderness looked different than most. The grass was always Loki’s favorite it was soft and smooth, he loved walking barefoot in it.

As the trio walked on, they passed the recluse’s cottage and Loki almost groaned inwardly when she gestured for him to stop.

He had to and the horses moved a little ways off but stayed close.

“Your lordship!” she called, huffing over “I have been meaning to speak with you about those boys”

Ah, Loki knew them.

“They’re still bothering you?” he asked

“They never stop” she said “I have run them off multiple times”

“I will do what I can” Loki bowed “forgive me for being late”

“Aye, but you have your own problems” she said “what with the death of Lord Balder and all”

Loki went very still “I beg your pardon? Balder is alive”

“Nay, I fear you are mistaken” her voice was raspy and dire “an imposter walks in his form. That man who you’re living with, he isn’t your husband”

Loki’s heart began to race “I assure you, Lady, he - ”

“He will be the destruction of this land” she said “Balder himself told me”

Loki’s lips tightened “I understand that you are frustrated, but talking about my husband this way…”

“He walks these lands when you’re asleep” she took his hands “I saw him, he’s no longer in the land of the living, he’d dead, Loki, he’s gone”

Loki pulled his hand back, disturbed by her. He stepped back and she frowned.

“You don’t believe me” the Recluse whispered “you think I speak lies, I do not. I had known Lord Balder, and that man is not him”

Loki swallowed heavily “I will see what I can do about those boys”

His voice was firm and she looked defeated when he walked away, looking after him.

She was right.

She knew there was a charlatan acting like Lord Balder and he was in this very land.

***

The sight that waited for Loki when he entered his rooms later, was not one he expected to see. At all.

Thor as sitting with a book, the covers up over his legs and reading a book in which he was completely involved.

Loki raised a brow and walked in, clearing his throat.

Thor flinched and looked at him

“God’s teeth, you’ve finally returned” Thor held up his book “have you read this?”

Loki couldn’t help but smile just a little “Seeing as it is from my collection, I have, of course, read it”

“This is the most terrifying book I have ever read” Thor told him “Carolyn is playing ‘Hide and Clap’ with her daughter and she heard a clap but it’s not her daughter, I can sense it”

Loki snickered “You are correct”

He came over to nudge him

“Off to your own bed now” he said “I am tired and deserve rest”

Thor groaned but did as he asked, pulling out his rush bed and sat on it with his book once more.

“Have you had dinner?” Loki asked, fixing the bed “or have you been reading that all day?”

“I ate some fruit but no real dinner” Thor placed the book face down “It was not her daughter”

Loki laughed “Of course it wasn’t, now accompany me to the kitchens. I have a need to have something to eat”

“As you wish” Thor stood

Loki let him follow, hoping he wouldn’t talk about what happened yesterday and thankfully, Thor didn’t. They walked down the halls together, nodding to the odd staff member or guard they saw.

The kitchens were warm and secluded, which  Loki was grateful for. The cold weather would be here soon and he knew some of the staff would probably sleep in here.

From experience, he knew that he would probably step on one or two of his own servants.

“We have some left over food” Loki told Thor “but we would have to heat them over the embers, which is usually enough”

“What is on the menu, then?” Thor rubbed his hands together a little “it’s so warm in here”

“It is” Loki said “it gets unbearable during the jousts even in this weather, however.”

“Oh, they’re close are they not?” Thor asked “Fandral told me about them”

“Aye, they happen every year” Loki said “it’s why they’ve started clearing out the plains by the ocean”

“True, what a view that would be” Thor wondered “the sky, the ocean, the splattering of blood of the fighting Knights”

Loki was getting them some stew for them “Splattering of blood? It is a joust, not a battle”

“Have you ever attended these jousts?” Thor asked “They’re shockingly bloody”

He saw Loki put a pot on the embers and began to heat up the stew.

“I’d rather make my potions in peace when everyone is attending” Loki said

“Ah, of course” Thor smiled “Balder attended, yes? He was rather fond of them. I remember him participating in many when we were younger”

“Did he truly?” Loki turned to him “He never did that here, he thought they were too violent for his tastes”

Thor snorted “He likely wanted to keep his dignity. He thought himself above them when we last saw each other but in reality, there was another more sinister reason behind it”

Loki frowned at him “What reason?”

Thor debated on telling him. If Loki didn’t know, that meant Balder had never told him.

But then again, Balder hadn’t told him a lot of other things, so Thor saw this fair.

“There is a particular Knight that Balder has never faced off against” Thor told him “His name is Sir Halvor. They faced off once years ago and he dismounted Balder thrice, winning the joust easily. Balder, who has never been dismounted, was stunned and though Halvor wishes to try again, Balder always declines. I do not know why”

“Pride?” Loki asked, though he did not believe that “I do not know. I cannot guess the mentality of Knights, I believe”

“Aye they’re very noble” Thor said “No one wants that”

Loki snorted “You’re so different from Balder”

“I know, it’s because we are both separate persons”

“Yes, I ….”

Loki turned to give him a dry look, but he was hiding a laugh.

“You’re incorrigible” Loki said instead

Thor smiled to himself and went to look for and bring to Loki, two bowls and spoons.

They chose to dine in the kitchen, since it was warm and Loki had access to all the bread he wanted. Thor had the stew with his spoon but Loki scooped some in his bread and brought it to his lips to have.

“You’re secretly a barbarian” Thor told him

Loki only beamed, giving him a disarming sort of smile.

“Aye, you’re proud, aren’t you?” Thor snickered, having a spoonful

“I most definitely am” Loki said

It was good to see him happy, Thor would never admit but seeing him heartbroken yesterday had affected him.

He rather liked the  way Loki’s lips curved into a smile and how his eyes began to shine with mirth when that happened.

Once their meal was over, they went back to their chambers and Thor slid into the mattress again.

“Goodnight” Loki told him “Try not to let Bethsheba get you”

Thor, who was picking up the book again, halted “Who?”

Loki gave him an evil grin and slid into his bed while Thor watched, shaking his head as he once more, started to read his book.

***

Sif made an appearance a few days later but other than formally giving Loki the information he wished for, she said nothing.

Her eyes were filled with regret and sorrow. When Thor came upon her on his walk with Sleipnir, he thought he saw her wipe her eyes before she stood straighter and smiled at him.

“Good morning”

“More afternoon,” Thor smiled “are you well?”

They were along the edges of the Isle, so they could see the stunningly blue waters ahead of them. The wind hit with, bringing the scent of an ocean with it.

“I am, as can be” Sif rubbed her arm “I am sure you are here to give me an earful, too”

Thor let Sleipnir go and walked over to her, frowning under the bright sun

“Not really” he stopped by her “just realizing that Balder’s hurt more people with his death than I had known”

“You can say that again” Sif exhaled, looking at the waters “I had no intention of hurting Loki nor ever telling him. I will not justify my actions, I know what I have done”

“You do not have to explain yourself to me” Thor placated

“I do” Sif looked to him “I do not care much about the opinion of others but you have a good heart and have proved yourself to Loki and myself as a good friend”

Thor frowned “How? May I ask?”

Sif smiled “You carry yourself with an air of nonchalance but I know that deep inside you care. I see that you take your time from the day to help those who need helping, I’ve seen you lift heavy logs and bags for the widows or the nuns. I have also seen the fresh flowers you place in Loki’s chambers. He spoke to me about them and did so with a happy air.”

Thor shrugged “I am sure Balder did that, too”

“And you scared Byleistr off” Sif said “If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough. That man has been a rogue and a tyrant not just to Loki, but to mother and his father before. None of them had the courage to stand in front of him and warn him off the family because his roads were so important to them. But you did”

“I just do not take kindly to people like him” Thor said “I have dealt with worse and with milder versions of him. I accept none of them and do what I can”

“And Loki raved about you” Sif said “not to you, of course, he’s … oddly shy around you”

“Probably because he can afford the distance between us” Thor told him “I think he planned this entire thing but didn’t keep in mind that we would have to spend time together”

Sif smirked a little “It’s possible. That and the fact that you give him the attention Balder didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s greatly appreciated, the people love it”

She played with the sleeve of her tunic.

“They are all happy that their leader has returned”

“Not all of them” Thor winced then nodded behind her “That woman stares at me a lot when I am alone. And not in a flattering way.”

Sif turned to look over her shoulder and found The Recluse staring at her.

“Ah, she isn’t fond of anyone” she told him “she does love stirring up drama, however.”

“How so?” Thor asked

“Well” Sif started to walk, making Thor join her “she considers herself to be something of a psychic and likes to make predictions. I think she is more inclined towards saying things that she wants after hiding them in the guise of predictions”

“You do not like her” Thor smiled “What did she say about you?”

Sif looked at him and narrowed her eyes “That I will be stoned because I wear trousers”

“Oh my” Thor grimaced “No wonder you dislike her. If she said that about me, I would wear skirts and shock everyone, then likely get stoned”

Sif laughed, shaking her head as they walked onwards.

Sleipnir saw their departure and followed, clomping around after them.

The Recluse shook her head and went back, hobbling through the trees, back to her home.

She knew she was right. That man was not their leader. He was an imposter, pretending to be Balder the Brave. She had to tell someone, someone who was going to do something about it. He was going to bring death upon them if she didn’t. It was seen in her dreams, a fire, a blaze from hell itself, thrown upon them for the sin they were committing.

With the thought of the preservation of their Isle in her head, The Recluse made her way back, planning on telling the Knights who would attend the joust that their beloved Balder had been replaced by a stranger.