The Funeral
“Sleep well котёнок” murmured ‘Tasha’ as she tucked him in. Why she called him a kitten, he didn’t know, but he was almost tempted to wake up from his fake sleep to whine about not being a kitten, if anything, he was a lion or something. But that would be childish and Stark weren’t childish. Also it would blow his cover, but still.
As soon as the door was closed he opened his eyes and looked around for cameras. He found one and noticed it wasn’t active, so he got out of the covers, sitting up and letting his legs fall from the side of the bed, he let himself slide down and looked around the room, going to the door he supposed was the bathroom’s. He entered and started searching the walls for a secret door. If he really did live there, then there should be a secret door. Not just because he liked secret doors (even though it was a big part of it) but because Howard didn’t let him keep anything to take care of his wounds for when Howard tried to ‘make him grow a backbone’, and he had found a hole in his bathroom under the sink where he hid the ice packs and gauzes Jarvis gave him. He had promised himself one day he would get a whole room full of medical supplies to spite Howard’s grave. It just made sense to put it in his bathroom, as it was where he had probably hid his medical supplies his whole life. “Please be a secret door- please be a secret door- please be a secret door” he whispered and- there, he pressed on a tile and a part of the wall slid open. “Yay” He looked inside and was met with a room full of medical supplies he couldn’t even name but had always dreamed of having. If he didn’t have his love for machines (and an asshole of a father) he would’ve probably studied to be a surgeon
So, he really did live there.
He carefully closed the door and got back into the bedroom. Now all he had to figure out was if Jarvis and Ana were still- he gulped, afraid of even thinking about them not being… still alive. And there was only one simple way to confirm their death, he had to go to his parents’ graves. After all, he always knew that if he survived Jarvis and Ana he would have buried them in the family portion of the cemetery. But what about aunt Peggy? Was she still alive? Well, to find that out, he would have to hack into Shield’s database, they’d know.
But first, Jarvis and Ana
Silently opening the door he sneaked out of the room, staying low and walking fast, ignoring the pains in his body, remaining in the shadows in a way that only years of sneaking behind Howard’s back could teach. He reached the elevator and waited for it to come up. As he waited he looked nervously around, expecting someone to come art any moment. The elevator dinged and he startled, heart beating madly and the beat of it pounding in his head. He got into the elevator and got to the parking lot, trying to sneak out of the back door before he noticed a weird airplane. It was smaller and had a weird shape. Well, it surely was faster to go by plane. He entered the plane and got to the cockpit, trying to understand how to make it fly as fast as he could and then suddenly he knew what to do. He clicked a few buttons and then the ceiling was opening, letting him fly in the sky easily. How he knew what to do he didn’t know. Perhaps the concussion added to whatever made him small and had made him forget his adult life but not the things he had learned.
He flew away fast, not really knowing where to go, as he didn’t know where he was. But on one of the screen there was a map, and he finally got the plane to go into the right direction. He put in the auto-pilot and rested his chin on his fisted hand
It didn’t seem real. Not the de-aging part, that seemed real enough. No, the Jarvis and Ana and aunt Peggy could be dead part didn’t seem real. It couldn’t be… right? No, he decided, it couldn’t. After all, if they had all died he wouldn’t have any reason to leave, so he wouldn’t be there, leaving and breathing. Unless… he looked down at his clothed arms, the shirt hiding the two nasty gashes. Unless he had tried.
And failed
How pathetic was that? Huh? He had tried to kill himself and failed. Like every other time he tried to do something. Trying being the key word. After all, when had he ever succeeded? He couldn’t live without his family and he couldn’t die properly either. His father was right. He was useless. Pathetic. Weak.
A tear made its way down his cheek
Stark men don’t cry
He tried to keep in his tears. He couldn’t cry. He wouldn’t.
Stark men don’t cry
He angrily wiped at his eyes and let out an angry breath.
Stark men don’t cry
He clenched his teeth and ignored his feelings, he turned off the auto-pilot and focused on flying the plane
***
It didn’t seem real. His mind repeated over and over as he looked at the graves in front of him. It couldn’t be. He was petrified. His thoughts stopped and with them so did his breathing. His lungs clenched and unclenches quickly, but didn’t seem to draw any air
He- he couldn’t- he couldn’t breathe!
He fell to his knees in the cold mud in front of the tombstone, trying to breathe and panicking even more when he found he couldn’t, his eyes locked on the names written in the stone
Ana & Edwin Jarvis
He tried to look away but couldn’t. They left him. They promised- they promised they wouldn’t! And they broke their promise
A memory came unbidden- a starry night, it was cold, their breaths coming out in white puffs, Jarvis’ hand on his shoulder and a twinkle in his eyes “young sir, do you think they know how bright they shine?” Tony’s rare giggle was loud against the soundless night, and Jarvis ruffled his hair, smiling happily at him as the child giggled once more
“Edwin, you’ll make him freeze like this” Ana came from behind them, chiding her husband gently
“Oh, he’s fine darling, he’s wearing a coat” Jarvis waved her concerns away
“Just look at him, his nose is red, as are his cheeks. He’ll catch a cold” she came closer, offering her hand to him “come Tony, I have a mug of hot chocolate with your name on it, inside” Tony took her hand happily
“None for me?” Jarvis almost pouted, and Tony let out another tiny giggle
“Why would I give you any when you’re letting my Tony freeze?” She said without bite
Jarvis made puppy eyes, a move he had learned from Tony, and took his wife’s other hand in his, interweaving their finders and pleading her with his eyes
Ana rolled her eyes “yours is inside too” she said smiling as Jarvis pressed a chaste kiss to her lips in thanks
“Ugh, gross!” Exclaimed Tony, laughing, which in turn made the adults laugh too
They never knew how bright they shined
It was raining now, fat, cold drops slowly cascading down his face and hands, his clothes drenched. Tears were flowing freely- or maybe it was the rain, he didn’t know anymore. He wasn’t even aware it had started raining until a couple of seconds ago. He was hugging himself and rocking back and forth, trembling.
He was definitely going to catch a cold, he thought distantly