Moony
Remus John Lupin was no stranger to loss.
On October 31st, 1981, something inside him was irreversibly broken.
This wasn’t his first introduction to loss, but it was the first that truly and irreparably destroyed him. He spent years of his life going through the motions, an empty shell of a human—as human as someone like him could be—before everything changed.
August 1st, 1993, Sirius Orion Black escaped Azkaban and Remus felt something he had thought he would never feel again. He hated himself for it, but how could he not feel relief that his Sirius— not yours, he would remind himself constantly— had escaped from the hell he had surely been living in?
And then there was Harry. Harry James Potter who looked so like his father, but his eyes, oh his eyes were all Lily. Remus’ first instinct when Dumbledore asked him to come teach at Hogwarts was to refuse. And he did. Until Dumbledore had mentioned that Harry would be there, in his third year, and that he would need protection if Sirius truly was after him. Remus hadn’t been sure what he could offer the boy in terms of protection, but something had woken inside him at the thought of James and Lily’s son.
And so he had accepted.
Every “Professor Lupin” from Harry was a knife in his chest, a reminder of all the time that had passed and a future that he would never know. He was meant to be Uncle Moony.
And then Sirius had shown up at his door, broken and frantic, begging Remus to “just listen, Moony, please”. The conversation that followed dredged up old wounds and broke him twice over. The pain of losing Peter all over again to betrayal rather than death, the realization that Sirius, his Sirius, he now allowed himself to think, had been innocent and Remus hadn’t so much as raised a finger to fight for him, it was all too much.
But they had found each other again against all odds.
That night in the department of mysteries as Remus held Harry back and watched helplessly as Sirius went to join their friends, he knew that he would not survive the war this time. And he was quite alright with that.
When he made the choice to marry Tonks, it was not a matter of romantic love, though he did love her. They both sought companionship until they reunited with their lost lovers and it was easy to turn to each other in their moments of pain. And then Teddy happened and the world turned upside down and suddenly Remus had a reason to keep fighting.
He was terrified. Terrified to stay and terrified to go. How could someone like him be responsible for raising a child? Had he not abandoned Harry when he was young? He would never be able to be a father. But no, he couldn’t abandon Teddy the way he had Harry.
When he stood in the castle on that fateful day of the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus was content with whatever was to come. He would make sure Harry survived this, for James and Lily, yes, but most importantly for Teddy Lupin. Making Harry his son’s godfather was the easiest decision Remus had ever made. Whatever happened to him, his son would survive and he would not be alone.
He was out of practice. It was clear from the moment that he faced off with Dolohov that the other man had the upper hand. A few feet away, Tonks faced off with Bellatrix. It was over the moment he saw the green spell hit her square in the chest. Their eyes locked for a brief moment and Remus helplessly extended his arm toward the mother of his child as Dolohov fired off his own killing curse.
The last thing he saw was his wife’s familiar bubblegum hair and the light going out in her always bright eyes, her arm extended towards him as well, as if they could hold each other up and away from this cruel fate. He didn’t see the curse as it hit him.
The last thing he felt was the ghost of his fingertips brushing against Tonks’ outstretched hand.
His last thought was of his newborn son.
Hazel eyes went flat and his body hit the floor. And on May 2, 1998 amidst the rubble of the place that held his happiest memories, Remus John Lupin was dead.