A Promise of Forever
Day 321.5
Here, back at Peggy’s townhouse among the people he trusts and loves the most, Tony feels immensely thankful to be alive. It’s a rare and funny feeling, but it fizzes through him and makes him unable to stop grinning like a madman. He doesn’t have to care, though, because these people don’t care either as long as he’s happy.
And he is.
He’s far more than content. This is more than Tony had ever dreamed he’d get.
Tony’s sitting at the head of the table, Steve on his right and Peter to his left, and there’s Peggy, Pepper, Rhodey, Natasha, and Bruce around the table too. As she always does once every year, Peggy had whipped up the fish and chips recipe Jarvis and Ana used to cook, with the others bringing a large assortment of food, from Bruce’s Indian curry to Natasha’s Thai soup.
“I didn’t remember you being on the invite, Rogers,” Rhodey glares at Steve as he serves himself some noodles, and Peggy nudges his ribs with her elbow.
“Children, behave,” she chides, snatching the fork from his hand to scoop up some noodles for herself, smiling as Tony laughs and Rhodey mumbles, “sorry, Aunt Pegs,” but continues to glare at Steve, who looks sheepish.
Under the table, Tony reaches to hold Steve’s hand, squeezing it. He wants Steve and Rhodey to get along, and from the corner of his eye, he sees Natasha smirk but continues holding Steve’s hand regardless.
“We had a date today,” Steve announces with a smile of his own, happy to bear with Rhodey’s protectiveness if it meant having Tony by his side. Bruce groans, muttering something about needing to install non-transparent walls in their lab, and Steve ignores him, “thanks for the advice, Peggy.”
Peter chimes in around his mouthful of potatoes, “if Dad and Pops get too loud tonight, can I stay at your place, Aunt Tasha?”
“Can’t he stay at my place?” Pepper protests, eager to actually spend time with Peter after all their video calls, “Tony’s place is my place anyways.”
“What were they talking about that you think they’ll get loud, Peter?” Natasha asks too innocently, the laughter clear in her smile.
Steve is frantically shaking his head, but it’s too late because Peter’s already cheerfully telling everyone, “Dad said he’d suck all of Pops’ fears away and Pops promised to scream loud enough.”
Rhodey chokes, Steve turns redder than ever, and Peggy reaches over to cover Peter’s ears.
Tony just cackles.
It’ll be a long night, he knows, but it will pass too quickly in a blur of laughter and love and the comfort of family.
They all end up staying in the many guestrooms of the townhouse, Peter having been tucked in earlier in Tony’s childhood bedroom, the boy squealing excitedly at the Captain America bedsheets, distracted enough by them to not complain too much at having to sleep before the adults.
Rhodey gifts Tony a giant spider doll bigger than his chest, with red eyes and fluffy legs that flop all over the place.
“No,” Steve quickly tells Tony as Tony grins far too widely at Steve.
With the smirk of someone who knows they’ll win, Tony simply says, “yes.”
“That thing is not going to stare at us tonight. It’s not going in the bedroom.”
Rhodey protests gleefully, “Tony can do whatever Tony wants with it.”
“We can hang it from the ceiling above the bed, make sure Peter can’t steal it from me,” Tony nods as he pecks Steve’s cheek, wrapping the spider’s legs around Steve’s waist and giggling – giggling – happily.
Steve thinks he’d suffer anything to see Tony so happy.
He presses a kiss of his own on Tony’s temple, delighting in the way Tony shifts closer.
It’s past midnight when the group begins to dwindle, each of them retreating to a guestroom, far too late for Peggy to let anyone drive home alone.
Tony drags Steve to one of the guestrooms with a bigger bed, his gifts carefully piled on one of Peggy’s sofas, the spider’s legs menacingly guarding his hoard.
Steve hasn’t given Tony a present, but Tony doesn’t let it affect him much – this, having his family grow, having Steve’s hand in his, Tony hasn’t felt this full in years, his heart brimming and overflowing.
He locks the door behind them, pushing Steve further and further back until they both topple on the bed, Tony falling on Steve’s chest with a laugh, kissing him through his shirt. Steve’s hand tangles in Tony’s hair, and Tony moans, moving up to nip at Steve’s neck.
“Tony, wait, no, stop,” Steve breathlessly pleads, his hands now pushing against Tony, and Tony wrenches himself away, scrambling to leave the bed to give Steve space, but, “no, Tony don’t leave.”
Tony runs a hand through his hair, trying to get the ghost of Steve’s touch away so he can think. “What did I do wrong?”
Steve shakes his head, eyes wide as he sits up at the edge of the bed, one hand fumbling into his pocket. “Nothing. I just… I just wanted to give you this for your birthday.”
There’s a silver key in Steve’s raised hand, his other hand reaching out to wrap around Tony’s waist, pulling him in.
“What’s it for?” Tony hears himself ask, pliantly moving to Steve’s touch, taking the key and feeling the warmth of Steve in the metal.
Steve smiles, looking up at Tony with a softness that hurts, with a devotion that gives Tony half a mind to run, scared as he is of the depths he finds in Steve, and yet when the corners of Steve’s eyes crinkle, Tony finds himself rooted to the spot, unable to move.
“Come home with me. Tomorrow, next week, next year, come home with me,” Steve fiercely asks, begs, wishes. His hand wraps around Tony’s, closing Tony’s fingers around the key, gentle and steady and sure, “if you’re not ready, then consider this a promise that I’ll wait for you.”
Tony can’t think of anything to say – what words are there to describe the bubbling mess in him? Love might be the only word, but love seems like such a small thing, inadequate and nothing against Steve and Tony and this brighter than bright joy and hope and warmth between them.
And so Tony doesn’t say anything, just lets his other hand curl around Steve’s jaw, titling his face up so Tony can see the light of his eyes better, and then Tony bends down, kissing his temple, his cheeks, his lips, tasting the salt of tears and hoping that where words fail, Steve will understand too the depths of Tony’s own devotion, and the elation that Tony feels at the thought of home.
They’re lying sated a few hours later, Tony using Steve’s chest as a pillow, his head tucked under Steve’s chin and their legs tangled together when Steve murmurs, “you deserve the universe.”
Tony can feel the echo of the words, the rise and fall of Steve’s chest, the way Steve’s heart continues beating without a skip, truthful and constant. Tony doesn’t believe the words, but he does believe in Steve, and the vehemence with which Steve believes them.
Closing his eyes, Tony smiles against Steve’s chest, the darkness of sleep not as fearful as it used to be.
He thinks of Rumiko’s brown eyes, so different from Steve’s blue, and how she used to be the one turn Tony into her pillow, how her laugh was piercing and loud, a shard of light cutting into Tony’s dark – how he had wanted to spend forever conquered by the steel in her voice and the silk in her touch.
He thinks of her cold skin against his lips, of how he had wept and broken at the loss of her, praying foolishly for her to come back, and he thinks of her last wishes for him to be happy. He thinks of the low rumble of Steve's laugh, of morning coffee and the relentless, untiring care that batters against the walls of Tony's defenses until he's forced to concede and reveal himself to the sunlight of Steve's gentleness. Tony thinks of how Steve allows Tony to conquer him, the sincerity of his belief in Tony's goodness, and Tony feels a weight lift from his shoulders.
Steve’s fingers are tracing mindless circles on Tony’s back, and Tony accepts the truth that has been true since far before Tony realised it.
“I only want you,” he whispers in promise, half wanting Steve to hear, half afraid of admitting the depths of his own affection so freely.
Steve moves to hold him tighter, and Tony feels himself letting go.
He loved Rumiko, but he loves Steve too. Not more, not less, not equally. Tony loves them differently, and he feels his heart grow at the thought of it, beating stronger and harder.
In the darkness behind his closed eyes, Tony gives Rumiko a final farewell. She will always have his heart, but it has shifted and expanded and become Steve’s and Peter’s too, just as it is also Rhodey’s and Pepper’s and Peggy’s.
Reaching for Steve’s hand, Tony opens his eyes as he presses a long, lingering kiss on Steve’s knuckle, rubbing his thumb over them when Steve squeezes his hand with a happy noise.
“You have me,” Steve promises back.
And Tony feels his heart grow a little bit more.