Something More

“Bucky!” You giggled, swatting his hand away as he plucked another french fry from your plate. 

“What? Yours taste better,” he said, reaching for another handful.

“They’re the same as what’s on your plate,” you pointed out, with a raised eyebrow.

It didn’t matter if you and Bucky ordered the same thing or something different he was always as he called it sampling things from your plate. Fruit from french toast, leftover pickles, a lick from an ice cream cone, a too long sip from
an ice cold slushy. Even though you yelled at him and playfully pushed your plate away you secretly enjoyed it.

“Anything else I can get you?” Your waitress asked.

“Chocolate cake.”

“With whip cream!” You added quickly to your waitresses retreating back. 

“Oh, should we have gotten two plates since the food on mine is so much better?” You teased and when he laughs it’s rich and warm and it sets your heart fluttering.

The plate is set down with a loud clank, the forks jangling against the tabletop, but neither of you notice your eyes locked on each other’s. A smirk graces his face, a small smile on yours. Reaching down blindly for your fork you pick it up swiping it through the messy swirl of whip cream. Bringing it to your lips you sigh in content. 

“Ya know you should try the cake instead of just eating the whip cream all the time. ‘S really good.”

Cutting a small sliver off he extends his fork to you. Leaning forward you giggle as he slips the metal past your parted lips. It’s not the first time he’s offered you food like this, but after sleeping with him the move feels intimate, more suited for lovers on a date than best friends in a rundown diner.

The chocolate is thick, sweet, melt in your mouth and you hate to admit it, but he’s right. It’s good. And you want to tell him that, but you’re finding it hard to get the words out when his eyes are turning darker with each passing second, when his tongue is dancing across his bottom lip. And when he speaks his voice is so low, so husky you swear that the conversation around you fades until it’s only the two of you lost in your own world.

“Honey, you’ve got some chocolate.” He leaned forward his eyes never wavering from yours as the pad of his thumb brushes against the corner of your mouth wiping away the chocolate. “Right there.” 

Heat crawls up your neck and you’re not sure if it’s from embarrassment or the intimacy of his actions.

“Tha-.”

His eyes stay locked on yours, his pink tongue darting out to swirl around his thumb as he cleans the chocolate off. To anybody passing by it would be an innocent gesture, but to you it’s so much more. “Told you yours tastes better.”

It’s a rush to get back to your apartment with hands clutching tightly to one another’s, stolen kisses in the back of a cab, whispered words in ears that send delicious shivers of want down your back, lust filled gazes, teeth tugging on lower lips to silence the growing noises that are threatening to spill. 

And once you make it to your apartment it’s madness. 

Kisses that are rough and sloppy and needy. Hands that rush to explore newly exposed skin as clothes are stripped and tossed carelessly to the floor in a trail that lead to your bedroom. Muffled gasps and moans mix with heavy breaths and giggles each time one of you bump a hip into a piece of furniture or slam a back against a wall rattling picture frames. The sounds, the bruises that will appear soon, the cool air that contrasts with his hot mouth on your bare skin only spurs you on. And the feeling is mutual. 

Though the apartment is yours for the weekend that doesn’t stop Bucky from closing your bedroom door or from slamming your back into it as his lips hungrily search yours out. Wrapping your arms around his neck you pull him closer to you moaning into his mouth. His touch unlike his kiss is feather light as his fingers ghost up and down your bare side sending chills down your body. 

Everything is rough and fast and if you’re being honest a little overwhelming. You’ve never seen this side of Bucky before, but if you’re being honest you kind of like it. 

Leaning your head back against your door you part your lips fully intending to ask him to slow down, but when he kisses your jaw, when his hand envelopes your breast massaging and tweaking your nipple through your bra the only thing that escapes is a loud moan.

Tugging on his hair you whine when his lips move down your throat. “B-Bucky,” you moaned. “I just... oh.” He makes it so difficult to speak, so difficult to think.

“Yeah?” He groaned against your ear. Moving his hand to your other breast  he presses a soft kiss behind your ear. “What do you need, baby?”

You should be so used to him asking you that, but you’re not. Each time it sends your stomach fluttering with how sweet he sounds even when he’s doing dirty things.

“You need me to slow down?” He murmured, his mouth still pressed against your ear.

Biting your lip you shake your head no whining when he removes his hand from your breast. His fingertips dance down your side, your eyes flutter closed and you swear if he wasn’t pressed flush against you holding you up you’d collapse.

“You need me to touch you?” His fingers rest on the waistband of your underwear not making a move to go further until he gets an answer. “Tell me,” he growled, his voice is commanding in a way you haven’t heard from him yet and the tone leaves you whimpering. 

“I... I.” You can hear him chuckling again and if you weren’t such a mess you think you’d slap him. He’s fully aware of the effect he has on you and you long to turn the tables, but he’s making it so difficult when he’s working his lips down your neck in the slowest kisses possible managing to hit all your sweet spots. “Touch,” you gasped and you feel like you’re playing a one person game of charades. 

“Touch you? That what you need baby?” he groaned, his fingers slowly dipping past the waistband of your underwear to stroke your wet folds.

It takes all your willpower to unwrap your arms from his shoulders and to grasp his wrist stopping his movements. He sucks in a deep breath, his lips pulling away from your neck, his fingers slipping out of your underwear so quickly as he looks at you with panicked eyes. He doesn’t have to say it for once you can read his expression, read the worry written across his face.

“No, I mean yes I want you to touch me,” you blurted out, relieved to see the panic ebb. “But I want... I want to touch you, Bucky. I want to make you feel good. Please?” 

Biting your lip you stare up at him with hopeful eyes. It had been two months since you lost your virginity to him and despite the time you guys were still taking things slow. His focus was still on you and your pleasure and while you appreciated all the attention and care he lavished you with you were eager to return the favor. 

“You don’t have to, honey,” he murmured, voice husky.

“I know.” Trailing your fingers down his chest he groaned at the way his muscles contracted from the light touch. Your eyes never leave his, your teeth pull on your lower lip as you summon a bout of confidence. Palming his hardness through his boxers you both moaned. “But I want to.”

Blue eyes fluttered shut, his breath picking up slightly and when he didn’t say anything else you boldly slipped your hand into his boxers. He was already hard, throbbing in your hand. A bead of precum dotted the tip of of him. Brushing your thumb across the sensitive tip you smeared it around before giving him a gentle stroke.

With your free hand you tugged his boxers down to release him. It wasn’t your first time seeing him, but the length, the thickness, the angry red tip leaking with precum still managed to make your mouth water. With each stroke of your hand you picked up the pace, your eyes locked on his face, your ears tuned to each stuttered breath, each moan that slipped past his lips as you worked to figure out what he liked the most.

His hand slammed against your bedroom door the sound reverberating through your room when you moved your hand in a corkscrew motion.

“F-Fuck,” he choked out, his head dropping to the crook of your neck. Each moan he let out, each thrust of his hips into your hand brought a sense of pride to you knowing that you were the one to make him feel so good. “Y/N.”

You’re not sure you’ve heard anything more alluring than the sound of your name spilling from his lips in a strangled moan and it makes you wonder what other sounds you can coax from him. 

Increasing the pace of your strokes you slowly drop to your knees giggling when he lets out another low moan. His eyes are half lidded, glazed over and dark. His tanned chest rising and falling so rapidly you’d be worried he was about pass out if he wasn’t making the most sinful sounds.

“Baby,” he choked out. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to.” 

Ignoring his words, ignoring the way your underwear grows slicker you dart your tongue out to lick at the precum. Slipping his tip past your parted lips you give a gentle suck watching the way he slams his eyes shut. Your hand works over what’s not in your mouth and you understand why he’s always so eager to make you feel good. It’s powerful hearing someone moan your name, watching someone come undone right before you. 

“I told you, Bucky, I want to,” you murmured, focusing your attention back on his tip. Cupping his balls you slip more of him past your parted lips. Your pace is slow, hesitant and while this isn’t the first time you’ve done this like most of the things you’ve done with Bucky it’s different in a way it never was with your ex. It’s better, sweeter somehow, despite your actions being dirty at best.

His free hand rests on the back of your head, his fingers curling around your hair though he doesn’t make a move to push your mouth to take more of him. “Y/N,” he moaned. “Your mouth feels so good.”

The praise sends a warmth through you, spurs you on and you never knew that you could grow to enjoy this. Hollowing your cheeks and bobbing your head you listen to the way his moans increase in frequency and in volume, listen to the way his breath hitches when you attempt to take all of him. It’s useless, he’s bigger than you’re used to, but you think it’s worth it when a string of choked praises escape his parted lips.

Squeezing your thighs together to ease the throbbing you slip him out of your mouth. A trail of spit dangles from mouth falling to your chin, but you don’t care. Stroking him you glance up at him through your lashes admiring the way his head is thrown back in pure ecstasy, the way his lips are parted, the way you can feel his fingers clenching and unclenching around your hair.

Wrapping your lips around his tip you suck greedily listening to the endless stream of groans that escape him. Massaging his balls and stroking what’s not in your mouth you keep your eyes on him.

“Fuck, fuck Y/N, don’t stop, sweetheart ‘m close,” he rambled, the words rushed amidst his labored breaths.

Hearing that he’s close has you moaning around his length the vibrations causing him to hiss. Taking more of him into your mouth you hollow your cheeks again, sucking a little harder as your head bobs faster. 

“Sweetheart,” he groaned, his voice low with a hint of a warning.

Another bob of your head, another low groan from Bucky and his body is tensing, his release coating your mouth and your tongue. It’s hot and salty and a little unsavory and you struggle to swallow it all down. Dropping your hand from his balls you help him ride out his orgasm as you slowly release him from your mouth with a quiet pop. 

Helping you to your feet your legs are shaky, your breath a little uneven, your heart pounding heavily beneath your chest from equal parts nerves and exhilaration. 

Bucky is just as messed up. You've never seen him like this. With eyes that are still glazed and heavy lidded, with his tan chest rising and falling, with one hand still resting on the door by your head and his other hand trailing up and down your side. 

Staring up at him you wonder if this is what you look like when he brings you to such highs. Threading your fingers through his sweaty hair you offer him a shy smile wanting to ask if it was okay, if he's okay, but the fire that's dancing in his darkened eyes and the way his hand slides up to cup your heated cheek and the way he kisses you makes you lose your train of thought. 

The kiss starts off sweet enough, but it's not long before he's pushing his tongue into your mouth exploring each crevice, not long before his fingertips are dancing along the top of your bra teasing you. And it's not long before he's breaking the kiss, before he's trailing his lips across your cheek and nipping at the sensitive skin of your neck.

"Honey."

Wrapping your arm around his shoulder to anchor yourself you whine. You can feel him smirking against your neck and when he softly calls you honey again, when he slips his hand down to grip your waist, when he presses his lips against your ear letting his warm breath hit you swear your knees are seconds from buckling beneath you.

"Bucky," you gasped. 

Nipping at your earlobe his fingers dance down your hip before ghosting up the insides of your thighs. Parting your legs you tilt your head back, your grip tightening on his shoulder as he continues to pant against your ear.

"You made me feel so fuckin' good, baby you gonna let me return the favor? Gonna let me taste you?"

His words render you speechless. Clawing at his shoulder you open and close your mouth searching for the right words. Coming up empty you tug on his hair guiding his lips back to yours in a searing kiss. You know he needs a verbal answer, but as his filthy words replay in your mind, as your underwear grows slicker with need, as he breaks the kiss to rest his forehead against yours all you're able to do is whine uselessly against him.

With heavy breaths and eyes closed shut, with fingers ghosting up thighs, caressing stomachs, dancing between the valley of breasts, with cooed honeys, and sweethearts and the promise of newfound pleasure to come all you're able to do is pant out the word bed. With an expertise that leaves your head spinning he steps out of his boxers kicking them to the side as he spins you around to guide you back to your bed. His hands never leave your body touching every inch of you he can, his lips never leaving yours. Clutching tight to his shoulders he whispers soft words of encouragement in between kisses telling you he's got you, that he's not going to let you fall and when the back of your knees hit your bed he holds you a little tighter, kisses you a little deeper.

Gnawing on your bottom lip you lay down gesturing for him to follow. Your eyes are wide with lust and awe as Bucky settles himself between your legs, his fingertips caressing your cheek. You long to have his confidence to lay bare with no shred of embarrassment. 

Even with your bra and underwear on, with his body covering most of you you still feel too exposed despite his having seen you naked before. His tanned skin glistens, his muscles begging to be caressed and kissed and though there's a fire burning in your veins, an uncomfortable throbbing between your legs that needs to be taken care of you think you'd be more than content to make him feel good again.

"You okay?" He asked and though his eyes are still as dark as the ocean on a moonless night you don't miss the flicker of concern that flashes through.

Now isn't the time to tell him about your insecurities, about your nervousness. Offering him what you hope is a sincere smile you kiss him. "Touch me?" You don't mean for your words to come out sounding like a question, but they do and though you expect Bucky to question you further he doesn't. His lips work against yours, his tongue coaxing yours out as his hand massages your breast gently at first before adding more pressure when he hears your little whimpers and moans. 

When he asks to take your bra off his voice is smooth like velvet, his touch as loving as the first time he did this. His eyes never leave yours and once the material is tossed carelessly to your floor his lips eagerly explore the newly exposed skin of your neck and your breasts. Sucking and kissing and nipping until your nipples are hardened nubs and you're left a sweating, whining mess capable of only crying out his name does he finally move on by showering your stomach with open mouthed kisses. His beard is rough against the smooth skin of your stomach, but the contrast feels so good and when he looks up at you through his lashes his plump lips curling up into a smile your heart races.

“Baby,” he murmured, voice low and oozing lust as he inches his way down the bed. He’s gentle when he parts your thighs, but that doesn’t stop your body from tensing, from your heart to race faster, from your face to heat up, from your thighs to slam shut. 

“Relax. This is supposed to feel good.” His voice is like velvet, soft and soothing and comforting. And when his fingers glide up your thighs coaxing you to relax, to open up to him, to let him take care of you you will your body to do as he says, but it’s so hard when your head is full of thoughts and doubts and worries. 

You want to tell him you are relaxed. You want to tell him you’re just nervous, but the only sound that escapes is that of a sigh when your thighs finally part and his fingers ghost a little higher. He’s so close to touching you where you need him, but as he spreads your thighs only to replace his fingers with his mouth you let out a strangled moan. 

His lips are warm, his beard rough, his tongue wet when he traces a pattern on the inside of your thigh. Your stomach is a flutter, your heart racing so fast you swear you’re going to pass out and you don’t know if you should slam your thighs shut and push him away or grab the back of his head and push him closer. It’s intense and overwhelming and all he’s done is kiss the inside of your thighs.

“B-Bucky,” you whimpered and there’s so much more you want to say, but as his lips inch closer to your covered core your body tenses again at the unfamiliar sensation.

Wrapping his hand around your thigh he pushes your legs further apart before curling his fingers around the waistband of your underwear. “There ya go, honey. Told ya it’d feel good,” he mumbled, kissing his way down your other thigh.

And it does feel good. But it’s also intense and overwhelming and as your eyes fly open when his teeth graze across your sensitive skin you push up on your elbows watching with wide eyes the way he’s fit so perfectly between your legs. 

“Bucky,” you tried again softer this time and something in your voice has him taking notice. A final kiss is pressed before he’s unwrapping his fingers from your underwear. Skimming his fingers along your side he crawls his way back up your body. His lips are reassuring against your heated skin and you feel so stupid for having to stop this. “You don’t have to do that.” Avoiding his gaze you lay back down.

His hand slides up to your cheek tilting your face so you’re forced to look at him. “You don’t like it?” 

The gentleness in his voice makes you want to cry because you feel even more stupid for not having been honest with him from the beginning.

“No... I mean...” Taking a deep breath you wish you didn’t have to look him in the eyes right now. “No ones ever... he wouldn’t... I’m just nervous,” you blurted, your words a jumbled mess. 

It’s tense and awkward and again you wish you could look away, but even without him holding your gaze steady you don’t think you’d be able to. His eyes stare so deeply into yours that for a moment you get lost in the darkness. Until you hear him laughing and that’s all it takes to break the tension.

“Baby,” he laughed. “Why didn’t you just say that?” 

“Stop laughing!” You yelled, your hand slapping his shoulder, but even as you do you can’t help giggling. Covering your face with your hands you groaned. “I don’t know! I just... earlier when you were talking and god it sounded so good, Bucky and I mean I always wanted him to, but he wouldn’t and I don’t know.” 

His laughter fills your ears as he pulls your hands away and when he leans down to kiss first your forehead, then your cheeks, then the corner of your mouth before finally landing on your lips the laughter has died down enough to enjoy it.

“Do you want me to?”

There’s a seriousness in his voice that wasn’t there moments before and it sends shivers of want down your back.

“Yes,” you whispered softly.

Kissing you again he keeps his hand on your cheek, his thumb gently stroking your skin. “I’ll go slow,” he promised, his hand dropping from your cheek and gliding down your side. Curling his fingers around the waistband of your underwear he gives it a gentle tug. “If at anytime you change your mind or you wanna stop or something doesn’t feel good you gotta tell me.”

“Okay.” Arching your hips you give a nod of your head as he slowly slides your underwear down your legs tossing it to the floor.

His fingers stroke the insides of your thighs again and though you’re still nervous, still uncomfortable about being naked in front of him your thighs part on their own. And when he slips a finger past your wet folds in a teasing gesture as he collects your wetness you whine, your hips lifting up and begging for more.

“Meant what I said earlier, honey,” he murmured, his lips ghosting down your throat. 

Tossing your head back as his middle finger slips in you clutch at your bedsheets. His lips drag lower, down your sternum, down your chest, down your stomach, to your belly button. Ignoring where you’re desperate for his lips he spreads your thighs further apart his eyes watching your face.

“I only wanna make you feel good like you made me feel.” His voice is so low you swear you could cum from that only. 

Nodding your head you whine when he slips his finger out of you. Wrapping his hand around your thigh he spreads you just a little further as he presses a tentative kiss to your core. It’s strange and wonderful at the same time. Being so exposed is uncomfortable and you’re not sure you’ll ever get used to having him so close. Still fighting the urge to slam your thighs shut you whimper when he presses another kiss to your soaking heat.

“And I know you’re gonna taste so good, honey. So fuckin’ good. So relax and let me take care of you, yeah? Let me show you all the ways I can make you feel good.”

“O-okay.”

It’s the confirmation he needs and true to his word he does take things slow. His tongue is warm and wet as he licks a broad stripe up to your clit. It’s strange, but it’s a good strange. Arching your back you gasp at the foreign feeling and you want to yell and scream and beg him to do it again, but your throat is so dry all you can do is tug on his hair. 

Slipping his tongue between your wet folds he smirks at the way you yell out his name, at the way your hips thrust up begging him for more. His pace is still slow allowing you plenty of time to adjust to the new sensations, but soon he’s eating you out like a man starved.

“Oh... oh god, Bucky, Bucky!” You cried out. Everything was warm and wet and rough with his beard, but it felt so good. “Please!” You weren’t sure what you were begging for you just knew you needed more.

Slipping his tongue from your folds he kissed your clit once before swirling his tongue around the sensitive bundle of nerves. “Told you you’d taste good, sweetheart,” he moaned. The vibrations of his words against your sensitive core has your hips thrusting up, has your back arching, has your hands tugging on his hair pressing his head further into you. 

“Bucky!” With one hand on the back of his head your other hand fists your sheets as your head lolls from side to side. You’ve never felt anything so overwhelming or pleasurable before and when he slips his middle finger back into your wet folds and flicks his tongue against your clit you can feel the pressure building in the pit of your stomach. 

“Please, I-I.” Again, words fail you, but again he’s right there adding a second finger, curling them inside of you just so as his lips wrap around your clit to give a hard suck.

“I’m so close,” you said, trying to warn him, but to your ears all you hear are the obscene moans spilling from your lips and the squelching of his fingers moving so perfectly inside of you. You think you hear him murmur an I know. Think you hear him telling you to let go, telling you that he’s got you, but everything is a haze when his tongue circles your clit, when his fingers find that one spot.

Your back arches, a string of moans and gasps and his name spill from your lips, your hands tug so hard on his hair and as the coil in your abdomen snaps you swear to god you’ve never had such an intense orgasm. It’s pleasure that shoots like a star from your head to your toes. It leaves your body weak, nothing more than a limp piece of muscles and bones as you flop back down to your bed. Sweat coats your forehead and rolls down your back. You swear you forget how to breath normally. Swear your heart is about to burst right out of your chest. 

But through it all holding you steady like a life preserver is Bucky. He’s there to help you ride out your orgasm, there to kiss your clit before the sensitivity is too much and you’re pushing his head away. And he’s there kissing his way up your stomach, up your chest, up your throat, up to your lips. His beard is coated in your release and the sight makes you whine partly from embarrassment partly from sheer arousal. And he’s there when you kiss him so deeply you swear it’ll suffocate both of you. He’s there telling you what a good job you did, there telling you that he told you it would feel good, there telling you he’ll always take care of you.

And when you slowly begin to climb down from your high, when your breathing starts to return to normal, when your brain is able to catch up with everything that took place, when the feeling of being so overwhelmed washes over you that you aren’t sure if you want to cry or run he’s there helping you slide beneath your sheets, pulling you close to him as he rolls on his back and tucks you into his side. He’s there when you bury your head in his neck clinging to him, there as he rubs your back in a way that always calms you down and centers you. He’s there whispering loving words against your sweaty hair reminding you that you’re okay and that he’s got you.

“Bucky,” you whispered, your voice cracking on the two syllables in his name. “That was... god.” 

You know that it’s ridiculous to feel so shy after what just took place, but you can’t help it. Much like your first time you weren’t expecting it to be so emotional nor were you expecting to feel so vulnerable afterwards. Biting your lip you lift your head from his neck glancing up at him. His gaze is full of lightness and longing and as you search his eyes and feel his hand on the bare skin of your back you reach out to run your fingers over his beard still sticky from your release.

“Yeah? So good I left you speechless,” he teased laughing. 

His hand slides from your back up to your neck, his grip firm, yet light enough not to hurt you holding you in place when try to duck your head from embarrassment. His gaze shifts between you and your swollen lips, his fingers curling in your hair guiding your mouth to his. The kiss is slow and sensual.

Deepening the kiss you both moan, your fingers dropping from his beard as you explore his naked chest with light strokes. Your bed sheets are resting low on his hips exposing his sculpted abs. Your fingernails scratch at his chest when his teeth nip at your lip and when he presses a teasing kiss to the corner of your mouth you arch into his touch. 

“So good just like I told you it would be.”

Kissing his way across your cheek, down your jaw your nails dig further into his chest and when he hisses you loosen your hold. His words run through your mind like a broken record each run through causing your stomach to flutter and your heart to race as you press yourself closer to him.

“So good you didn’t even run from me.” 

“I didn’t run from you last time,” you mumbled, unintentionally pulling the sheet tighter around yourself. 

The last time you guys had hooked up he had spent what felt like hours taking you apart piece by piece. Taking you from behind the position had allowed him to push deeper into you, but you had missed his kisses. He more than made up for it by spending his time kissing the back of your neck, down your spine, every inch of your back as his fingers toyed with your clit. 

And when he wrapped his hand around your stomach pulling you up so your back was flush against his chest he had focused his attention on your neck lavishing your sweaty skin with nips and kisses before groaning low in your ear praising how good you felt around him. Reminding you he only wanted to make you feel good. His words, his thrusts hitting new spots so deep inside of you, his fingers, his mouth it hadn’t taken you long to fall over the edge his release following moments after. 

And while it was technically true that you hadn’t run from him after he pulled out you had quickly gathered your clothes and gotten cleaned up and dressed in the bathroom before returning to him lounging lazily on his bed with boxers on. 

Frowning he kisses the side of your head not missing the way clutch the sheet tighter to your chest or the way you drop your gaze. “Y/N.” Slipping his hand down your back he rubs circles over your still warm skin. “You’ve got no reason to hide from me, sweetheart. You’re so beautiful. So fuckin’ beautiful.” 

You can hear the sincerity in his words and you want to believe him so bad, but you don’t.

“Buc-.”

“Why do you never believe me when I tell you that?” He sighed.

The hurt that laced his words had your heart seizing up. Unable to look at him for fear of seeing the pain written across his face you shrugged your shoulders resting your head on his chest. 

“Because you’re my best friend, Bucky,” you mumbled. “You’re supposed to tell me that.” 

Swallowing the lump in your throat you listened to the way his heart picked up speed and for a moment you thought about lifting your head to see his face, but you weren’t brave enough to do so fearful of seeing pain written across his features.

“You think that’s the only reason I tell you that?” 

“I mean... yeah. Or because... you know we’re about to have sex and it’s just something people say. It’s not like they really mean it.”

His fingers still on your back and you’re not sure what’s more surprising the way he abruptly sits up forcing you off his chest or the steely gaze reflected in his eyes. Running a hand through his hair messing it up further you sit up trying to understand how the day took such a wrong turn.

“I just...,” you started before he cuts you off and the anger in his tone has you flinching.

“I don’t tell you you’re beautiful because we’re best friends or because we’re about to have sex, Y/N. Jesus you really think so little of me? Fuck. I know your ex was an asshole, but look at me. I’m nothing like him and I’m not gonna tell you that just to get laid.”

Shaking your head you blink back your tears. Anger and frustration flow through your veins at the fact that he doesn’t get it.

“Not everything has to do with my ex,” you spat out. “And no I don’t think so little of you, Bucky how can you even ask me that?” 

“What do you expect me to think? Every time I tell you that you either argue or run from me.”

Swiping at the angry tears that spill down your cheeks you scoot back when he tries to reach a hand out to you. Hurt flashes through his eyes, but you miss it as you keep your gaze locked on your lap.

“Maybe I argue with you because it’s not true. Or maybe it’s because the one time someone’s called me beautiful and I was dumb enough to believe them I got humiliated and I’m not ready for that again. Is that enough of a reason for you or do you need more?”

The silence that greets you is jarring. You want to apologize, want to get dressed, want to lay back down on his chest and have him hold you and forget about this whole fight.

“Can we just drop this. Please?”

“No.”

It’s only one word, but there’s so much weight behind it. Still refusing to look at him you can feel the bed shift beneath you as he inches forward. Tentatively he reaches for your hand and when you don’t pull away he interlaces your fingers.

“What happened?” His voice is so soft and you don’t know if you want to push him away or collapse into his arms. “Honey, talk to me.” 

Shaking your head you let out a shaky breath. 

“It’s stupid,” you mumbled, your voice cracking. That’s all it takes for Bucky to reach over and wrap his arms around you pulling you closer. Leaning your head against his shoulder he kisses your forehead, the pad of his thumb wiping away your tears as he gently rocks you back and forth.

“Do you remember that summer you went upstate for like a month to visit your grandma when we were teenagers?”

“Yeah I got yelled at all the time for falling asleep with you on the phone,” he replied smirking before adding. “It was worth it though.”

It’s not much, but his words bring a small smile to your lips. “And... you remember that guy Brian? He was in your grade?”

“Yeah,” he said, his tone weary as if he knew where this story was going.

“That summer he was always seemed to be around and I thought he was nice you know? I mean... I know now that I should have known better, but I’m not like you, Bucky. I don’t have guys falling all over me every time I walk into a room. I don’t... god I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to relationships and love and... It started simple enough we’d talk and he was funny and he used to tell me I was pretty and I was dumb and I believed him.”

“One day he asked me out and... I was so excited you know? I thought it was going to be my first solo date. I spent hours picking out the perfect outfit and struggling with my hair and my makeup and god Bucky I was so happy.”

Closing your eyes you sucked in a deep breath struggling with the onslaught of emotions and memories that hit you.

“And we were supposed to meet at this diner. And... I got there right on time and he wasn’t there and I didn’t think anything of it you know? So I waited and I waited and...”

“Sweetheart you don’t have to finish this,” Bucky murmured, his lips pressing against your forehead.

Ignoring him you shook your head. “I was so stupid I waited three hours for him before I finally got the nerve up to call him and ask him where he was. I just... I still thought maybe I had the wrong restaurant or the wrong time and he answered... and there was all this laughter on the other end and he told me that he wasn’t coming that he was never going to come. He had made a bet with his friends on who could get the most girls to agree to go out with them and... I was dumb enough to fall for it because some guy called me beautiful and I was so desperate and..”

“You’re not dumb, Y/N,” he chastised. “He was an asshole and what he did to you ‘m gonna fuckin’ kick his ass.”

It was wrong, but his words brought a smile to your face. 

“It’s a little late for that it happened so long ago and I know that it’s dumb to still be upset over that, but it hurt and it still hurts and I... between that and everything that happened with my last relationship I... I just have a hard time believing that anybody would ever think I’m beautiful when all I ever see when I look in the mirror is this pathetic person who stays in relationships that are unhealthy and falls for guys lies when they say I’m beautiful.”

Exhausted you lean into Bucky’s warm embrace. It had been years since you had last told anybody about what had happened and though part of you felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders another part of you was worried about how he was going to see you. It was a stupid thought you knew nothing could make him think any less of you.

“You are beautiful, Y/N, baby I’ve been telling you that since we were teenagers,” he whispered, grasping your chin and tilting your face to look at him. His baby blue eyes were cloudy with hurt and anger. “What those assholes did to you is inexcusable and you never should have had to deal with that. But sweetheart, ‘m not lying when I tell you you’re beautiful and if I have to I’ll keep telling you everyday until you believe me. I’ll keep telling you until the only memory you have of that word is me. You know me you know that I would never hurt you and I would never lie about that, okay?”

His lips barely touched yours as he lets go of your chin, his fingers brushed over your cheek before he laid down bringing you with him. Wrapping his arm tightly around your shoulder he pulled you close. Secure in his arms your eyes drifted shut and it wasn’t long before you were sleep over took you. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered softly once he was sure you couldn’t hear him.