Arrival
CHAPTER 1
Regulus Black was going to die. And somehow he was ok with that. As he lay on the floor of the drawing room twitching with the effects of the cruciatus curse and bleeding into the carpet he imagined what his funeral would look like. He would be buried as Vella Cassiopeia Black the pureblood daughter his parents had raised him to be. A bit of an unfortunate end really, he'd hoped to thoroughly disappoint his parents before he died. But he supposed it was better this way, they could live the rest of their lives thinking the worst thing he'd done was ruin his chances of marrying Barty. Though a friendship had grown from the marriage contract and Regulus was quite fond of him neither of them wished to marry the other. He had let it slip in passing to a dorm mate while packing to head home that he was not planning on marrying Barty, a careless mistake, but gossip traveled fast among purebloods. And now he was going to die. As he was drifting off he could've sworn it felt as though the ground was moving underneath him.
*************
Sirius could feel his brother land in the potter mansion, he couldn't explain how but he had just been thinking about him when he heard someone land down stairs. He was on his feet in an instant and he was already halfway to the stairs when he heard Effie scream. Horror filled his body as he sprinted past the ridiculous amount of spare rooms. He’d been hoping that Regulus had finally taken up his offer to come and visit or live at the potters; but with the scream… He only hoped Regulus was alive. When he reached the top of the stairs his heart dropped, there in the middle of the sitting room lay his brother in a pool of blood. Effie was yelling for the other inhabitants of the house as she tried desperately to find where the blood was coming from. Sirius knew, by the time he reached the battered teen he had already screamed at Effie to move, she didn't. He pushed her aside and rolled Reg over, pulling off his shirt and pressing it to his brothers badly bloodied and barely recognizable back. Effie had returned with her healing tools, and she gently moved Sirius’s hands, he turned and buried himself into James who had appeared next to him folding in-half. Tears dripped from his face, a feeling of despair welled in him. Screw Regulus for feeling unable to come with him the year before, screw him for not trying harder. Sirius knew that it was unsafe to leave his brother in the hands of those monsters, especially when they didn't know Regulus was a boy. The fact that Regulus was trans hadn’t come as a surprise to him. Regulus had been only 4 when his mother had cursed him for saying that he was a boy. 5 year old Sirius had callmed Reg down and asked him if he really was a boy, Regulus had nodded weepily. Over the coming years Regulus had pushed himself farther and farther into conformity and Sirius had watched it chip away at his brother. Sirius had been overjoyed when mid second year Regulus had pulled him aside in the hallway and dragged him behind a tapestry where he had stood, his entire body shaking. Sirius had pulled him into a tight hug.
“What happened?” he’d asked.
“Y-yy-y-ou can't t-t-tell anyone” he’d stuttered out
“Of course not!” was Sirius's reply.
“I’m a… I think I'm a… I… There’s something wrong with me…”
“There is nothing wrong with you.” Sirius Interjected pointedly.
“Yes there is Sirius! I feel like I'm a guy! I'm not supposed to feel that way! But I just can't make it stop! And everyone is going to hate me, and no one will understand!”
Sirius had just pulled him closer, muttering soft words and assuring him he would always be there. And that it was ok if he was a boy. He’d explained what being trans was (he’d researched it just in case this ever came up) and that it was ok and someday he’d take him to get his hair cut or to buy new clothes. Vowing to himself never let anything happen to his brother.
Now Sirius had failed. His brother who he swore to protect had shown up on the brink of death after Sirius had left him. By this point Effie had cleaned the cuts and pored essance of dittany over them and Sirius could see clearly what was carved into his back, “Freak” “worthless” “sinner” “blood traitor” and the healed ones, “Faggot” “Tranny” “Stupid” “disgusting”. Carving words was his fathers favorite method of anger management, while his mother had favored the cruciatus curse, they both however enjoyed a bit of physical violence as well as magic. Both Regulus and Sirius were covered in reminders of that fact. Effie looked sad but not surprised she had seen many of the same words carved on Sirius’s back. James had too but he still looked mortified.
“Those bastards” he muttered
“Sirius, Dear,?” Effie asked “Is this your…” she stopped “sibling?”
Sirius nodded, “This is my brother, Regulus.” James already knew, his entire friend group did, Regulus had told them he could tell after ensuring that they were safe people. He had also given Sirius permission to tell people if it was safe and absolutely necessary. He thought this counted.
“Alright.” she nodded “Lets get him onto the couch, when he wakes up we can get him a room. James honey would you go grab one of Sirius’s shirts, and some sweatpants.”
He left and Sirius and Effie lifted reg onto the couch carefully. Effie turned to him with a face full of concern, “Sirius?” she asked gently “ did Regulus ever mention anyone doing anything to him besides beat him?”
Sirius sighed, looking at the hand marks around Regs neck and on the sides of his hips then he looked down at his feet. He could feel his stomach in his throat and each breath came with more and more difficulty until he turned and belined it for the loo. Effie shouted after him but all he could do was lean over the toilet and hurl.
When the puking stopped he sat back against the wall only then noticing that Effie was standing in the doorway looking at him with all the concern in the world. He groaned and drug himself up from the ground. He trudged to the sink rinsing his mouth and picking up his tooth brush. He avoided eye contact with Effie behind him in the mirror scrubbing his teeth probably better than he ever had before. When he was done he shut off the water and turned slowly.
“It's not my story to tell.” he breathed, carefully picking his next words. Effie sighed and breathed in as if she wanted to say something but he looked at the ground again and she stopped sensing that he wasn't done.
“But, I’ll tell you mine.” he said with a grave expression on his face. He raised his eyes to meet Effie’s. She was looking at him like she knew what was about to come out of his mouth but was desperately hoping she was wrong.
“My Father,” Sirius began. “Has arguably always been less cruel than my mother. But in the grand scheme of things I might actually hate him more.” Sirius knew he could never take back his next words so he chose them carefully. “He had a habit. A habit of visiting my room whenever he felt like… like…” He stopped looking back at Effie's face with tears in his eyes. “He raped me Effie. Many times.” He could feel the shame rise in him and he looked back down. He couldn't look at Effie. What would she do, he wondered, this was the first person he had ever told. He knew his friends wouldn't get it.and he didn't want them to look at him any differently. But Effie said nothing, she just wrapped her arms around him. Hugging him as if she wished she could hug out all his pain. He wasn't done yet he had things he needed this woman to understated. He pulled back from the hug and leveled his gaze with her. She looked at him with sadness. “Regulus also lived in that house.” he started “ And he was born female. Do with that what you will.” She nodded. “You don't have to say anything.” he sighed “Your the first person I’ve told, and I know you probably think i'm a horrible person for letting it happ-”
“No” Effie interjected. “Look at me Sirius.” she said gently. He did. She rested her hands on his arms, Her eyes were full of determination and Sirius wondered what on earth she was gonna say.
“None of it. NONE of it was your fault. Not what happened to you, not what happened to Regulus. None of it.”
He half nodded, “I know, I just…”
“There was nothing you could have done. You hear me. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault.'' Her voice was firm but kind and Sirius could feel tears well in his eyes.
“It may be hard to believe now but I promise it's true. And I’ll remind you until you believe me, ok?”
He nodded, “Thank you. For everything”
“Of course hun, it really is my pleasure.” she turned to go back to the living room and check on the other Black boy. Sirius leaned back on the counter and took a shaky breath. Effie turned and looked at him with a smile.
“Thank you for telling me Sirius, that must have been hard and it was very brave of you to share.” Before Sirius could formulate a response she was gone. He stood looking in the mirror, studying the contours in his face and trying to see anything but the small boy that used to lay awake at night praying that his father wouldn't visit, sometimes praying that he could just pass away in his sleep so that it never happened again. It’d been a long time since he had thought that way but he couldn't forget how that had felt. How it all had felt. It’d been a year, but he still remembered the last time it happened. How he had tried to fight it so hard but his father had immobilized him anyway. He’d been so powerless, so weak, all he could do was wait it out trying to distract himself until he was done. He could still feel his hands on him. It didn't matter how long it's been how happy he was now he could still feel it. He could still hear every word his mother had said, he could still remember the fear he’d feel every time he knew he’d messed up. What it felt like to feel the cruciatus curse hit. The blade on his back, the kicks, the punches, all of it. He didn't know if he would ever be able to sleep through the night without nightmares. He didn't know if it would ever turn off. The worst part was that he hadn't been able to keep his brother safe, for every punishment he’d taken Regulus had taken one of his. And he knew that Reg got visits from their father more often. He had been the daughter and to his mother that meant that she had to beat him into submission so he would make a good wife. Sirius had tried so hard to make her stop to make her focus on him instead but it was always as if they had known that Reg was different. He supposed it didn't matter now though because Reg was never ever going back. Sirius would go back before he let them take him. He was never leaving him again.
***********
Remus had been sitting in the kitchen when James' face had appeared in the fireplace.
“MOONY” he shouted. Panicked
“What?!” Remus replied.
“Can you come stay at my house early?” There was a strange urgency in his voice that made Remus’s stomach knot.
“Why? What's happened”? Is it Sirius?” He was kneeling next to the fireplace and now worry was evident on his face.
“I’ll tell you in just a minute, go ask, it's important.” Remus jumped up and walked quickly to his fathers room. He was sure the man wouldn't care or even notice but James seemed to forget that not everyone had parents like Effie and Monty and it couldn't hurt to ask.
Remus’s dad was passed out on his floor, bottle of beer in hand. Remus sighed and grabbed a pillow from the bed, he tucked it under his head and grabbed a blanket draping it over him and gently prying the bottle from his hand. He quickly found a note pad and wrote a quick note explaining where he was going and that he would be back for christmas and to stay safe. He grabbed the keys from the hallway and put them in the kitchen under the bills where he knew it would be a while before his dad found them. His dad hadn't always been drunk; he used to work a desk job and come home to swing Remus on the tire he’d strung up on the big tree out front. But ever since his mother died, his dad couldn't even look at him. He felt bad staying at home because he was always more drunk when Remus was around, he was a walking reminder of the beautiful witch he’d lost. It didn't help that Remus was a werewolf, his full moons frightened him and he would leave home for days at a time to avoid them. Remus really didn't mind; it was easy enough to take care of himself and he had good friends. And Sirius, who Remus was unfortunately obsessed with, It would never be recuperated he was sure but he didnt care he loved him anyway. That was why he packed so quickly. He'd rolled his trunk to the living room when he realized James was still there. That was strange.
“Why are you still in my fire?” Remus questioned incredulously
“Because you can't floo to the main room you have to flow directly to my room” That was strange but Remus guessed it had something to do with why he was going so he shrugged, kicking James out of the way and pulling out some floo powder he made quick work of the trip stumbling onto james floor, trunk tailing behind him.
“Are you gonna tell me what's happening now?” He demanded standing up and brushing off the dust. James was uncharacteristically agitated and Remus could hardly breath.
“Its Regulus.” James said, looking as if the world had collapsed.
“Where is Sirius?” Remus needed to make sure he was ok.
“Downstairs, but h-'' Remus didn't hear the rest as he was already bolting down the stairs. He ran into the living room and saw a head of black curly hair laying on the couch. The reminder of a similar scene a year earlier hurt, but he was here for Sirius. He looked around and saw the back of a familiar leather jacket hunched over the sink in the loo. He sighed in relief and walked carefully toward him trying to make as much noise as he could. Sirius would never admit it but he startled really easily. Remus stopped in the doorway and waited for the other boy to look up and turn to him.
“James, not now give me a sec.” Sirius mumbled
“Well I’m not James but I'll still give you a sec if you need it.” Sirius snapped up right and whirled around. Remus smiled at the look of shock on Sirius’s face.
“Remus! What are you doing here?!” God Remus loved how Sirius said his name. He looked like he’d been crying and the tears had made his gray/green eyes shine. He was drop dead gorgeous. Like actually he looked like he’d been sculpted by the gods and planted on the earth to drive Remus nuts. And it worked.
“James” Remus said simply. Sirius stepped forward and Remus wrapped him in a tight hug. He felt small for some reason. He was only a few inches shorter then Remus but tonight he felt fragile and Remus hated it. If he knew it would help he would hug Sirius and never let go until he didn’t look like he was about to break in the moments he thought that no one was looking. He knew some of what had gone down at Grimmauld Place but Sirius didn't talk about it much. That was ok. He didn't talk about his parents much either.
“What happened?” Remus asked
“My parents.” Sirius replied darkly, pulling back from the hug and walking past Remus to the sitting room. Sirius kneeled next to the couch, laying his hand on Regulus's arm and lying his head next to his shoulder. Regulus was in bad shape and Remus wanted to punch Walburgua and Orin for doing this to their children. But instead he sat on the ground next to Sirius rubbing small circles on his back as the boy sobbed quietly.
*********
James sat staring at the scene before him, Sirius sitting asleep with his head on the couch next to Regulus with Remus asleep in his lap. It’d be cute if the circumstances were different he thought bitterly as he studied the beat up face of the youngest Black boy. He didn't think it was fair, everything that both of the Black boys had been through. He was the one who first found out. The one who got his dad to supply Dreamless Sleep Potion for Sirius when he realized that he wasn't sleeping. The one that correctly bandaged Sirius’s wounds after every break when he’d come back looking like he’d been through hell. It didn't make sense to James how parents could do this to their children. He was lucky, he knew that, his parents where nothing loving and supportive. And that was why he had asked them during Christmas break his fourth year if he could invite Sirius to come live with them. They’d try to tell him that they didn't think Sirius' parents would be OK with letting Sirius stay with them, but James was adamant. He’d been almost hysterical at the thought of not giving Sirius somewhere to go, and once his parents saw how distraught James was at the thought of Sirius going back home they agreed. They hadn't really understood till a month into summer when Sirius had shown up bloody and barely conscious. They got it then. They had not hesitated to say yes when James had asked if Sirius’s brother could come stay with them as well. James was glad, he cared very deeply about Regulus, despite the fact that he hadn't spent much time with him. He supposed that it was because he cared about Sirius and Sirius cared about Regulus. It was still confusing. James just figured that it was because he understood somewhat what the boy must have been through. Yes that must be it.