Not Recommended
“TONY! Where are you,” Nat yelled through the phone.
Tony cringed, holding the phone away from his ear. He was sitting next to Pepper and going through some paperwork to prep for a “getting back together” vacation. He was right. A willingness to sign the Accords as a consultant on top of stepping back from the Avengers was just what she needed to reassure her of his commitment to “them”.
“Romanoff, why are you yelling at me,” he sighed once he put the phone back next to his ear.
“Didn’t you see the news, Stark? Steve, Sam, and Cap’s friend Bucky Barnes just tore off on a rampage through Bucharest. They’ve been arrested!”
Tony stared at Pepper, who rolled her eyes and went back to her paperwork at his shrug.
“Man,” Tony said slowly. “That really sucks.”
“STARK!”
“Look Romanoff, I don’t know what you expect me to do?”
“Get over here and start fixing it, Tony!”
Tony and Pepper both looked at each other with wide eyes, since Romanoff was screeching so loud that Pepper could hear everything despite the lack of speakerphone. Tony burst out laughing.
“Ha! That’s cute. Why would I do that?”
“Look, Stark. I’ve got Wanda and the mess in Lagos to deal with, and now this? I can’t do everything.”
“I’m still not seeing what this has to do with me.”
“Use your connections Tony,” she sighed through the phone. “I need you to start talking to people in the government to get this ironed out.”
By now, Tony had clicked on some news coverage of Steve’s little jaunt through Bucharest. It’s was eerily similar to the devastation he’d left behind in Lagos. Only this time it looked like he’d be taking down his best buddy (that Tony knew he had been looking for)—and maybe the king of a country! That was some impressive collateral!
“No,” Tony said simply, after a lengthy silence on Romanoff’s end.
“No. What do you mean, no?”
“Do you remember Lagos, Romanoff?”
“Of course, I do,” she said, and Tony was certain he heard a muttered idiot. When and why had ALL of the Avengers convinced themselves that one of the only two geniuses on the team was an idiot? Those were some impressive blinders.
“I’m thinking you really don’t. I got a call from the President of the United States asking me what in the hell you guys were doing in Lagos and why they hadn’t been informed. So, I, of course, asked you guys what in the hell you were doing there and why neither Hill nor any governmental agencies had been informed. Do you remember what Steve said?”
There was silence.
“He said, and I quote—because eidetic memory—you’re not an Avenger anymore, Stark. It’s none of your business. We’ve got it handled. And then he hung up on me. You were there. I know you know this, because there was a distinct lack of you saying anything. And handling the Maximoff thing . . . well, let’s just say your spy cred doesn’t seem to help you much in the political arena because last time I checked, her Visa was revoked for participating in terrorist activity and she was extradited to the Nigerian authorities,” Tony finished. Pepper snickered.
“What” Romanoff shrieked over the phone. “When did this happen?”
“Just after the meeting with Secretary Ross—that I attended purely on his invite since, according to you, I’m not really an Avenger,” he said.
“Why didn’t you do anything?!”
Tony blinked, remembered he was on the phone, and said “You said I’m not an Avenger and you had it handled.”
“Stark! I should have known you would manage to screw this up.”
“I haven’t screwed anything up, Romanoff, because I haven’t DONE anything. And that’s precisely what I’m going to continue to do . . . because, you know, I’m not an Avenger.”
Tony hung up once Romanoff’s rant devolved into further shrieking.
**-What about Steve?
Steve was handcuffed to a table in a conference room. Sam was as well, but the King in the cat-suit had promptly been escorted out after reminding Ross (little Ross?) of diplomatic immunity. Bucky had been taken to a more secure room to see a psychiatrist. The wait was driving him nuts! Where was Tony? He should already be here fixing this.
About 10 minutes later, Nat walked in dressed in an “I’m an executive today and do secretarial things” outfit. Finally.
“Where are you on getting us out of here,” he said with a sigh. Nat raised her eyebrow.
“I’m not. I don’t have those kind of connections. All of my connections are in the underground—black market stuff, Steve.” She crossed her arms and legs. “I’m here to advise you not to say anything until you get a lawyer—that Tony’s not paying for, by the way.”
“What? Well, why isn’t Tony here working on this? I know he’s got political connections,” Steve huffed. “And why wouldn’t he pay for our lawyers?”
“After Lagos, when he was griping about the costs of having to clean up our messes when we could have just notified Hill, you said that he wasn’t even an Avenger anymore; that he didn’t need to worry about it. Remember?” Inside, Nat was seething. This was all because Steve had mouthed off at the little brat instead letting her cushion whatever blows were necessary to keep Stark pliable.
“I meant we didn’t need Iron Man,” Steve yelled. The room fell silent as Nat, Steve, and Sam stared at each other in surprise.
“Shit,” Steve said just before the lights went out.