Normalcy isn't unattainable... Right?
3 weeks later:
So far so good. No one was asking questions which was just as well but all in all he was happier and more relaxed than he had been in a long time now.
Steve - naturally - had been curious but he'd just brushed it off as having a better time lately than he had in a while with his mind which was true enough. Things were slowly starting to fall back into some kind of discernable order and he knew more or less most of the key events over the last 70 years and that was something. it was a whole hell of a lot than he'd had a few months ago when he'd been running for his life framed for bombings, being responsible for literally tearing Steve's life apart and a bunch of people winding up in prison. That hadn't been fun, he was still trying to find a way to make amends for that.
Tony didn't treat him like shit anymore either so that was also a good thing.
He'd worked with whatever professional that had asked him to work with them over the last few weeks to figure out just what he was and what they'd done to him over those years which involved tests and more psychological 'talks' than he'd ever wanted to endure in his lifetime but he'd done it anyway simply because he wanted people to stop believing he was some volatile monster.
So far so good.
When he and Natasha were around everyone else true to their agreement they acted as nothing but friends, occasionally she'd show an interest in whatever was going on at that particular point because Steve involved her in the conversation but for the most part they didn't press the time they spent together in public because - as they'd learned quickly - it could be trying at best and the tensions had almost made them break a few times.
Steve seemed happier that they were getting along anyway and he was glad that as spies, they could lie better than anyone else in the world because after all it was what they were trained to do and their secrets - in this case - were worth protecting.
He had an apartment now which he appreciated, he'd moved in just under two weeks ago and he was thankful for his own space. He hadn't minded staying with Steve but it made for some explaining when he went 'Running' at 2am. He'd mostly managed to pass it off as sleeplessness provoked by nightmares but he was glad for the chance to have his own place it'd make things a whole hell of a lot easier to see her.
Neither of them was ready to confront any of the drama that came with everyone knowing anything about them.
They were far happier when it was just the two of them and in truth he had been down a path before where people had known about them and they'd been torn apart, he wasn't willing to take that chance ever again and it seemed as though she wasn't either but he knew they'd have to take a chance on the people they trusted eventually because literally keeping it a secret forever seemed slightly excessive even for them.
It wasn't that they didn't trust the people they were around it was just past experiences left scars that neither of them had understood the intensity of until recently. They were intensely protective over whatever it was that they had because of that and both of them were sure once people actually got to know about it they'd understand why they'd been reluctant on letting it become public knowledge for however long.
They hadn't really talked about what exactly it was that they were but they'd settled into a sort of comfortable routine and he quite liked it. They spent three days at his place, three at hers and one alone just in case friends or whatever happened to want to do something which in her case happened to be a weekly movie night with Clint, a routine she'd had now for a good few years, this was naturally agreeable and switchable if something should come up in the meantime.
They had the kind of life that seemed to thrive on unpredictability so it was hard to actually keep to anything and they both knew it but for the last few weeks it had been peaceful.
Tonight was another she was spending over at his place and that was why he'd made an excuse to leave the Avengers facility after his latest bout of tests and he'd made his way home again. He entered his apartment with a lazy yawn as he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up. His eyes fell on the beautiful redhead laid lazily on his couch with her head resting against an oversized cushion that she'd made him acquire when they went to Walmart a few days ago for junk food at 4 in the morning.
She peered up when he walked in and she offered him a calm smile, yawning as she sat up she fought through the haze of sleepiness.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He walked over and placed a kiss against the top of her head.
"Mm, it's okay. I didn't realise I fell asleep." She glanced up at him as she spoke. "How'd your tests go?"
She sounded worried naturally, she had every right to be of course. She knew that the tests he was undergoing would put a whole hell of a lot of strain on him. She couldn't imagine how many flashbacks it'd be giving him from what he went through but he did every single one of them without complaint because he knew it was what they needed him to do so that they could trust him.
It was what he needed to do so that he could start to trust himself.
She knew he feared being triggered more than anything else, he'd told her that plenty of times when she'd soothed him through the worst of his nightmares and done her best to console him. He told her that he appreciated having her there and that she quieted the ghosts inside of his mind and he needed that. She felt far calmer than she had before because the weight of living under a lie as intense as the one she was telling her friends was eased with someone else sharing that world with her.
She was glad it was him. She was glad he finally knew who she was and how much they'd mean to each other.
He marveled at the normalcy they'd managed to achieve in just a few short weeks, it was like falling into a pattern as familiar as breathing and one that they wished that they'd had the chance to have years before now, being with her was so easy for him. This, the whole life that they were slowly constructing together was something new entirely but being with her was was easy.
This life of theirs made him happy in a way that he'd never thought was even possible.
"They went well, so far there's nothing really notable. They send all the results back to Shuri so she keeps track of everything so she'll contact me if there's anything different." He was glad for that, he trusted Shuri.
"That's good, she's a good kid." The smartest kid Natasha had ever met.
"How was your day?" He sat down beside her as he spoke.
"I got groceries?" She offered with a small shrug. "I got a call off of Tony too, he wants me to go by the compound tomorrow to test out something new he's made for me."
Bucky rose a brow and chuckled as she spoke, He leaned over to pull her into his arms.
"My place tomorrow remember. I have some stuff I need to deal with anyway." Leaning her head against his chest, Natasha released a content sigh.
"Yeah, I know but if its deal with your demon cat you're on your own, that thing hates me." Bucky smirked playfully as he spoke.
Natasha glanced up at him and shook her head.
"She doesn't just hate you, she hates everyone. She's grumpy, don't take it so personally." It was probably why she got along with the damn thing so much.
Liho was grumpy and quite liked isolation unless she chose otherwise which was something Natasha was appreciative of. She was the same, she only ever really reached out for company when she chose to and that was something that seldom happened by choice, most of the time it was just people showing up after deciding that she'd been alone for far too long. Usually it was always Clint. He was always so worried about her spending too much time alone which was something Steve seemed to adopt too.
"So what's up?" He wasn't prying, she knew him better than to think he'd do that.
If he was worried about anything he'd tell her outright, he'd always been exactly the same; Bucky Barnes wasn't the kind of person that tiptoed around anything at all he wanted to say especially not when it came to her. He knew her better than almost anyone else in the world.
At least he had once... That was something they were still working their way back to.
"Boring Avengers stuff. We need to finish wiping out this whole accords business. We have a final meeting with Ross tomorrow to make it clear we're all out." She seemed happy about that.
He was glad. He knew the damage that threatened to do and it had surprised him to think for even a second that she was willing to fall under the jurisdiction of any government at all after everything that she'd been through, he was glad that she wasn't willing to put herself through any of that again. He was glad that all of them had realised it was a horrible idea.
"You're all doing the right thing. That sort of stuff will hurt everyone."
"I know." She replied before she leaned up to kiss him. "Enough shop talk though?"
Tomorrow was work. Tomorrow was business but tonight and here and now was just them. Tonight and here and now was just two people spending what little time they could steal away alone. This was just them being a regular couple.
"That sounds like an amazing idea." He agreed. "What do you wanna do for dinner?"
"You sound like you have an idea..." She rose a brow dubiously at him as she spoke.
"I'd like to take you out for dinner but you seem utterly resistant to the idea." He rolled his eyes almost dramatically.
She pulled back to sit up and looked at him, she studied him before shrugging her shoulders gently.
"Okay. Okay I'm in."
"Wait, you are?" Okay, he hadn't seen that coming.
"Yep, if you wanna go on an actual date I'm in." She wrinkled her nose slightly though.
This could be a hell of a bad idea or it could end up being the best one either of them had in a while, she had no way of knowing but she did know that if they were going to keep trying for this normalcy they'd somehow attained so far they were going to have to do things regular couples did and that meant dates too so if it was what he wanted to do, she'd happily go along with it despite her reservations on the idea.
She'd never really been on an actual date before though, they'd never really gotten to do anything like that before... They'd never gotten the chance to have anything even close to what they had now before all of this. He found himself happy to have just this chance but it seemed that both of them feared losing it. Public wasn't something they were ready for but there were hundreds of places they could go out that wasn't anywhere near where anyone they knew would frequent.
That was the silver lining of a city this big with as may boroughs as it had he supposed. Most everyone was in the facility in upstate New York anyway. He just wanted to give her some kind of normalcy and that was exactly what they'd managed over the last few weeks.
"Okay so, do you wanna go home and change first or?" He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke.
Natasha smiled and nodded her head.
"Yeah, pick me up at 8?"
Holy. Shit. Okay... Okay... Well, he hadn't taken anyone - absolutely anyone - on a date since the early 1940's and he was damn sure that the protocol had changed a whole hell of a lot since then but he found himself nervous about it anyway even if it was he and Natasha. He knew Natasha, he knew she wouldn't expect anything from him and that she'd be perfectly happy with just spending time with him just as he was her but... To him this was a hell of a big deal.
"Yeah, okay. 8. I'll see you at 8." James Barnes actually sounded nervous.
She fought the gentle laugh that threatened to break her lips as she stood up and padded toward his bedroom to retrieve her actual clothes, there was no way in hell she was going to be able to go home in his t-shirt and her socks that was for sure. He might very well have been quite content to state otherwise though but she wasn't about to turn it into a debate of absolutely any kind which was why she ignored his sound of protest when she got dressed.
"Nope, we have a date and both of us need to get ready. This was your idea so don't sit there and complain now that I've got to leave."
As she walked back toward him she reached out to tug him forward before she leaned up to kiss him.
"See you in a few hours." She spoke the words softly.
"Can't wait." He replied releasing a sigh as he watched her leave.
Okay first things first: Reservations then shower. This was probably the first time in all of this that he wished someone knew about them because at least he'd be able to ask for advice, he hadn't been on a date in years and he sure as hell had no idea what to do anymore. It would be probably the only time that he'd sit there utterly clueless and hope like hell him winging it would be enough because he was way out of his depth here.
Okay.
Okay.
He could do this... He could He had to. This whole thing was his idea and he wasn't going to let her down, she'd have the perfect night that she deserved and he'd do this damn best for her just like he wished he'd had the chance to do all those years ago.