VI
James was very happy he hasn't went out last night.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have woken up in time to see Regulus' message.
Hey, I'm going to The Luna Cafe at 11:30, and was wondering if you'd like to meet me there?
OFC I WOULD! You have made my dreary Saturday a lot better.
I'll see you there.
James smiled happily. A day where he got to see Regulus was a day that made history books. He took his meds quickly. That was the last one, he'd now have to get some more. He'd do it during the week, when the pharmacy was actually open. He'd do it Monday.
He got changed quick, seeing it was 10:45 now, he saw the sitting room was a mess, and sighed. Remus and Sirius had stayed up later than him, and had clearly had too much to drink.
James was happy he wouldn't be here to see that hangover.
He was also happy he wouldn't be dealing with a hangover either.
He left a quick note for Sirius, saying where he was gone, and decided to get there early. Hopefully Lily would be there, and he could chat to her until Regulus arrived.
When he got there, Lily was there, and he went in happy, seeing as the place was dead.
"Lily!" He cried, running up to the counter. "Oh how I've missed seeing your pretty face! Tell me, has a girl captured the key to your heart yet?"
Lily rolled her eyes, but didn't seem too annoyed. The place was dead.
"Well.." she trailed off, and James gasped in delight.
"Oh my god!" James jumped in happiness, and spun around happily. Lily smiled, pleased. Everyone knew if James had to let out his happiness, he was very happy. "Who is she?"
"A new customer," she smiled shyly, and James nodded for her to continue. "She orders a brownie frappe every time she comes in. She's been in twice this week. She had gorgeous curls--"
"I have gorgeous curls too!" James said, crossing his arms. "And you broke up with me."
"But she's a girl, James," Lily said. "Remember? I'm a raging homosexual."
"I can toast to that," James said, and they fist bumped. "Anyways, continue describing her in detail."
"She had amazing skin, it's so smooth, and wears these really cute bracelets and hairclips," Lily sighed longingly, and went off to go get James' usual. "Her name's Mary. If she comes in while you're here, you'll just know."
"Has she said anything to you?"
"Apart from her order? Not really. It's tragic."
Lily handed him his drink, and sat down with him as the place was still dead.
"I just wish she would make the move. Because my lesbian earrings are giving her confirmation. I have nothing to confirm it. And I sincerely hope she is. She's beautiful," Lily said, looking slightly sad. "How could she like me?"
James frowned at her. He hated when people felt bad about themselves, everyone is perfect in their own ways, and looks didn't mean if someone was genuinely good or not. Looks meant so little to him. Personalities are so much better.
"What do I always say? Don't talk shit about yourself," he said, and Lily smiled.
"Leave that to the jealous bitches instead," Lily replied, and James nodded approvingly. He said a lot of things to people to make them feel better about themselves but he didn't always take his own advice onboard.
"Exactly. You're so wise," James said, and grinned as he saw Regulus walk through the door.
"Cheating on me already?" Regulus asked, his bag in hand.
"I'm a lesbian," Lily said, looking Regulus up and down. James knew she was taking him all in to give her honest opinions later.
"Doesn't mean you're blind," Regulus said, and planted a kiss on James' cheek, causing James' stomach to flip in excitement. He loved jealous Regulus. It was hot.
Lily rolled her eyes.
"Run while you can," She said, walking back to the counter. "The first chance he gets, he'll cook you food that's so spicy you'll think it burned off all of your taste buds."
"That was one time!" James whined. "It's not my fault that you have white taste buds. Can't be helped."
"What can I get for you, Regulus? Since James clearly won't offer," Lily smirked, and Regulus' face cast a hint of a smile.
"I like you," Regulus said, much to James' dismay. "I'll have a black coffee."
"Out of all the fifty three drinks here, you go for something that you can make yourself?"
"An iced black coffee, please," Regulus said again, and Lily reluctantly went to go get it.
They sat down, James's back at the counter, because he knew otherwise he would read the menu repeatedly. Sometimes he leaves a place with he menu memorized
"Well this was a nice surprise," James said, and Regulus nodded, avoiding eye contact.
"I guess I just wanted to see you," he said, and distracted himself with the coffee Lily had just put in front of him, along with a plate of scones.
"Aw love, I'm glad you wanted to see me," James smiled happily. He liked when people wanted to spend time with him.
"So pet names are a thing now?" Regulus asked, arching an eyebrow. But James didn't miss the slight blush.
"Of course. Reg, you'll never escape them," James replied, biting into a scone.
Regulus didn't seem to annoyed at that. In fact, he seemed happy.
"do you have a favourite singer?" Regulus asked, and james lit up with excitement.
"The queen herself, Taylor Swift," he replied immediately. "AC/DC is nice, and Harry Styles, along with some David Bowie."
Regulus nodded.
"That makes sense."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" James asked, crossing his arms stubbornly.
"Well, obviously you're Lover or Speak Now. It just makes sense. Whereas I'm more Reputation or Folklore," he said, like it was common to know what Taylor Swift album you were and other people's. "Bowie is too rock for me. I prefer Elton John if we're going with the 70s. I don't mind Bears in Trees either, but that's mostly because my friend's forced me to expand my music taste. Apparently Tchaikovsky is too underground nowadays," he scoffed.
"You like Taylor Swift?"
"I thought you would've picked up on that when I hummed along to her at the picnic," Regulus said, grabbing a scone. "And literally mentioned it at the picnic."
"Well I was looking at your lips for a very different reason," James said, and Regulus blushed so James gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You're so pretty."
Regulus swatted him away, but took his hand instead. He seems to be deep in thought, and James wondered what could be causing the crease in his forehead.
"A penny for your thoughts?" James asked, and looking back in time, it was the catalyst to a series of events that would alter his life forever. But he held up a coin, completely unaware.
Regulus rolled his eyes, but didn't take the coin.
"James," he said softly, like something was wrong, and James panicked, scared that Regulus was about to break up with him.
It made sense. He probably thought he was mad, breaking down like that because he was called perfect.
Fuck fuck fuck.
"I'm--"
James prepared himself for the blow.
"I'm trans," he said, and James' shoulders visibly relaxed.
He had not been expecting that, but he considered it a win.
"Oh," James said, before realizing he should probably say something else, as Regulus would probably say something over his deflated reaction. "That's okay! I presume female to male? I support you no matter what, and this doesn't change an absolute thing how I feel about you."
Regulus smiled, and he relaxed a bit.
"Yeah. Trans man. My favourite way to get disowned out of the most ancient and noble house of Black."
Well shit.
At that moment in time, James knew he had fucked up massively. It all made sense. The similarities between Sirius and Regulus.
They were brothers.
Oh dear.
James didn't know who would kil him first: Sirius or Regulus.
James knew he was panicking, and he couldn't tell if he was visibly panicking too. He forced it down as best he could. He'd only have to keep his composure for a few more minutes, and then he could run off to the bathroom and continue panicking. Why did he have to keep doing this?
James didn't know how, but he managed to ask a few more follow up questions.
"When did you know for sure?" James asked, trying to stay calm.
"When I was fourteen. I had thought about it when I was younger, but I didn't have the vocabulary to express anything," Regulus smiled lightly. "Nor the supportive family."
"Do they know?" James asked, knowing damn well that they most definitely did not.
"No. I ran away and decided I couldn't look back," he said, looking James in the eye. "And I'm glad I did. I would've died trying to surpress myself."
James took his hand, and looked at Regulus sadly. No one deserves that.
"I'm so sorry," James told him. "That's a shitty hand to be given."
Regulus tried to shrug it off.
"It's life," he said dismissively. "But I wanted to tell you before we went any further, because I haven't even had any surgery yet, and I didn't want you to be surprised or angry."
James shook his head.
"Oh love," he sighed. "I would never get mad over that. I like to because you're funny, kind, a bit scary, sarcastic, but most of all, because you're you. I'm not only attracted to you because you look handsome. I like you for everything."
"Thanks," he said, genuinely thanking James for being supportive. It made James' heart break a bit. Sirius didn't even know. Which brought him back to his panic.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
What was he supposed to do?
James had no fucking clue.
"I'm just going to the bathroom," James said quickly for the second time in twenty-four hours, and rushed to the bathroom, hoping Regulus wouldn't see him freaking out, because he would think it's because James has a problem with him being trans.
He doesn't, but Sirius will have a fit.
As he yelled at his mind to shut up!!! He tried taking some deep breaths. He couldn't panic. Maybe Sirius would forgive him. Maybe Sirius would realize it wasn't a fling. It was serious.
James pulled at his hair. He was proper freaking out now, his breathing shallow and uneven. He couldn't think properly, he couldn't breath and his vision was blurry. The last time this happened was when he thought Sirius was mad at him over what he'd done when he was manic.
James didn't think he could get through the panic alone, but who was he supposed to ask. Regulus didn't need this on his plate. He had enough.
Lily.
He let go of his hair, and quickly leaving the bathroom, he went to the staffroom, where Lily was sure to be.
His legs were shaking as he got there. He couldn't lose control.
"James?" Lily said, clearly surprised to see him here. But she took one look at him, and immediately her expression turned from confusion to scared. "Oh James, come here."
She hugged him tightly, and James cried quietly as she forced him to breathe.
James had no clue what to tell anyone.
'hey Sirius, my best friend. How would you feel if I was dating your brother? Yeah, surprise! You have one!'
It wasn't going to go down well.
Lily got him calm, but then he remembered Regulus was waiting for him, and rushed to get back, but Lily grabbed his wrist.
"No way do you have a panic attack and leave without an explanation," she said, letting go and folding her arms.
"I-i don't know what happened. I just freaked."
James was telling a small truth, he knew that. But it was so complicated now, how could he explain?
"You should tell him," Lily said. "He's going to wonder where you were."
"I was helping you with some heavy boxes because your back is sore," James said firmly, and left the room. He felt bad that he was doing that to Lily, but Regulus couldn't know.
He went back to the table, and apologized to Regulus.
"I'm sorry. Lily needed help with some boxes. She hurt her back last week, and it's still not right," James said, surprised at how easily the lie came. He supposed that at this point, he was on autopilot.
Regulus nodded, and took his hand.
"It's fine," he said. "I just had one more thing to say about me. Are you sure you're okay with it--"
James cut him off by placing a kiss to his lips.
"It isn't a big deal. So what? If we ever do it, I won't care what you want to do as long as you're happy. That's why people do it. Because it brings them pleasure. All I would want is for you to be happy," James said, but was thinking would he ever get too, because once Sirius finds out, he'll be going six feet underground.
Regulus blushed.
"You're so sweet."
James was about to say something back, but at that moment in time, he considered himself a dead man, as he saw Sirius walk into the cafe.
He would never tell Regulus he loved him now. Or continue living.
Forget a Taylor Swift concert, he was going to get a Bowie one soon.
As Sirius lit up at seeing James, James went so pale that Regulus' eyes widened.
"James, are you okay?" He asked, leaning forward. "You're so pale."
Regulus turned around anxiously, before following James' line of sight, and turning around, he was face to face with his brother.
James felt the world tilt as the two worlds collided for the first time in nine years.
"What. The. Fuck." Regulus said, looking at his brother with disbelief.
"Regi- sis- sibling?" Sirius gasped, utterly reeling from shock. "James, why are you with them?"
Before James could think about how quickly Sirius had picked up on the fact he was his brother, Sirius' eyes had darkened, and James knew it a fight was about to go down that was worthy of the history books.
They always said they were the most dramatic family in Britain, after all.
"What are you doing here?" Regulus hissed at them, his eyes narrowing in dislike, while simultaneously getting wider from shock.
"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked him, utterly shocked. "You're Regulus? As in James' boyfriend?"
"James Potter," Regulus sighed, turning to him.
Oh fuck.
This was about to get messy.
"James, why are you dating my sis-sibling? Brother?"
"Brother," Regulus replied.
"I swear I didn't know," James put his hands up in surrender.
Sirius grabbed a shocked James by the t-shirt, and pulled him closer.
"Do not bullshit me. She-he looks like me! Why the fuck would you even go near him?"
James froze. Sirius was staring at him like he was scum, and all James wanted to do was cry.
Sirius released James from his grip.
"I only knew for sure like 40 minutes ago Pads, I promise! Why would I hide it from you?" James pleaded. He couldn't think. Shit shit shit.
Regulus, funnily enough, defended him.
"Why would you even care? You left me, remember?"
"I would've died!" Sirius turned on Regulus, her eyes blazing. "I was black and blue, bleeding and barely conscious when James found me!"
"Oh yeah, golden James Potter," Regulus laughed bitterly. "He was so special, toy decided to leave me for him."
"I begged you to come with me! I did!" Sirius blinked back tears.
"And all that came of that was you getting beaten even more."
"At least I had the courage to leave!"
"Or you were a coward for not staying."
"Well, clearly you've left anyways. Trans! You kept that well hidden," Sirius said bitterly, folding her arms.
James knew this wasn't good at all. But at least he wasn't at the front of their minds.
"You were too busy being besties with James fucking Potter over here!"
Nevermind.
"Regulus I didn't try to take Sirius--"
Regulus slammed his hand down on the table.
"But you did anyways! Can you even comprehend how much that sucked! The only person I could trust! Gone! Just like that!" Regulus stood up abruptly. "I don't think I want to be here right now."
He grabbed his bag, and walked out, but not before saying, "I left all by myself."
Sirius immediately crumpled, and James went over to them.
But they stood up, pushing James away.
"How dare you," Sirius gritted out between the tears. "I didn't know. I thought he was one of them."
James froze. He couldn't process anything. He was going in and out, his mind going too fast and too slow. But he knew he had fucked up.
Big-time.
"Sirius, I didn't know he was your brother!" James said, sitting down, watching Sirius pace angrily, tears silently falling.
"Yeah? And I didn't know either! How do you think that feels? Then, I fond out not only is my brother trans and estranged from the family, that my best friend is dating him! How am I supposed to process that? You don't go near family!" Sirius hissed, his face flushed.
"Sirius, how could I've been sure! I'd hardly ever met him before!"
"James, I can't do this. Just leave me alone," Sirius said, making him the second one to walk out that door on him today.
He had to admit, it didn't feel great.
He was shaking all over. Two people he cares about: one new, and one he'd known for most his life, were so angry at him he couldn't fathom what he was even supposed to do right now.
He knew he messed up. But what was he supposed to do? Stop dating Regulus? He couldn't do that. He liked him so much, and it would make James so sad. And he couldn't not be Sirius' best friend. It was all so complicated and James didn't like it one bit.
He didn't realize he was crying until Lily came out.
"Remus is on the way," was all she said, and let James cry. He was floating in and out, hysterical sobs and laughs coming out every so often. He could hardly breathe.
James had never been more thankful for Remus in that moment as he walked through the staff door to where James was sitting.
"I'm a monster, Remus," was what James said as Remus approached him. "Sirius and Regulus both hate me. I messed everything up. It's all my fault."
Remus hugged him, and James shook his head frantically.
"They hate me."
"Why would Sirius hate you?" Remus asked increduously.
"Well, Regulus is his brother! Surprise! He's trans! And I'm dating him! And I didn't know, but Sirius doesn't care and still sees it as the biggest betrayal of all! And Regulus is angry at Sirius, and me by extension because I'm a brother stealer now! That's what they both think of me," James laughed hysterically, and Remus softened.
"James, that's not your fault. But, how did you not realize it was him?" Remus asked, and James huffed.
"How was I supposed to know he was trans! I knew he looked like the Blacks! It's all the goddamn incest."
James was shutting down. He was making jokes. It was the only possible way he would process any emotions during this time.
"James Potter. Stealer of brother's everywhere."
Remus frowned, and looked James in the eyes.
"This isn't your fault. They're both blacks, so they're going to be dramatic about it all. Sirius still cares about Regi- Regulus. But she's also angry. Angry he didn't follow her when she asked. It's a very complicated relationship. We can't mess with that." Remus wiped a tear away gently.
James shook his head, wiping his tears away.
"It's my fault. I'm going to have to live with that," He said, and stood up.
He had a plan. Ignore all of it until it blows over and they bother want to talk to him again.
"James, where are you going?" Remus asked as he walked purposely out of the cafe.
"Home," he said, walking quickly. "I want to make lunch.
There's pizza dough in the freezer. I want Pizza. Do you want pizza Remus?"
James could see that Remus was scared that he was losing it. James wasn't. He was fine. Why wouldn't he be?
"James, I really--"
"Perfect. I'll make margarita."
Remus sighed. He knew he wasn't going to bet through to him. But bringing him home would be better than having him roaming the street when he was like this.
They walked home, and James went to get the dough immediately, putting it in the microwave to defrost.
James hummed as he prepped everything, much to Remus' concern.
Remus was on edge all day, but James found he was quite productive. He made lunch, planned his schedule and danced happily to Taylor Swift.
Hw was in the kitchen when Sirius arrived home.
"The bitch is back," James said as Sirius swayed in.
Their eyes narrowed in dislike.
"Get out," she said, walking clumsily over to the counter. "I don't even want to look at you."
James felt all his earlier emotions hit him like a truck. Sad, angry, confused, scared and lost. What's more, Sirius was clearly drunk.
He wished he could ignore all of it.
He didn't realise he was shaking until he looked at his hands.
They were too big, and James felt disorientated.
"Sirius, I'm sorry," James pleaded, and Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Oh please, as if you–" Sirius stopped short, before rushing over to the sink and releasing the contents of their stomach.
James grimaced. He was going to hold back Sirius's hair, but he was so angry at what Sirius had been saying, so he stayed put.
Sirius went and got a glass of water before continuing.
"I can't believe it," Sirius said, sitting down slowly, glass of water in their hand. "I have a brother. And you found out before me."
James shook his head. He was going to crash. He couldn't handle it. Emotions were flooding through him, and he didn't know how to cope.
"I should've known. But I left. I left and I never looked back."
"Pads, you were just a child," Remus said, walking in and placing an arm around them soothingly.
"Children aren't supposed to deal with adult issues," Remus continued. "No one blames you for leaving."
Sirius stood up quickly.
"But he does! I do! If I never left, I could've helped him figure who he was earlier! We could've left to together! I left him in that house. And I hate myself for that. I thought he would be okay. I didn't realize how much I was shielding him. And he blames me," Sirius was shouting now, their hands trembling. "And now he prefers James over me!"
James didn't say anything. He just shook. He couldn't process anything. He didn't know what he was doing.
"I'm sorry," he spat. "I know I'm the bad guy in your eyes. Now excuse me, I need to go have a full blown breakdown."
He stormed off, and shut his door.
He tried to stay angry, but it dissolved, and he was left as a mess on the floor instead, with his own tears made drunk.
He hardly realised Sirius had come in, until he heard a small gasp.
"Oh James I'm sorry! I didn't mean to--" she trailed off, and sat down beside him.
James just shook his head, burying his face in his knees.
Sirius came closer so they could hug him, but James backed away.
"No. I'm the reason you and Regulus don't like each other. You don't have to pretend you don't hate my guts."
Sirius' eyes softened.
"James, I don't hate you. It's just a lot to take in. In one go too. Imagine finding out your sister is actually your brother, and that your best friend is dating him? And that he escaped your cruel horrible family? It was easy to take it out on you. I'm sorry. But I am still mad you're dating him," Sirius said, and took his hand, making small comforting circles.
James didn't want to do this conversation. Ever.
"Pads, I know you'll forgive me, but what about him? I have really fucked things up."
James stood up, wiping his tears with the back of his sleeve.
"I want to go to bed. I want to think about this when I can connect one trail of thought with the other. And you should sleep too. You're still drunk."
Sirius closed their eyes, sighing.
"One day, you'll have to confront all your problems and you won't be able to run away from them," she sighed, standing up, wobbling slightly.
James thought that was rather rude. He didn't run away, he just briskly walked as fast as possible.
******
James was tired the next morning, considering he'd stayed up all night, forcing himself not to drink, as he didn't even deserve to numb the pain.
He'd text Regulus, and he has been left on delivered.
The day was hard. Sirius wasn't talking to him, Remus was trying to diffuse the tension and James was jumping at every little noise, like a bomb waiting to go off.
At three, James decided he couldn't take the house anymore, and went for a run.
It was easier to think without Remus trying to get them to listen to each other's point of view.
He ran faster and longer than other times. He decided that if everything was going to shit, he could punish himself in the least mentally unstable way.
He only stopped when he saw stars.
Sadly, they weren't Sirius or Regulus.
He doesn't remember how he made it home, but he did, at about eight thirty that night.
Remus was sitting in the sitting room, biting his nails when James walked in.
"Where were you?!"
"Running," was all James said, before going to his room, and purposely having an ice cold shower.
He was still being left on delivered by Regulus.
He forced himself to think it was for the best.
****
James doesn't know how he got through Monday. Armed with little to no sleep, aching bones and a hatred for the Black brothers.
Regulus still hadn't answered.
He was able to put a mask on for the children, smiling and laughing as usual. But Marlene picked up on his strange mood.
"Everything okay?" She asked as they cleaned the eating area together.
James jumped, lost in thought. He quickly turned to face her.
"Excellent!" He said quickly. "Why?"
"You seem...off," was all she said, staring at him expectantly. She saw right through him.
"Well, everything is chipper, so..."
Marlene just sighed.
"Want to come over to my house later?" She asked. "Dorcas says I should invite more friends over"
James considered it. He really didn't want to spend the evening watching Sirius annoy him. And he could always get his meds tomorrow.
"Yeah," he said, smiling at her. "That would be nice."
He sent Remus a text saying he was with a friend. He even sent a picture for proof because he didn't believe him.
He got the train with Marlene, and when Marlene opened the door, they were happily greeted by Dorcas.
"James! I'm so happy I finally get to meet you!" She said, throwing her arms around him. Her beaded braids hitting against him.
He smiled. "Nice to meet you too."
She untangled her arms from around his neck.
"I hate when people don't match your energy," Dorcas sighed, and James immediately apologized.
"I didn't mean-- it's been a long day," he said, and Marlene nodded in agreement.
"What's for dinner babe?" Marlene asked, giving Dorcas a kiss fondly.
"I was going to do turkey meatballs," she said, and James saw a small star or David on her bracelet. It made him feel warm, like she understood a bit of what he went through as the coloured non-christian classmate.
"Sounds good," James smiled, and Marlene sat down on the couch.
"Tell me your boy problems," Marlene said, gesturing for James to sit down.
"I don't have boy problems."
"Oh Honey, you absolutely do," Marlene replied, as James sat down. "You've been acting off."
James shook his head.
"That's a long story."
"James, I'm not a therapist. I don't charge by the minute. Now explain," she pushed, and Dorcas came back, handing them tea.
"Emotional conversations go better with tea," she said, and sat down on the armchair near Marlene.
"There's nothing to tell. He's just mad at me."
James really didn't want t explain he was dating his best friends brother.
Marlene just looked at him sternly.
He sighed. So much for dealing with his own problems.
"Well, it's not just Regulus that's mad at me. Sirius is too," he said, and Marlene's hands flew to her mouth.
"Did you cheat on him with Remus?!" She asked, and Dorcas stared at her.
"No! What the fuck Marlene!" James retorted, and Marlene blushed.
"What?" She asked accusingly, ignoring their stares. "If you managed to hurt both of them, that was the only reasonable explanation."
"I wish it were that simple," James sighed, and Marlene looked at him quizzingly.
"Spill the beans, James Fleabag Potter."
James braced himself to say the words.
"I'm dating Sirius' brother."
Marlene's and Dorcas' jaws dropped in shock.
"Yeah. And they haven't spoken in like seven years or something. And then, in the middle of a date with Regulus, Sirius shows up, loses their shit, and so does Regulus, and they both blame me, which is kinda stupid. How was I supposed to know it was her brother? I didn't know that! And Regulus hates me because I took Sirius away from him when we were all children apparently, and Sirius won't speak to me I stole Regulus away from him now! So, no one actually likes me! Because apparently my feelings aren't valid in any of this."
James looked away, blinking away angry tears.
When he did look, the expressions on their faces was shock.
"That's... quite the plot twist," Marlene said, and Dorcas nodded in agreement.
"How'd you think I feel!" James cursed, putting his head in his hands.
"Wait," Dorcas said. "So your Regulus is Regulus Black?"
James didn't imagine there were many people named Regulus Black roaming the streets.
"Yeah?"
Dorcas grinned, and James was wondering what the hell was she thinking.
"I knew it was the same James!" She cheered. "The world Is small!"
James was confused, to say the least.
"Do you know Regulus?"
Dorcas gaped at him.
"Do I know Regulus! I'm his best friend!"
James froze.
"Oh my god."
"Oh my god."
James was slightly freaking out, to say the least.
"He's mad at you," Dorcas informed him.
"Yeah no shit!"
"He'll forgive you though," Dorcas continued, and James looked at her happily. "Eventually."
His smile fell again.
Once Dorcas promised that she would put a good word in for him, they sat down to eat, James and Dorcas saying a quick prayer, and Marlene smiled at James.
After they'd eaten, James didn't have much time to say goodbye as he was going to catch the train in 20 minutes.
"I hope you can come over again soon James," Marlene said, and Dorcas nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, Marlene doesn't have many friends, it's nice to see she's not a complete loner," Dorcas sniggered.
"You bitch," Marlene said, clearly not meaning it.
Dorcas grabbed Marlene lightly by the waist.
"You know you love it," she said, kissing her forehead teasingly.
James coughed politely. He really, really wished he could have such a caring relationship with Regulus. But he'd gone and fucked everything up.
He looked at the clock, and realised he had three minutes to catch the train.
"I better leave!" He said, and they said their goodbyes to each other as he ran to catch the train.
When James arrived home, Sirius was there, waiting for him in the hallway.
"You're back."
James didn't say anything, hurt by Sirius' behaviour the past two days.
"Look, I know I was harsh," Sirius said, making sure James didn't go off to his room by blocking it. "I was extremely overwhelmed. Imagine finding out your sibling is actually your brother and not a sister and that they're dating your best friend and you haven't spoken to them in over mine years. It's no excuse but still."
James sighed. He was glad Sirius was taking some responsibility, but he was still slightly mad.
"He won't speak to me."
"Give me his address," Sirius said, and James paused, trying to figure out why they wanted it.
"You're not going to ambush him. He needs time."
"Fine. I won't do it now. But at the weekend, okay?"
James nodded. He really didn't want a showdown.
"I'm having some wine."
Sirius had a lot more than just one glass, so by the time they were on their fourth, James was able to drink without them putting it together.
And wasn't he happy about that.
He'd always been a happy drunk, and so he started sprouting nonsense with Sirius.
"I really miss Regulus," Sirius said, head dangling off the couch, a glass in his hand. "I never stopped."
"I miss him too."
"Dude, you've been waiting like three days."
"That's a long time. You said that after Amy broke up with you."
"Wanker."
"Do you think I'll ever get better?" James asked. "Or will I be crazy forever?"
"Crazy forever. You'll never be boring."
James smiled, reaching to pour himself some more. He had missed the taste.
But, with perfect timing, Remus decided to emerge from his room.
"James what the fuck?" Remus yelled, and James winced. "Sirius, he's not supposed to drink!"
Sirius didn't really register that.
"What?" He asked, his eyes trailing over to James, where a half ful glass was next to him on the table. "It's only wine- shit. I see I may have made a mistake."
James shook his head.
" It's fine. I really wanted too," he said, but Sirius started crying, and ran off to their bedroom.
Remus sighed, and looked at James sadly.
"It's okay. You can start again."
James shook his head.
"Why bother?"
He couldn't see the point. What was the point in trying if he'd been trying for so long and still failed?
He shook his head again.
"Goodnight."
He made his way to his room, wishing none of this happened.