My King
You slowly made your way through the castle. Your feet moving much slower than normal as you thought of what you would say. The events of the past few days played in your mind. The coronation, the attack, the frost giants. The last thought instantly brought goosebumps to your skin. You crossed your arms trying to will them away. What did she mean, he’s changed? Frigga’s last words to you played in your head, adding to the growing anxiety. What the hell am I walking into? Countless thoughts and scenarios ran through your head that you didn’t realize how long you were standing outside Loki’s room.
“My Lady?”
The soft voice pulled you from your thoughts and you turned to your right. A young guard was giving you a concerned look.
“Is everything ok?”
You shook your head clearing your thoughts and gave him a soft smile.
“Sorry. Yes, everything is okay.” You took in a breath, strengthening your resolve.
“I wish to see Lok-” You cut yourself off taking another quick breath. “I wish to see my King.”
The guard nodded slightly and slowly pushed the door to Loki’s room open. A blast of cold air hit your face, but you ignored it and quickly moved into the room allowing the door to close behind you. You quickly took in your surroundings. You had never actually been in Loki’s room before, not for lack of trying. Normally the door was locked. The one time that you almost snuck in you nearly had your head taken off by one of Loki’s knives. After that incident, you figured it was best not to try it again. So neat. Your eyes traced over the room; everything was perfectly in place. Not a single book was askew, and the bed was perfectly made. I should really take pointers. You nearly laughed at your own joke but froze when you caught a familiar silhouette on the balcony. Your skin suddenly became aware of the cold and the goosebumps returned. You bit your lip trying to focus on that pain rather than the cold and began to walk towards the balcony.
“I asked for no visitors.”
His low voice caused you to pause. He sounded different. You took a moment to gather your thoughts.
“I just wanted to check on you. I just heard the news.”
Your voice sounded weak. Any hope of hiding your fear and anxiety was gone. Your head instantly dropped and you bit your lip again.
“So, you’re here to congratulate me then?”
You heard a shuffle then footsteps near you. You clenched your fists trying to build up some courage.
“You’re here to praise the new king and pledge your loyalty?”
There was superiority in his voice more so than you had ever heard. He really has changed. The footsteps grew closer and you practically froze.
“Well, I am waiting. Will you serve the new king or not?”
The last word caught just a bit in his throat, a small weakness that caused your head to snap up. You didn’t realize how close he had gotten until your eyes met his. You stood inches apart, neither of you daring to move. You could hear Loki’s breathing, more laboured than it should be. Your eyes searched his, catching numerous emotions rushing through his gaze. One caught your attention, and everything finally clicked.
“You’re scared.”
Loki huffed and turned away not saying a word. Not my best choice of words. You let out a small sigh.
“It’s okay Loki. Anyone would be in this situation. To have all this responsibility thrust on you, it's a lot.”
Loki tensed at your words turning back to you.
“You don’t think I can succeed as king?”
His voice was harsh, you had seen him angry before but usually, his fury wasn’t directed at you. You took a step back absentmindedly.
“That’s not what I- “
“I was born a king you know.”
The once calm and collected Loki was gone. You had no clue who this was standing in front of you. Frigga was wrong, I can’t help him at all.
“I deserve this.”
His raised voice caused you to flinch. Loki froze his eyes never leaving yours. The room fell silent aside from Loki’s heavy breaths. You could feel the tears begin to form. You dug your nails into your closed fists trying to control all the emotions you felt.
“What happened to you?”
Your voice came out in a whimper, but at this point, you didn’t care. You were done being careful with your words, done trying to hide your emotion, just done.
“Why are you acting like this?”
The first tear began to fall but you kept eye contact with him. His bravado slowly disappeared. You realized this was the first time in a long time you let him see you cry.
“Why won't you talk to me?”
The last few words came out louder than you anticipated and echoed through the room. Loki moved his hand as if to brush away your tears, but he froze mid-way.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
His hand dropped and he turned away. Your breath caught in your throat, but you refused to back down. You stifled your sobs.
“So help me to. I just want to help.”
“You can’t.”
There is a moment of silence before he speaks again.
“I have to prove I am worthy of the throne on my own.”
You let out a soft sigh before slowly walking up to him.
“But you are not alone.”
You raised your hand and carefully touched his arm. He flinched but did not pull away.
“A true king will rely on his people for guidance and strength. You have me, and your mother, even Thor to help you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
You felt him tense a little, but he still didn’t move.
“I never intended for this to happen.”
It was the same words he spoke in the library. You figured he had something to do with the Jotunheim incident and you made a note in your mind to scold him about his scheming later, but for now, you wanted to be here for him.
“I kno- “
“But I will not fail now. I will be a great king, the best Asgard has ever seen.”
Your hand slowly dropped. He turned to you. His demeanor changed completely, and you were suddenly aware of the coldness radiating from him.
“I will prove to Odin that I was more worthy than Thor had ever been.”
You slowly backed away. This can’t be Loki. This is some trick. Some illusion. You dared look him in the eye, but all sense of emotion was gone. It is a trick, an illusion. You took a step forward raising your hand in one swift movement.
“Snap out of it Loki!”
Your hand moved forward but was caught halfway to its target.
“And I will not let anyone get in my way.”
You stared in shock at your wrist being held in place by Loki’s hand. Your eyes quickly darted to his, still emotionless as before. It’s not an illusion…it’s really him. You felt a tingle in your wrist and noticed a light begin to fill the room. You both tore your eyes back to your hands. Loki’s hand had turned ice blue and began to freeze to your wrist, in-kind your hand had been engulfed in flames. You both broke away taking a few steps back. You glanced down at your wrist; a slight imprint of Loki’s hand still present. You chanced a look at him. He was examining his hand as well; from what you could tell he wasn’t burnt. So it’s true, we really can’t hurt each other. You glanced down at your wrist again and the imprint of Loki’s hand began to fade away.
“I wish to be alone.”
His voice was different this time, he sounded tired. You didn’t know what to do anymore, you had nothing left to say. You slowly turned and headed towards the door. You paused before opening the door turning your head back to get one last look at him. Your eyes caught his and for a moment it was like you were looking into the eyes of that scared little boy from the dungeon. But in an instant that was gone, replaced with a stoic emptiness. You turned back and exited the room.