The Vagrant Knight

They said he’d killed his husband.

They said he’d done it to keep the army of knights he’d brought over.

They said he’d set fire to his laboratory to burn away any and all evidence against him. They said he’d hired people to go kill him instead of using his potions to do it.

There were wagers in the books that were hidden amongst the men who lived in the Isle of Seidr. There were wagers about how Balder the Brave was not lost, but instead killed by the assassins his husband had hired.

Wily, clever and an aptly named Liesmith, Balder’s widower was a man to keep watch on. He was sly as he was beautiful. There was no doubt about it and rumors spread about how he killed any lover he took.

There was a reward of a thousand gold coins to anyone who slept with and survived a night with the cold, untouchable Wicked Widower.

That was one of his more common names.

There were others, that were associated with his greed, his need to have all the money he collected with his potions. But the Wicked Widower was the most accurate one.

There was no confirmation of his death but Loki Laufeyson, son of the noble lord Laufey, had yet to believe it.

He was hopeful, going to the chapel in the citadel daily, where he prayed for the safe return of his lost husband.

He was often accompanied by his General, a Sir Fandral Dash, who acted as advisor. He was as handsome as a god of myth and charming as a prince. He’d fought many battles with Balder and had been given the title of Knight not long after.

He was a valiant hero, who was the catch of every young lady’s eye.

But if the rumors were true, he’d taken the heart and bed of Lord Loki, Master of the Isle of Seidr. It was said he was part of the reason why Loki had killed his husband.

The people who lived in the Isle of Seidr were from all walks of life. Some, who lived close and in the large manor at the citadel were those Loki had taken in.

There was Lady Sif, who was a widow known for killing her husband. No one knew why and no one dared to speak on it because she was a terrifying woman to behold. She’d spend six years as a pirate in the seas, raiding not merchants, but other pirates, taking their loot and using it for good. Sometimes she was sent to hunt down pirates but she gave that life up when she found a permanent home with Loki on Seidr.

After her was Sir Volstagg. Rotund, of good nature and once a knight errant, he was part of Balder’s army. He’d been starving and helpless when Balder recruited him and since then, he’d been a good and loyal man at his side.

There was also Sir Hogun, who was a sage, somber man. He lived in the tower to keep watch on the Isle and was seen about in quick glances whenever he needed something from the markets or when Loki summoned him. His past was unknown but his allegiance to the Isle of Seidr was sturdy enough for everyone to see.

Sir Fandral had been a hungry poet before he met with Balder and changed his fate. He’d helped him win jousts and tournaments, then went to win some himself. In addition to being the General, he was also a teacher at the scouts’ camp where he taught young men and women how to fight and defend their home.

He was there now, currently, watching as his scouts all took care of their weaponry and ensured that it was placed in their assigned compartments. He’d taught them that a good warrior respected his weapons. It was a lesson given to him by Balder himself.

“Good, aye” he called as they finished and lined up “that was far better than what I had done when I was your age.”

A delightful round of giggles went through them as they looked to one another with their prideful smiles.

“Now one last run about the ring and all of you go home” he ordered

He had bright blue eyes and pale blonde hair that shined in the sunlight. He looked every bit the hero from those novels the women shared amongst themselves. He felt like that, too, when he saw the soft group of women eyeing him over.

He also spotted a young lad in the distance, hiding from him.

His name was Valka and he was bære. There were many in this Isle but none really appreciated him. It amused Fandral, how they glared or even hissed at him whenever he greeted them. They thought him suspicious and he knew why.

He was not deaf to the rumor that were spread about him and Loki.

But in his years here, he’d never felt what he did for Valka for anyone else. He caught his look and gave him a wink, making him vanish behind the bushes he was looking at him through.

A snicker escaped him, then he turned to the young soldiers to be as they ran their lap.

The sun was bright today and highlighted every part of the Isle.

The Isle of Seidr was something else.

They were, in a way, but unlike the stories circulating in the cities and towns, they were normal.

They were fair, known for their sensitivity and were desired by many. However, they were also cold and haughty, considering very few other than their own race, to be worthy of them.

They were called the Frost Giants, an insult that those turned away by them invented. Likely spread by their terrible neighbor, Sir Byleistr. He dwelled in another part of Jotunhiem. His lands were nowhere near as well kept as Loki’s and that fact always bothered him. He squandered away his savings and money on large feasts and balls that others attended. He was a social butterfly, since his land connected to England and made journey there easier. He’d also, in a fit of pettiness, forbidden access to Seidr by land and instead, decided to raid the ships that carried Loki’s supplies when he chose the seas.

Fandral despised that man. He’d offered to lop his head off but Loki had told him that he was somewhat needed. He let the spice trade go on in exchange for medicinal potions that Loki created.

The difference between his land and Loki’s was stark and apparent.

Isle of Seidr was green and lush with flowers, grass, trees and fauna. There were flora of all kinds, the scent in the air was cleaner, fresher and scented with the culmination of the beautiful landscape that Loki possessed.

Byleistr’s lands were drab and browning with neglect. He was not a kind man nor did he cherish what he had. Loki was sure he would lose everything he had sooner or later.

It was a lovely day that morning. The sunlight was warm, the earth was cool to step in and from his large windows, over looking the city at all times, he could see it.

His lands.

His responsibility and his home.

It had stayed with him through the tragedy he’d witnessed and suffered. He’d had a few people stay with him but none of them measured up to how much this land, this beautiful realm far from all earthly pollution had been there for him.

Balder had been a good husband to him. He’d taken care of the Isle as though it was his own. He’d made homes here, not for himself, but for his men. He’d given them the sense of belonging that he’d always chased. He had also been kind to Loki, gentle and caring, even if he was a distant man.

Loki wasn’t ungrateful, he knew things could have been much worse for him if Thrym had given him someone else.

He was very fortunate to have had Balder with him and he truly, deeply missed him.

He’d spend the first few months of his death crying himself to sleep in his lonely, cold bed. He missed their soft conversations, their soothing words to one another and the care he’d gotten used to. He’d wanted him back so badly that he hadn’t been willing to believe the news sent to him.

It was only when Sif went and got the men he’d been with back home to tell Loki what happened that he’d realized it.

Balder was gone.

Loki’s whole world had collapsed then. Nothing made sense to him and nothing would for a long time.

How he’d passed that time, he would never understand. To him it was a haze of sadness, anxiety and fear.

Fear about the fate of his lands if word spread of his death.

He was well aware of how many men had wanted his lands and tried to take them from him. He was aware that one of them would. All he had to do was take Loki and force him to wed him and the lands would be his.

Balder had brought protection with him and for now, it remained.

Yet that protection was fragile at best. It was going to break sooner or later.

Byleist was already hard at it, trying to get it to break. He was testing the waters – quite literally.

Loki saw his fate and the future of his lands if he confirmed what he knew about Balder.

Loki knew he was on borrowed time unless he came up with a plan to get Balder back. And though it seemed impossible…

It was not.

Loki had come up with a plan three months after Balder’s death.

The Isle of Seidr was in danger and it mounted higher as the weeks passed. They needed a lord to overlook the lands and to show the people that it was still protected. Enemies knew of Balder’s name and legend, they would never dare to try and hurt him.

They wouldn’t need to know the trickery Loki was about to unfold.

Or rather, the trickery he was hoping to unfold.

It was as ludicrous as it was risky. But there had never been nor would there ever be a chance like this.

Loki turned when the doors to his room opened.

He’d expected a servant or a messenger, but his green eyes widened when he saw Vali, Balder’s squire, walk in.

His face was flushed, he looked distraught and out of breath.

“My Lord!” he panted, all but falling right there.

Loki rushed to him, taking a hold of his arm

“What is wrong with you?”

“Lord Heimdall” Vali panted “His ship docked on the lands. More than half our belongings were taken, there were three of them this time”

Loki’s lips pressed together in displeasure and he nodded

“Alright” he pat his arm and guided him to a chair “sit here and have water. Eat what you feel like, till I return”

“Yes, my lord” Vali panted, sinking gratefully into the chair closest.

Loki felt despair fill his spirit as he made the long, painful walk to the docks.

He had asked Thrym for more aid and men for his Isle but it seemed that his letters were being ignored.

It was too much, it seemed.

On top of his soured reputation, the increased predations of the robbers who were infesting his shipments were proving to be the final straw. Loki knew that it was only a matter of time that he would be deemed incapable of ruling this Isle and everything he loved would be taken from him by a greedy fortune hunter.

Outraged and frustrated, his conviction in his own, foolhardy plan strengthened further.

Loki would never risk the lives of those who accompanied the shipments from the Isle to the cities. Sooner or later, the robbers were going to kill someone and he knew it.

In truth, Loki had no choice left. He had a duty and obligation to take care of this realm. His brother, who had died when Loki was younger had caught him from the cradle that he was a servant to his people and to the lands that sustained them.

He knew that even though he possessed the ability and skills to keep Seidr a profitable place, he was no warrior. There were household knights with no leader. His men at arms were growing restless. They would leave soon, they were eager to either get Balder back or find another leader to serve them. They had a home here but they were eager for glory, which they were being kept from. They would disperse over time and leave Loki completely defenseless.

Time was running out.

It had been when he had agreed to wed Balder, he was in this same situation, now it had returned.

Thrym had told him to wed a strong man and Loki had begrudgingly agreed. What life he’d been given with Balder had been good and safe.

Now that life was threatened and Loki did the only thing that he knew how to.

He crossed the stony pathways of his manor and nodded to the few who raised their hands to him in greeting.

Rumors aside, Loki was a loved presence in this land.

As he walked, he heard the tell tale jogging of his General come up behind him.

“They are getting more daring, Lord Loki” Fandral said as they passed the gatehouse

“I pray that this will cease soon and that any humanity they have tells them to stop” Loki muttered “because other than that foolish plan of mine, we have that hope alone”

“I know you are not looking forward to this” Fandral said “but remember that this will be the savior of our lands. You will have a good future”

“If he agrees” Loki muttered “and if Heimdall has located him.”

“That we shall know soon enough” Fandral said

There was a small group of people watching as their shipments were unloaded. Loki could clearly see the signs of destruction on the ship and knew this was another expense that he would have to shoulder. The people accompanying the shipments looked exhausted and gave baleful looks to Loki as they passed him, knowing he was the reason their lives were threatened.

Heimdall was at the very top. He gave out orders in his deep, resonating voice and Loki felt mildly jealous. He wished he could command these wayward men and inspire the fear Heimdall did in them.

Fandral moved to help, too, and Loki climbed up the planks to the ship so he could face Heimdall himself.

Heimdall was his man of affairs. He conducted his business very carefully. He saw everything and was loyal to Loki’s home as he had been to Laufey’s. He’d trained as a knight but chose to put his efforts into academics. Not that he couldn’t defend himself and anyone who was under his protection, nay. Heimdall was a formidable warrior.

Loki had escaped Helheimr only because of him.

He had dark, smooth skin that glistened in the sunlight and amber eyes that looked golden in the sin. They gleamed with welcome when he saw Loki coming over and straightened to greet him proper.

“My Lord” he bowed his head

“Hardly” Loki stopped before him, then let out a sigh “what happened?”

“Helheimr’s men” Heimdall said “they had more weapons than us and threatened our people. I saved what I could but they took most of the grain and spices. They also took the metals that were to make a the new laboratory and any wood that hadn’t caught rot.”

Loki exhaled in frustration and looked at the men taking their meagre cargo to the city.

“This can’t go on” he told Heimdall “They’ll destroy my land and my people”

Heimdal looked just as saddened “It won’t”

He gently touched his arm to make him look at him.

“I found him”

Loki’s heart nearly stopped “What?”

“He is living in a town not far from here” Heimdall said “the people I sent told me they’d seen him there, I could hardly believe.”

“This is impossible” Loki whispered

His face was pale but hope shined in his eyes

“We have been looking for him for months and to learn he is so close on his own?” Loki asked

“Aye” Heimdall laughed “I saw him”

Loki placed a hand over the pendant at his chest. It was the last gift Balder had given him and he held it in times of distress and anxiety”

“And?” he asked

“It is as Balder said” Heimdall smiled “he looks exactly like him. No one will know the difference”

A lump formed in Loki’s throat and he longed to hurl himself at Heimdall and embrace him till he couldn’t breathe!

But he refrained and nodded.

“How far is he?” he asked

“Half a day’s journey but we must hurry” Heimdall told him “he does not stay in one place for long”

“Aye, aye,” Loki nodded, running a hand through his hair

It was black as night and soft, something Balder had loved about him. And his hand, when he ran his fingers through it, showed the promise he’d made to Balder. A rune, tattooed on the back of his hand, Balder’s emblem, running from his wrist in one line, to circle the base of his middle finger.

Balder had the exact same tattoo.

“Who do you wish to speak to him?” Heimdall asked

“Well, you, of course” Loki told him “I would go myself but I do not think…”

“I think you should” Heimdall told him “Fandral can manage till you return. I am sure any spouse would hurry if he heard the news you had”

“Of course” Loki looked to the side and rubbed his arm

His nervous were making it difficult for him to think.

“I know it is daunting” Heimdall placed a hand on his shoulder “But if anyone can do it, you can.”

Loki nodded, but when he looked to him, anxiety and worry lit his eyes.

“What if he refuses?” he asked

“Then you must make an offer he cannot refuse” Heimdall replied “go prepare. I will make arrangements for you and Fandral to go through the mainland. The sea is not safe. I will alert Lady Sif, too”

Loki gave him a shaky nod and looked at his hand as Heimdall left.

There was the promise, on the back of his left hand. An arrow that pointed upwards from his wrist and was hooked around his finger. A sworn oath that death would part them, nothing else.

And it hurt Loki that it had parted the two of them.

He felt prickling behind his eyes but refused to give into his emotions.

He had work to do, he would indulge in those later.

***

Gingered currants.

Never had he thought that he would see something like this. They were delicious and self indulgent. Thor couldn’t help himself.

He walked down the dirt paths of this town, illuminated by the torches at this hour. There were people still about, though it was past dinner. Children played outside their houses, men and women went to make merry. There was light music coming from the taverns and inns that were set about and over all, it gave Thor a nice, warm feeling in his belly.

Behind him, watching him carefully, Sleipnir plodded after, his tail swishing lazily as he eyed the bag in Thor’s hands.

He knew there were treats in there so he nudged Thor’s shoulder

“What?” Thor turned to him “you despise ginger and currants. How can you want these?”

Sleipnir persisted, hitting him once more with his muzzle.

Thor shoved the brown paper packet at him “There, happy?”

Sleipnir sniffed, let out an offended snort, then grabbed the packet from his hand and threw it to the dirty ground.

He stomped his foot to let Thor know he was hungry.

Thor sighed “Your mother would be disappointed”

He shook his head at the pudgy animal and went to pick up the packet. It had ripped and most of the currants were on the ground so he took what remained so he could dispose of it.

“You are getting nothing”

Thor walked on ahead and Sleipnir tailed him, nipping at his clothes. He nickered when Thor ignored him and stamped his feet in disapproval.

But Thor walked on.

Sleipnir placed his head on Thor’s shoulder, watching his face as he walked.

“This isn’t working” Thor told him

Sleipnir kneed him in the back but once more, he was ignored.

Thor was adamant in not feeding him so Sleipnir grabbed his coat in his teeth and pulled him to a stop.

“What?”

Thor turned to look at him over his shoulder and Sleipnir pulled his ears back and hopped on the spot.

“No”

Sleipnir let him go and groaned. He then let out a moan of anguish and sat down heavily on his rear, his hind legs sticking out.

He looked, by all means, like an over sized, fat dog.

Thor raised a brow “Truly? That is your response? I will leave you here, it gets chilly”

Sleipnir neighed softly and inclined to his side and fell on the ground with a loud, exaggerated thud.

Clearly, he was having a temper tantrum

Thor was unimpressed, watching as his bulging middle nearly hid the point where his head was, but he could still see it. He could see Sleipnir look at him, trying to practice being sneaky, but failed spectacularly.

He set his head down again when he saw no response from Thor.

“This is humiliating” Thor said “come on, get up”

Sleipnir swishing his tail at him, hitting his boots.

“I am not arguing with you” Thor said

Sleipnir let out a groan.

“Alright, do as you wish” Thor smirked “the stables will be locked soon, so you will stay out here all night”

He turned on his heel and began to walk towards the tavern.

He smirked to himself when he heard Sleipnir get up and jog after him, then laughed when he felt that shove to his shoulder.

“Aye, there’s a good lad”

He turned and put his arms around Sleipnir’s neck when the horse pulled him against him. Thor closed his eyes and rubbed his back and shoulders, content with holding him.

Until he felt Sleipnir digging into his pockets and taking the oats he had there.

Thor sighed and pulled back, looking at him in the eye

“And here I was, thinking this was sweet”

Sleipnir gave him a proud nicker and then allowed himself to be escorted to the stables as long as Thor gave him all of the oats.

“There you are” Thor guided him into his stall “there, here’s the last of them, you big potato”

Sleipnir was more than happy to finish the treats in Thor’s hand, then nipped at his fingers in their customary fare well

“Good night” Thor smiled at him

Sleipnir nodded his head energetically and watched Thor leave before he settled in to sleep.

It got lonely without Sleipnir and the walk back to his inn seemed far too long. The fog was slowly coming to rest over them and Thor knew soon it would be difficult to see so he hastened his steps. The inn was crowded, but only where they served food and drink. Upstairs, where the rooms were, it was blessedly quiet. So, after taking some bread and dried meats with him, Thor climbed up the stairs to the second floor.

The staircase had a wooden lattice at one side so anyone who was climbing them could see down below in the common areas easily.

It was nice and Thor saw the merriment and enjoyment of those below.

He would have his food and one of the few books he carried around with him.

Or so he’d thought.

Thor went into his given room and opened the door only to stop.

At first he thought that someone had left the fire running for him, but when he saw three people sitting in his room, he knew that was far from the truth.

All three were dressed fashionably and two, a blonde man and a dark haired woman, carried weapons.

Thor stilled and studied their stances, looking at the third visitor a little bit longer than the others.

He was slim, had on an expensive green tunic and a pair of trousers. His cloak was folded neatly on Thor’s bed and the other two were in armor.

“Well” Thor walked in and closed the door “What did I do this time?”

He seemed casual, but his stance was ready to fight in seconds. Thor was not to be underestimated, he set his platter of food aside and faced them, his thick arms crossed over his chest.

“And who are you?”

The man and woman seemed taken aback for a second, but regained their composure enough to address him.

“We haven’t met and we have no quarrel with you” the woman told him “My name is Sif, this is Fandral, the General to our Isle and this young man is Loki.”

They all looked at him for any recognition or association to lighten Thor’s expression but to their dismay it remained dark.

“Why should I care who you are?” Thor asked her

“Because, we have an offer for you” Fandral said “we are not going to hurt you”

Thor hummed, then looked at Loki

“And you?” he asked “do you not have the ability to speak?”

Loki blinked at him “Oh”

All thought had left him when he saw Thor.

It looked truly as though it was Balder walking into the room. Everything from his stance to his eyes, to even his voice, they were the same. The blonde hair, so long and unruly, however, were different, as was the beard.

Balder never grew his hair out and he was cleanly shaved.

Thor was … he looked very much like the mercenary Heimdall told him he was.

“I can speak” Loki said

“Then why don’t you?” Thor asked “do it soon, I wish to rest”

Loki nodded and swallowed thickly, looking at the others.

“I – I am Loki” he said softly

“I heard them” Thor smiled dangerously “What are you doing here?”

Loki fidgeted with his hands for a second, then took a step forward, slowing when Thor eyed him warily.

“I’m – I’m Balder’s widower” he said softly

Thor froze.

His lips parted and he stared at Loki

“What did you just say?”

“I said …” Loki began again “I am Balder’s widower and I …”

“Widower” Thor whispered

Dread and fear coiled in his heart as he looked at him.

“Balder’s dead?” he breathed.

No

No, this couldn’t be true. His brother, his twin, the man he’d grown up with, he couldn’t be dead!

Sif and Fandral looked at one another for a second, lost.

This was unexpected.

“Y-Yes” Loki told him “I’m sorry, you didn’t know?”

“Does it look like I did!?” Thor snapped

Loki stepped back and watched him sink into his chair, a hand on his head.

“What…?” he asked “How? What happened?”

“He was on an expedition” Sif walked over

Fandral went to get Thor some water and she took charge.

“He and his men were ambushed my thieves and I fear they were all killed” she told him “I am truly, deeply sorry, my friend”

Thor was looking at the ground and automatically took the water handed to him.

“Does – Who else knows?” Thor asked her

“Not many people, we kept it quiet” Sif said “Thrym was told to inform your father but no one else”

Thor nodded, his face still pale, his mind still shocked.

Balder was dead.

He was dead.

Thor took a sip of water and nodded to her

“Thank you” he whispered “for telling me this”

She placed a hand on his back and looked to Loki, who looked lost and out of any answer.

“Do you have a place to be?” Sif asked “other than this tavern?”

Thor shook his head “Nay, I roam about I do not stay some place for long”

“Would you like to accompany us?” Fandral asked him “we live in …”

“I know where you dwell” Thor took another sip and set the glass aside “I fear I must decline. Please excuse me, I wish to be alone”

They all shared another look and Thor caught on a little late that they were not here to give him the news they had.

They wanted something.

He narrowed his eyes at them

“What?” he asked

All of them looked uneasy.

Then, Loki took a deep breath and looked at the others.

“Please excuse us” he told them “I wish to converse with Thor alone”

They clearly didn’t think it was a good idea, but to Loki’s relief, they both departed without complaint.

Once the door closed behind them, Loki faced Thor.

“I confess I didn’t come here only to tell you this, I had thought you were aware” he told him

“And how would I have been aware?” Thor asked “no one knows where I am, I still cannot understand how you managed to track me down”

“I have been searching for you for months” Loki told him

Thor looked surprised “Why?”

Loki heaved a loud sigh and came to sit beside him.

“I was married to your brother for seven years” he told him “and those seven years were the best I have spent in my home”

He looked to Thor and Thor saw the sadness in his eyes.

“When he passed” Loki continued “my life turned to hell. Barely a day had gone past after he left that my home was attacked repeatedly. It got worse over the passing months. My neighbor has been systematically stealing my shipments of food and supplies every time I get them. My land makes potions, you see, healing ones, helping those who suffer and he’s been taking whatever I get. If this goes on, my land and people will perish.”

Thor frowned “That is terrible, Lord Loki. I am sorry”

“I have tried to do whatever I can” Loki rubbed his arm “But my options are fading. Without Balder it’s … no one will hesitate to come to my lands and take what they want”

Thor knew that. He knew people who did this.

And he knew that Loki wanted something from him.

“What do you wish from me?” Thor asked

“It is ludicrous” Loki bit his lip “and stupid.”

Thor felt his lips twitch a little.

“I think those two are pretty much my only traits”

Loki turned to him, then looked away, focusing on his hands.

He looked so much like Balder already, how was Loki to handle this?

When he didn’t speak for a moment, Thor cleared his throat

“What is ludicrous and stupid?” he prompted.

Loki took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing his hands, gaining the courage to speak again.

“I need someone to help my people believe that Balder is still alive” he said quietly “and you’re my only hope of doing that”

Time seemed to stand still. Thor could only stare at him in disbelief.

Had he truly heard him correctly? Had Loki said what he thought he did?

He wanted him to impersonate his dead brother?!

“You’re mad” Thor whispered

Loki nodded “I am”

He kept his gaze lowered. He knew it, he knew Thor wouldn’t listen.

“How … How could you think this would be something I would agree to?” Thor asked

He felt anger crawl up his spine but held it back because he was speaking to Balder’s widower

His widower who was here, bargaining with him because Balder was dead.

His brother was dead!

The thought, the realization left a pain in his chest and he turned from Loki.

“I’m desperate” Loki told him “I’ve lowered myself to this because I am the end of my rope, I have no choice”

Thor scoffed

“I don’t” Loki repeated “you truly think this is something I would cherish doing? To go up to a man who I don’t know to tell him to pretend to be his late brother?”

He shook his head and stood, rubbing his arms as he walked to the fireplace.

Thor’s eyes studied him. He saw the slender shape silhouetted by the fire and the defeat in his shoulders.

“I will start losing my people soon” Loki told him “My neighbor in the mainland, Sir Byleistr of Helheimr has made it very clear what he intends to do to me. He will take my men, then he will take me and destroy everything I have”

Thor’s brow furrowed “Sir Byleistr? He’s your neighbor?”

“Aye” Loki sniffed

Thor stilled.

He was crying – Loki was crying.

The sight of him, hiding it from him, wiping his eyes made Thor’s chest hurt again and he sighed. It was not easy for him to be heartless, but what Loki was saying was unthinkable and the risk was so great. He knew nothing of what Balder was like, what he had done there, he didn’t know the people, either.

And he was to pretend to be Loki’s husband, a man who had been such a big portion of Loki’s young life?

 How was he to do something like this?

“Do you know him?” Loki asked, keeping his back to Thor as he brought him from his own thoughts “Sir Byleistr, I mean”

“I know of him” Thor picked up his water again “he’s a bastard. The insult, not the literal meaning”

There was no reply from Loki, who’d gone to looking at the flames.

Thor got to his feet and went to get Loki water, bringing it to him with a little more patience than he’d shown him before.

In the light, Loki looked young. He was a boy, he truly was. And Thor realized that, sooner or later, someone would truly hurt him.

Loki took the water from him with a soft thank you and finished most of it.

“He an opportunist” Thor told Loki “taking whatever he sees and lowering himself to any depth to do so. He’s not a good fighter but fancies himself as one and makes money off other people’s misery. And I think he is doing the same to you”

Loki handed the cup back to him and gave him a soft, embarrassed smile.

He still refused to look at his face

“I am sorry for disturbing you” Loki took a step back from him again “I just thought that…”

“That I would agree” Thor told him “Loki, I am a mercenary, a bounty hunter. I am not a knight”

Loki shrugged “Seems to me the only difference is a title. You’re looked down upon for the same things knights do”

Thor looked surprised by that logic and watched Loki get his coat and head to the door.

“I didn’t mean to come off as callous and unfeeling” Loki put his coat over his arm “and I assure you it hurts me to come here and tell you all this, I feel like a villain. I wouldn’t have if I was not in the situation I am in. Forgive me and farewell, sir”

“It’s freezing out” he said “be careful”

“I have a room here” Loki managed through his despair “I will depart tomorrow. Thank you and I apologize for offending you so”

Thor pressed his lips together as Loki left, not letting the guilt in his chest be his guide.

Nay, he’d done that before, he wouldn’t do it again.

But even as he said that to himself, his chest hurt most of the night and sleep was elusive to him.

***

The next morning was worse.

Loki was not only severely embarrassed, his head hurt from a sleepless night where he alternated between cursing himself and Thor.

How could he be so stupid as to think that Thor would agree? How could Thor be so callous and dismiss him the way he did? He could have asked him, he could have said something else, listened to him, perhaps?

Sif and Fandral felt much the same and sat pushing at their breakfast while Loki quietly sipped his tea. They were not saying a word to one another.

It would be a quiet, depressing journey back to Seidr.

Loki sighed and looked out of the window they sat by, trying to get rid of the tightness in his throat.

He’d failed.

He had failed to get what he wanted, he’d failed to say what he wanted to Thor, he was so useless.

He felt that familiar prickling behind his eyes and lowered his gaze so Fandral and Sif couldn’t see it. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of them.

He missed, completely, the presence that was there beside him.

“May I have a seat?”

Loki turned in surprise to see Thor standing there, looking at their startled faces. He had his own plate and mug in his hand, waiting for permission.

“Aye” Loki said after a moment “join – join me”

He shifted to make space for him and sat with his back straight as Thor put a plate before Loki.

“I noticed you weren’t eating anything and my mother used to tell me that missing breakfast shouldn’t be an option” Thor made himself comfortable.

Loki looked at him for a second, then to the plate.

Balder said that, too.

“Thank you” he whispered

He picked up the fork Thor had brought for him and started to eat.

“I just wish to make clear that I do not refuse because of you” Thor told him “I do because of my own reasons”

Loki nodded carefully “I see”

“That place is …”

“It will perish if you do not help” Fandral looked at him “we would never impose upon anyone, but the fact that we did means that we are desperate. I am a General, Balder was a respected Knight. If enemies like Byleistr find out he’s … he’s passed, they will come for him”

“I am aware” Thor said “but there are others who would gladly wed him to protect his lands”

“I do not wish to wed” Loki told him “I know what knights are like. Balder was one of a kind. There are no men like him.”

Thor stayed quiet for a few seconds and Loki tried once more.

“You will have a home, a place to live in” he tried “you can have the freedom to hunt and be given respect and esteem. I know you wish for it, Balder told me so”

Thor frowned a little “He knew nothing.”

“I know he fought with you when he left” Loki poked at his food “and I know why. You wouldn’t be held down or kept as someone to be used for the profit of others.”

Sif and Fandral slowly slipped from the table and took a place a little ways off.

“Please” Loki whispered to him, finally, finally, raising his eyes to him “I’m at the end of my tether. I have no option now but to wait for Sir Byleistr to finally lose his control and be bold enough to force himself upon me. Then he will wed me and take my lands and everything I have as his own. I have nothing, I have no family, I lost my husband who was the only happiness in my life and – I’m frightened.”

Thor studied him

“I’m frightened, you know what happens to people like me. There are people like me in my land, they will all suffer under his inevitable rule if you do not help” Loki grasped his hand “Please. I will give you anything you want, anything you wish”

Thor looked at their hands, closed his eyes and exhaled.

Loki knew what he was going to say and his heart sunk before Thor even said a word.

“I am sorry” he said “but I cannot”

The sheer hopelessness and despair that broke upon Loki’s features pulled at Thor’s heart.

Loki let his hand go and barely heard the next apology that Thor gave him as he stood and left. He was only aware of the bone deep anxiety and exhaustion that was within him and the rapid beating of his heart in his chest.

He’d failed.

Again.

***

Loki was in the gardens of the manor with Lady Sigyn, the Prioress of Saint Jarnsaxa when word reached him that there was a ship headed towards them.

“A grand ceremony of men is making its way towards the city” Vali called as he ran over “you must hurry!”

Loki had been in the middle of a discussion about extracting oil from petals when he’d come. He turned to Lady Sigyn and bowed to her.

“Forgive me, I must tend to this”

Sigyn only smiled. She was an older woman of slender build, her wimple framed her gentle face and eyes that were always kind.

She saw Loki rush ahead and gave a melancholy sigh.

The boy needed a rest. He was running wild here and would truly go insane if someone didn’t help. She sent a prayer after him.

Vali was hopping beside Loki as Loki ran down the stone paths towards the gatehouse once more. He knew there were people homed and settled outside the manor, outside the city too. If these strangers hurt them then there was little that would be gone.

He climbed up the stairs to the top of the gatehouse tower to look at the stone faced guard at the very top.

“Tis Sir Byleistr” he said “I can recognize his colors everywhere”

“Aye, they are rather atrocious, are they not?” Loki asked, taking his telescope from him

It was, no doubt, Sir Byleist. He had a small armada with him and Loki followed him with his telescope, seeing him trudge through his lands like he owned them.

“What are we to do?” the guard asked

“Tell Fandral” Loki said “and bring Volstagg to me. Byleistr gets intimidated by him”

“Aye, Sir”

The guard left to do what was asked of him and Vali looked to Loki.

“Why does he keep insisting on bothering us?” he asked

“He’s got nothing better to do” Loki lowered the telescope “Go get the bad wine. Water it down a bit”

“Of course”

Vali, too, fled and Loki stood there, alone, shaking his head as he tried not to let his latest embarrassing defeat get to him.

It had been a week and a half since that disastrous meeting with Thor.

Rarely had anything been blundered so completely and so fully.

He was sure that Thor was far away from here now, no longer interested in anything that he had to say or what his future held.

And Loki didn’t blame him.

The man had been devastated after learning about Balder’s fate.

There was nothing else he would have done.

Byleistr was the first in a long line of people who were currently trying to get his land. Loki had to think of something.

Word was bound to spread about Balder’s death.

And when it did, everything he’d worked for, all his family’s lands, would be gone.

Loki took a deep breath, put the telescope in its holder and made his way down to greet the bastard.

Sir Byleistr was once a mediocre knight.

He’d won a few jousts and defeated a man who’d owned the manor he resided in when he was twenty. That day he’d been a man who was content with his gotten home.

Now, twenty four years later and forty years of age, he was fatter, lazier but still good with the sword.

He had money that he got from his constant raids on Loki’s shipments and spent it on food and drink he couldn’t afford.

His small army looked more like hired bandits with the way they were dressed and how they smelled.

When they entered the manor even the hardest of guards had to pull faces at them.

Their stench was strong and Byleistr, who preferred to over use perfumes rather than bathe, gave Loki a beaming grin as he walked into his home without any manners.

“Ah, my dear” he greeted “how fine you look today”

Loki gave him a tight smile that was powered only by the trade they still allowed.

“Sir Byleistr” he said “how fare you today?”

“Very well, thank you”

He walked along with Loki to one of the large drawing rooms and made himself comfortable. Vali walked over with a tray of glasses and Loki almost winced when Byleistr and his men nearly trampled him in their bid to get the drinks.

Vali gave Loki a scandalized look and tactically retreated as they all gulped down their drink. Loki sat politely in his seat and gave them a smile.

“What brings you here?”

“A treaty” Byleist burped “for you lands and mine”

Loki tried not to show how disgusted he was.

“You need protection and I will grant it to you” Byleistr sat across from him “we both know that sooner or later someone will make a grab for these lands. Let me protect you and your people, Loki”

Loki refrained from mentioning that he was the one who was harassing them, he was truly that despairing.

“And what will you desire in return?” he asked

“Upon my word!” Byleistr looked horrified “can a neighbor not help his own?”

Nay, Loki wanted to say. Byleistr was the one who was harming him, had harmed him in the past. Loki didn’t want to go near him at all.

“Of course they can” Loki hoped he didn’t come closer “protecting lands is the job of more than one Lord”

“Aye!” Byleistr said “So how about an accord between us?”

“An accord” Loki repeated

“A written treaty” Byleistr leaned forward and Loki leaned back “my protection for your beautiful home”

“What do you wish for in return?” Loki asked

“How about a fair share of your revenue?” Byleistr replied “seems fair enough. Your unskilled men need a good leader to lead them into battle. Out of the two of us, which one has more experience?”

Loki hated that Byleistr was the answer to that question.

“I see”

“It is a fair deal” Byleistr insisted “how will your land hold in the absence of your husband?”

Loki tried not let that sting him as it always did. Because it not only brought to him the fact that he was entirely left alone, it also told him he’d failed.

If he was taking help from Byleistr, then he had failed so deeply and miserably that nothing he did would ever do would make it alright.

He hated this man with a passion. He’d wronged him and dishonored him. To take his aid was unthinkable, it was a poison for him to devour.

He couldn’t

But he had to, he really did.

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I will draft out a document for us” he said, barely able to get the words out “we can start working together”

Byleistr let out a loud, exaggerated cheer and got to his feet, sloshing his wine about. Loki stood and moved out of his way, watching in disgust as he splashed it about on the floors.

“A celebration!” Byleistr said “in the honor of our agreement!”

He bandits cheered with him, mostly in the promise of a feast.

They were clearly intending on staying for dinner. Loki had to make arrangements, then.

Joy, he thought

More nuisance that he had to handle.

With Heimdall there, it didn’t take long for him to make the arrangements and with his skilled and dedicated staff, there was no chance of him not feeding Byleistr of Helheimr.

It was expensive to feed to many people but he’d always managed to do that even when his shipments were taken from him.

There was always things he could sell if he feared running out of money.

But money had never been the problem. It was his supplies that were taken each time.

By the man he’d just struck an agreement with.

He knew Heimdall and the others would question his sanity but if protection meant making a deal with his antagonist himself, then he would.

He was a servant to his land.

He would never forget that.

But, as the meal went on and the raucous and loud party of ‘guests’ made a huge mess of his hall, Loki retired.

He headed upstairs and into his bedroom, locking the doors to ensure Byliestr did not try anything.

He did not trust him in the slightest.

Loki gave a tired sigh and looked towards his bed.

The gentle breeze from outside made the thin white drapes float like a specter in his rooms.

He hated sleeping in that bed.

He was alone, his family had dwindled to nothing and only he was here, left absolutely alone. He’d had Balder for all that time and he was happy, seeing himself with a family, possibly, but even that had been impossible.

His problems were known by many but his most private pain was reserved just for himself.

He’d told no one of the pain he and Balder suffered alone they closed the doors on the world outside. Here, they were themselves, just two people, husbands, who lived in a realm of their own. Balder would treat him as his own and Loki would do the same.

There was the care, cherish and love that they had vowed to each other. True, it had been different than Loki had thought it would be but what had he known? He was a naïve boy when they’d wed. Balder had been a man of the world and Loki was protected and sheltered by the very isle he lived in.

Loki had marveled at the stories Balder had told him, about the imagery he created while Balder reveled in the innocence and beauty that made Loki who he was. They both completed each other in a strange sort of way. Loki was the strength that Balder admired and Balder was the company Loki had been desperate for.

He was loved by his people but all of them had families and all of them had loved ones they went to at the end of the day. Loki had only pain and loneliness and with Balder it had been reduced. It had been close to fading when this disaster struck and prompted a whole painful line of torment for Loki.

There was no rest for him. There was no company, no family for him, either. He would likely never get it and that was why he loved Seidr so much.

It was the lands his loved ones walked on. He could go chasing after memories if he wanted.

But if they that from him, he would have nothing.

Balder had known of his fears. And he always comforted him here.

They’d never discussed business in these rooms, it was only the two of them with each other.

Now, it was just him.

So many of Balder’s belongings were here. Loki didn’t want to get rid of them, he didn’t want to accept that he was dead.

He knew he was but he didn’t want to accept.

His heart hurt just thinking over it.

Loki placed his cloak aside and went to change into his sleepwear. He came back out after, getting into his side of the bed and curling on his side.

He pulled the covers over his shoulder and exhaled, looking at the window.

That way, he could pretend that he wasn’t alone in bed.

It didn’t take long for the tears to begin running down his face and not long after, he cried himself to sleep as he always did, in an agonizing ritual.

***

Breakfast was an unbearable affair.

Byliestr and his men were too drunk to leave the manor and were groaning and howling in their post drinking state.

Loki had Fandral by his side and saw him give him sympathetic looks whenever Loki massaged his temples.

He knew they would eventually leave but the torment they put Loki through was slow and steady. Every time one of them groaned, Loki wished to deeply clean this entire hall.

He would have to pay the staff more than he would in that case, which he didn’t mind.

Fandral grimaced when one of the men fled outside to throw up what he’d eaten and Byleistr gave Loki a grin

“You look beautiful in the morning light”

Fandral tensed and Loki sighed at him

“Thank you, Sir Byleistr” he droned

“You would have looked so beautiful in my home” Byleistr went on, unaware of the glares he got from Fandral “instead you chose that knight”

“Be careful of what you say about my husband” Loki hissed “I will not tolerate insults towards him”

Byliestr snorted “What? Will a dead man come to avenge his honor?”

Loki turned cold. His face drained of color and Byleistr seemed pleased.

Fandral got to his feet to escort him out and Loki once more left the vicinity, though this time, it was because of the pain in his heart.

He hated Byleistr. He hated him so much!

Loki walked the halls and headed up to one of the library towers. He’d always found peace there.

His hatred for Byleistr would not have to be stamped down because he needed the protection. He cursed him, cursed himself, cursed Thor and Balder, both of them!

Why did he have to die!?

Loki had begged him not to go, he didn’t want him to leave him!

But Balder, who was told that he would be handsomely paid, didn’t listen. He had kissed him and he’d left, leaving Loki crying and screaming in agony when he’d heard that he was gone.

And now he sat upon a secret, hiding the fact that his husband was dead, to keep his lands safe from the likes of Byleistr.

He was making a deal with the worst of the worst and it made him sick.

Loki stopped when he reached a window seat at the tower and sat there silently.

His gaze was on the skies outside and his despair made his eyes prickle once more.

What was he going to do?

How was he going to get out of this?

Loki pulled his legs up and his arms around them before he lowered his head into them and wept.

He was so lost and alone.

Everyone he loved was gone.

He was alone, in this world, in the middle of wolves, without protection of any kind with everything he loved at risk.

His mother had taught him everything he knew and how to keep this land profitable, his father and brother were disinterested. They’d all died, left him here, all by himself, to fend for himself with no help.

And for a while, he was happy, seeing that Balder was with him to shoulder his burdens. Now he was left with more of them and no chance of seeing a happy end to this.

He didn’t know what to do!

That was how Fandral found him, about an hour later, lost in his despair, with nothing and no one to comfort him.

When he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, Loki leaned against him and Fandral let him.

He stroked his arm but said nothing.

What was there to say at this point?

He didn’t know.

Fandral stayed with him, knowing that Volstagg and Sif were getting rid of their unwanted guests – at least until Byleistr decided to return.

They still had that terrible treaty to get on with.

Loki sighed and wiped his eyes, then his flushed face.

“What are we going to do?” he whispered

“I do not know” Fandral replied “but we can find a solution, worry not. You’re in safe hands.”

Loki stayed where he was for a while before he heard shouts and cries of his name

“Master Loki!”

Both of them turned when Vali came barreling through the library, his face once more flushed and shocked.

“Master Loki!” he gasped “Your husband! Lord Balder, he’s returned!”

Loki froze.

He looked at Fandral, who appeared just as stunned.

It wasn’t possible.

Loki jumped off the window seat and fled down the stairs, his heart pounding in his chest.

For a moment, Loki hoped so deeply that everything he’d heard was wrong and that Balder had been alive all this time. He hoped so frantically that Sif was incorrect and that when he would see him, it would be his husband, his protector, who would take him in his arms and make things alright again.

He hoped that this had been just a terrible bump in their happy journey through life, nothing else.

He would gladly accept all of this and cheer over the  anxiety he’d felt. It would be worth it.

There was chaos everywhere as he ran through the halls, seeing the shock and amazement on everyone’s faces as he ran through the manor as fast as he could. Their voices melded together, no one made sense but he knew what they were saying, all of them felt his relief and joy, all of them felt his hope.

He burst through the gatehouse and saw a huge crowd of people gathered outside, some laughing, some crying.

And in the middle of all of them, with the sunlight gleaming in his hair and his blue eyes so familiar, Thor stood taking their smiles with nods and a grin upon his face.

Loki stopped short, staring at him and Fandral ran past to get the people out of the way.

It was Thor.

Thor had come here, he’d come to his lands!

Loki stared at him, rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend what was happening.

Thor was here!

He saw as his people kissed Thor’s hands or touched his shoulders and back in reverence.

He’d returned!

He had returned for them!

For Loki, a chance had been given to him that he hadn’t thought he would see. His chest was filled with gratitude, his mind shocked by his presence.

He was here. He’d come to their rescue.

Fandral and Sif managed to free Thor from the throng of people that surrounded him and let him step to Loki.

He looked different and it occurred to Loki a moment later that he was wearing armor. He had his weapons with him and his cape billowed in the wind as he strode purposefully to Loki, who couldn’t breathe, much less think.

He stopped before him, then gave him a smile as he pulled Loki into his arms and kissed him in front of everyone who watched.

An explosion of cheers went through the people behind them but Loki heard none of it.

He was only aware of Thor’s warm lips on his own, his thick arms around him and the shiver of warmth that went through him when he felt that kiss.

It was searing, the feel of his hands on his body and the taste of his lips against his own made every sound and feeling vanish right there.

It intoxicated him instantly.

He stared through half closed eyes when Thor pulled back and then embraced him.

And Loki, so starved for a loving touch, melted into it, his own hands holding Thor as close as he possibly could.

Thor’s hand rested on the back of his head, feeling protective over him when he held him the way he did.

“Thank you” Loki whispered

Thor stroked his hair “Don’t thank me just yet. We have a bargain, do we not?”

Loki nodded “Aye. Anything you wish for”

Thor smiled and rubbed his back as the cheering and celebrations continued behind him.

Thor had learned to make himself a home in nature and under the stars.

Now he would have this world at his fingers and an honor he’d never had before.