Tell me that it’s all okay
The sun rises slowly, casting light onto his open eyes.
He didn’t sleep.
All night, he watched the stars, until they couldn’t be seen, and then he watched the tree in his front yard, the leaves blowing in the October wind.
But he didn’t close his eyes, too afraid thoughts of last night, all of yesterday, would be painted behind his lids.
By the time the sun was truly above the neighborhood his eyes did close, and he did sleep.
He didn’t dream, luckily.
He spent the day asleep in his room, too tired to get up, too sad to face anyone, and too scared to think.
He could think tomorrow, tomorrow was Monday and he’d have to face people. Have to make sure he didn’t lose it in front of his family.
And he had to be prepared to see Steve.
He slept today.
.........
Monday.
When the sun started to rise Bucky was still asleep, when his alarm went off, he woke up.
Surprisingly he didn’t feel like total crap.
At least a whole day of doing nothing actually gave him some energy, some motivation. He wouldn’t say he’s ready to face Steve, but he’s able.
When he got downstairs his dad had already left for work, and his mom went to drop his little sisters off at school. Usually Steve would pick him up so she didn’t bother asking if he needed a ride, he would’ve declined anyway.
He still had this fear that she would smell him, even through his scent blockers, because she was his mom and knew his scent better than anyone.
Luckily she has three other kids to occupy her time and take the attention away from him.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
He turned to the door, setting his bowl of cereal down to get the door. He had a suspicion to who it may be.
Opening the wooden frame, he was met by a ruff smile.
“Hey there, Buckaroo.”
Not who he’d thought-
“Clint, what are you doing here?” He asked, pulling on the hem of his hoodie (Steve’s hoodie).
“I figured I’d give you a ride. If you want, of course.” His smile wasn’t insincere, it was just...
What the fuck did Clint even want?
“Why?”
“Well, me and Nat were hanging out with Sam and Tony last night and Sam happened to mention that Steve said you and him had a... Argument?” Clint asked.
“I wouldn’t really call it an argument, it’s not like we had a fight it was just...” He fell short of what to say.
“Yeah, that’s kind of how Sam said Steve explained it. So did you tell him?”
“What? No, and- why do you even care so much?” It was honestly starting to make Bucky mad at Clint’s intrusion into his private life.
“Because you’re my friend and three days ago you told me that no one knew your secret so I figured, you know, if you wanted to talk to someone I’m here.” The Beta raised his hands, a sign of showing his openness.
“But, on Friday you said I had to tell Steve. You made it seem like if I didn’t... you would.” He said, hesitant. He was still unsure what exactly Clint wanted out of all of this.
“I know, it sounded bad. I promise I won’t, by the way. That’s not my business to share, and don’t worry I haven’t told anyone else and I’m not gonna.”
Still doesn’t explain why Clint’s even really here.
“What about Natasha?” Bucky asked.
“Even me and Nat know how to keep secrets from each other. I promise I’m not gonna blab, but do you mind if we continue this conversation on our way to school? I’ve gotta get a book from Nat before class.”
Bucky sighed, it was better then walking.
He turned to get his bag and slip on his shoes, grabbing a granola bar before following Clint to his car.
Once they’d pulled out Bucky turned to the Beta. “So what do you even want Clint? Why were you so insistent that I tell Steve?”
The blond sighed, eyes on the road.
“So, last week Sam and Steve came over to mine and Nat’s house. We just hung out you know, played video games ate the brownies Nat made. Normal night-“
“Where’s this going, Clint?” Bucky asked, knowing the Beta’s tendency to get off track when the mention of food comes up.
“Right, so it was just a normal night. But...” He sighed. “Steve told me and Sam that you had been kind of distant with him, and that he was worried he upset you. He told us about that party that you two slept together at-“
“So you didn’t just figure out that Steve was the- the father?” Bucky interjected.
“Well, no.” Clint said, a little whine to his voice. “I mean, I already had the suspicions that I told you about but he just... confirmed that.”
“So...?” Bucky asked.
“Well he was just so fucking sad. And, I thought that maybe if I could get you to just, I don’t know, tell him that he’d stop thinking he took advantage of you-“
“What?!” Bucky yelled, making Clint jump.
“Jesus, I’m driving don’t scare me like that-“
“He thinks he took advantage of me?!” Bucky didn’t even bother to lower his voice.
“Please stop yelling!” Clint yelled back, trying to maintain concentration on the road. “That’s what he told us. And dude, if you’re not gonna tell him you’re pregnant at least reassure him of that. I mean, he didn’t right?” The Beta asked hesitantly.
“What? No of course not. I may have been drunk but it was definitely consensual.” Bucky looked down, horrified that Steve had been walking around thinking he’d taken advantage of- that he’d rap-
No, of course he didn’t. Steve would never do that to someone, besides, Bucky was pretty sure he was the one to initiate the events of that night.
“So... why exactly did you freak out on Steve the other day?” Clint asked.
Bucky didn’t answer until they were in the parking lot and Clint turned off the car.
“I felt the baby kick.” He whispered.
Instinctively his hand went to his belly, smoothing over the curve. It was still hard to tell he was pregnant when he wore Steve’s hoodie (thank god), but he could clearly feel the bump of his baby.
“Was that the first time you’d, felt that?” Clint asked, watching him.
Bucky just nodded.
“Oh...” Clint mumbled.
“I’ll talk to Steve today,” Bucky said. “Not about, this.” He gestured to his belly. “But I’ll reassure him, I don’t want him feeling guilty over something he didn’t even do.”
With that he got out of the car.
..............
12:38
Bucky: can you meet be during lunch in the parking lot
12:38
Bucky: I wanna talk
12:39
Steve: Yeah, I’ll be there
12:40
Steve: at my truck?
12:41
Bucky: Yeah
Okay, this is good. Well, maybe not good but, better then letting Steve think he did something wrong.
Bucky knows he’s being unfair on the Alpha, it’s not like Steve even knows the real reason he’s upset. And Bucky’s hiding something that Steve really outta know, he wants to tell him. Or, he wants him to already know, the telling him part is what’s freezing the Omega up. It’s not even that he’s that worried of Steve’s reaction (sure he has this small fear that the Alpha will hate him, leave him to raise a baby alone, but it’s Steve so he’s pretty sure that won’t be the case... but still.), he just can’t understand how he’s supposed to get the words out, how he’s supposed to tell the father of his baby that ‘Hey, by the way there’s a fucking baby!’
And they’re families.
Considering how his mom reacted to his sister at the tender age of twelve making a semi crude carving out of pumpkins he’s pretty sure her reaction to being a grandma when her youngest child is only five isn’t gonna go over so well.
And his dad, he’s gonna be so disappointed. He’s so protective of his kids, he even sees Steve as his own son, and when he finds out that the Alpha he trusted the most with his Omega child got said Omega pregnant? Well shit, who knows how he’s gonna react.
And Sarah, she already works so hard as a single mom. She does so much so that Steve can have a good life, and to have the added stress of another child to worry about? Fuck.
But Steve. Bucky’s most worried about him.
He didn’t really know his dad, Joseph died when he was only four. And only a year later did he and Bucky become friends, best friends. Bucky’s dad fills that role for Steve, he’s treated the Alpha as his own, loved him like a son and given him the advice Sarah didn’t know how to give. And now he may lose that bond, all because Bucky went and got himself pregnant.
How was he supposed to tell everyone when it would change all of their lives so much, affect every bond involved.
What if he destroyed vital relationships with this news?
He knows, knows he has to tell them eventually. But how the fuck is he gonna?
.............
“Hey, how are you?” Steve asked when Bucky walked up to the truck.
“I’m okay, do you mind if we sit?” He asked, gesturing towards the truck.
Steve nodded, opening the door for Bucky and walking around to the drivers side. They both shut their doors, hoping to block out any listening ears.
“Steve, I’m really sorry about how I acted the other day. That was so uncalled for and I-“ Steve cut him off with a strained voice.
“Are you okay?”
Bucky nodded.
“Why are you lying to me?” Steve asked, the hurt in his voice so loud Bucky wanted to cry again.
“Steve...” He trailed off.
“What, Buck? Just tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help.”
“I know, and maybe you can. I just, I don’t know how...” he whispered that last bit, throat constricted in a way that almost soon guaranteed tears.
“Just tell me anything Buck, I can help you figure it out, you just gotta tell me something.” At this point Steve was holding his hand, and Bucky was so thankful for the comfort it brought.
“Clint drove me to school today,” he started.
“I know, he texted me and told me not to pick you up. Is, is Clint part of the proble-“
“No!” Bucky was quick to shut down. “No he just wanted to talk to me, about you.”
“What- What about me?” Steve asked, his face growing nervous.
Bucky smiled at him, squeezing his hand.
“You know what happened that night, it isn’t your fault right? You didn’t-“ he sighed. “I wanted to, Steve. That’s why I kissed you, and everything that happened after that I wanted too.”
Steve sucked in a breath.
“Okay... that’s, uh that’s good. But why-“ he closed his eyes tight. “Why have you been avoiding me? And clearly something’s bugging you really bad I mean, the way you just started fucking crying the other day. Buck, whatever it is must be bad so will you please just-“ he cut himself off, just breathing.
“I know it’s not my business but I just wanna help you.” He finished.
Bucky looked at his face, wearing a broken heart in that expression.
A few tears slipped from the Omega’s stormy eyes. He’s been telling himself that the right moment will present itself, and so far it hasn’t. But now, well, now it’s never felt more right.
“It is your business, and I don’t know if you can help. I guess that’s up to you, really.”
Fuck was he actually going through with this?
Steve was clearly surprised by his answer, baby blues watering, but his stare never left Bucky’s.
“Okay.” Was all he said, waiting for more.
“You know if I tell you this you’re probably gonna end up missing the rest of your classes-“
“I don’t care.” Steve said, face full of concern.
Okay, guess he’s got no more excuses.
“I’ve been keeping a really big secret from you, from everyone but most importantly you.” He turned to face Steve more, holding both of his hands. “I-“
Fuck, he’s fucking crying. Okay, get it together you can speak through your fucking tears.
The rock in his throat protested.
“I’m,” he coughed, fuck he could do this. “I’m pregnant.”
There.
Fuck.
Steve’s eyes didn’t leave his, not once. But somehow Bucky felt like they weren’t seeing him anymore, the Alpha just stared. The worry was no longer there, the concern gone. And nothing but that vacant, plain face was left behind.
It’s like all of the emotions inside Steve decided to leave his body.
Except for the small tear drop leaking from his eye.
Then the damn broke, and the Alpha was crying. Really crying, hard to breathe, panic inducing sobs left his body.
“Oh my god...” he gasped.
His hands pulled from Bucky’s and the Omega instantly missed them.
Bucky felt silent tears leave his own eyes, but other then that he didn’t move. Steve needed to let this out, he’d only just had this huge bomb dropped on him, one Bucky new for four months and was able to get his own debilitating panic out long ago.
And then the Alpha was pulling him into an embrace, holding him tight.
Bucky let his hands hover over Steve’s shoulders for a second, unsure what to do, until he hugged back, arms wrapped around the blonds neck.
Steve cried into his neck, arms tight around his waist.
“I can’t believe you’ve been having to deal with this all alone.” Steve cried.
And what?
Is he not...
“You’re not mad?” Bucky asked, his voice weaker than he thought it would be.
“What?” Steve pulled back just enough to face him. “You thought I’d be mad?”
“Well, I’ve been hiding this for quite a few months, I just figured-“
“Oh Buck.” Steve said, “No wonder you’ve kept this to yourself, you must have been terrified.”
How could he ever think Steve would be anything but the perfect fucking human he is.
“I love you so much.” Bucky whispered, leaning back into the hug.
“I love you too, Buck. More than anything.”
Bucky had never felt safer then he did inhaling Steve’s scent, nose to the Alpha’s neck, tears staining the blonds skin.
“Do you think we could go back to your house? I don’t really wanna be crying at school anymore.” Bucky asked, pulling away from the other.
Steve nodded, reaching into his pocket for the keys.
As they pulled out into the road Bucky started to laugh, albeit a mixture of crying and laughing, it still made Steve turn to look at him.
“I can’t believe I’ve been so scared to tell you this, and now that you know I’ve never felt more relieved.”
Steve’s hand reached over to grasp his, squeezing.
.............
Sarah was at work, so they made there way up to Steve’s room through an empty house.
Bucky walked over to the bed, kicked his shoes off and climbed on top. Steve just watched him, unsure what to do lest he make the Omega uncomfortable.
Bucky reached out his hand. “Lay down with me?”
Steve nodded, his eyes red from crying.
He leaned down to untie his shoes, and when he stood he removed his jacket.
When Steve got to the bed Bucky sat up, settling his hands at the hem of the hoodie.
“You know,” Bucky started, looking up through his lashes. “I’ve been so glad you didn’t ask for this sweatshirt back, it’s the only top I have that hides my bump.”
Steve smiled, tracing his finger along Bucky’s leg. “Can I see?” He asked, so hopeful.
The Omega nodded.
Pulling the hem up he took the hoodie off, throwing it to the bottom of the bed. The only time he sat around in a normal t-shirt was in his room with the door locked, it felt so strange for someone else to see the evidence of his baby.
But this was Steve, and it was their baby.
The Alpha instinctively reached his hand out, palm pressing flat to the warmth, Steve’s fingers felt cold against his skin but it didn’t bother him too much.
“The reason that I freaked out so much the other day is because I felt them kicking, that was the first time I felt it.” He whispered, resting his hand over the Alpha’s.
Steve’s eyes snapped up, shock and awe written all over his expression.
“When you stopped laughing?” The Alpha asked. Bucky nodded, smiling.
Steve pulled Bucky down, so they both lay on their sides facing each other.
“Bucky I love you so much, I- can I kiss you?” He asked, so much worry and doubt in his voice.
Like Bucky would say no.
Leaning forward the Omega brought their lips together, his hand coming up to the Alpha’s cheek while Steve’s hand slid from his belly to his waist.
As they moved closer Bucky felt a shift, and oh!
“Steve!” He pulled back, “They’re kicking again!”
Steve’s mouth opened, words wanting to come out but in what order he didn’t know.
Bucky rolled onto his other side, grabbing Steve’s hand and pulling it around him so they were spooning, he rested the Alpha’s palm on his bump to the side of his belly button.
“Do you feel anything?” He asked.
Steve concentrated, but huffed. “No, I can only feel you breathing.”
“Oh, it’s probably too early for you to feel then.”
“That’s okay, I’ll feel soon.” The Alpha whispered, resting his face in Bucky’s neck and inhaling. “You’ve got blockers on, can I wash them off?”
Bucky nodded, he didn’t mind if Steve could smell him, and besides he’s got more in his bag he can put on before he leaves.
Steve hopped off the bed, getting a soft wash cloth wet with warm water and bringing it back to his room.
The Alpha was gentle when he wiped Bucky’s neck down, tossing the cloth to the floor when the scent of pregnant Omega hit his nose.
Not just pregnant Omega, that’s too generic.
Pregnant Bucky.
The Omega’s scent was so much more enhanced, so pure smelling, and fuck it was making the Alpha feel drunk.
He laid back down, hands on his unborn child and nose in the mothers neck.
The panic would soon return, probably after Bucky went home tonight, but right now his Alpha side was at its most content. And he wanted to ride that high as long as he could, wanted Bucky to be happy and relaxed.
The Omega fell asleep in the warmth of Steve, their scents mingling on the Alpha’s blankets, settling into the sheets.
Tomorrow was gonna be so fucking scary when they had to face the reality of their situation.
But that’s tomorrow’s worries.