Lockdown
The day had started so promising, Carina had managed to save Pam and reunite her with her little one. And she had met and discussed research with Addison Montgomery, and they were getting Bailey’s women’s Health clinic off the ground. And she and Maya had made plans to really talk tomorrow morning. Things finally felt like they were moving in a positive direction.
Things started off great everyone was excited to be there and happy to be helping women get the care they needed. Carina heard heartbreaking stories and heart lifting as well. Then the brick came through the window and hit one of the new surgical interns and he went down. And just like that Carina heard the protestors outside, they were no longer a dull roar, but so loud she could hardly hear herself think.
Altman took control and managed to calm the worried doctors, nurses, and other workers. Though Carina noticed that Dr. Bailey looked more nervous, and Carina remembers the stories about the hospital having had an active shooter years ago.
Carina did her best to try and keep her patients calm and safe and after having felt her phone vibrate for the 10th time, she looked down at it. Bambina, she had 6 missed calls and a dozen texts. Somehow Maya calling had managed to make this all much worse. She didn’t know what to tell Maya, she settles on a simple message, I’m okay. The hospital is on lockdown. I love you.
Maya response came quickly: Be careful. I’m outside. We are waiting for PD to do its thing then we’ll do ours. There are a few spot fires, that we are putting out, but PD won’t let us get closer.
Carina’s pulse raced; Maya was outside. That means she’s closer to the protestors than she was. She put her phone back into her pocket and tried to work not wanting to let fear consumed her. The lockdown last hours, one doctor had been seriously hurt but was recovering, last Carina had heard.
She saw the familiar blonde firefighter, and looked down the turnout and confirmed the BISHOP before moving over to where she was. Carina pulled Maya into a hug and Maya wrapped her arms around her just as tightly. They stood in each other’s embrace for a long time. Then broke apart. Maya looked her up and down.
“You weren’t hit with anything were you?” Maya asks.
“No, I’m okay,” Carina reassures Maya.
“I uh talked to Andy, and if you would want me to, I take you back to the hotel make sure your settled,” Maya says her nervously.
Carina tilts her head to the side, it’s the second time in as many days that Maya has chosen her over work, Carina isn’t sure what to do with that. Maya never chooses her, but that’s not really fair a voice that’s always been ready to forgive and forget with Maya says, she stayed when Andrea was in surgery and left her big inspection that day. It wasn’t that Maya had never chosen her of over her work, she just hasn’t in a very long time.
“I’ll be okay, getting there on my own,” Carina reassured her, “your team needs you.”
“Oh, okay. Right, but you’ll let me know if I can do anything to help?” Maya asks and is trying very hard and failing to hide her hurt at Carina’s words.
“I will,” Carina promises and seeing Beckett in a towering mood adds, “you should probably head over, Beckett looks madder than my nonna after Andrea broke her favorite vase.”
Maya turns and looks and then her focus is back on Carina, “are you sure? I don’t want to… okay. We’ll still have breakfast tomorrow?”
Carina nods and gives Maya another hug grateful to see her again and gives her another kiss on the cheek. Maya heads back over to where her team was and Carina watches as Andy and Maya talk and even from a distance Carina can see Maya’s sadness overtake her. Carina wants to go over there and explain but she also needs time to sort everything out in her own mind.
There was several hours of talking police officers and by the end Carina was exhausted, the adrenaline had worn off and she was bone tired. When she got into her car, she pulled out her phone and sent Maya a quick text saying she was leaving the hospital and expected to be asleep before her head hit the pillow. Maya had responded with a promise that if she needed anything Maya could go get and she was there to talk if she wanted to at all during the night.
Carina didn’t want to go back to the hotel which was across town, hers and Maya’s apartment was just down the street. She decided to head there. She thought that maybe she wasn’t being fair, if Maya came home to her sleeping in their bed, but she decided to set alarm because she needed the comforts of home and if she couldn’t have Maya then she needed their home.
Carina walked into the apartment, and it looked the same. Though a bit different too, the treadmill was folded up and Carina was surprised to see a very small layer of dust on it. If Maya was back on active duty, it meant she was cleared to resume running, maybe she was just running outside and had developed an aversion to the treadmill since her accident. Carina was mad that she didn’t know the answer.
There were other hints of small changes Maya had put up a picture of them from their first vacation. Carina remembered it, Maya hadn’t exactly been good at it, but they had immensely enjoyed themselves.
Another difference was that there was a pillow and blanket on the couch. It was Maya’s pillow and upon checking their room Maya’s side was missing the pillow. She wondered why Maya was sleeping out here. When she’d come by for shampoo and to check on Maya she had been in the bedroom. What had changed over the last couple of weeks. Was Maya not sleeping again? Carina went into the kitchen and full on started to laugh there was many lasagna recipes, with Maya’s handwriting on a few. It looked like Maya was trying to figure out where hers went wrong.
Carina was suddenly so tired she laid down on the couch and used the blanket and pillow Maya had been using and as she had told Maya she was asleep by the time her head hit the pillow.
Carina woke up to the door opening and closing and she looked around and saw Maya coming inside and stop dead upon seeing Carina. They both stared at each other both a little surprised to see the other.
“Uh, I can go,” Maya says immediately, “after everything you really should be staying here.” She goes to pick up her bag again.
“No, stay we said we would talk today so we breakfast, I’ll make French toast and we’ll talk,” Carina says and gets up and heads over to the kitchen.
Maya walks over to the table and sits down, “are you sure?”
“I am,” Carina says.
“Are you sure you’re okay after everything that happens yesterday?”
“I haven’t even begun to process that,” Carina admits, “it’s too big. It’s too much for me right now.”
“Okay, should we...” Maya begins as Carina says, “why are you sleeping on the couch?”
“Oh, well it’s kind of nuts,” Maya says shyly.
“Tell me?” Carina asks.
“The bed just seems too big, since I came home from my shift after my terrible lasagna, like sleeping in it with us being so broken seems… I don’t know. I can hardly explain it to myself,” Maya admits.
“But you are sleeping?” Carina asks.
“Oh, yea. Not eight hours but solid night’s sleep every night,” Maya says.
Something Maya had said at the station yesterday came into her mind, so Carina asked, “what did you mean Diane had you visualizing a three-year-old?”
“I think at this point I am the only one surprised at what a mess my dad made of me. At my cousin’s track meet, she lost, and I decided then and there that I would never lose. And I’ve been losing since my demotion. And then Ross not re-promoting me and just everything. I’ve been losing and losers don’t deserve love and so I just kept running. Because if I ran, I would be a winner again. And it wasn’t working but I kept trying. 5150ing me probably, definitely saved my life.”
Carina took Maya’s hand and they sat there, and Carina knew that they would be okay eventually and that while it might take more work on both sides. Carina knows that they are both ready to do the work to save their marriage and fight for the family they both want.