The Infamous SHIELD Profile
Tony picked up the file and began flipping through it “nonchalantly” while, coincidentally, taking in every detail. He was a few pages in when Fury walked in and plucked the file from his hands.
“I don’t think I want you looking at that. Now this? Take a look at this.” Fury gave Tony a loaded look and handed over a file. Tony stared at him with a blank expression for a moment before shrugging and taking the file.
“What’s this,” he asked casually as he flipped it open to begin skimming. He was met with a picture of himself.
“That’s your assessment for the Avengers Initiative. Just keep reading,” he answered smugly. Tony stared back at him a moment longer before he went back to the file.
“Interesting. Narcissistic. Doesn’t work well with others. Final analysis . . . Iron Man: Yes, Tony Stark: Not Recommended.” Fury and Tony briefly participated in yet another stare down before Tony finally responded. “Really. And who did this assessment.”
“Agent Romanoff acted as profiler,” he said with a smug smirk.
“Hmm,” Tony hummed. He looked at Fury a moment longer before tossing his phone on Fury’s desk. “Jarvis, pull up our report on Romanoff.”
Fury looked briefly alarmed, or as alarmed as he was ever likely to look before Jarvis began his report with a mocking lilt.
“Of course, Sir.” An image of Romanoff flashed up and began rotating above the desk in an eerie blue light just as Romanoff opened Fury’s office door and began her signature, seductive catwalk into Fury’s office. The smirk fell right off her face as soon as she caught onto what was happening. Jarvis had just finished rattling off her aliases—all of them, with accompanying dates. “Kidnapped as a young child and trained by the Red Room for stealth, infiltration, hand-to-hand combat, and munitions, with rudimentary skills in hacking.” Tony could have sworn that Jarvis had scoffed. Huh, that was new.
“Shut it off,” Romanoff hissed, reaching for Tony and slamming him backwards onto the desk. Barely a moment later there was the sound of a repulsor firing up. Romanoff looked at Tony in surprise as she felt the tell-tale heat of the repulsor against her gut from one of Tony’s gloves.
“I’d think you’d like to finish your own assessment, Romanoff. It’s a bit more . . . honest . . . than you’re used to. “Continue, Jarvis.” Tony held still in a stalemate with the redheaded spy as Jarvis began again.
“Of course, Sir. As I was saying. Agent Romanoff began her career as a spy and assassin for the KGB before transitioning into various black market, for-hire organizations. Her kill count is upwards of 575, Sir. Perhaps the Sales Associate of Death,” Jarvis remarked and Tony laughed while Romanoff seethed, still holding him in a firm grip against the desk. “She joined SHIELD in 1991. Agent Barton was sent to take out the Black Widow--who had become a dangerous, international threat to World Security by passing secrets to and from multiple countries. Agent Barton made the executive decision to bring Romanoff in for rehabilitation. She was accepted on Handler, Phil Coulson’s recommendation in exchange for giving up any remaining secrets and . . .” There was what could only be described as an uneasy pause.
“Jarvis,” Tony questioned the hesitation.
“Sir, it appears that Director Peggy Carter’s last decision before retirement was to accept the Black Widow. Romanoff was a part of a deal Director Carter made with Obadiah Stane to cover up the murders of Howard and Maria Stark in exchange for maintaining funds for SHIELD indefinitely after Howard Stark’s death. I’m . . . so sorry, Sir.”
Two things happened at once. First, Romanoff jerked back when confronted with a look of utter rage from Tony Stark who immediately pushed the woman off of him. At the same time Fury and Romanoff turned at a scream of outrage from the doorway. Apparently, the good Captain had made his way back to Fury’s office from their latest mission, and in a feat of actual strategy that Tony wouldn’t have previously think him capable, didn’t announce his arrival. Instead he eaves dropped on Jarvis’s report.
“Didn’t expect to see any of SHIELD’s or the lovely Widow’s footage, did you, Cap,” Tony sneered. “Here’s a hint. Next time you want to judge someone off a profile, make sure it’s not written by a sociopath named after an arachnid known for attracting and killing its mates. It might be indicative of a personality flaw.”
“Peggy wouldn’t,” Rogers shouted, completely unconcerned with Tony’s jab at the Widow or ‘the footage’ surrounding Tony Stark.
“Well apparently, she did. Jarvis is reporting on information found in SHIELD’s servers. You didn’t think that I wouldn’t find everything about you the moment you snuck into my home like some kind of murdering stalker, did you, Nick” Tony asked angrily, turning abruptly towards Fury. “Guess what, Fury. I bested your little spy’s level of hacking in 2nd grade--when I was 4. You don’t have secrets anymore. Any of you,” he added with a loaded look at Widow.
“She wouldn’t,” Rogers whispered, falling to his knees, clearly heart broken.
“Sir, Stane was not the only Hydra connection. There are a series of names and initiatives linked to various terrorist organizations that branch out under the original umbrella of that group.”
Tony’s repulsor immediately fired up once more and he raised his arm while positioning himself so that he had a clear shot at everyone in the room.
“Any present, Jarvis?”
“Stark,” Fury hissed angrily.
“Shut your ignorant mouth, Fury,” Tony yelled. “Jarvis knows more than me, but I’ve been in these files myself. The reason you can’t tell the difference between yourself and your infestation problem is because there IS NO DIFFERENCE! Bull Shit by any other name still smells like crap.”
“Stark, I need you to calm down,” Widow said, creeping towards Tony slowly with her hands up in what was probably supposed to be a calming gesture.
“And I need you to drop dead.” Tony used his repulsor glove on a lower setting and blasted the Widow in both legs, sending her to the ground with a yell. Fury immediately drew a gun and pointed it at Tony. Rogers just continued to sniffle pathetically.
“Try to shoot me and you’ll lose your other eye,” Tony sneered.
“You’ve gone rogue, Stark. We can’t allow that.” Fury’s jaw clenched as he stared Tony down, but Tony knew Fury couldn’t kill him outright. He’d just saved New York and stopped an alien invasion practically on his own. This whole thing had started as a ploy to draw him in because SHIELD needed him. Hell, so did Hydra.
“It’s cute that you think you have any say in the matter, Fury. Jarvis,” Tony called, his repulsor glove aimed at Nick in a stale mate.
“Yes, Sir?”
“Send out a call to bring in all agents on active missions.”
“Yes, Sir,” Jarvis replied.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Stark,” Fury yelled.
“It’s called taking out the trash, Nicky,” Tony said, with a contemptuous look at the Widow and Rogers, both sniveling on the ground, neither self-aware enough to have noticed they were going on shady missions for a Nazi terrorist organization. What did that say for Captain self-righteous? “Burn it down, J. Everything goes as soon as we’ve got the agents on the ground.”
Fury’s eyes widened dramatically and he dropped his arms as Tony lowered his. Tony strode past the group of maladjusted “heroes”.
“That’s what a profile looks like,” he said, without looking back.