Are You Sure?

Maya was in the conference room working on the Crisis One paperwork, today was her first day back as a full firefighter, she was on the engine today. She was nervous, the good kind, she was amped for a good fire, something to get her back into the groove of things here, after the last six months of descending into the depths of her mental crisis. Today was another clinic day and she was up here wanting to give Carina the space she wanted. They had mostly texted since the accidental food poisoning.

Maya had stopped by after her shift and brought electrolytes for Carina and two new blankets that were the soft ones that Carina loved; she’d also bought soup that she had picked up from a deli on her way to the hotel. But she had left it outside the door and texted Carina that it was there and promised that the soup was bought and not made.

They had texted and talked every night on the phone, and Carina had said that she wasn’t ready to come home, but they talked about their relationship. And Maya was pretty sure they would be okay, but she still had a lot of work to do to make up for all the crap she had but Carian through over the last six months.

“Ciao, Bella,” Carina said leaning against the door of the conference room.

“Carina! Hi, I didn’t expect to see you. Today isn’t a clinic day, was it? I would have switched my shift, to give you space,” Maya said rambling.

“No, no clinic today. I came in to do the inventory for the clinic since I won’t be here tomorrow for the hours. I am helping with Bailey’s women’s clinic tomorrow, with Dr. Addison Montgomery. Bit of an apology to the boys for not being here,” Carina says.

“Oh, are you not gonna be coming around on clinic days?” Maya asks.

“Just this one,” Carina says, “Dr. Montgomery is kind of a legend, I can’t wait to see her work.”

“She’s the one who did the uterus transplant, right?” Maya asks.

Carina smiles, she had gone on and on about Dr. Montgomery’s work when she published, and Maya had listened and asked questions. Back when they were happy, and Maya hadn’t been spiraling.

“Si, that’s her,” Carina says.

“Can’t miss working with her then. I bet it’ll be great, and she will be just a big of a fan of yours.”

“Thank you.”

Carina moved towards the closet where they keep the supplies and Maya goes back to her work on the files. They are quiet for a while and there is another knock at the door.

“Diane,” Maya greets and then looks over at Carina, “Carina this is Diane. Diane this is Carina, my wife.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Diane says and holds her hand out and Carina shakes it.

“You as well,” Carian says, and she can’t help but feel sadness because Maya is only seeing Diane to keep this job. Not save them, Carina had been surprised that Maya had chosen to stay when she was on shift, but she couldn’t shake the idea that Maya was still just checking boxes.

Diane looks over at Maya, “I thought I would check in, today is your first day back to full duty.”

“Yea, looking forward to being back out with the team,” Maya says.

“Well, I have a meeting with Chief Ross, but I’ll be around if you wanna talk,” Diane says and with that she leaves off to her meeting.

There is an awkward silence that fills the room, Maya breaks it, “so that’s my therapist.”

“I gathered,” Carina smiles.

“Yea, it’s been… God, it’s been rough. Visualizing a three-year-old… is both one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done but also incredibly freeing,” Maya says.

“Visualizing a three-year-old?” Carina asks.

“Yea, it was this whole thing. I had to make a timeline,” Maya is cut off by the klaxon going off. Maya is already hurrying to the door, turns around for a second, “I’ll tell you the rest later.”

“Be safe,” Carina says to Maya’s back as she rushes towards something dangerous. Carina threw herself into the inventory trying not to worry about Maya being out there.

A little while later Carina hears a lot of screaming coming from downstairs, Carina heads towards the noise and hears Victoria yelling and there is crashed car with an incredibly freaked out Pam in the driver’s seat.

“What’s going on?” Carina asks.

“Oh! Dr. Deluca, I think my water broke, but something isn’t right,” Pam says, and she screams out.

Carina moves over to where she knows gloves are kept and puts them on immediately as Diane and Victoria do whatever firefighters do when cars wreck.

“Can I get in there Victoria?”

“Yea, just be careful,” Victoria says.

Carina moves over to the passenger side and get inside and begins giving Pam an exam, “Alright, Pam what do you mean something doesn’t feel right?”

“It’s…ah,” Pam yells, “there’s it just doesn’t feel right.”

Carina finishes her exam, and she pulls her hand back and sees blood, she gets out of the car and heads over to where Victoria and Diane were getting tools together to get Pam out of the car.

“We need to get her out,” Carina announces.

“We are working on it,” Victoria says.

“No, I mean we need to she is about to give birth I can feel the baby’s head. We don’t have time to,” Carina gestures, “Maya says that sometimes you pull people of the back window. Can you do that?”

Diane and Victoria look at each other, and then at the car and they nod. Victoria and Diane work together and make the save look easy. They set Pam down and Carina gets to work and barking orders which Diane and Victoria follow them. Carina hears the trucks in drive, that’s good she thinks that means an ambulance is here.

“I need Ben,” Carina says, and Victoria runs off to get Ben, who comes back with him and Maya in tow.

“Uh, what is…” Maya begins.

Carina talks over her, “Ben, I need you here and we need,” she tells Ben exactly what she needs, and Ben moves that he can help.

Before long there is a loud cry, she passes the baby off to Maya who had be standing there. Carina doesn’t even pause to see her wife holding a new baby, which six months ago would have melted her heart. Carina goes on to work on Pam, with Ben assisting. Eventually they get her stabilized. Carina, Maya, Ben gets into the back of the ambulance with Pam and Victoria and Diane go up front.

When they get to Grey-Sloan, Carina gives Owen a rundown of what happened and asks that Pam get transferred up to imaging where she will meet her patient again. Owen and agrees and Carina walks back over to Victoria and Diane and thanks them and apologizes for telling them how to do their job. Victoria brushes it off and says she’s going to go wait in the ambulance, for Maya to finish her paperwork.

Carina turns and sees Maya still holding the newborn as she fills out the paperwork while and nurse gets the vitals he needs from the baby.

Carina sighs, “why couldn’t she have gotten help for us? Why is it always about that stupid job.”

“Are you sure that’s why?” Diane asks and Carina jumps having assumed that Diane had went back to the ambulance with Victoria.

Carina looked over at Diane, “what do you mean?”

“I can’t say what’s been said in session, but I have to ask. Does it really matter why someone got helps if they are working when they get the help?”

Carina had been wrestling with that question a lot lately. It hadn’t mattered to her when Andrea finally gotten help and she knows that if her father ever got help, she would thank the heavens that it happened. But Maya, Maya she couldn’t let go of an intense, selfish desire that she had gotten help for them. Because she had asked. She’d practically begged. But not until Maya was in danger of losing her job did, she gets help.

“It shouldn’t,” Carina finally admits.

“I can’t pretend that your last 6 months has been anything less than awful, but…” Diane trails off.

“But” Carina prompts.

“If you still think it’s worth fighting for, I will say your both in fighting form for your marriage,” Diane says and with that and a small wave she heads out the doors to get a ride back to 19.

Maya comes up baby free, reminding Carina she needed to meet Pam up in imaging. Maya seemed to be awkwardly hanging around finally she said, “I’ll text you? See how meeting the legend went?”

Carina was nodding and Maya went to leave, but Carina pulled her back gently by the arm, “how about breakfast at home? After your shift? I’ll make French toast. And we’ll talk. Really talk.”

Maya smiles, “I’d like that.”

Carina nods and gives Maya a kiss on the check, “be careful out there.”

“I will,” Maya promises and goes to walk away again, but again is stopped by Carina.

“I love you, Maya. I’m still really angry with you, but I love you.” Carina says unable not to complete their habit of making sure to say ‘I love you’ before Maya begins a shift.

“I love you too Carina. And I know and I wanna work it out.” Maya begins.

“And we will start tomorrow,” Carina assures Maya, and she lets Maya go without stopping her this time. Carina watches her go with a faint smile on her face. Seeing her Maya back makes her happy, she just wishes that it hadn’t taken so long and been so hard to get here.