V
James couldn't sleep. He had a date with Regulus, and that was all he could think about. He desperately wanted to tell Regulus how cute he was.
Sitting up and turning on the lamp, he grabbed his phone. Finding Regulus' contact, he pressed call, and crossed his fingers in hope he'd pick up.
"James?" Regulus's voice was sleepy, but there was an edge of panic. "James, are you okay?"
"...yeah?"
James was thrown off by the question, not sure why he was asking.
"Then why the fuck are you calling at two in the morning?"
James hadn't realised the time. He hadn't thought to check.
"Because I'm excited for our date," he said sheepishly.
Regulus hung up, and James couldn't help but think he'd done something terrible.
Panicking, he sat up. What if he had gone and messed everything up? He resisted the strong urge to call him again and apologise. He was so stupid. He wished he had a rather large glass of wine to drown his sorrows in.
He sighed. He shouldn't be thinking that. He hadn't touched a glass in a while. It wasn't good. Especially in this mindset.
Reluctantly, he got up, and pushed the door open and headed towards the sitting room. Then he got his phone out, and tried to do some meditation.
And took his medication.
But he couldn't focus on the ladies voice. All he could think about was how he had made Regulus mad. Why had he called anyways?
He knew why. Because he was stupid. That's why.
At four, he still wasn't calm, and knew he had to call Sirius before he panicked and started spiralling. He didn't want to knock on the door like some child ho had a bad dream.
He let it ring three times before he hung up. If Sirius was awake, he would come down to the sitting room.
And he did. James heard his footsteps before he saw them.
"James? Are you okay?"
"I called you at four in the morning."
"Fair," they whispered, sitting down beside him. "What's wrong?"
"Regulus is mad at me and what if he hates me now and then ghosts me later and I never find true love?" James rushed, his eyes frantic.
Sirius rubbed his arm soothingly.
"James, I'm sure Regulus isn't that mad that he'll never see you again," she said reasonably. "What makes you think he does?"
"I called him at two in the morning."
"... Oh."
"Yeah. But I didn't mean to! I was lying in bed and I couldn't stop thinking about him, and how I was really excited to see him for our cinema date, so I thought if I called him it would make me feel better."
Sirius sighed.
"I'm sure he's just a little angry because you woke him up and not because he hates your guts. You're a good person," Sirius said, hugging him.
James let out a shaky breath.
"Then why am I so afraid?"
"Because you care. It's not a bad thing."
James avoided mentioning that it was a bad thing. If he cared too much, and Regulus decided to up and leave, that would only lead James down a dangerous road of destruction that would darken not just James' life, but everyone else's ended up in the same place as last time. And he couldn't do that again.
"I want to sleep," he mumbled. He didn't particularly fancy thinking right now.
Sirius unravelled their arms from him.
"You sure you'll be okay?"
James nodded. "I just needed some calming down."
Sirius hugged him one more time, and they both returned to their separate bedrooms.
James wished he had someone to sleep beside him on nights like these.
*********
When James woke up, he immediately checked his phone to make sure Regulus hadn't cancelled on him after last night. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he saw nothing of the sort.
But James got up, feeling empty anyways. He was still scared that Regulus was mad, and really didn't want to face him today. What if he was still angry? What if he ghosts him? James wouldn't know what to do.
He tried to shake the feeling of emptyness off, but it didn't work. He had a cup of tea, it didn't work. He listened to The Kinks, it didn't work. But neither Sirius nor Remus had picked up on it, and James didn't fancy having to bring it up.
The slope of sanity and insanity was a slippery one that James didn't know how to navigate.
He tired to relax. The movie wasn't until the evening, he had plenty of time to get rid of the emptyness. Would it be arduous? Probably. But Sirius was here, obviously he didn't work weekends. Remus was on a long shift, so he wouldn't be back until later. James wished he would be back sooner. Remus was always better at dealing with feeling nothing.
He decided he couldn't tell Sirius. He was already stressing about him as much as it was, why add another onto their plate?
So James decided it was time for a run. He loved running. He used to do a lot more in secondary school, since he would run everytime he was feeling too much or none at all. He was told that exercise kept the body and mind healthy. So running seemed like the best idea. It didn't fix his mind, but it did keep his physique.
Grabbing his gear, he went to see if Sirius wanted to come along. They used to run together, but at one point Remus joined in. That hadn't lasted long, since his lungs went to shit, so they hadn't been out as much recently, because Remus was struggling with feelings of jealousy.
"Padfoot, care to go for a run?" He asked, knocking on their bedroom door. "And pronouns?"
"I would love nothing more," they grinned, abandoning the pile of tests that were sitting on the bed. "And any will do."
Pleased, James waited in the kitchen. He knew this would lift his mood. This was just a bad mood, everyone had them. If people could get rid of them by running, so could he.
When Sirius replied, they made their way down the stairs together, not needing to speak. They both knew the way. Turning right, they began with their warm up pace, and chatted.
"Have you and Remus been okay? No arguing?" James asked.
Sirius looked at James, half scared.
"No. Why? Is Remus mad at me? Do you know what I've–" Sirius blabbered until James cut her off.
"Remus hasn't said anything to me. I was merely asking, because I know I've been busy lately, and haven't checked up," James replied, and Sirius exhaled.
"Good. Because I thought for a second he'd said something to you."
"If he said anything against you I would immediately come to your defense."
"My night in shining armour," Sirius teased.
They turned into did park and continued jogging. James loved the repetition of it.
in, out. In, out. In, out.
His feet pounding on the ground with the same sound each time. Running was predictable. He always knew what would happen next.
"Has Regulus text back?" Sirius asked as they turned a corner.
James sighed. "Nope. But at least he hasn't cancelled on me."
"I doubt he even remembers that you called, and is all excited for this evening, just like you," Sirius replied, before giving him a cheeky grin.
James didn't say anything, too deep thought, and they continued on. He really hoped Sirius was right.
The run had helped his head a bit, they'd completed 6 miles, and he didn't feel completely shit, an improvement from two hours ago.
"Well, that was a good run," Sirius said, checking the time. "But I'm showering first."
"You prick!" James wailed, running to get the bathroom, but it was too late. Sirius had already closed the door, and James sighed. He would have to wait.
He went back to his room, and quickly checked his phone for the time.
12:34
but he also saw that there was a text from Regulus.
His heart racing, he immediately went to check it.
The movie is for 6:30, oui?
James let out a sigh of relief. Regulus didn't hate him.
Yep :) see you then
Happy that Regulus was still on for tonight, he checked his other messages. There was one from Peter, saying he next weekend off, and was wondering if they were all free to meet up.
OFC! Wormtail, it's been so long.
I knowww. But I have the whole weekend off, so now we can catch up for a lads night?
Lads night, plus me, the great Sirius Black.
Sorry Sirius! Didn't mean to!
Lads night, with a special guest, Sirius Black.
much better.
We heading out for dinner or?
I don't really mind.
Guys, believe it or not, we can go to the pub. I'll just have 0.0
No.
absolutely not.
C'mon! It's been what, a year? More? I'll be fine.
I'm getting Moonys advice before we decide on anything.
Yes, Sirius? What do you want.
Darling Boyfriend, do we let James go to the pub with us?
I think that's James' personal decision.
see! Remus agrees!
How about we go out for dinner, and after James get to decide what we do next. Go back to my house for drinks or go out.
I think Pete has a really good idea.
Me too.
Fine. And James, go take a shower, I can smell you from here.
Fuck off.
James closed the chat. It bothered him that Sirius still didn't trust him, but at the same time, at least he cared.
Grabbing his towel, he made his way towards the bathroom. After checking there was enough hot water and Sirius didn't take it all, he got in, feeling as if he was also washing all the bad energy he picked up off.
When he finished, he made sure to dry his hair carefully so it didn't dry funny for his date later.
He was feeling happier. He was glad most of his friends still had trust in him, or were building it back up slowly. It made a change. But it always made James feel like he was lying. They thought the manic episodes were over.
James just had to hope.
He was trying to pick out a good outfit for his date, when Sirius came in, looking slightly distressed.
"Jeez Padfoot, what if I was naked?"
"The door was open," Sirius replied, lying face down on the bed.
James rolled his eyes. "If you're gonna annoy me, at least help me pick out an outfit."
"Fine. But you need to help me pick one then too," Sirius agreed. "I'm taken Remus out to dinner as a surprise."
James nodded, and Sirius rolled up off the bed. She started flicking through his clothes.
"So, the pub, huh?" Sirius asked him.
"Siri, it'll be fine. It's time I get back out there. Besides, I'm fed up of being left behind. You have to trust me."
" It's not that I don't trust you, I'm just worried," Sirius said gently, holding up a pair of cargo jeans. "Wear these."
James took them. "Pads, the only way I can move on is by getting out there. I'm not going to drink. Not yet. Not in that setting."
Sirius nodded, not entirely convinced.
"But what if you panic?" Sirius ixnayed. "What then?"
"We leave in a calm and collected manner," James replied idly. He was looking for a jumper he thought would match his trousers. "Help me find my green jumper. The one with the smiley face."
Sirius helped him look, but James found it in another drawer.
"It's a good outfit," Sirius commented, nodding in approval as James walked out to show him. "Now, time for shoes."
They went to grab their docs, and James sighed.
"No way will my feet possible fit in there," he said, and Sirius took a step back, offended.
"I may be 5'9" but that does not mean my feet are completely different to yours. For your information, there's a size 10," Sirius said haughtily, drawing themselves up to full height.
James raised his eyebrows, and Sirius cracked.
"I wear thick socks," he muttered, and James laughed, trying them on. They fit well, and made the outfit look better.
"Thanks Padfoot, they do look good with this," James grinned, admiring himself.
"What can I say? When it comes to fashion, I'm always right," They said, pleased at the complement.
As Sirius left his outfit out for later, James decided to make lunch. He made chicken fajitas, something he hadn't had in a while and rather fancied. Sirius just watched, and James served them up twenty minutes later.
"I love when you make the fajitas," Sirius said, immediately digging into his. "They're so much better." Sirius sighed in delight. "Delicious."
"Glad you like them," James mumbled back, secretly pleased. He grew up cooking, in a house filled with love, whereas Sirius took classes a couple years back when he was struggling. James never understood their logic, but it really helped her, so it didn't really matter what James thought.
He passed time by getting a deck of cards and trying to build them up without falling.
Did he achieve anything?
No.
He gave up after an hour.
******
When Remus finally came home, James was getting ready to leave, and Remus walked in wearily.
"Long day?" James asked sympathetically, and Remus nodded.
"It was absolutely mental," he complained, and sat down. He smelled strongly of coffee and chocolate. "Plus, it was only me making everything. Seamus called in sick."
James grimaced.
"That's shit," he said, but Remus waved him off.
"I got extra, so i can't really complain," Remus replied. "Now, go to your date. You mustn't be late."
James waved bye.
He walked to the square, considering it was only ten minutes away, and was absolutely delighted when he saw Regulus walking towards it too. James took out his phone to snap a quick picture of him, and watched as Regulus checked his phone before looking up, and James gave him a small wave.
When they both arrived at the entrance to the cinema, James winked at him.
"Glad you could make it," James said, bowing down in a rather graceful manner.
Regulus shyed away, before gingerly picking up James's hand and placing a careful kiss on it.
James could've died right there and then. Regulus was a sight to behold.
"Good to see you too," Regulus said casually, as if he hadn't done the most romantic thing in the whole entire world. James assumed this meant he wasn't angry at him, and stammered trying to get words out. Regulus didn't make it any better, he was just grinning wickedly.
"Want- want to head inside?" James asked, avoiding eye contact, feeling extremely embarrassed.
Regulus nodded, and held his hand loosely.
James tried to pull himself together. He couldn't lose himself over a kiss on the hand.
But a kiss on the hand!!! James found it so cute and wholesome.
"Do you want popcorn?" Regulus asked, and James snapped out of his daydream.
"Please, love," James replied, before nearly dropping his jaw in shock at the words that just slipped out of his mouth.
Regulus blinked blankly at him, like he couldn't believe it either, but composed himself.
"A large popcorn too," he told a slightly confused cashier.
As Regulus paid, James tried not to lose his goddamn mind. How could he let that slip? He smiled gratefully as Regulus handed him his coke, and they found their screen in a slightly awkward, silence.
"Found screen 6," James said, pointing to a door that had a large six beside it, and a TV saying Little Women.
Regulus nodded, and they walked in, taking seats in the middle.
They carefully managed to balance the popcorn on their laps, so they could hold hands, and James nuzzles his head into a crook in Regulus' shoulder as he waited for the movie to start.
Neither of them said anything. They just lived in the little moment, and Regulus petted James' mop of hair fondly.
"James, I really like you," Regulus whispered, and James smiled at him. "But you can't call me early or late at night unless there's an emergency, got it? Or I'll rip your intestines out and sell them on the black market."
Was it a threat? Absolutely. This was Regulus.
Was James oddly charmed by it? Yes.
"I'm sorry for that. I, I wasn't thinking. Or sleeping." James crossed his fingers Regulus had let out all his anger.
"Maybe you should try doing both of them," Regulus suggested sarcastically.
"Simultaneously?"
"Sure."
But then that eye ad that's so loud and scares the shit out of everyone in the cinema came on, and James jumped, and nearly spilled popcorn all over Regulus, but Regulus had immediately grabbed the popcorn when the ad came on, almost sensing what would happen otherwise.
"Good save."
"Thanks," Regulus said, taking one and eating idly.
When the movie was over, James didn't think he had ever felt such sadness at the end of a movie. All of them deserved better, especially Jo, she only wanted to be equal in life to her male counterparts.
And Beth only wanted to live a long life.
And Amy only wanted to be rich and find true love, and leave her old live behind.
And Laurie wanted Jo.
And Meg wanted to get by.
It was so bittersweet.
James had cried a good few times, and Regulus had laughed each time.
"I preferred the book," was what Regulus had said as they walked out, James sniffling.
"I wish Beth made it through," James said sadly. "She was my favourite character."
"My favourite character has always been Amy," Regulus said firmly.
This surprised James. He was expecting Meg or Jo. But not Amy.
"She was looked down apon by her sisters for wanting wealth. But everyone wants wealth. We're a capitalist society. But a girl wanting wealth? How greedy. I like her because she was bold- so was Jo- But Amy simply had faith in herself. Jo had confidence, but Amy had desire. That's the difference."
James tired to keep up with Regulus. It was proving tough. But, like usual, he was right.
"I've read the book four times," Regulus dismissed him with a flick of his hand. "Everytime someone buys it I tell them that it's worth it."
"Do they come back and express their devotion to the book and join your cult afterwards?" James asked him, teasing.
"Oh yeah. Every Wednesday we meet and manifest that there will be a sequel," Regulus deadpanned, and James laughed.
"May I join?"
"No. Book readers only. I'm not having any fake fans," Regulus replied, but James linked their hands together, and Regulus softened. "That's unfair. You're using you against me."
"So it's working?"
Regulus opened his mouth, but closed it again.
"Touche."
"Wanna go get milkshakes?";James asked, the idea popping into his head.
Regulus sighed. "I didn't sign up for this," he said, and James immediately immediately backtracked.
"It's okay! We don't have too, I just--"
Regulus cut his rambling off.
"James, I was joking," Regulus replied, looking at him gently. "I would very much like to go."
In response, James gave him a kiss, and grabbing him by the hand, he led him down the square, and arrived very quickly at the place."
"We have arrived!" James said happily, tugging Regulus along with him.
They walked into the place, and James hoped Regulus would like it. It was a quaint cafe, with only four tables and low music playing in the background. But it was very retro, with pastel colours filling the space.
James smiled at him. "What's your favourite flavour?"
"Coffee."
James' smile faltered.
"Coffee?"
"Isn't that what I said?" Regulus remarked, but he wasn't that angry. "Let me guess, yours is strawberry."
"It's actually strawberry and vanilla," James corrected. "Smells delicious too."
James ordered for them, and when Regulus wasn't looking, James goggled at him. He was so pretty, with his black curls and jawline.
When he got their drinks, he happily skipped over to the table, holding the two drinks happily.
"A coffee milkshake for one handsome man," James said, leaving the drink down and bowing.
Regulus smacked his head playfully, and James giggled.
"You're so bad at being mean," James said, and Regulus' expression turned considerably less warm.
"Pardon?"
"Oohhhh, thinks he can scare me now? Too bad, this James isn't scared of a few words. There's much worse, trust me," James laughed, and Regulus looked sour.
Regulus' expression held a sort of sadness that was reserved for people he cared about, and Regulus wondered what had went on in this boy's life. But the look was gone before James could catch it.
"Just drink your milkshake."
James sipped his milkshake happily.
"Anything for you Reg," he sighed dreamily.
"Reg?" He asked, and James rolled his eyes.
"No. Egg," James giggled, and Regulus groaned at the terrible joke.
"First love, and now Reg? How many nicknames will I be given?" Regulus asked.
James couldn't believe the man. How could anyone put a limit to pet names? Simply atrocious.
"As many as I can remember," James said firmly, determined to make sure he came up with as many as possible.
As they sipped their milkshakes, they discussed Astronomy.
"Why did you sign up for classes if you already knew everything?" James asked him, stirring his milkshake thoughtfully.
"Because I wanted to see if I could appreciate for what they are. Not because I was forced to, or it was just one of those things in life that you do. I want to experience what it like from someone else's view. What it's like to willingly know it," Regulus trailed off, but continued up again as James gave him a nod of encouragement. "I like being able to look up at the night sky and say 'oh, there's my star' and not have it associated with bad memories."
James thought the tangent was bittersweet. On one hand, Regulus really did like the stars, but on another, there was hurt.
"I'm sorry," James said, unsure of what to say next. "I admire the fact that you are learning to heal from your past though. It's nice that you are able to reclaim something that you found enjoyable, even if it was used to hurt you. It shows you can grow."
Regulus looked away.
"Says Mr. Perfect," Regulus said teasingly, still looking away from him. "It's not easy."
James wanted to scream. He was so far away from perfect.
He felt sick. He couldn't tell Regulus. He had such high expectations for him, and James couldn't ever live up to them. When Regulus finds out, he'll probably get up and leave.
So James decided to laugh it off. Don't let him know. ever.
"Yeah, I'm so perfect," James said shakily. Panic was rising in him, and all he wanted to do was run as far away as he could.
Sadly, Regulus picked up on it.
"James, are you okay?" Regulus asked, taking both his hands gently.
But James couldn't breathe. The weight of Regulus' previous words were crushing him.
"I'm not perfect!" He said, shaking slightly. James had to say something. "I used to drink all my woes away and I did stupid things and hurt everyone I lived because I didn't care."
Regulus' gaze had turned to pity.
"James," he said gently, going over to hug him. "I'm sorry I said that. But what I really meant, is that in my eyes, you're perfect."
The best part, there was no judgement. No hate, no dismissive comments. James smiled.
James kissed him fiercely, feeling a surge of affection for him. Regulus immediately reciprocated, and James loved the feeling of drowning in Regulus. It was extraordinary.
As they explored each other's mouths, James wondered what Regulus thought of him now. James hadn't meant to let it slip, but he probably would've ran away, blocked Regulus' number, and three days later would've come crawling back for forgiveness otherwise.
But James pushed those thoughts aside. He should just enjoy what he has. Regulus was here, and hadn't went anywhere. yet.
James slid his hands under Regulus' shirt, who immediately stiffened, and James pulled away, scared he'd messed up yet again.
"I'm sorry!-"
"James. It's me. I, I just don't feel comfortable with you doing it. But I will absolutely do it to you if you want," Regulus said gently, placing his hands underneath James' shirt. "Is this okay?"
James nodded numbly. Regulus' hands were ice cold, but they felt good. Like extremely good. James was not complaining.
They kissed again, with less of an urgency and more of a longing, and James' mind was buzzing when they broke apart because their milkshakes were getting warm.
They talked about nothing heavy, staying clear from the topic, and James offered to walk Regulus home.
"So now I can visit you in the middle of the night," James grinned, and Regulus sighed.
"You're very lucky I like you," Regulus said, and led James on the train back to his house. James held his hand the whole time, and whispered sweet nothings into Regulus's ear.
When they arrived back, Regulus seemed reluctant to invite him. But it was more than reluctant, James noticed. It was fear.
He didn't want to make Regulus uncomfortable.
"Regulus, I can leave if you want," James said kindly. "I don't mind not coming in. It's your space."
Regulus shook his head.
"I want you to come in, but I'm not ready for anything. At all. I can't." He looked down, his cheeks flushing red, and James wanted to hug his worries away. As if James would judge him for something like that.
"Regulus, there's nothing bad about that. I like you for you, not because you look hot. That's just a huge bonus," James said, and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Regulus immediately wilted. As hard as he tried, he couldn't keep up the cold façade with James.
"You can come in for a cup of tea," Regulus said, and opening the door, he let James walk in first.
As Regulus made the tea, James looked around. It was a small one bedroom apartment, with a dark sitting room that absolutely suited Regulus. He immediately flitted towards the bookshelf, admiring the layout. There were many books, all organized neatly. He recognized some of the titles from Remus, such as The Song Of Achilles and They both die at the end. James thought it was cute.
As Regulus returned with tea, James accepted it gratefully, and they sipped in a comfortable silence.
Until Regulus broke it.
"Do you want to talk about what you said earlier?" Regulus asked, and James froze. He absolutely did not want to ever talk about it.
"No," James said, far too quickly.
Regulus just nodded, and retuned to sipping his tea.
When Regulus finally finished his tea, James took Regulus' hands gently, and kissed him.
They done that for a while, and James was particularly sorry when they broke apart. He would've liked to go further, but he would never cross someone's boundaries like that. Relationships are built on respect.
James was tired, but he didn't want to leave, and Regulus must've seen the look.
"You seem tired," Regulus said, and James nodded, resting his head on Regulus' lap. Regulus laughed gently. "You should go, then. The next train is in five minutes."
James sighed. He didn't want to leave. At all.
"I'll miss you," James said, grabbing his coat.
"I'll see you Thursday for Astronomy?"
"I wouldn't miss it," James smiled, and Regulus gave him a parting kiss.
James was elated leaving. He could make this work. Regulus was understanding, and had found out something James was deeply ashamed of. He hadn't been angry. But, that was in the past.
His bipolar was his past, present and future.
*******
James sighed.
Remus and Sirius were fighting, which meant the house had been threading on eggshells all week.
Particularly, James.
James couldn't even remember what they were arguing about. It was probably something childish, considering Sirius would roll his eyes everytime Remus walked into the kitchen.
James just hoped they'd make up in time for Friday, as they were meeting Peter for dinner. James had text Peter worrying over it, but Peter said they were sure to come around. It was Remus and Sirius, for crying out loud.
When James returned from Astronomy, he heard Remus crying, and immediately went to check, but Sirius was already there, hugging him and comforting him gently.
James pauses, wondering if he should intrude. But Sirius caught his eye and mouthed later, so he tiptoed out of the room.
He was relieved they'd made up, it meant James didn't have to cook every night, because in all honesty, he was burning their mouths off with spices.
James waited patiently in his room. He was texting his parents for a while, but Sirius came in, and he immediately sat up.
"Have you made up? Because I'm fed up of you complaining about my cooking," James huffed, folding his arms. No one trusted him to live alone, so he had to put up with this shit.
"Yes, Prongs, we have."
"Good. Now care to tell me what that was all about?"
Sirius sighed, and sat down on James' bed.
"He had the doctor's appointment today," Sirius said gently, and James froze.
shit. It couldn't be good news then.
"He has to get a chest x ray, and is being put on a steroid inhaler," Sirius replied, and James couldn't see what was so bad. "Plus he has to get bloods done."
"But he's terrified that they'll find something bad," Sirius continued. "He kinda scared the shit out of himself after spending all evening researching lung diseases." She laughed lightly, but their expression was concerned.
James' heart melted for Remus. He really didn't deserve that shit.
"Is, Remus okay now?" James asked, a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"Yeah he's fine. Just tired. We also kissed and made up," Sirius mumbled sheepishly, and James clapped.
"At last. I almost thought I would have to force it myself," James laughed, and Sirius grinned.
"No way would it go that far. Remus is all mine," he said, but hid her face behind his hair anyways as a blush creeped up onto their cheeks.
James nodded absentmindedly. He was thinking about the fact Remus would have to get an x ray, and how scary that would be. He felt a rush of sympathy for him, and vowed to get him flowers and chocolate.
"Have you got an outfit picked out for tomorrow?" Sirius asked, and James nodded. If there was one thing Sirius loved, it was clothes.
"You?" But James already knew the answer.
"Of course!" Sirius had a sly smile, and James knew they were up to something. "You'll find out tomorrow."
James found out that Sirius had intended to wear a skirt, because he found them crying in front of the mirror when Remus was in the shower.
Sirius had tried to explain how they had looked in, and saw that it felt so right but so wrong. She had wanted to wear the skirt, because when she put on the jeans she didn't feel good. But the skirt didn't either, so Sirius didn't know what to do.
"Even in a skirt, I feel like a man," they whispered quietly, and James hugged her.
"I think you look like yourself in it. Despite how you think you feel wrong, and were crying when I saw you, you radiated comfortability I haven't truly seen on you in a while."
Sirius sighed. "I really like the skirt. Just not the fact I have no hips and broad shoulders," and she laughed slightly. "Good thing my eyeliner isn't done."
James nodded, and Sirius took a deep breath in before shaking their shoulders.
"I'm going to put on my skirt, and show that I'm whoever I say I am," Sirius resigned, her head held up high. "Who cares about bloody society? My mother would have a heart attack if she saw me, so that's good."
James laughed, and hugged her gently.
"Go and show them how amazing you are," James said, and Sirius nodded happily, going off to their room.
James then decided he would get changed. He was just wearing a flannel with a white t shirt and a pair of trousers. Keeping it simple. He decided he would let Sirius do some make up, as it would probably help her feel a little bit more confident.
He sent a picture of his outfit to Regulus, who immediately responded.
You look good. You better wear it next time I see you.
will do :)
James clapped his hands happily, and spun around. He liked Regulus so so much.
When he exited his room, he saw Sirius and Remus, and James' jaw drop in delight.
Sirius was wearing a short grey denim skirt with her favourite Led Zeppelin t shirt, and her leather jacket was hung loosely around her shoulders. What's more, her eyeliner was absolutely fantastic, and the fishnets they were wearing tied everything in. Punk Rock was all James thought, and knew Sirius would be pleased.
"You look amazing!" James said, and Sirius blushed slightly.
"Thanks," Sirius said, grinning wildly.
"Yeah, thanks James," Remus muttered, pretending to be annoyed.
James just rolled his eyes.
"Sirius, will you do some eyeliner for me? On my waterline?" James asked, and Sirius lit up, immediately grabbing her eyeliner stick and coming towards him.
"I would never say no."
Once James was all glammed up, Sirius clapped happily.
"Ready to go?"
They all filed out of the apartment, and made their way to the restaurant they were meeting Peter at.
They arrived before Peter, but when he did arrive, he let out a delighted laugh to see them all.
He immediately went to James, hugging him happily, before wolf whistling at Sirius.
"I absolutely love your whole outfit," Peter said, blowing a kiss. "You look comfortable in it. Like yourself."
Sirius blushed, but pretended to be flattered. James knew that Sirius was terrified to be wearing it.
"Thanks Pete. Grace must teach me how to do eyeshadow sometime," Sirius grinned.
"You're telling me that you can do that to your eyes, but not apply powder?" Remus asked his partner, clearly shocked.
"Eyeliner is precise, eyeshadow is not," was all Sirius said. "Now, shall we go to eat?"
They made their way in, and once they were all seated, Peter immediately started giving suggestions on what to eat.
James immediately decided on tortellini, while Sirius went for a chicken burger.
Remus, the classy bitch, went for the steak, while Peter went for the chicken curry.
"I can't believe that your getting a steak Remus," James said sadly. "That means I can't steal food off your plate."
Remus opened his mouth to speak, but unfortunately, Sirius got there first.
"Yeah Remus, how could you?"
Remus sighed, and went back to deciding what starter he wanted.
"Why don't we just get chicken wings and spring rolls to share?" Peter asked, and they all agreed.
Once that was out of the way, they could begin their evening of gossip.
"So Pete, how's Grace? Drop a proposal yet?" Sirius asked, sipping a rather large glass of wine.
Peter shook his head, but grinned.
"I'm bringing her to a hotel next weekend, so I'll do it at dinner," Peter said, smiling. "Just gotta hope she says yes, or that night is going to be really awkward."
They all laughed, and James hoped Grace would say yes. They really were a good match.
"I'm sure she'll say yes," James said firmly. "She loves you."
"She loves the money, more like," Sirius said wickedly, and Remus rolled his eyes.
"Says the aristocrat of the table," he said, and Sirius glared daggers.
"I'll have you remember I was disowned 9 years ago," she said, and sighed when no one laughed. "You guys have no sense of humour."
James didn't think he'd ever find any jokes Sirius made about being disowned. When your best friend of eight years arrived at your house on the brink of death and absolutely delirious, the trauma alone of watching that didn't make a good laugh.
"Well, moving on from Sirius' childhood trauma," Remus said, taking her hand gently. It was different for Remus. He hadn't known Sirius then. He hadn't seen her fall apart. He hadn't seen the two of them nearly drown in grief and hopelessness. He had only heard the trimmed down version from Sirius, the parts Sirius had decided we're alright.
"I have to get chest x ray! Aren't I lucky?" He said, and Peter's expression turned soft.
James wanted to scream at Remus. Why couldn't he just tell them he was scared? It was a physical injury, at least there was proof that something was wrong. It's not like he's making it up.
"Your asthma isn't getting any better, I take it?" Peter asked. He wouldn't see the full extent of it, and possibly never would. "It could be a COPD, but they're rare in a young age. It's not lung cancer anyways, you aren't coughing up blood or wheezing while stationary?"
Remus shook his head, and Peter nodded his head approvingly.
"You'll be okay."
"You really know how to make man feel better," Remus said, bur he did look slightly calmer all the same. "I've been put on steroids."
Peter nodded. "That should work."
Then the starters came out, and they all swapped around, so everyone had a taste of everything. They've always done it, as Remus and Peter can't make a decision to save their lives.
James enjoyed the spring rolls immensely.
They chatted as they waited for their main course, and laughed as Sirius told stories from her job.
"last week, one of my students asked me how to pronounce a verb, and the verb was to come. I started conjugating it, and the immature brats lost it at we come."
James laughed. "How did you not laugh?"
"Because French is a beautiful language."
"Especially in bed," Remus added, and Sirius blushed.
"Last time, I was still laughing as the history teacher came in. Really awkward," she giggled slightly.
"Do the students call you Miss or Mr?" James asked. He'd never really thought about it, and felt bad that he hadn't asked sooner.
"Mr," Sirius sighed sadly. "I would have to go to the principal, and see what she has to say about the matter."
"I think you should," James said firmly. "Everyone has the right to be respected. Besides, there's probably students sitting there, accidentally getting misgendered by you too because they're too scared to say otherwise. If they saw an adult use them and embrace it, they could feel seen. You're a role model to them."
Peter nodded in agreement. "Have you seen many adults in the media openly say it? Sure, there will be kids who are assholes, but you have the power to rise above and help the ones who need it."
Sirius smiled politely, looking a bit overwhelmed.
"I suppose what you're saying is true," she said, fiddling with her hair. "But I don't want to make it a big deal, because it's not," they continued. "But I do know that if they had been someone at Hogwarts who said it, they would've been my role model."
Remus took her hand. "Be brave."
Peter grabbed James' hand.
"Be brave," he said mockingly, and Sirius shoved him.
At that moment, the main course came out, and James wat he'd with delight as a plate of tortellini was placed in front of him.
James loved pasta. He loved everything about pasta. It was so versatile, and you could put any sauce on it and it still tasted good.
But it tasted especially good when you ordered it in a restaurant.
As he thanked the waitress, he looked at his plate happily. It looked so pretty, and they had given him a sufficient amount. It was perfect.
As everyone tucked in, James talked happily about the children. He and Marlene regularly played hide and seek with them, but the other day Maddie had panicked as she didn't know where to hide, so she stood wither her hands in front of her face. James shad to explain that just because she couldn't see him doesn't mean he can't see her. It was a very hard conversation.
"A couple of weeks ago they asked if I had a crush on a girl, and I said no, it's actually a boy, and it was really sweet for them to just see it as normal. They thought I was very cool," James said, grinning. The tortellini was so good, with just enough spinach so it wasn't overpowering, and the pasta wasn't overcooked.
James felt rather strongly about pasta.
"That's because their parents haven't started telling them it's not okay," Sirius replied grimly. "Like I said, see the lads in eight grade. But no one likes them anyways. Not that I would know. I'm just a teacher."
"I'm sure all the teachers hated yous," Remus said, as though it was common knowledge.
"Only seventy percent of the time," Sirius grinned. "Got annoyed a lot when they'd try to catch us out when we were talking but we always got the answers right. Was quite impressive."
"It got to a point where they wouldn't even bother separating us, as we learned Morse code and distracted more people that way," James laughed, remembering when he accidentally banged too hard on the desk, and ending up making several girls jump in fright.
"And one time I flew a paper plane but it landed in teachers hair instead," Peter said, in-between bites. "Got detention for a week."
"That's because you wrote about the history teacher, and everyone knows they had something going on," Sirius explained, eyeing Remus' steak. "Please may I have a bite?"
Remus looked rather reluctant, but gave in.
"Fine, but only because you said please," Remus said, and fed Sirius it himself.
James pretended to gag.
"Oh James, please can I have some pasta?" Peter asked, fluttering his eyelashes, completely taking the piss.
"Only because you asked nicely," James said, not actually giving him any because no one was allowed to steal off his plate. If people wanted his food so badly, they should've gotten their own.
"Fuck off," Remus muttered, cheeks red. It didn't help that Sirius had now placed their legs up on him, and was making little circles with her feet.
James talked to Peter about Regulus for a while, completely Infatuated, and Peter nodded along happily, not seeming to get bored when James repeated the same thing three times out of excitement.
"And he wears so many rings, I can't keep track of them anymore," James gushed. "They're all so pretty, just like him, and his hair is curly yet wavy and accentuates his jaw perfectly."
"Seems like it's going good," Peter said, and James nodded excitedly. "He's incredible."
"He better be, seeing as all you do is talk about him," Sirius muttered angrily, but didn't seem too annoyed.
When their plates were cleared, Peter decided to drop the bombshell.
"Guys, you know how I've been off?" Peter asked, and they all nodded, scared of bad news.
"Well, I've been promoted," He said, and they all started to congratulate him. He took them lightly, and continued. "It's in Ireland."
James' jaw dropped. Peter was leaving? What was he going to do? He had always lived close by, for James' whole life, he'd been there. But now he was moving? James didn't know what to say, concentrating on being able to get his head around it all.
But everyone else was already congratulating him, and James didn't know what to do. His head was spinning, and needed to think.
"That's great Peter!" He said, hoping it sounded how it should. "But I need to go to the bathroom. Back in a minute."
James practically leapt out of his seat, heading towards the bathroom quickly. Emotions were building up inside him, and he didn't have a clue on what they were.
Once out of sight of his friends, he tried to calm the panic. Peter deserved the promotion. Peter would only be in Ireland. Flights were cheap. He didn't say he accepted it. He didn't say it was forever.
Maybe it would be okay.
Once he successfully calmed himself down, he felt rather proud. He'd kept his head for once, and therefore removed any bad moods.
When back at the table, James started asking questions, and Peter was more than happy to fill him in.
"I won't be moving for another four months, and it's only for three years, but the money's good, better than here, even with changing it into pounds. Only thing, I have to find accommodation myself. And Ireland, well it's in the middle of a housing crisis. Rent is bonkers, and people are being evicted left right and centre. But fingers crossed. I'll remain hopeful."
James nodded, feeling okay. He had four months to prepare. It would be fine.
"I'm really happy for you Wormtail," James said, relaxing back into his seat. "Tell me if you learn cúpla focaíl as Gaeilge while you're there."
"I'll pretend I understood that so you don't lead me down the long and treacherous roads of Irish and it's Grammer," Peter said, taking a sip of beer.
James looked undeterred, and Peter was saved when the waitress asked do they want dessert.
They ordered, and James immediately went back to what he was saying.
"What is the dntls rule?" He asked, and gave a disappointed shake of his head, and Sirius pretended to raise her hand.
"Sirius?"
"The dntls rule is an exception to the úru rule. If a word ends in dntl or s, and begins with dntl or s, there's no úru," She said proudly, and James nodded happily.
"I've taught you everything you need to know," He said, and celebrated with his apple pie.
Once they all finished eating and split the bill, the hard part would be deciding where to go next.
"To be quite honest, I really just want to go home and do nothing," Remus said, speaking like the true introvert he is.
James agreed. It did sound like a good idea, and as much as he would refuse to admit it, the near breakdown and smell of alcohol everywhere and not being allowed it had tired him out.
"I agree with Remus. My bed seems so comfortable right now," James said, and Sirius whinged.
"But the night is young! Just like us! James how could you!" Sirius said, looking upset. "When did you get so old."
"When I became addicted to alcohol," he said grimly, and Sirius senses her mistake.
"I'm sorry. You're right. We had a good evening. No need to forget it all with booze," they said, nudging them.
James didn't reply, just stared straight ahead. He wasn't really angry at Sirius, but he felt better to blame them.
"Well, it's been a lovely night," Remus said, sensing hostility. "Pete, we better see you soon, don't disappear."
"I won't," he promised, hugging them all.
James hugged him extra hard, scared he won't see him again.
He really didn't like change.