When Worlds Collide
Sif whirled to face Bucky, and realization dawned on her face. In the last year, you’d told her everything about what had happened and who Bucky was to you. She was the only one you confided in about how much you missed him, and what you wouldn’t give for him to be a part of your daughter’s life.
“I’ll give you some space” she smiled softly at you, her voice dropping as she continued, “And I’ll make sure Aspen’s okay.”
“Tell Thor I’m not mad” you sighed. This day had been coming for a while, you couldn’t ask him to hide it forever. You owed him for keeping it as long as he had honestly. Your eyes never left Bucky, he hadn’t moved from the door.
Sif brushed past him on her way out, and it seemed to break his spell. You watched anxiously as he approached, and your arms itched to cover yourself. It was always warm in the indoor arena so you’d taken to training in a sports bra and booty shorts since they didn’t restrict your movement. It had taken yourself a while to become comfortable in your skin after having Aspen, and you’d been nervous about showing off your stretch marks. However, all it had taken was the Warriors Three complimenting you on your new battle scars as they called them to make you decide to own them.
He stopped a few feet from you, studying every little thing about you, and you reached your hand up to brush a lock of hair out of your face. You could see new scars on him, and he looked like he hadn’t slept well in months. Minutes passed as you waited for him to talk, but he made no move to break the silence.
Finally, you caved first. “Either we need to talk or I need to get back to training, your choice Barnes.”
When he still didn’t speak, you grabbed a dulled practice sword off the wall and tossed it to him before grabbing one for yourself. You’d become fascinated with them during your stay, and with the help of Sif and the Warriors Three, it hadn’t taken you long to realize you were a natural with it. Nowadays it was always the first weapon you reached for. For your last birthday, Thor and Loki had commissioned a gorgeous sword made just for you, and it was your most prized possession.
You began to stretch and go through your usual warm-up routine. Bucky had begun to do the same and you watched out of the corner of your eye. You’d always found him attractive, and that hadn’t changed even after the time apart.
As you got into position to start, you wished you were wearing anything else. Sure, this outfit was great for the heat and unrestricted movement but it wasn’t exactly protective. While the practice swords were dulled, the scar on your upper left arm proved that they could still leave their mark. When Bucky copied your position, the fight began.
You began to circle him, holding your sword out in front of you. If your opponent had been any of the Warriors Three, you’d have been laughing and showing off with them by now. This fight felt different, serious. You had something to prove, and you were going to win.
Bucky matched your steps as you two slowly circled, and you realized once again you’d have to be the first to move. You quickly swung your blade towards his chest, and the fight began. He blocked you easily, and your eyes narrowed as you went on the offensive. Your attacks flew at him, and he blocked you every time.
Twisting your fingers, you began to summon a small force field as you would have if you were fighting any of the others. You quickly shook your head though, determined to win this fight fair and square, no dirty tricks, no powers. You could do this, you had to do this. After a few minutes of him fending off your attacks, you realized he wasn’t fighting back, not really.
“Damn it. Fight me!” he was too distracted by your voice that he missed his block, and you were able to land a blow on his arm.
A thin trace of red began to leak through his shirt, and it seemed to snap him out of it. Finally, you were getting the fight you deserved as he came after you. The clash of steel echoed through the arena and a grim smile found its way onto your face. For the first time, Bucky was in your element. You were in charge here, and you’d make sure he knew it.
The fight dragged on longer than it should have, and you could see him beginning to tire. Apparently, being a super-soldier didn’t prevent sleep deprivation from getting to him and it was giving you the upper hand. You feigned right but swung left and Bucky was too slow to stop you, allowing you to send the blade flying from his grasp.
Quickly, you swung your sword, placing the tip at his throat, and winning the fight. Your breathing was heavy as you stared down the practice sword at him, and waited for him to yield.
“I’m so sorry, doll” his voice was soft, pleading.
“No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to just apologize, Bucky!” your voice broke as you said his name, tears beginning to well in your eyes.
You dropped your sword to your side and began to walk away. Before you’d even made it two steps though, he’d grabbed your arm and pulled you tight against his chest. For a long moment, you didn’t move, his arms wrapped securely around you. The familiar smell of him was what broke you in the end, and you grabbed him tight as your tears began to fall.
~~~~~~
Lady Sif found Thor, Loki, and Aspen all waiting in your quarters. As she entered, they both glanced quickly at the door, relaxing when they saw it wasn’t you. Loki was distracting Aspen, using his magic to make her toys float around her and she was clapping happily. Thor looked like a nervous wreck, and Lady Sif took a seat next to him.
“I told her I’d come check on Aspen” she explained before turning to Thor, “She asked me to pass a message to you though.”
“How mad is she?” he hated the idea that you’d be furious with him, but he had to believe he’d made the right choice.
Sif rested her hand on his arm, “She specifically asked me to tell you that she’s not mad, Thor.”
His eyes flew to hers, “Truly? She’s not angry?”
Sif smiled back at him, “I swear. She’s not mad you, just relax. The two of them have needed to talk this out for much too long.”
Loki flinched slightly at her words and muttered an apology before slipping out of the room, leaving them to care for Aspen.
~~~~~~
When your tears finally subsided, you forced yourself to step back out of Bucky’s arms. For a moment, you weren’t sure he was going to let you go but eventually, his hold loosened. You picked up his training sword and returned them both to the rack before turning to face him again.
This time you didn’t have to wait long for him to speak, “Doll, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were pregnant. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why? So you’d convince yourself to stay so we could get married? I was going to tell you that night, but instead, you surprised me and told me you didn’t love me. Why the hell would I want to tell you I was pregnant after that?”
“Because I love you, doll! I would have stayed, I would have fought for you, for us. You have to know I’d never have left you if I had known.”
“That’s the problem, Bucky. The truth is you weren’t in love with me. The fact that you’re only saying it now that you know about Aspen proves I made the right choice. You’d have felt obligated to stay, and we deserve better. Besides, you’d only have resented us.”
“That’s not fair, [Y/N] and you know it.” his voice was like gravel, and he reached to grab your hands, but you pulled away before he could.
“Bucky. You told me, to my face, on our anniversary, that you couldn’t keep pretending to love me. The only explanation you’d give me? That all you had left was darkness. That’s what I know.”
“Please don’t shut me out. Please, doll. Let me make it up to you. I love you, and I need you” you could hear the earnestness in his voice but all you remembered was the chill in his voice that night.
“Then tell me why you ended it. Tell me what went wrong, and let’s be adults here. Talk to me, Bucky” your voice was soft, and you prayed that he’d tell you, maybe the two of you could fix it after all.
Bucky didn’t speak, and you let the moment draw out before you nodded once to yourself. You’d suspected that would be his answer, but it killed you inside to know that he wouldn’t just tell you the truth, not even now.
You paused to take a breath before speaking, “Bucky, if you want to be a part of Aspen’s life, I won’t begrudge you that. It’s probably good for her to know her father. It’s going to be on my terms though. We’re not living together. Aspen will be living with me, and we’ll go visit you. I’m not sending her to visit you without me, at least not until she’s older.”
“Don’t you trust me, Doll?” his voice broke.
You longed to grab him and never let him go, but life was no longer just about you. It killed you inside that it had come to this, that you were on different sides now. You had no choice though, Aspen came first now, and she always would.
"No, Bucky, I don't."