Chapter 9
A splitting ache around your eyebrows makes you grimace before you - almost unwillingly - half open an eyelid. The room is dark, encouraging you to force the other eye to open as well. You swallow the unwelcome taste of sheer hungover down your dry throat. It takes you a moment to realize where you are. Bucky’s bedroom. And there is the man, sleeping on his side, facing you, as your hand rests on top of his metal one.
He’s so beautiful… Your lips curl in a small smile just enough to not make your head hurt even more and you lean in a bit closer to him, before you give in to that drunk fatigue still aching in your muscles and mind, drifting back to sleep.
It’s only a couple of hours after that Bucky stirs and his eyelids flutter open. He takes in a deep sigh when he finds the two of you in the same position you were when he fell asleep beside you. Only that now you’re a tad closer, while your hand rests on his in the space between you two.
Bucky realizes you two spent the night together without anything sexual happening and it’s an odd feeling because that’s a first for him. Yeah… an odd feeling, but…you’re so beautiful… his heart jumps with the thought of how it would feel like to wake up beside you every morning. He smiles a bit when he leans even closer and, despite feeling the distinctive smell of champagne you had the night before, the faint scent of your perfume lingers in the air of his bedroom.
Since last night, he has decided to follow Nat’s advice. This… all these scary but exciting feelings, this is all new to him and he needs to figure it out. Figure him out. He’ll let it flow, like Nat said, spend his time with you and see what comes next, if this is just a crush, or…
A grunt comes out of your lips before you squirm and pull your hand from his to place it over your head.
“Ugh, my head,” you whine, with eyes still closed, before risking an eye open to look at Bucky, “Good morning,” you greet, smiling as wide as you can manage to.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Bucky chuckles, “Even though I’m pretty sure it’s past noon by now.”
“Ugh, shit,” you curse, opening both eyes to look down at your body and see his t-shirt on you, “Did we?” you ask as your eyes squint, before looking back at him, “Because I don’t remember anything and I like to remember that kind of stuff,” you finish.
Bucky chuckles again, shifting to lean his head up on his hand, “No, we didn’t,” he answers, “Not from lack of trying from your end, though. You can be pretty, ahm, insistent while drunk, sweetheart,” he comments, with no sign of judgment or reprehension in his tone, “You needed to show me your boobies no matter what,” he smirks and nods towards your chest.
“Oh, my God.” You cover your eyes with your hand before lifting it a bit to peek at him, shaking your head, “That’s so embarrassing, I’m sorry. And you had to bring me here? Take care of my drunk ass? Ugh… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry,” he winks at you, “You were cute and hilarious. And I love spending time with you, wasted or not.” The words spill out of his mouth without warning and he bites his lip. Hopefully, you won’t think too much of it.
You smile a bit before widening your eyes with horror dropping on your face, “Oh shit, I fell on my damn ass, didn’t I? Jesus, I was so shit faced, everyone saw me, I’m gonna get fucking fired.” You cover your eyes again.
“Hey, hey, now,” Bucky leans over and gently pulls your hand off your eyes, taking it into his, lacing his fingers into yours while he rests them between the two of you and, “Did you completely forget who promoted you?” He cocks an eyebrow, “It’s Tony Stark we’re talking about here, sweetheart, if anything, you’ll probably see a bonus on your paycheck by the end of the month,” he says like it’s just the obvious thing to happen.
You laugh, and, naturally, Bucky sports a smile on his lips, too. “That’s true.” You nod your agreement.
“Are you ok?” Bucky asks, slowly brushing his thumb on the back of your hand.
“Oh, fuck no. Feels like there’s a drumming monkey in my head, a big cotton ball in my mouth and my stomach decided to become an acrobat right now, even though I think I might be a little hungry.” You pout.
“Aw…poor thing, hungover like shit,” Bucky coos and pulls your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on it and making the pout in your mouth turn into a small smile, “We can fix all of that soon, don’t worry,” he rests your hands back on the mattress, “But, no, I mean, you seemed a bit shook after your talk with your ex, last night…”
“Oh, that…” you raise your eyebrows and sigh, “Yeah- I was pretty excited to see him, you know?” You roll your eyes, letting out a huff, displeased with your own feeling, “It had been a long time and I missed that familiarity; you know? But, as I was talking to him, yes,” you narrow your eyes, “he did feel familiar, but… at the same time, it’s like… I don’t know,” you shrug, “I didn’t belong?” You pause briefly, as if taking a second look into your feelings.
Bucky says nothing, waiting for you to continue while he keeps his hand on yours.
“But then I saw him with that woman, and I’m not even sure if they’re together or not, but it sure seems like it and it stung…” You laugh quietly at your admission, but there is no humor in it. “I felt like shit. I mean… when did that begin? Were we still together when he started seeing her? That’s the real reason why he broke up with me? I mean…” Your eyes drop to your joined hands, before you look back at him, “It’s not like I’m crying all by myself, but there’s nothing romantic between us, our deal was never about that.”
Bucky nods and offers you a tight smile, the best one he can put on, holding his breath so he doesn’t let slip any kind of reaction that could give away how the terms of your deal, which he was so keen to establish a while ago, now bites on his chest.
“The way he acted when I saw her…” you resume while your eyes cast down, “It seemed like he was trying hard to hide something from me,” you sigh before looking back at him, “I’m glad you were there… you saved the night for me, thank you,” you smile, gaining a shy one in response, “Anyway, I think I should go, I’ve bothered you enough-“ you move to get up.
“Wait, no,” Bucky tightens the hold on your hand, keeping you on the bed, “Hey, ahm, don’t you wanna go grab something to eat? I’ve learned in the most delicious way that hamburgers and maybe a shake are the best medicine for a hangover. I know an amazing place…”
You eye him playfully, “I seriously doubt there’s any scientific reason for that combination to be any good for hangovers, but as you can hear, my stomach has very little to oppose to your idea,” you laugh, after a loud groan from your belly, “Deal.” You nod, making Bucky’s cheeky smile stretch wider, before you look down at your body, “I’m gonna need to drop by my apartment and change, though, I only have my dress from last night and heels to wear.” You grimace.
“Not a problem,” Bucky winks, “We can get there in a minute.”
~~~
Bucky wasn’t kidding when he said a minute. It was the first time he took you somewhere on his bike, if such a potent machine could be called simply a bike. It’s the blackest motorcycle you’ve ever seen and the modern design, along with the powerful engine has definitely been touched by the hands of Tony Stark, which makes it so unique. It’s pretty dysfunctional to ride to your home at a ridiculous speed with your shimmery dress on, but like Bucky promised, you are there faster than anticipated, and after putting a comfy combo t-shirt and jeans, you hop on his backseat again.
With your arms wrapped tightly around his body, you smile under your helmet when you spot the familiar bridge. He’s taking you to Brooklyn. In a few minutes, he leaves his bike in a parking lot and you two walk towards the Burger Joint he was so keen to take you to.
~~~
“Holy shitballs, Bucky, this burger is the shit,” you gush, not remotely fazed by speaking with a mouthful, “I don’t ever wanna stop eating this. Ever. I’m moving to this place, that’s it, it’s settled,” you add, before digging in for another powerful bite.
Bucky chuckles, chewing his own burger, “Damn right it’s good. It’s an 80-year-old recipe.”
You frown, before glancing around. The place is small and, since it’s a Saturday, it was crowded by the time you got there, but you and Bucky have been promptly directed to a separated and private little table and you figured it was due his Avenger status. The small joint has a modern decoration, but now you see quite a few pictures on the wall that seem to have been taken on different decades. Your jaw drops at the realization.
“You mean this was around back in your day?” You practically jump on your seat.
He gives you a small smile and points at one particular picture above your head. You see what looks like a family, sitting around a table exactly like the one you’re on right now, laughing and holding hamburgers on their hands and… Wait-
“Is that-“
“Yup, that’s little 18-year-old me,” he says as you stare, astonished at the younger, boyish version of Bucky, sporting one of the best smiles you’ve ever seen on him. And now you recognize the tiny blonde dude beside him, too.
“Oh my God, how cool is that?” you whisper, entranced by the picture right before your eyes. There’s a woman with a teen girl sitting at her side on the sofa, while on the other sofa sat one Steve Roger and Bucky himself, with a little girl on his lap.
“This was a lot different back then.” He gestures around, “Less cool than these days, I guess. But the current owner is the grandson of the owner back then and kept the recipe exactly the same. The sauce is the secret, but don’t try to make him talk, that one is a tough cookie,” he warns, only half kidding.
“This is amazing… that’s Steve, right?” You point, “What about the girls? Who are they?” you ask, finally taking your eyes off the picture to look at him.
“Yeah that’s Steve, of course, and that pretty lady right there is my mom, Winnifred,” he says, pointing at a woman in the picture, “That is my sister Rebecca,” he shifts his finger to the girl sitting beside her, who must be somewhere between 13 or 14 years old, “And that is Mary, my youngest sister. She was four when that was taken.” With deep fondness in his voice, he gestures towards the little girl on his lap, whose smile is the biggest as she barely is able to hold straight the big burger on her tiny hands.
“Wow…” you marvel, taking another long look at the picture, noticing the sheer happiness the little group exhaled. It’s a bittersweet feeling, to know they had no idea what would eventually fall upon the couple of guys there, “They’re beautiful, Bucky,” you say in a soft tone, looking back at him.
“It was a big fuss that day… took me some time to remember it, but now I see it clearly in my head, like it was yesterday,” there’s a nostalgic glimmer in Bucky’s eyes and a longing on his voice as he speaks, concentrating his gaze on the picture for a moment, before focusing on you, “Old Larry, the owner back then, hired a photographer to take those pics of the clients… the girls were really excited, couldn’t stop talking about it later.”
“You used to come here a lot?” You ask, putting your elbow on the table and supporting your head over your hand, forgetting for a moment about your burger.
“I mean… sort of,” he shrugs, “Money was short, Dad died when Mary was still a baby and mom, the girls and myself mostly ate at home, but I started making some gigs ever since I was a boy and whenever I got paid a little extra I would bring them here.” He laughs a bit, but you spot the darker…sadder tone underneath it.
You’re not sure if it’s the memory itself or the fact it’s happened so long ago and it’s so distant from his reality now, but you see how it clearly affects him to talk about that time, that people. His family. The urge to touch him is strong enough to make you reach out and cover his hand with yours. You give it a squeeze and offer him a smile.
He lifts his eyes from where you’re touching him to your face and when you nod, he continues, “Well, don’t fool yourself, it was still pretty cheap, it got all fancy now.” Bucky looks around and take in a deep breath, “It was amazing, nevertheless. Steve would come with us most of the time. Rebecca always whined when he didn’t, I think the kid had a crush on the punk,” he chuckles, looking down and shaking his head.
You laugh, too and, as he keeps talking about those little treasures that you think his memories are, you stay silent, watching him while your thumb draws circles on his hand. You now realize that, in your time with Bucky, while you weren’t busy ravishing each other, whenever you two talked, you talked about you. He’s always been honest and straightforward, but he never really shared much of his own life. It’s intriguing how it makes you feel, to see this side of him… a tightness in your chest, a desperate need to comfort him, but also to let him talk because… because he’s just fascinating.
“We would stay hours after we’re done with the food,” he continues, “Just talking and laughing until Old Larry would glare at us to make us leave… but he always snuck some candy into my pockets for the girls after I paid the bill. Rebecca would offer hers to Steve on our way home, but Mary, dear God, Mary always had all of hers eaten before we turn the second corner, no matter what ma and I would say…” He takes in a deep breath, staring distantly at your hands.
“They seem like a handful,” you playfully comment.
“They were…” Bucky’s smile grows before it almost completely vanishes while he doesn’t move his gaze up and murmurs, “I just wish I had more time with them.”
When you hear the break in his voice, you don’t even think before rushing up from your seat and in two steps, you’re seated on his booth beside him. As gentle as you can, you cup his cheeks and lift his face, turning it to you. You just look at him for a moment, smiling tightly to try and convey all the understanding you’re feeling as he struggles to look directly into your eyes. The first kiss, you place on his cheek, feeling through your touch and proximity when he sighs. Then you move slowly to the other cheek, prolonging the kiss there before you prep a quick one on the tip of his nose.
Your mouth naturally seeks his and your lips lock on each other in a quiet and gentle caress. He accepts your lips, responding to the kiss immediately, but this is nothing like the other many kisses you’ve shared before. It’s not hungry. There’s no lust, no ravishing desire that would lead to something else like the other times. Just a puzzling need to kiss him. And yet, you would trade all the other kisses that came before for that one. It feels brand-new… intimate…
It feels yours.
You break the kiss. You have to do it, otherwise the feelings and thoughts it is evoking inside you could lead you to a very dangerous road. One that wouldn’t fit in yours and Bucky’s arrangement. You keep your hands cupping his face, though, because you simply can’t stop touching him right then.
“I never talk about them to anyone except Steve,” he whispers, “Most people don’t even know I had two sisters.” His gaze for you is as saddened as you have never seen on him.
“It’s wonderful that you have those memories, Bucky, thank you for sharing them with me,” you speak softly, with an equally soft smile on your face, “I wish you had more time with them, too, but from what I see in that picture, you made whatever little time together worth every minute,” you add, honestly. You breathe relieved when you spot his smile slowly coming back to his face. You can see the layers of sadness on his gaze fading to reveal something else you understand as gratitude.
There’s so much it was taken from him, anyone that sees his laidback, positive and incredibly kind persona would think it all doesn’t hurt anymore, but it’s still there. You see that now. You feel the… admiration… you have for him swelling tenfold inside you, for managing to keep going and live his life the way he lives and being the incredible person he is despite it all.
“Thanks for saying that, really.” He takes your hands from his face in his and brings one, then another to his lips, placing two tender kisses on them that makes your heart beat a little funny, “I wish you had met them,” he adds, with a longing expression on his face.
“Me too,” you tighten your lips.
His eyes gleam with your answer and he smiles, continuing in a more upbeat tone, “Come on, back to eat now and let me order you the milkshake Becca always had, I think you’ll love it.”
You obviously do not oppose the idea and after you’re both finished with your burger and the vanilla shake and, surprisingly enough, he was right about the combo being a good remedy for hangovers, he invites you to walk around Brooklyn by feet, which you gladly accept.
Almost every corner is a trip down memory lane, with Bucky knowing the neighborhood like the palm of his hand. You love it. You love to know every alley he would rescue Steve from buying fights against much bigger guys than him, where Bucky kissed the first dame of his life, where his favorite ice-cream shop used to be… you don’t tell him anything, and you don’t even know what to make of it, but every little detail he opens up about his life is like a magnet, pulling you closer and closer to him. You try not to dwell on it and enjoy the evening by his side.
You end up coming across a Tech Store you’ve been planning to visit for a long time but never found the time. Bucky, the most hardcore fan of your brains, watches you, excited like a little kid, as you snort at every poor piece of technology you find, compared to what you do working with the Stark brand. You leave before giving the chance of being accused of industrial espionage - which would be ridiculous considering the “trash they make there”, you say, to Bucky’s absolute delight.
After watching the sunset while eating popcorn at Brooklyn Bridge Park, it’s Bucky who drags you by the hand through a tiny hidden door that leads to a Karaoke Bar.
When you shoot him a questioning look, he shrugs, “It’s Britney night. There’s a contest,” he explains like it’s the most obvious thing for a more than one-hundred-year-old Avenger to say.
~~~
“I can’t believe we won,” you laugh, stepping into your living room with Bucky on your toes and a trophy in your hands, which the two of you have won for the duet of “Toxic”, to which you agreed after a couple of beers.
“Of course we did,” Bucky takes off his jacket and leaves it on your hanger as you place the little trophy on the center table, “Even though I don’t think we can give much credit to your silk and soft voice, sweetheart,” he teases whilst walking closer to you, referencing your poor attempt of mimicking Britney Spears’s voice.
You fake an offended gasp, “Maybe we should thank your dancing moves, then. I didn’t know I was dealing with a twerking expert.” You halfheartedly push him on his shoulder and he catches your hand there, pulling you closer while doing that.
He laughs and his nose scrunches up in the sweetest of ways. Has it always done that?
“It was fun though,” he says, guiding your hand to circle his neck before placing both of his on your hips.
“It was,” you agree, wrapping now both arms around his neck.
You stare at each other for a long while. His face, so close to yours, looks so relaxed and beautiful. You watch when he worries his lower lip between his teeth. His lips are soft, red and enticing… The thought of kissing him again has wandered in your mind the whole day, just to check if it will feel as different and amazing and…yours, like the one back in the burger joint.
Without saying anything, you lean over, brushing your parted lips against his and the heat of his breath fans over your mouth before you give in to your wish and kiss him. He sighs through your lips as you dip your fingers into his locks and he pulls you closer to him. His tongue gently seeks and rubs against yours while his hand skims up your back till he holds a firm grip on your neck. Your heart hammers in your chest when you recognize that strange little feeling of belonging again and you want more, you want to feel him wholly, you want him to hold you as you hold him back, to feel his hands… his skin on yours. You sink a hand under his t-shirt, bunching up the fabric as you move up and he parts away from you to pull it off by the collar and drop it aside.
He just stands there in front of you, though, panting and with an unsure look on his eyes… like he doesn’t know what to do next, like he needs you to guide him somehow. As unexpected and uncharacteristic of him that may be, you don’t question anything and just take him by the hand and walk backwards towards your bedroom, pulling him with you like it was the first time he’s ever been there.
You can’t part your gaze from his while you stop by the end of your bed and let go of his hand to take off your t-shirt and the rest of your clothes next. He does the same, unzipping his pants and pulling it down with his boxes. You both move in a matched slow rhythm, no rush, despite the intense desire you know there is in both of you.
You offer him your hand again, which he promptly takes, and you smile, eliciting one of his own. You sit on the mattress, before dragging yourself up and laying on your back. He crawls over you, settling between your legs, and your sweet little heaven begins, while he unhurriedly kisses and licks every little bit of skin he finds. You breathe hard, putting your hands on the back of his head, tangling your fingers on his soft hair as he goes by your shoulders, neck, collarbones, like he’s tasting you for the very first time…
To your delight, he takes some time with your breasts, licking and sucking the hardening nipples, before dragging his tongue down your belly luring a small moan out of you. Your hands lay over your stomach as you watch him sitting back on his toes and exploring your skin with teeth and lips: ankles, calves, thighs until he leans down and wraps his mouth around your exposed and awaiting pussy.
You gasp at the now familiar sensation of his delicious lips on you, but he doesn’t act with the hungry and furious moves he usually ravishes you with. The brush of his tongue on your most sensitive parts it’s like a sweet tease. He’s savoring you and taking his time on doing so. The shift, though different than before, feels somehow even more intense to you and it doesn’t take much longer to coax your ecstasy out of you.
Your whole body pants and trembles through the intense bliss only he can give you while he moves up to press his lips on your breathless ones. The enticing weight of his body over yours, his hot skin burning against yours, his silky tongue tasting like you and him together… Holding him as tightly as you can, you lost track of where you end and where he begins.
Lifting and tilting your hips up against his, you give him the hint of what you want and he promptly allows you to shift the position over, till he’s the one on his back and you’re on top, straddling him.
Breaking the kiss, you straighten up your back, exposing yourself to him. The way he looks at you… Even though it’s not as predatory as customary, there’s something of adoration in his stare, like he’s amazed by you, like you haven’t done that dozens of times before and he has just seen you for the first time. It makes you feel like the most incredible woman in the world. Your gaze parts from his to follow the slow dance of your fingers down his sweat-slick chest, watching how his muscles move and tense under your touch, how hard he’s breathing, making his ribcage move up and down deeply…
You shift your look back to his face to see his gaze stuck on you. His tongue darts out to lick his lips when you take him with your hands and, after lifting your hips, you guide him to your entrance, soaked in the pleasure he has just brought to you. You both gasp, producing an unison sound, when you descend down his length till he’s fully inside you. You don’t move right away, to physically adjust to him, but also to let yourself take in and adjust to that brand-new feeling that rises in you for being connected to him like that.
Through your parted lips come out shallow breaths, and you’re as fixed on him as he’s on you. The moment you two spend, like you’re getting acquainted to each other all over again, is immeasurable. It’s only when his hands glide up your thighs and his fingers dig into your flesh that you start moving your hips.
Your eyes flutter shut and you guide your hands to his over your thighs as you rock your body in a slow and steady pace, relishing in the feeling of him, allowing the desire to gradually pool down and grow in you. The sensations buzz inside your chest, prompting your heart to beat faster and faster. Your other times with Bucky have been all about seeking the release in all kinds of means to come to that end, but now… You want that, of course… you want that ultimate explosion of pleasure to wash over you, you’re seeking that, too, but it’s so much more. It’s more about feeling him, to let this connection pull you to him and take the pace of your hips against his.
You intertwine your fingers with his and lean down. Pining his hands above his head, you brush your lips on his parted ones, keeping the rock of your hips. The tiny gasps, the sweet sounds of pleasure coming from both of you are the only sound in the room, since there’s no place for dirty words and witty filthy lines right now. There’s just space for the two of you. For the feeling of him.
And the intensity of it all is turning into a wave inside your fervent sink. You hold his hand even harder and your toes curl as the desire bursts through your body once again, a striking light… head to toe…
As you let out a silent cry, he lets go of your hands only to wrap an arm around your waist and sits up taking you with him. You brace yourself around his neck, and wrap your legs around his waist as he thrusts his hips up. Staring down at him, you see his eyes roaming around your face, like he’s scrutinizing and sticking your features to his memory. As you pant through his thrusts, his lips are parted, setting free his sweet moans. His pace falters and his forehead frowns. A small whisper of your name slips out of his lips before his hips still and his eyes flutter shut. He comes inside you with a strangled moan.
Your pants mingle together, and you hold him to you in a tight embrace, nuzzling your face on the crook of his neck. You have no idea for how long you two stay that way. Deep into the heat of each other, skin to skin, breath to breath, heartbeat to heartbeat… Until he leans back and gently cups your cheeks. Loving the contrast between skin and metal on your skin, you see the blissfulness you’re feeling in you plastered all over his face, as well. And when his lips form a lazy smile, you smile, too.
~~~
The sunlight is peeking through your curtains when Bucky wakes up from one of the best nights of sleep he’s ever had. He takes in a sigh, looking at you, or better, at the back of your head as you still sleep. The impulse of pulling you closer takes the best of him and that’s what he does, using his arm wrapped around your waist to bring your back to his chest to him before nuzzling against the back of your neck. He loves how your body molds to his so perfectly.
You don’t stir from your deep sleep, which is not surprising, since the two of you stayed up until late at night talking about all and nothing, laughing, cuddling, kissing… All of that after he had you in his arms in a way he had never had another woman before… In all his uncountable sex encounters, no matter how intense some of them might’ve been, that kind of connection, of surrender… it was hidden deep inside him, only reserved for you to set free.
Damn, he’s turning into a sap… but he doesn’t care. Yes, he’s still a bit scared and overwhelmed about all those feelings you elicit in him, yes he might still not fully understand them, but the new feeling the day and night before caused in him is ruling them all right now: hope. Hope that you might be feeling the same. Hope that this might not be that much scary at all and even might work out somehow. Hope that he can have you in his arms like that again, and again, and again…
He doesn’t even notice he’s been peppering small kisses all over your neck and shoulder until you shrug, and he hears the sweet sound of your giggle.
“Good morning,” you say, tilting your head to peek at him.
“Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?” He asks, with a grin stuck on his lips.
“Oh, yeah.” You stretch your arms, letting out a big yawn, before shifting position to face him, “You?” You ask, with a beautiful jovial little smile on your face.
He nods, lazily running his hand up and down your back.
“Are you hungry?”
His smile turns into a mischievous smirk, “A bit, yeah,” he answers, rolling on top of you.
You laugh as he grounds his bare hips on yours so you can feel what kind of hunger he’s feeling. He’s completely nude, the way he always sleeps - including with you - while you’re on your underwear and a tank top, “Bucky… I had pancakes in mind -” your words are swallowed by a moan when he sucks over your pulsing point.
“Delicious… “, he rasps, licking his lips. “I like pancakes, too, though. We can get to them later.”
He smiles when he doesn’t hear another protest coming from you as you snaked your hands down his back, and he grinds his erection on your crotch, covered solely by the thin cotton of your underwear.
It’s the ringtone of your cellphone that steals your attention from him and makes him stall his moves. You aim a sheepishly look at him. Because he has heard it before, he knows it’s the ringtone your Stark phone automatically set to every number related to work and he also knows there’s no such thing as Sunday mornings when it comes to Avengers or even SHIELD, so - not without letting out a displeased growl - he rolls off of you.
You quickly move on the mattress and reach for the phone on the nightstand by your side. Bucky frowns when he spots you freezing at the name that you see on the screen. It also doesn’t slip from his attention how your eyes flicker to him before you sit on the side of the bed, with your back to him.
“Hey… hey, Eddie,” you answer the call with a quiet voice.
A stab cuts through Bucky’s chest.
“N-no, no, I can talk, yeah,” you stammer, still with your back to Bucky, which he’s thankful for, while he uncomfortably shifts on the mattress, not sure if he should stay there or not, “Now?” you yelp, and this time you tilt your head towards Bucky’s direction, before turning around again, “You wanna come over now?”
The air catches on Bucky’s throat and it seems like his heart has stopped altogether. That hopeful little feeling from before turns into cold ice inside him. He tries to not focus on your conversation while he discreetly gets up from your bed and picks up his jeans and boxes from the floor, head towards your bathroom, trying to be as invisible as he actually feels right now.
“Does it have to be now? I- er- ok. Alright, then.”
He hears you sighing before he shuts the door behind him. After putting on his pants and splashing some water on his face, Bucky stares at his reflection on the mirror. You’ve always been clear about how you felt and what you wanted from him. One month of fucking can’t top ten years of a serious relationship. What the hell was he even thinking?
~~~
You sit at the end of your bed, foot furiously tapping on the floor while you absentmindedly play with your phone from hand to hand, waiting for Bucky to come out of the bathroom. You don’t know why you’re so nervous. It’s kind of awkward to receive a call from your ex while you’re about to have sex with another man, but it’s not like you and Bucky are a thing, right? That much has always been clear from the beginning.
Yes, it was clear… until now. You don’t know what it is, or if you’re dreaming all of that, but you feel like something has shifted, and that something is what’s playing with your nerves right now.
The door opens and you swiftly get up. Bucky comes out of the bathroom and when he sees you standing there, he offers you a smile.
“It was Eddie, he wants to come over to talk. He said it’s urgent,” you blurt out, and bite your lip, holding your phone tightly because you don’t know what else to do.
“I know, sweetheart,” he says gently, “Don’t worry, I’m on my way out.”
For some reason that’s not the answer you were expecting from him, even though you have no idea what you’re expecting from him, anymore, “Bucky, no, that’s not what I- you don’t have to go,-I-I-“ you stammer, sounding like stupid as ever. What the hell are you even saying? You’ve just agreed that Eddie comes over and now what? Expects Bucky to stay while you talk to your ex? What in the world is wrong with you?
“It’s ok, sweetheart…” Like he senses your inner trouble, he comes to you and, putting a soothing hand on your arm, he places a long kiss on your forehead, which makes you close your eyes and breathe. He breaks away, brushing his hand up and down your arm, “We can always do pancakesand everything else some other time,” he keeps that customary playful tone of his and winks.
Again, not exactly what you wanted to hear, whatever that means. You take in a deep breath, before putting on a smile and nodding. That is your deal, after all. What the hell were you even thinking, “Ok, then…” you murmur, “I call you.”
Bucky says nothing to that and for a split moment you see his smile faltering, but it’s quickly wide again before he says goodbye and walks to the living room, puts on his t-shirt and leaves.
~~~
Finally able to breathe when he steps out of your building, Bucky quickly grabs his phone from his pocket and unlocks the screen. He moves, walking fast towards the parking lot where he’s left his bike while he starts typing the text.
“Hey, Amanda…”
~~~
To be continued…