I Still Wanna Be Your Favorite Boy

“Hey, Buck.” Came from behind him.

Oh shit, Bucky jumped.

He felt the large hand press against his lower back, making him jolt and turn around.

“Steve... Hey.” Leaning against the locker Bucky smiled, pulling away from the tall Alpha.

He could see the blonds face drop a little, but fuck Bucky couldn’t be close to him right now.

“You okay?” The Alpha asked, head tilting to the side.

Bucky nodded, smiling again.

“Okay...” Steve looked unsure, but continued. “So you wanna hang out tonight? My moms working late so we’ll have the house to ourselves.”

Bucky blushes, he knew his best friend didn’t mean it like that, probably meant they could stay up late playing video games without Sarah telling them to go to bed... but it still made Bucky’s mind go elsewhere.

“I don’t know, Steve.” He shook his head, trying to cover his face with his sleeve covered hand.

It didn’t help his blush when he remembered that he was wearing Steve’s borrowed sweatshirt, the black one that he let the Omega wear at a party when he got cold outside. Since then the Alpha hasn’t asked for it back, and Bucky just enjoys wearing it. Considering the Alpha’s smell hasn’t faded much... he’s not really in a rush to return it.

“Oh come on, we can get food after school and then go to my house, watch movies or something.” The Alpha shrugged, smiling down at the Omega.

Sometimes Bucky wished he was taller, that way when Steve was standing in front of him he didn’t feel like he was being towered over by a fucking tree.

But damn it he was smiling at him with that goofy little grin, a weird side smile that should look stupid but infuriatingly doesn’t.

Bucky sighed, nodding. “Okay.”

That made Steve grin.

“‘Kay, meet me at my truck after school. See you later.”

“Bye...” Bucky waved, leaning against the locker as he watched the Alpha head down the hall.

“Fuck.” Bucky whispered.

So, here’s the deal with Steve and Bucky. They’ve been best friends since they were five, grown up doing everything together. Even when they presented Alpha and Omega their parents still let them have sleep overs with each other, no one was ever worried about those two together.

Guess that was a bit naive of them.

Five months ago, at a party, Bucky got cold outside.

Five months ago, at a party, Steve gave Bucky his sweatshirt.

Five months ago, at a party... Steve and Bucky had drunk sex.

And five months later they still hadn’t talked about it.

Bucky’s starting to think Steve genuinely doesn’t remember. If it wasn’t for the fact that the two of them woke up in the same bed together, sober at nine in the morning after that party, Bucky would actually believe that the blond forgot.

But there was no doubt denying the blush Steve wore that morning, or the nervous smile as he turned towards the wall so Bucky could dress.

Since that party Steve’s been nothing but sweet to Bucky. And every time Bucky shys away from the blond he can see the hurt in Steve’s eyes, and that awful feeling of guilt clenches in his stomach.

But Bucky can’t let Steve get close like that, he just can’t.

He’s so glad Steve hasn’t asked for his sweatshirt back, it’s big, way bigger than Bucky is. It masks his whole body, and for that he appreciates it.

Five months ago, at a party, Steve and Bucky had sex.

Five months later, Bucky was pregnant with his baby.

........

Leaning against the old blue truck Bucky sighed, he’d been waiting here for ten minutes now.

Steve was probably caught up talking to someone, the price of being loved by everybody, and would hopefully be out soon.

“Hey, Buckaroo!” Sounded from his right.

Turning, the Omega caught sight with blue eyes.

“Clint.” He smiled back.

The beta sidled up to him, leaning against the passenger door and letting their shoulders touch.

“So... hanging out with Steve, huh?”

Bucky nodded, looking at his shoes.

“Yeah, I’m staying the night at his house.”

Clint hummed, nudging Bucky after a moment.

“He sure has been pretty clingy of your time lately, Hmm?”

Bucky blushed, shrugging.

“I guess, I mean we’ve always hung out, nothing new.”

Clint laughed, “Sure, sure. So you haven’t told him?”

The Omega felt his chest tighten, turning his head to look at the blond. Clint just stared back, a knowing look in those blue eyes.

Raising a questioning brow, Clint scooted a little closer.

“Tell him what?” Bucky whispered, meaning for his voice to come out stronger but failing.

“Come on, Buck. Don’t play dumb, I know.”

Getting even more nervous Bucky started to fidget.

How could Clint know, nobody knew. Bucky hasn’t told anyone, not even his parents. He was pretty sure he’d done a good job at hiding it, covering his bump, wearing scent blockers.

If Clint knew, did that mean other people knew?

“How?” Was all Bucky could ask, voice even quieter this time.

“Remember when I convinced you to skip class with me to smoke? You said sure but ended up puking in a garbage can and not smoking with me.” Clint said, leaning in closer.

Bucky would feel uncomfortable about their close proximity if it weren’t for the fact that it meant their conversation stayed quite, private.

“That was, like, a month ago.” Bucky said, feeling shocked.

“Yeah, when you were barfing in the trash your sweat shirt rode up and, uhh... exposed your uhm...” he trailed off, coughing into his fist and looking around.

Bucky was glad he didn’t say it, didn’t want anyone eavesdropping.

“But, why would you only say something now?”

Clint nodded, understanding Bucky’s confusion and turning his whole body to face the Omega.

“Right, so here’s the thing. I’ve been trying to find out who the, uh, the guy is. First I thought Steve, but immediately scratched him off the list. You guys are best friends I never thought you’d cross that boundary, you know? But then I saw how he’s been behaving around you-“

Bucky cut him off. “What do you mean? How has he been...?”

“Come on, Buck. You can’t be that oblivious, he’s been following you around like a lost puppy-“

“So?” Bucky questioned.

“He brings you lunch, is constantly at your beck and call, literally ditches his friends when he sees you in the hall.” Clint went on.

“Well, he’s...” Bucky trailed off.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Clint said, giving Bucky a look. “you know he’s acting different, and you know why. You’ve gotta tell him man.”

Bucky sucked in a breath, this was not a conversation he was expecting, let alone to have it with Clint of all people.

“I’m gonna tell him.”

“When?” Clint asked, brow arched.

Bucky felt the knot in his throat jump higher, Clint’s persistent questioning leaving him nervous and tired.

“I don’t... soon.” He whispered, eyes straight ahead, staring at Clint’s chest.

“Tonight.” Clint said, making Bucky’s eyes snap up.

“No, I- Not tonight.” He shook his head.

“Listen, Steve’s a nice guy, he deserves to know. And I’m sure you’d feel better in all of this, not so alone.” Clint whispered back, voice stronger than Bucky’s.

“Why are you even getting involved in this?” Bucky questioned.

“Maybe I don’t wanna see my friends hurt-“

“Maybe you should mind your own fucking business!” Bucky yelled, at this point right in Clint’s face, standing on his toes for extra height.

“Bucky?”

The Omega whipped around to find Steve staring at him a few feet away.

He blushed, pulling away from Clint.

Clint sighed, stepping back as well.

“Is there a problem?” Steve questioned, walking over to stand beside Bucky, though his words were directed at the Beta.

“Nope, Just having a conversation.” Clint said before turning to Bucky who stared at the ground. “Take my advise, Buckaroo. Tonight.”

And then Clint was gone, leaving Bucky alone with the Alpha.

“Did Clint try something?” Steve asked, lifting Bucky’s chin and holding onto the Omega’s shoulder.

Bucky shook his head, blinking and giving Steve a smile. “No, he just tried talking to me about some personal things I didn’t... really feel like talking about yet.”

“What did he mean by tonight, what’s happening tonight?” Steve asked, eyes sad.

Bucky could tell he was worried, about him. And he couldn’t help but feel terrible for making Steve sad, hating being the one to put that expression on his face.

“Just you and me binging some horror movies!” Bucky grinned, nudging Steve.

The Alpha still looked concerned, but opened the passenger door for Bucky none the less.

When Steve got in the truck he let out a sigh, starting his vehicle and just sitting there for a moment.

Bucky watched him, the Alpha’s eyes locked on the steering wheel. Reaching over, Bucky smoothed his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He spoke, voice soft and quiet.

“Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong? I can help with whatever it-“

“I will.” Bucky cut him off. “Soon, I promise. Just... not right now Okay?”

Steve turned to look at him, eyes still drooping.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah, I’m alright.”

Steve gave in, nodding, then pulling out of the parking lot.

• “Steve’s a nice guy, he deserves to know.”

Yeah, just not tonight.

........

They sat on the couch, taking advantage of the living room tv.

After the first two horror movies they’ve moved onto the Great British Baking Show, it’s bread week and Bucky’s now craving something more than the burger he had for dinner.

Not only is he still wearing Steve’s hoodie, but the Alpha pulled out some black sweats for him as well. He’s so comfortable being enveloped in the scent of Steve, sunken into the couch cushions so, so close to being cuddled by the blond.

Steve’s right arm is thrown out over the back of the couch, right behind Bucky’s head, his body so close to the Omega their thighs are pressed together.

As the judges critiqued about raw dough on the tv Bucky felt his eyes become heavy, his body leaning ever so slightly to the left, shoulder coming into contact with a strong chest. He couldn’t bring himself to worry, not with the weight of his exhaustion hanging over his every limb. The arm atop the couch slid down, over his back to wrap around his side.

Soft stokes of fingers, gentle and tickling.

He fell asleep.

........

“Hey, buck?”

Hmm...

“Bucky?”

“Mmm...” he groaned.

“Buck wake up.”

“No.”

He heard the man chuckle, “Come on, don’t you wanna go get food?”

Oh...

He waited to see what his stomach had to say about that.

...

The resounding growl told him that yes, he would very much like food.

He cracked his eyes open, coming face to face with a way to awake Steve, chipper and smiling.

The Alpha was on his knees on the floor, looming over the couch.

“What will we eat?” He asked, only just noticing Steve’s hand in his hair, playing with the dark locks and soothing his Omega side.

“Anything you want.”

Wow Bucky could get lost in that smile, it was endearing and so heartbreakingly genuine that Bucky wanted to just fucking cry.

He rubbed his eyes, cleaning out the sleep but also wiping away the moister gathered there. He couldn’t believe his hormones were making him emotional this soon after waking, at least let him get his groundings first.

“Uhm, can we get waffles?” He asked, starting to sit only for Steve to put a hand behind his back and help him rise.

When Bucky was on his feet he swayed, face falling into the Alpha’s chest. With how tired his brain was he just let the embrace happen, not even thinking about the compromising position until his belly pressed against Steve’s.

He pulled back, looking up at the other.

“You okay?” Steve asked, concern in his every feature.

By his lack of shock Bucky had to assume he didn’t notice the extra weight of his middle, hopefully he was fast enough that Steve didn’t even register the touch.

“Uhh Yeah, yeah sorry. Just uhm, static shock is all.”

“Oh, sorry.” Steve sighed, relieved.

Bucky just shook his head, smiling at the blond.  “So, breakfast?”

Steve nodded, “Yeah, let’s go.”

Fucking close.

........

After taking down four waffles in the time it took Steve to finish two the Alpha was giving him weird looks.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat that much, you usually eat like a bird.” He laughed.

Bucky couldn’t help it, he had to take advantage of the mornings when he didn’t wake up feeling like death. Usually if he woke up nauseous it meant he’d feel that way all day, but if the day started fine it meant he was hungry all the fucking time.

The Omega chuckled nervously, eating the toast he had off to the side.

“Well, I’m just hungry today.”

Steve smiled, taking one of his two remaining waffles and serving it onto Bucky’s plate.

“Oh, you don’t have-“

“It’s fine Buck, I want too, as long as you’re happy.”

And god why did he have to say things like that, is he trying to kill Bucky?

“Thank you, Steve.” He smiled, taking a bite of the shared waffle.

The Omega had to admit the pleased Alpha scents coming off the blond were indescribably relaxing. Sometimes he wished he could bottle Steve’s calming pheromones and use it as perfume.

“So Buck, I was thinking we could get some pumpkins to carve today, Halloween’s only two weeks away and I know you’re mom banned them from your home last year.”

Ahh, yeah.

His oldest little sister Becca may or may not have made a crude carving involving three well placed pumpkins and a lot of paint, by the time his parents caught onto what the carving was they’d already been yelled at by several angry parents.

Let’s just say Becca doesn’t know when to learn her lesson and it was just easier to ban pumpkins all together.

“Sure, we’ll have to keep it at your house though, pretty sure my dads heart can’t handle the flashbacks of last year.”

Steve laughed, reaching his hand over the table.

Before Bucky could react the Alpha’s hand was covering his left one, and just stayed there.

“So what should we carve this year, any thoughts?” Steve asked, and oh what a smooth motherfucker he was.

Bucky couldn’t believe the blond could just reach over and casually start holding hands with his best friend, like this was fucking normal and not making all of Bucky’s dreams come true, or risking his poor fragile little Omega heart from bursting out of his chest to beat in Steve’s face his undying love for the Alpha.

“Ughn...” Yeah because that’s not an embarrassing noise to make, Jesus fuck pull yourself together.

Clearing his throat, “How about an evil fox?”

“Aww, why does it have to be evil?” Steve asked, stupid fucking pouty eyes on full display.

“Because it’s Halloween Steve, and besides, foxes are scary.”

Steve’s fingers started to curl around his hand,

“No they’re not, they’re so cute!”

Twisting Bucky’s palm upwards...

“Have you ever heard a fox? They screech Steve, screech.”

And now, they were truly holding hands, fingers interlocked.

“Okay, we’ll do an evil fox. But only if we can also do a good fox.” The Alpha raised his brow, a playful challenge to argue his demands.

Bucky laughed, squeezing the Alpha’s hand.

“Deal.”

The happy Alpha scent was worth the negotiation.

And the sweating palm in his was worth the never ending guilt he’ll inevitably feel later.

..........

“I found one I like, Buck. What about you?”

The blond came walking over, pumpkin held to his chest.

Bucky was turning one over with his foot, examining the ridges, it had a crinkly curvy stem that would add to his evil fox look.

“Yeah, this one looks good.”

The two just stayed standing there, staring down at the pumpkin.

“So... you gonna pick it up?” Steve asked, after about thirty seconds which is way to long to let that moment linger.

“Uhh, Yeah, I should do that.”

He continued observing the pumpkin.

Maybe if he takes enough time Steve will just grab it for him, because he’s about 80% sure if he bends down he’s gonna a) get stuck b) fall over or c) pee his pants.

Fuck his bladders full, and of course there’s no bathrooms here because it’s a fucking farm.

And he’s still staring at this goddamn pumpkin.

At this point Steve leaned over to look Bucky in the eyes, a confused scrunch to his brow.

“Do you want me to grab it for ya?” The blond asked at what Bucky was sure was the two minute mark of staring at this stupid little orange ball.

Nodding his head a few times he didn’t meet Steve’s eyes. “Yeah, would you mind?”

“Uh, no Buck I don’t mind.” Bucky’s pretty sure that translates to ‘What the fuck is even happening you weirdo?’.

Steve stood up, Bucky’s pumpkin in hand. Clearly the Alpha was unsure whether to hand Bucky the large fruit or hold onto it himself.

Bucky just reached out his hands, smoothing them over the pumpkin and grabbing a hold of it, pulling gently.

Steve dropped his hand, and Bucky was sure if he bothered to look up he’d see that confused and lost look on the Alpha, the way his brows scrunched into one and his lips pulled back into a straight line.

“Anyway...” Bucky said, turning back towards the dirt road, hoping Steve would just follow without questioning why he’s acting so fucking weird.

“Okay...” He heard Steve draw out the word, the sounds of his sneakers against dirt following soon after.

They just had to pay for the pumpkins and then they could leave, and hopefully never speak of this again.

“Hey buck?”

Shit.

Turning around he saw Steve holding a small pumpkin in his hand, so small it fit in his palm.

“How about we get this one too? You could sneak it into your room and put it on your window seal.”

Oh, well that’s... sweet.

Really sweet, god Steve’s the best.

Smiling he said, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

What did he ever do to deserve his best friend, honestly the fact that he can act like a he did today and have the blond not even question him, that’s just-

Oh and there’s that creeping guilt again.

The feeling of Steve’s hand on his lower back as they walked back to the truck after purchasing their pumpkins, the scent of content Alpha, just being with Steve, it’s all so nice.

He can’t help but feel like he’s gonna ruin that soon, that he’s gonna change everything good about their relationship when he drops this life changing bomb on he Alpha. On their family’s. They’re friends.

Everything’s gonna change.

He’s not ready.

...........

After buying pumpkins they stopped by the store to pick up a cheap carving kit, not getting any stencils because who needs guidelines when you have an artist like Steve for a carving partner.

They also bought a mixed bag of Halloween candy and some hot chocolate packets.

Now on Steve’s back porch, the sky had dimmed but only slightly, and the bite in the air was eating at their finger tips but Bucky could care less when Steve grabbed the Omega’s hands in his own, rubbing them between his for warmth.

They’re hot chocolate sat in reusable cups on the old splintery wooden table on Steve’s porch, lids on to avoid pumpkin guts.

“I still don’t get why you don’t use the spoon, you’re gonna have mush under your nails Buck.” Steve complained, watching Bucky dig the seeds and goop out of his pumpkin with his bare hands.

They had this argument every year.

“I always hurt myself with the stupid spoon, besides, hands are way more efficient than that cheap plastic spork.”

Steve scoffed, holding his spoon with pointy daggers out towards Bucky, “How dare you insult this sufficient weapon, she’s never steered me wrong.”

Bucky laughed. “Steve, you’ve known her for an hour.”

Steve glanced down at the green plastic object that they just bought at the store.

“Shhh! Don’t say that in front of her.” He mimes covering the spoons... uhh ears?

Bucky laughed some more, in fact he was down right chortling. Bent over, gut covered hand hovering in front of his face to cover his laugh.

Steve joined in, but continued his pumpkin autopsy.

Bucky laughed some more when a seed flew out and hit Steve in the forehead, sticking to his skin. Well, he laughed until his stomach suddenly stirred.

Woah.

He didn’t feel nauseous, but that was weird.

Steve turned when the laughter cut abruptly.

“What happened?” He looked amusedly confused, but also a little worried.

“Oh, I just- had to catch my breath after seeing you be a complete fool!”

Steve laughed, lightly shoving his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re the one that laughed at my corny jokes.”

“You sure I wasn’t just laughing at your face?” He asked, feeling something again.

“Ha ha, you love my jokes, don’t lie.” Steve said, resuming his pumpkin business.

Bucky went back to using his hands as spoons, but felt that once more. And oh, that’s a totally new feeling, it felt like something was fucking kicking his-

“Oh my god...” he whispered.

Steve turned, eyes wide. “What? What’s wrong?”

He sounded concerned, probably because Bucky was staring at the outside wall of Steve’s house, fingers spread wide and hands held hovering above his pumpkin.

“Buck?” He asked, touching Bucky’s wrist.

Snapping his eyes up to the Alpha he wasn’t prepared for the scared look he found there.

“Oh my god Bucky, are you crying?”

What. Was he?

He couldn’t touch his face right now because of his messy hands, but he could feel the stinging pressure of his tears building. The warm streak of it sliding down his cheek.

Steve pulled him into a hug. “What happened? What’s wrong- just... talk to me.”

Bucky just wrapped his hands around Steve, pulling the Alpha close. He didn’t even care that his belly pressed up again Steve, he just didn’t know how to manage at the moment.

His baby just kicked.

He cried more.

“Buck, you’re really freaking me out right now. How can- how can I help?”

“You can’t.” He whispered into Steve’s chest.

“If you just told me what was-“ Bucky pulled away, wiping his face on his sleeve.

“No I, I can’t. I don’t-“ He couldn’t get his voice to go any louder, it was stuck in this scratchy whisper, forever quiet and unsteady.

“Buck, please. Ever since we-“ Steve stopped, swallowed, started again. “You’ve just pulled away from me completely, ever since that night. I just- I want you to trust me still.”

Oh shit, oh fuck. No, no, no.

They haven’t ever mentioned that night to each other they- they shouldn’t be talking about this not when-

Not when his baby just kicked for the first-

Not when he’s crying and Steve’s just being so fucking attentive, so caring-

Not when he’s been lying for the four months that he’s known and Steve just wants to help, if you would just tell him please-

“I need to go home.”

“What?! Bucky wait-“

No he can’t do this, not now.

Steve followed him through the house, out the front door, down the side walk.

“Don’t walk its gonna get dark soon, and it’s cold-“ The Alpha reached his hands out, grasping at air.

“I’ll be fine Steve.”

“Just let me drive you, I get it if you don’t wanna talk but at least let me-“

“It’s not that far I’ll be fi-“

“James!”

That stopped him.

Steve never, ever called him that.

Turning around he caught the Alpha’s panicked eyes, he looked so scared.

But if Bucky told him the truth that fear would be so much more, it’d be real life shit, not just concern, but fear. Undeniable, petrified fear of what is awaiting their future.

“Let me drive you home.” The Alpha said, it wasn’t a command, but it wasn’t a request.

Bucky just shook his head, ‘I can’t’ he mouthed.

When he turned to run towards home Steve followed, albeit slower. When he got to his front yard Steve stayed on the side walk, when he got to the door Steve just watched in an ache.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky said, but he still stepped inside.

He still closed the door.

He still didn’t tell him.

And then his baby kicked, and he fucking cried.