Sirius - After
Consciousness returned to his body slowly. Sirius opened his eyes to find himself laying on his back in—was that Platform 9 ¾? His memory slowly returned to him and he sat up, dazed and in shock. He was dead. Time had finally caught up to him, he supposed.
He couldn’t erase Remus’ defeated face and Harry’s screams from his mind, and a lingering sense of regret filled him as he gazed around the familiar comfort of the platform. There was no one in sight. The Hogwarts Express stood silently, oddly empty of its usual bustle. Sirius supposed he could get on and perhaps it would carry him home as it always had. He stared hesitantly at the train, unsure what to do.
Turning his back to it, he saw the same milky haze he had fallen through and just beyond it… the department of mysteries, he realized quickly. It was void of human presence now, the wreckage left behind the only sign of the previous battle. Could he go back? he wondered. What would happen if he were to step through that veil separating him from everything he had left behind? It didn’t take a genius to put it together, and Sirius was no fool. He could go back, he thought to himself. He could go back though he would never be quite alive again.
“Sirius,” a familiar voice spoke from behind him.
Sirius turned slowly, freezing in shock. Because in front of him stood a person he had never thought he would see again.
Regulus Black gave a hesitant, wry smile. “Well, are you planning on gawking at me all day?”
The words broke Sirius from his trance and he bolted towards his brother, throwing his arms around him. “Reggie?” he sobbed. Regulus wrapped his arms around his big brother and they desperately clung to each other.
“I missed you too, you old fool,” he said, eyes tearing up. “I’m so sorry,” he said sadly. “For everything.” Sirius just held his brother tighter, the years of missing him wiping away any anger he might’ve still harbored towards the choices Regulus had made in his life.
Finally drawing apart, both boys wiped at their eyes. Regulus looked the same as the last time Sirius had seen him, young and lanky and a spitting image of the memories that Sirius had clung to in the years that had passed since they had last spoken. Though there was a clear change to the younger boy as well. His eyes no longer looked haunted and his body seemed more at ease. Sirius could never have imagined the day he’d see his little brother so carefree. A smile tugged at his lips as he gazed at his brother.
“Where are we?” he finally asked.
“I suppose you could call it a waiting room,” Regulus replied. “One last stop before the end.” Sirius glanced around at the familiar platform 9 ¾ , the place he used to run to because he knew it would always lead him home.
“You’ve got a choice left to make,” Regulus said, tilting his head towards the image of the empty department of mysteries behind Sirius.
Sirius peered back longingly, missing the warmth of Remus and Harry and their little cobbled together messy family. But he turned back towards the Hogwarts express and his brother, knowing that he was making the right choice. “I’ll see them again when the time is right,” he said sadly.
Regulus smiled and held his hand out. “Alright, let’s go.” He tugged Sirius towards the train, and they hopped in, taking in the familiar sight. “I’m glad you stayed, Siri,” Regulus said softly. Sirius squeezed his brother's hand twice, an old signal they had devised to comfort each other. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on, but I think this next part is for you alone,” Regulus said to his brother.
“You’ll still be here? On the other side,” Sirius demanded, slightly panicked. He had just gotten his brother back and he would be damned if he lost him again.
“Right on the other side,” Regulus reassured him.
He nodded hesitantly and Regulus vanished as Sirius turned to the familiar corridor ahead and the train began to move. Sirius began to walk instinctively towards the back of the train. He startled, pausing as he caught sight of his reflection in one of the windows, staring in shock at a version of himself he thought had been lost forever over a decade ago. His hair was sleek and shiny, his waves bouncing perfectly as they used to. His grey eyes still carried a haunted look, wisened with all he’d been through, but his face was that of his 21 year old self. It was odd, seeing this version of himself. It was the most Sirius Black he had felt in a long time, and he could feel himself settling back into the comfort of his skin. Shaking out of his stupor, he continued his trek to the familiar compartment. Two voices reached his ears as he neared, muffled by the closed doors, and he hurried closer, holding his breath, afraid to hope.
Through the window of the door, a familiar figure with messy hair and round glasses paced back and forth in the compartment, running his fingers through his hair. Sirius’ heart raced as he came to a stop outside the door, afraid to open it and find this was all an illusion. But brown eyes met grey and James Potter was shoving through the door yelling “Padfoot!” and throwing himself at his brother. It was as if the whole world realigned and righted, and Sirius was hugging him back, grasping onto James as if his whole life depended on it.
“Prongs!” he exclaimed.
“Padfoot!”
“James!”
“Sirius!”
They clung together, shaking each other in excitement and dissolving into a mess of babbling and tears.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Sirius kept saying through muffled sobs.
“Oh hush you dolt, you’ve got nothing to apologize for,” James sniffled back.
Lily appeared behind James, smiling widely, green eyes full of life again, face lit up with amusement as she watched the two reunite. “Black,” she grinned at him.
“Evans,” he grinned back, pulling her into the hug.
The three friends stayed locked in a tearful embrace for a moment before settling into the compartment.
James peered at his brother's face with a sad look. “A bit early to be joining us, Pads,” he said. “What happened?”
Sirius shook his head. “Bellatrix of all people,” he huffed. “Suppose it was always going to be one of my dear old family that did me in.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, Pads,” James said, voice cracking. “I promised they would never touch you again.” For a moment, Sirius could only stare dumbly at James. And then he started laughing. It was a loud guffaw, erupting out his chest as he dissolved into a fit of giggles that seemed bordering on crazy.
“Y-you’re sorry?” he choked out between giggles. “James. Jamie. You died. What could you possibly have done? And you did save me, it was your voice that kept me going all those years.”
“I should’ve known that Peter would turn it on you. I never should have changed secret keepers. You and Moony and Harry,” his voice cracked on his son’s name, “you suffered so much for my mistake.”
Lily and Sirius were both aggressively shaking their heads. “James, my love, we’ve been over this. You couldn’t have known. I couldn’t have known,” Lily pressed gently.
Sirius stared James down. “It was my idea to change secret keepers, Prongs. And that rat bastard made his own choices. We trusted him. How could we not? He was one of us,” Sirius’ voice darkened as his thoughts drifted to their old friend.
Lily nodded, solemnly. “He had us all fooled. There are moments where I still can’t believe it,” she said quietly. “But no more about him. We have all of eternity ahead to decide how he’ll pay for it all when his time comes.” A dark look of vengeance had overtaken her face, a look that Sirius was all too familiar with from their earlier years in school and one he did not envy any on the receiving end of. It was a fact as certain as the need for breathing that Lily Evans-Potter was not a woman to be messed with.
“So,” Sirius began. “What comes next?”
The other two grinned. “Let’s go find out,” James said excitedly.
_____
A landscape of rolling green hills, dotted with buildings met them as they stepped off the train. Sirius stared, mouth agape as he took it all in. It was so serene and lively considering everyone there was dead. James dragged him towards a cozy cottage with vines climbing up the walls and windows flung open. A flash of blonde hair passed by the window and a familiar, raucous laugh reached Sirius. He gasped like a little kid on Christmas. Wrenching out of James’ hold, he took off, barreling through the unlocked door of the cottage. “MARLS,” he shrieked in excitement.. Twin shouts of surprise came from the two women in front of him before he collided with the blonde. Arms around each other they jumped around like children.
“SIRIUS?” Marlene squealed in delight. She pushed him back, took a look at his face and yanked him back into a bone crushing hug. “Merlin, it is you!"
The blubbering tears and giddy laughter subsided as the two continued to clutch each other and Sirius finally looked up at the other woman in the room, smiling widely at the display of affection. Dorcas’ familiar braids and sweet eyes glinted in mischief as she raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “Back to steal my girlfriend, Black?” she joked.
Sirius grinned back. “Our torrid love affair transcends death, Meadowes,” he winked, reaching out and yanking her into a hug.
Marlene pulled James and Lily in and the five friends remained locked in a hug that filled the broken crevices in Sirius’ soul. His death still haunted him, the look of hopelessness on Remus’ face tattooed in his mind, Harry’s cries still ringing in his ears, but for the first time in 15 years he felt as though he could breathe again, as if, perhaps, he could be whole once more.
Later that night, they gathered around a fire in James and Lily’s yard and Sirius was greeted with the smiles and excited exclamations of more faces he could never have forgotten. Fabian had plowed into him, pulling him into a headlock and jamming his knuckles into Sirius’ head playfully as Gideon grinned his familiar mischievous grin at him, always the calmer of the two. Sirius couldn’t help the tears that filled his eyes as he remembered the fateful mission the three of them had been on when the two had gone down after they’d been separated from him. When he attempted an apology Fab guffawed and told him to “stop being so daft” and Gideon refused to let him complete the word “sorry”. Benjy Fenwick and Emmaline Vance and Pandora Lovegood joined their gathering and slowly more faces began to appear and the air was filled with laughter and the smell of burning marshmallows.
A familiar figure approached from a distance and hesitated, watching the friends from a distance. Sirius wandered over, smiling faintly at his brother. “Well, are you planning on ominously stalking us all night or do you care to join?” he teased. Regulus scowled at him darkly. Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I really did miss you, Reg. More than words can describe,” he said earnestly.
Regulus sagged into his side. “I did it for you,” he whispered. “I mean, of course I knew it was the right thing to do, but really I did it for you. I just hoped you would be proud in the end. I didn’t know how else to make up for all the terrors I had committed.”
“I only wanted you back,” Sirius replied sadly. “I would’ve forgiven you in a heartbeat, I think. I already have. And so have they,” he added, nodding towards his friends. “So stop your moping and come on,” he gave him a lopsided grin. Regulus rolled his eyes but there were tears glinting in them. Sirius punched his brother softly, receiving a playful shove in return and grabbed his arm, dragging him forward as Regulus giggled . Together, they made their way back to the group, letting the euphoria of the night wash away the stains of the past for a little while.
_____
Time passed oddly when one was dead, Sirius noticed. There was nothing linear to it. There were days when he sat in his newly constructed home in peace, laughing with James and Marlene and Lily and Regulus. And there were days when he woke in a cold sweat, eyes empty and haunted with the sight of his best friend's bodies empty of life and his godson’s cries in his ears. Those days he would find himself turning back to the comfort of transforming into Padfoot and often he wound up sneaking to sleep in James’ living room.
Prongs and Padfoot would spend nights chasing after one another, nipping playfully some days and others sitting in silence, staring at the full moon and mourning the wolf they had left behind.
They talked about Peter, the memories of the days when the Marauders were four bittersweet. They raged and wept and struggled to reconcile their sweet, mischievous friend with the traitor that had betrayed James and Lily and cowered at the sight of Remus and Sirius.
But those were the bad days and as time passed they were few and far in between.
And then there was Remus.
He occupied Sirius’ every waking thought.
Sirius spent days at a time watching over him once he discovered the way to view the living world. He watched his Moony break over and over and watched as he attempted to heal. He selfishly longed for the day that they would meet again, but begged over and over for Remus to live . Some days James would join him, others Lily or Marlene or Dorcas. They watched over their friends from a distance, cheering them on from beyond the veil. And as time passed, Sirius frequented the room less, keeping a watchful eye on those he loved but learning not to be consumed by the loss.
His days were filled with joy and laughter and love, so much love. Though it was strange that there remained the pain of loss in the world beyond, he welcomed it, for he knew it meant he had lived a life with meaning. And so he lived as much as he could in this new world with almost everything he could ever ask for returned to him, cheering loudly for his godson and waiting (not so) patiently for the day his Moony would join him.