Chapter 2
CApter 2
God, Regulus hurt like hell. He was laying on something soft so either Kreacher had moved him or he was actually dead. He didn't think heaven would hurt this much so this must be hell. That was alright, he probably deserved hell anyways. He was an abomination, he knew that and he’d accepted that fact, somewhat. He wondered why he was laying on his stomach, he never did that, he always slept on his side. He attempted to roll but a hand lay softly on his shoulder guiding him back to the couch he flinched but let them help him.
“Don’t lay on your shoulders or back Reggie.” A gentle voice soothed. Sirius. Regulus snapped open his eyes to meet the face of his older brother smiling down at him.
“Morning starshine” Sirius quipped cheerfully.
“How… What… Where the fuck am I?” he was certainly alive unfortunate you deserved to die
He cringed at the voice ringing through his head and at the searing pain of his fried nerves. Sirius was laughing hysterically.
“You have suchh a potty mouth, Reg!” Regulus swore if he didn't get an answer soon he’d find a way to strangle Sirius
“Answer my question!” God sometimes Sirius was infuriating.
“Potter Manor, what happened?” Sirius was back to a solemn look of deep concern on his face.
“Shit. Potter Manor?” Reg asked, Sirius nodded.
“Your safe here, I promise.” Regulus didn't believe him, he wasn't ever safe, no one would ever truly love the abomination he was, except maybe Sirius.
“Yeah right.” he scoffed. Load of hippogriff shit.
“No I promise you really are, Monty and Effie are amazing. They already set you up a room!” Reg raised an eyebrow. He appreciated the sediment he really did but they didn't know and once they did… He couldn't get too comfortable, couldn't believe that he was actually safe, there was always something.
“Reg… They know.” Shit. Shit. Shit. They would never let him stay now, he’d have to go back. Of course they wouldn't keep you! No one in their right mind would want you! You're filthy! No he couldn't go back. He’d have to do something else. Evan? No, he couldn't burden the Rosier family. Barty? Never, his dad would marry them off. You see! No one will take you. Pandora? Maybe, you never knew with her parents.
“REG! REG! Breath! Slowly iiinnnn ouuuttt. Again…” He hadn’t realized he'd been hyperventilating, and he dutifully breathed. When he felt calm enough he buried his head into the pillow, vowing to never look up again.
“They saw the scars, Reg. The words. You also had your hair pinned back so tight I was surprised it didn't fall out, and what did I tell you about binding with bandages?” Reg was suddenly aware of his chest pressing into the couch and bulging out the sides, god he hated his chest, it was stupid really but it bugged him daily. He also hadn’t realized his hair was down. He never kept it down. He also wasn't wearing the blouse and skirt that he had been when he was last conscious. He was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, they smelled like Sirius. He’d been changed. His throat tightened and his expression turned dark.
“I changed your clothes, and I made everyone leave. “ he paused. “You were drenched in blood. The damage is bad I won't lie, more words, some whipping curses, you’re shaking so cruciatus new knife slice on your face, a couple broken bones, and a lot of bruising… you were punched, kicked, choked and… manhandled by the looks of it..” Sirius shot a look at Regulus. Reg knew what that look meant. He was glad to be out of those clothes he supposed. He remembered now. What had happened. God it was a wonder he was alive. He’d never been under the cruciatus curse that long and it explained why he felt like he got struck by lightning. But he hadnt broken. He could've, he could have said it was a rumor, that he would gladly marry Barty. The punishment would have been less but he refused. His father had decided that Reg needed some reminders. And then when he was there… God. He’d let it happen again. Whore, you wanted it. He turned his head away from Sirius and attempted to hold back tears. He must not cry. Crying was weak.
“It's ok Reg, you can cry. What happened?” Sirius wouldn't let it go so he supposed he’d better get it over.
“Some slytherin chick told her parents that I wasn't planning on marrying Barty. Word gets around.”
“They didn't… they still don’t know?”
“They probably do, deep down, but no. I’d be dead if that was the case.” Sirius looked sad. And he rested his hand on Reg’s temple drawing slow circles with his thumb.
“Reg, you are a handsome, strong, intelligent young man. You deserve to be happy. You are worthy of love. And you don't deserve anything that's happened.” Reg let the words wash over him, he didn't really believe him, but it was nice to hear.
“Thank you Sirius” Sirius smiled then his whole face lit up.
“We can cut your hair!! We’ll have to wait until you feel up for it of course but now we can soon!!” Regulus hadn't thought about that and he couldn't help but to break into the biggest smile he’d worn in a while.
“And we can get you the right school robes!!” Reg smiled Sirius said the right school robes, not the boy ones or the pant ones but the RIGHT one. It was so simple but Regulus loved him for it, for how he always felt as if Sirius could see through his feminine exterior. He could see in his eyes, Sirius saw him as a boy, a real boy, not a girl who wants to be a boy. He looked at him with pride every time he saw him, Reg didn't know why he was so proud but he loved it. They sat there for a while and Sirius told him all of the things they could finally do. Eventually the floo woshed and in tumbled Mrs Potter, James, and Remus.
*******
James was pissed. He’d gotten the chance to study Regulus more in the morning light, and he was filled with righteous anger. He’d made breakfast and brought it to the sitting room for the other boys, they ate in silence; this gave James plenty of time to inspect Reg. He was lying on the couch with his hair spread wildly around the pillow, but his face had been turned outward and James was appalled by the lack of color and weight on the boy's face; he looked far to skinny, currently being drowned by Sirius’s clothes. But what really had James fired up was the fact that the boy was more black and blue then anything else. He had a long cut running down the side of his face, his lip was busted, he had a black eye, and a lovely collection of bruises scattered his face. As James moved on from his face he saw something else, this was perhaps even more sdeep purple and blue, underneath them there were twinges of yellow and green, this was not the first time he was strangled this summer vacation. James’s heart had sunk to the bottom of his stomach. He hated the boy’s parents, and it’d been a year since Sirius had shown up but James knew he still frequently had nightmares, ones so bad he couldn't tell him. Sometimes in the dorms he would be awoken despite Sirius’s silencing charm. He remembered the first time he’d crept over to see a sleeping Sirius cowering in the corner of his bed, whimpering stop and no over and over tears rushing down his face. James had been powerless to help and that was when he got Sirius dreamless sleep potion, some nights the memories of the past overpowered anyways and Sirius fell victim to his mind. James had coxed Sirius through panic attacks and cried with him and hugged him, but he knew no matter how much love he gave Sirius he would never forget what had happened, he might heal but he'd never forget. And now on his couch once more was another beat Black boy, it pissed James off to no end.
His musings were interrupted when his mom walked into the sitting room and demanded that James and Remus go shopping with her.
“But mom… I want to be here for Regulus” James replied.
“Honey, I think it would be best if Regulus and Sirius had some time alone before we bombard them.” She was right, James knew that, so he agreed and dragged a begrudging Remus along with him.
They decided that they were going to go pick up a few things that Regulus would need. James insisted that they didn't get him very many clothes, he knew that Sirius and Regulus had long planned to go clothes shopping together when they got out and James felt it would be a crime to take that from them. They wandered around a bit to gather things like a toothbrush, soap, brushes, combs, and other things that they hoped Regulus would appreciate. James remembered when Sirius first asked if he could decorate his room. He looked about ready to puke and James had laughed when his mom had absolutely pounced on the idea, a few days later Sirius’s room looked exactly like Sirius wanted. James had never seen him so happy and he hoped that Regulus would get to experience the same joy and freedom.
“Boys, I have to go grab some other things. Here's some money, go get some snacks and candy.” Effie handed them some gallons and the boys looked at eachother. Remus shrugged and the boys set off.
“Sooooooo… “ James had lasted two minutes with regular conversation before he caved and started needling Remus.
“Sooo what?” Remus looked at him warily.
“Um, I had like a stupid question…” Remus rolled his eyes
“What is it?” James knew he was the king of stupid questions but this one is important.
“To preface you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to, ok?” He hoped he’d answer.
“What do you want to know?” Remus looked guarded and worried.
“Are you ok?” Remus stopped in the middle of the aisle and whirled to look at him.
“What do you mean by that James.” James ment that he had still been in the fireplace when Remus had hid his dad’s keys and mumbled about drunk dads and dead moms. He didn't say that. The look in Remus’s eyes told him not to push it.
“I just mean with like the full moon at your house and everything.” Remus visibly relaxed and James made a mental note to ask Sirius to try and help him. That would probably work better.
“Yeah it was a bit rough but I made it.” He shot James a smile. James called mental bullshit but let it go.
**************
Sirius was not expecting Regulus to sit upright so quickly when the others got back and by the groan that Reg let out neither was he.
“Woah hun, let's lie back down, you lost a lot of blood last night and the potion i gave you won't kick in fully until 12 hrs after administration.” Effie was trying to get Reg to lie back down but he was refusing
“I’ll sit, thank you ma’am.” Regulus said quietly and perfectly toned. Looking downward at a slight angle, hands folded in his lap, posture straight and ankles crossed. He was perfectly poised, the image was thrown off entirely by his casual appearance and surroundings. Everyone in the room but Sirius was looking at Regulus with confusion evident on their faces. Regulus had not twitched a muscle, which was honestly impressive because he'd been twitching ever since he got here. Sirius sat next to his brother and slowly moved Reg's head to look at him.
“Hey bud,” his voice was so gentle it was a wonder anyone could hear it. “You're safe, you can relax, no more poise lessons Effie doesn't do poise and she definitely won't hurt you, okay?” Regulus relaxed a bit and turned to look at the three people looking at him. Sirius wanted to scream at all of them to back off but he knew that they cared and weren't trying to hurt or scare him. They had never been exactly where Reg was now but Sirius had been and he understood how terrifying this all was. He still shot them a glare. Effie was the first to break the silence.
“Ok, no laying down got it, but if you get light headed please lay down so you don't pass out.” Regulus nodded in agreement.
“We have presents!!!!” James looked like he would explode. Sirius laughed, they did the same thing for him when he moved in and it had made him feel so welcome, he hoped it would help Reg too. Reg looked shocked and he started to mutter.
“Im sorry, you didn't have t-”
“It's just a few small things, and you deserve to have things that you like.” Effie was good at shutting down self depreciation it seemed. James was too in his own way for he had already placed three bags next to and on Regulus.
“Look at them! Look at them!” James looked like a kid on Christmas and Regulus looked nervous. Regulus peeked into the bag he snapped his head up and closed the bag. Reg was staring at them with misty eyes and so much shock on his face that Sirius couldn't even fathom what was in the bag that would cause this reaction. The three shoppers were Grinning ear to ear pleased with Reg's reaction. Sirius couldn't decipher what on earth the bags contained.
“Well… Go on…” Remus chimed in. This seemed to break Regulus from his trance and he reached his hand in the bag to pull out… Boxers? That made sense they’d gotten Sirius the same kinda things when he got here, but he didnt think boxers elicited that kind of response. The rest of the contents of the bags were all necessities. That just made Sirius more confused when Regulus looked at all the things surrounding him, tears still evident in his eyes.
“I… Thank you… So much… I don't know what to say… thank you!” Reg looked so overjoyed.
“Of course hun, we wouldn't leave you without the necessities!” Reg smiled at Effie then looked down.
“No, well yes thank you for that but also for getting me… getting me guy stuff.” he said the last part so quietly Sirius wondered if anyone else could hear him. It made sense now why Reg was so happy, he’d forgotten just how gendered life at grimmauld place was, especially for Reg.
“Why of course dear, you are a guy! You let me know if you need anything else and I can get it for you” Effie’s response had Reg's jaw nearly on the floor. Sirius just laughed leaning over to Regs ear whispering
“I told you so.” Reg smiled wider and shoved Sirius.
“Get off my couch! I'm supposed to be laying down, you nimwit.” Sirius rolled off in mock offense before breaking down into giggles, it was good to have him back.
**********
Effie watched the Boys laugh and joke in the living room. She didn't know if she’d be able to separate them, she giggled to herself at the reminder of James when Sirius first got here. These boys hurt her heart, they really were so sweet and powerful. And yet they’d never been told that, in fact she was pretty sure they routinely got told the opposite. She was never really told a lot of what happened in that house but what she was told was bad enough. She often had to remind Sirius to eat because he’d been starved so much he didn't have hunger cues anymore. She was also not blind to the small habits Sirius had that hinted at more sinister things. For one he could be so silent, he sneaked up on her at first because she wasn't used to just how quiet he could walk. James and Monty were always loud, but not Sirius. He didn't open doors the way James did, James always ripped them open and slung them shut, Sirius eased the handle open then pulled it just enough to creep in and pull it back closed. He also had all manner of things that made him tense and freeze panic on his face until he either realized it was safe or went into full on panic mode. What he’d told her yesterday made her sick, but it didn't surprise her, she didn't know if anything she heard about that house could surprise her anymore. It made her so happy to see the boys laugh, she didn't know if she’d still be able to laugh after all that.
She smiled sadly then wandered off to finish getting Regulus’s room ready. She’d decided to put him in the room next to Sirius. In the hopes he’d have somewhere to go if he also suffered from nightmares. She decided to leave the room undecorated for the most part as she wanted Regulus to have freedom over his own expression. She made up the bed and added plenty of pillows. She couldn't help herself, and put a pillow with '`you are loved’ written on it front and center on the bed. Each room had an adjoining bathroom, with a tub/shower combo. She didn't quite know what she could add that Regulus would like and what he would hate so she kept it simple. She’d let him put the stuff she got away later. She had also gotten him a large supply of menstrual products she’d charmed to be packaged masculinity. Something that she hoped wasn’t crossing a line but she hadn’t wanted him to have to ask her and she wanted him to feel affirmed. She felt out of her depths but decided she would just play it by ear as she got to know him.
She headed downstairs debating whether to make food or order pizza. The boys in the sitting room were doing their best impressions of their professors as she made her way to the kitchen. Pizza felt right.