Returning Not-Home
Chapter one- Returning Not-Home
The hours after the battle were a blur. Peter was semi-conscious of the people moving around him. There were a ton of people who were injured, and they needed to figure out a way to get to New York. Along the way, Peter learned that Tony had bought back Stark tower, and he had a hospital there, which was where Strange portaled him to. Peter just managed to think When did he have time to buy the tower? Before his mind spiraled into other things.
Somehow, they managed to all get to the tower. The medical wing was packed full of heroes with varying degrees of injury, and the nurses were all over the place. Eventually, Peter figured that someone had managed to sort everything out, because by the next morning, all the minor injuries had been treated, and the major injuries got their own rooms.
Peter didn’t sleep much that night, but neither did anybody else. The ones who were relatively healthy all sat in the massive waiting room and tried their best to fall asleep in the uncomfortable plastic chairs. Peter vaguely remembered a nurse asking if he was okay, but he just waved her off. There was a throbbing ache in his side, but he chose to ignore it.
He also vaguely remembered his adrenaline crash. He dropped into a chair, his muscles giving way all at once. He was half-awake, mostly incoherent and completely out of it.
When the next morning came, he took a few seconds to fully take in his surroundings. The Winter Soldier and the Falcon were sitting close to him, both holding coffees and sitting grimly in silence. He saw Natasha Romanoff whispering to Pepper Potts, who looked distraught. He also noticed what looked like a raccoon talking to… a tree? Okay, that was weird.
For a few seconds, Peter sat in his chair, unnoticed and just observing everyone. He wondered why everybody’s faces were so grim. And then all of a sudden, the memories came crashing back. The explosions. The gauntlet. Tony lifting his hand and snapping. “I am Iron Man”.
Tony. Oh god, Tony. Is he okay? Is he even still ali- Peter cut himself off, not able to finish the thought. Peter sat completely still in his chair, eyes wide, trying not to think about the possibilities of what might have happened. He stayed like that until Pepper finally noticed he was awake and walked over.
“Hey Peter, I didn’t notice you were awake. How are you doing?” Her face was kind, but Peter could see the bags under her eyes and the concern on her face. God, she must be worried sick…
Peter decided not to burden her, let her focus completely on Tony. “Oh, uh, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess.” He stretched in his seat a little, his stiff joints aching in protest. “Uh, hows he…”
The words got stuck in his throat, but Pepper understood what he meant. “Oh, he’s in intensive care right now. The doctors still won’t give me clear answers on anything, but, he’s not doing great.” Despite her calm demeanor, Peter could hear the pain in her voice. “Also, Steve is in surgery right now, but the doctors told us that he’ll probably be fine.”
Peter nodded as she continued to talk, but at that point, he wasn’t really listening. He just kept picturing Tony, lying on the ground with his right side completely charred… the sound of the battle still raging, the shouts and growls and explosions filling his ears.
“Peter?” He snapped back to reality when he heard Pepper say his name.
“Uh, sorry, what did you say?” She gave him a weird look, almost as if tempted to ask if he was okay. Peter breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t.
“I said do you want me to call your aunt May? I can have her come and pick you up, I’m sure she’s dying to see you after five years…” She trailed off, and Peter felt himself freeze.
“Wait, did you say five years?!” Pepper gave him another weird look, then gave out a small gasp.
“Did no one tell you?” Peter shook his head, urging her to explain. “When Thanos snapped, everyone was gone. Pretty much everyone had lost hope until Scott came along. It’s 2023…” Peter felt his face go cold, processing what she said. She seemed to see what was going on, and she added, “I’m so sorry, I thought you knew.”
Peter felt like his world was tearing apart. Five years! No, it can’t… it can’t have been that long. No, no, no… May… Ned… He felt his breath start to speed up, and he fought to get control of it. He heard Pepper mutter something about getting May, but he couldn’t process what she meant.
Five years…
He had really spent five years… dead.
Gone.
Dust.
As the day progressed, the heroes still in the waiting room started talking. After the battle, there was complete destruction. And with all the dusted people suddenly returned, there was chaos, and the world demanded answers.
If it wasn’t bad enough before, world leaders were constantly trying to contact the avengers, or Pepper Potts, trying to figure out how to act in the situation. All the heroes quickly became stressed, and the tension in the room kept building up.
Five hours after he had woken up, everyone was quietly talking to each other. Except for peter, who sat in the corner of the room by himself. Although he tried his best not to show it, Peter's mind was spiraling with worry as to what Pepper told him. Five years meant that people had grown up, moved on, graduated school, gotten married. It was 2023. He should have been 21 by now. He would have legally been able to drink.
But all of that was taken away when Thanos decided to attack, to execute his “divine plan”.
After five hours of this, something happened. The door burst open, and May came rushing into the room. “Peter! Oh my god, Peter!”
She reached him in seconds, and immediately pulled him into a warm embrace. He could feel the wetness of her cheeks, and her light sobs as she clutched him. He himself realized that he was crying, an inexplicable burst of emotion surging through him.
AT that moment, Peter also realized that everyone in the room was looking at him, cold sympathy in their eyes. It was as if they had just realized that Peter was still a kid, just barely 16.
After may was done hugging him, she pulled back and looked at his face. She smiled wetly, and her face filled with love and relief, as well as sadness. In almost a whisper, she said, “Oh baby, I never thought I would see you again. I missed you so much.”
At those words, Peter felt something inside him break. This, this, was the five years he was gone. Even though for him it seemed like yesterday morning was when he last saw May, she had had to suffer through five years without him, not knowing that he would come back.
And it wasn’t just May. It was Tony, too. How much time had they spent grieving him? How much time did they spend missing him? How long did it take for them to try and move on? Did they even try to?
He had burdened them. He struggled to think of what Tony did after he was gone.
“And if you die, I feel like that’s on me”
How much of Peter’s death did tony blame himself for?
Peter knew the answer to his questions. Deep down, he knew that he was the cause of May and Tony’s pain in the last five years. This thought disgusted Peter. He had no right to cause them that pain. All he was was a burden to them.
When Peter’s parents died, May had to learn to take care of him. When he got ben killed, May had to work more to support them. When she found out about his alter-ego, she helped him.
Tony had found him, mentored him. He spent thousands on designing a suit for him and took the time out of his day to teach him. He checked up on him and treated his injuries Peter didn’t deserve them.
While Peter was going down this chain of thoughts, he didn’t notice that May was still holding him, talking to him. He eventually snapped back to reality when she said his name.
For the second time that day, someone looked at him as if they wanted to ask if he was okay. But before May could say anything, Peter cut in, saying “Sorry, zoned out for a second. I’m exhausted from yesterday.”
Her face softened with understanding, and she briefly looked over at the others (who had thankfully looked away). “What do you say we head home? You should get a change of clothes and some food.”
Peter looked at the door that led to the rest of the hospital. “I would, but I don’t wanna leave in case he…” Peter trailed off, not knowing what to say.
May gave him a sympathetic look, and he knew that she was going to try and reason with him. “I know that you want to know everything that’s happening, but you can’t survive without some clothes, food, and proper sleep. Why don’t we just go home for a day or two for you to recover, and then we can come back. I can also ask Pepper to send us updates on him. Would that be okay?”
The last thing she said surprised Peter. Since when was May on a first-name basis with Pepper Potts? Still, he reluctantly agreed to her plan, too exhausted to argue.
---
They drove home.
But all the way, Peter felt like he was going to have a panic attack.
Everything looked different. As they drove through Queens, he could pick out everything that had changed. Shops that closed down, new shops. Fewer cars, but more traffic. He didn’t even recognize where they were headed.
“Uh, May? This isn’t the way home.”
She turned to him for a moment before looking back at the road. “Oh, that’s right, you don’t know. A few years back, our old building burned down, and now I’m living in a new place. I know it might be a sudden change, but hey! It’s way closer to midtown than it was before.”
Peter tried not to gag, and he felt a sickening lurch in his stomach. Burned down. Just like that, gone. Nothing but ashes.
When they arrived, the building looked significantly better than he expected. “It’s so… nice? How can you afford this?”
May let out a laugh, and they stepped inside. “Boy, you have a lot to catch up on. I got promoted at work, so I now get paid double what I used to, and I don’t have to work as many hours.”
Peter pretended to smile and be excited, but he also just felt empty. What was once his home, where he lived with Ben, was gone. So little had changed, yet it was also so much.
As they stepped into the actual apartment, Peter felt his mood drop further. This wasn’t… home. There wasn’t his or Neds smell leading to his room, there wasn’t the faint sound of the shitty boiler that the building had, there wasn’t any of their old furniture left. It was all gone.
In its place, there were new smells. He could smell a teenager’s deodorant, his smell almost overpowering the place. There was also a trace of what smelled like… baby shampoo? He looked around, confused. May didn’t have any children that he knew of. Where were all the smells coming from?
“Hey May?” She looked over at him. “What’s that smell?”
She sniffed the air, a confused look crossing her face. “Oh, that probably Harleys deodorant, he was staying over for a while. Damn, I forgot about your super senses, I can barely smell it.” She let out a soft laugh and went around the kitchen.
It was an open floor plan, so he just awkwardly sat on the couch, not knowing where to go.
“May, whos Harley?”
She turned to look at him. “Oh, he’s Tony’s kid. Well, not biologically, but he pretty much could be. After the snap, they got pretty close, I guess. He’s a good kid, probably a couple of years older than you by now. Actually, he’s a lot like you. Smart, good at science and math. I think you would like him”
Peter felt his throat close up. Tonys kid. Tony really did move on. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but he still felt some sort of loss. He thought, before Thanos, that he and Tony had been pretty close. But evidently Tony could easily find someone else. Then he wondered about what May had said. “Wait, May, why would he be staying here then?”
“Oh, well, after the snap, I guess I kind of just started talking to Pepper and Tony more. After you were gone, they were the only adults that I could really talk about you with. After a while, I guess I just became part of their family, y’know? Like a wine aunt to Harley and Morgan.” She let out a small sigh, a smile on her face.
That answer just brought up even more questions. Who the hell was Morgan? Was she another one of Tony’s surrogate children? Also, had May really just… replaced him? With some kids named Harley and Morgan? He felt a weird sense of possession. For so long, it was just May and him against the world, especially after Ben died. But now, she wasn’t just his anymore. She was now also Harley and Morgan’s aunt, even though he had never even met them.
After thinking that, he immediately stopped. God, what was he thinking? He had no right to feel like that. He was gone for five years, of course she moved on. Of course she left him in the past.
Instead of asking who Morgan was, or voicing any of his other thoughts, lay across the couch. He didn’t really feel like there was much else that he could do. He didn’t know the layout of this apartment, or where any of the rooms were… god. His room was gone. What about all of his stuff? Had it burned too? The thought hit him like a truck, and he felt his breath catch.
Every second, it felt like more and more was taken away from him. His home, his stuff, even May seemed different. He didn’t even know if Ned and MJ were dusted or not. If they weren’t, then it meant that they already graduated Midtown, and were in college.
He felt his panic rise again, but before he could go into a full-blown panic attack, May spoke again. “God, this is all so sudden. I wish I had time to prepare or something, I have no idea where I’m gonna put you.” She sighed and before Peter could ask what she meant, she continued. “The guest room has a bunch of Harleys stuff right now, and I don’t have the time to clean it. Would it be okay if you slept on the couch for a little while? I just need some time to sort everything out.”
Peter felt a punch of guilt, seeing her stressed face. God, he was such a burden. But, he was quick to reassure her that he would be fine sleeping on the couch and to take all the time she needed.
Since it was already dark and they were both tired, May decided to skip cooking dinner and they both went to bed.
With all the lights off, Peter lay on the couch, gazing out of the window and listening to the traffic outside. He tried his best not to think about it, but still, his anxieties all came to him, flooding through his head.
What if Tony didn’t turn out alright? What if he didn’t survive? What if he forgot about Peter? What if Tony and aunt May left him?
They probably realized how much better their lives were without him. They probably realized that they didn’t need him. They would probably leave him again as soon as they got the chance.
As he fell asleep, Peter only thought about that. He only thought about how his loved ones would soon grow to hate him and realize how much of a burden he was. As he fell asleep, he fell into his nightmares.