You can't save everyone
You wandered absentmindedly through the halls trying to register everything that just happened. Loki’s emotionless eyes flashed through your memory. You closed your eyes, shaking your head trying to forget the sight. That couldn’t have been Loki…right?
“My Lady?”
You ignored the voice.
“My Lady?!”
You felt hands grab your shoulders and give you a soft shake. But you ignored it further.
“My Lady you need to stop!”
You felt the hands pull away and something cold press against your throat.
“Don’t make me hurt you!”
You finally snapped out of your trace and were met with a terrified looking guard holding a spear to your throat. You stumbled back a step and finally felt the heat against your cheek. You turned to your right and let out a gasp. One of the hanging tapestries was fully engulfed in flames.
“No…”
The soft plea barely left your lips. You glanced down to your hands which were also engulfed in flames. You began to shake. You didn’t even realize you were using your power.
“My Lady!”
Your head snapped back to the guard who you realized was shaking as well. His spear was still pointed at you, but his eyes darted from yours to your hands, to the tapestry then finally behind you. A shiver went through your spine as you turned around. You lost your breath. Numerous tapestries, plants, and tables were fully ablaze. You dropped to the ground, your hands finally extinguishing. You heard footsteps in the distance. More guards you assumed, probably here to throw you in the dungeon or finally exile you. The thought normally sent a wave of fear through you, but this time you were numb, just staring at the flames taking over the hall. I would deserve it. In the end, I couldn’t save him.
“W—er!”
“Wh-r- th- bu—ets?!”
“It- spr--ding to f-st!!”
The muffled screams grew louder as the flames grew. You thought of running, of hiding, but you were frozen in place. You could hear the commotion grow around you as more guards entered the hall.
“It- no- go-ng -ut!”
“Kill her!”
Those words finally got your attention. Your body tensed but refused to move. Maybe it would be better this way. You focused on the flames now fully engulfing the hall. Maybe the fire would finally die. Maybe I would... You felt a guard hesitantly creep up behind you and waited for the spear to fall. You wondered what death would finally feel like. It couldn’t be worse than what you were feeling now. You took a breath, hoping that it would at least be quick. You waited. One second. Two seconds. The spear never came. Instead, you felt a soft hand on your shoulder and a familiar face come into view.
“it’s okay. I’m here now.”
Frigga’s voice was as calm as always.
“I will not let them hurt you.”
Your body began to shake.
“Everything will be alright.”
You couldn’t take it anymore. With one swift movement, you batted her hand away and stood up stumbling towards the flame.
“No, it won’t!”
The flames engulfed your hands again swiftly moving up your arms to your elbows.
“Everything won’t be alright!”
Frigga slowly stood up a calm expression on her face. She took a step towards you but you backed farther into the burning hall.
“I couldn’t-“
Your voice caught in your throat and you finally realized you were crying.
“I couldn’t stop him.”
You took in a sharp breath.
“I can’t do anything right.”
Your sobs grew quicker to the point you were almost hyperventilating. The flames on your arms grew more completely covering your upper arms and inching towards your shoulders, higher than you ever let them climb before.
Frigga half turned to the guards motioning them to leave the area. They gave her a questioning look, but she repeated the motion and they slowly left the room. She turned back to you and you could finally see the sadness on her face. But surprisingly no fear.
“Sweetie, it is not up to you to fix everything. That would not be fair.”
She took a step closer to you, you remain rooted in place.
“I should not have made that request of you. I am sorry.”
She took another step and reached out a hand to you. You flinched back.
“This is not your fault. You can not be blamed for the actions of others.”
Those words resonated with you. It was the same thing you said to Loki.
"We were friends. I…I should have been able to help him.”
You caught a look of what seemed like pity cross her face.
“Sweetie, it is not up to you to save everyone. Some must be allowed to make mistakes, to realize their errors on their own.”
You thought about her words. But what if Loki didn’t realize his mistakes until it was too late. What if his ambition consumes him entirely? I can’t lose him! As if reading your thoughts Frigga took one more step towards you, raising an arm to shield herself from the heat.
“If they could not see the error of their ways on their own, then there was no way you could save them in the first place. It hurts to see the ones you love lose themselves, but all you can do is wait and be there for them when they finally ask for help.”
You looked into her eyes, there was no sense of lying or deceit. Instead, you saw sadness, powerlessness. You realized she was hurting as much as you were, unable to help her own son. You took a deep breath and the flames on your arms dwindled down to your hands and your sobs slowly came to a stop.
“I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to apologize for.”
Frigga turned to look around the room and you followed her gaze. The fire had spread to all the walls and columns and was making its way to a nearby garden. She turned back to you, a serious look on her face.
“We can talk about this more later."
Her expression softened into a playful smirk.
"Now, its time for a lesson.”
“What?!”
You thought you misheard her or maybe the smoke inhalation was going to her head.
“This is not the time for that. You have to get out of here!”
She didn’t move just pointed to the garden.
“That is my favourite garden. I would rather it not burn down.”
You stood staring at her. She’s lost her mind.
“This fire started from your flames.”
She moved her finger to point at you.
“Therefore, these are still your flames. You should still be able to control them.”
She had a point and maybe if this was a normal training session with a tiny candle flame you could control it. But right now? With flames this big? There was no way you could control it. Anxiety began to build up in you again and the flames in your hands once again raged out of control.
“(Y/N). (Y/N)!”
You flinched, your eyes meeting hers.
“I would not ask you to do this if I did not think you were ready.”
She gave you a small smile.
“Focus on the flames in your hands.”
You looked down at your hands. The flames danced around your fingers.
“Now close your eyes.”
You raised your head to meet her gaze again, giving her a questioning look.
“Trust me.”
You slowly nodded your head and closed your eyes.
“Do you feel the flames in your hands?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now focus. Can you feel the flames around you?”
You scrunched your eyes closed tighter. The flames around me? You envisioned the room around you. You felt the heat radiating around you. The flames. You focused on the heat coming in waves. Flames. You slowly began to make out small sparks mixed into the heat. You concentrated more, focusing on the sparks. Gradually the sparks grew into tiny embers, then into larger flames. You squeezed your eyes closed even harder keeping focus on the flames dancing around the room.
“I think I see them.”
“Good. Now envision the flames on your hands connecting to the ones in the room.”
You slowly raised your hands up and stretched them out to the side. You pictured the flames in your hands stretching out to the ones in the room connecting to them like ribbons.
“Okay. Now what?”
“Now extinguish the flames in your hands.”
You took a deep breath and felt the flames in your hands slowly dwindle. Normally it was easy to extinguish the flames in your hand but this time you felt resistance. You felt the panic begin to rise.
“These are your power (Y/N). Do not let them control you.”
She’s right. These are my powers. Mine. They do as I say! You took another deep breath in and clenched your fists as you breathed out. The flames quickly dispersed into small sparks before disappearing into the air.
“Well done sweetie.”
You slowly opened one eye and glanced around the room. Nearly everything had been burned or charred but there wasn’t a flame in sight.
“No way.”
You breathed out and fell to the floor.
“I did it.”
“Yes, you did.”
Frigga came into view, her face beaming with pride.
“I’m so proud of you…”
Her words seemed to disappear into nothingness as the edges of your vision went dark. Damn. You felt your body get heavy and the all too familiar headache rise to the surface. Your body began to tip back and you waited for the impact of the floor but it never came.