thunder city
S2: Spidey get on twitter
SM: ?
SM: jesus
S4: I was just about to tell you
SM: woah. Wow. So, uh? What do we do now?
BT: This is insane.
S3: I guess we do another one?
SM: damn. Pressure much.
S2: no pressure necessary. I have just the thing.
SM: she always has just the thing. You know what I have? Someone ask me what I have.
S3: What do you have, Spidey?
SM: hold on I’m still thinking. Standby.
S3: standing by
S4: standing by
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Hey quick question: how many cats do I own?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I coulda sworn it was one. I own one cat, right?
SM: I mean own is a matter of perspective but normally, yes. You cohabit with one cat.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): huh
DD: cats?
SM: look what you’ve done. It’s barely six over there and the beast is awake.
DD: Where is the cat?
SM: you don’t need to know.
BT: boss it is ass o’clock and you already have two whole dogs. You don’t need a cat.
DD: did I ask you for your opinion?
BT: no sir.
DD: stand down
BT: make me.
Read: 9:34
SM: uh? DD? Blindspot? Y’all okay?
S2: Red’s killed him
S3: Red hasn’t killed him
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Listen, can someone do me a favor and send me a picture of what my cat looks like? I can’t tell if I’m having hallucinations or smth again.
SM:[image] [image] [image]
SM: I have more
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): how many pictures of her do you have
SM: why do you require that information?
DD: I want the pictures.
SM: oh, you’re back. what did you do to BT
DD: I am taking these for reasons.
S2: to show to Hubbie?
DD: disgusting. Never call him that again.
S2: Hubbie-wubbie, pookie-bear?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you are so close to his actual petname, you have no idea.
DD: tell us more of the cat.
S2: say WHAT
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): oh. Right. Is this my cat?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): [image]
SM: no. Wade, Bella is black and white.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): so you see it too, then
S4: kitty ❤
S3: that is the exact opposite of your cat
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): huh
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): right. last question: can y’all just verify for me that this is not a bitchin’ yin-yang cushion I sleep-bought?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): [image]
SM: aalkdsfasdfsda;jfs;dljfkhk;j
SM: GIVE THEM TO ME
S2: awwww, bella’s got a friend.
S3: they’re all cuddled up. I’m weeping
BT: I have been assaulted.
BT: oh nice. Who’s cats?
S2: wade’s.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): No. I have one cat. Spidey just confirmed this. Where did this other thing come from?
SM: give
S2: spidey no. you’re in self-isolation.
SM: GIVE
DD: I want it.
S3: you are so allergic.
S4: I’ll take it! My dad said no dogs or cats or rabbits, though. Only things that can live in a tank. I will put it in a big tank.
SM: what
S4: he’s allergic
DD: I do not understand.
BT: Yes you do. And Husband said you were scared of dogs until you were like 30. So you like, doubly do.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): RED
SM: BEG YOUR PARDON?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): MAN WITHOUT FEAR, EH?
SM: One fear
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): what is it, Webs?
SM: Dogs
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): DOGS
DD: You two think you are so clever
S2: what did you do to BT?
DD: punishment.
S3: yikes.
BT: I’m okay.
DD: grounded.
BT: you’re not my real dad
DD: do you want to play this game?
BT: no sir
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Spiderkid, call me ‘sir.’
SM: hell no
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): do it. I’m your mentor, remember? We established this ages ago. Call me sir.
SM: fuck you. No one lays claim to this ass. It is all self-taught.
DD: excuse you?
SM: 85% self taught
DD: that’s what I fucking thought.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Red, stop threatening my mentee.
SM: I’m not your mentee. If anything, I’m Stark’s mentee. Kind of.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you screamed at Stark to get out of your life at 17 years old.
SM: We have had our differences. 17 was a tough year for everyone.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Correct. I’m your father now. Call me Sir.
SM: fuck OFF
S2: Wade’s a great dad, Spidey. You should be happy.
SM: I ain’t need no dad
S3: I’ll drink to that
DD: you are all trying to distract me from the cat. It is not working. Discuss the cat.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): oh. Yeah. I guess he’s here to stay.
SM: he?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): def he.
SM: wade
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): yes?
SM: no. nevermind
S2: SPIDEY
S3: oh my god
S4: kittens❤
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): what
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): oh
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): OH SHIT
DD: relax. Bella is fixed.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): …yes. Right. I did that.
DD: a thousand years ago. I remember you talking about it.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I did that.
SM: yeah, like, that was after the dungeon incident.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): when the roads all fell in. correct.
SM: …wade
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I THINK I did that. Idk bad memory in moments of much stress.
S4: kittens❤
SM: I want all of them. When they are born, I want every one of them.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): sry brb googling ‘kitty abortion’
DD: NO
SM: NO
DD: This is a sin against god.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Red you have helped so many people get abortions
DD: I will take them. Spiderchild and I will divide them. I shall be their father. I will take this responsibility
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Pal, I can no longer count the number of times you have been passed out on my floor covered in hives from the cat. No. You ain’t need children, she ain’t need babies, and I sure as hell don’t need any more damn kids in this place.
DD: I don’t remember waking up on your floor a single time.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): that is because you were drunk, darling. Your name was a hazy idea floating around that skull of yours back then.
DD: fun times. Hey, I should get wasted.
SM: Meds.
DD: And?
BT: oh are we drinking now?
DD: I am drinking. You are still grounded.
S2: I smell a bad idea.
S3: won’t that make you puke, DD?
DD: bout to find out
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): slam it back cowboy
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): also I cannot get this creature an abortion with a fucking shelter order on are you kidding me
S4: do you think they’ll be tuxedo cats?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): they’re going to be street cats
SM: NO. I just said I’d take them.
S4: oh. Cap just answered my texts.
S2: ooooh what’s he sayin’?
S4: um. I’m not sure if he knows who he’s texting.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): if they are nudes, forward them to me, then delete pls and thanks.
BT: guys, Teach just downed two shots of tequila. I haven’t seen him eat today.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): oh hon. It’s gonna take way more than that to get him drunk.
BT: oh. Everyone in the house is drinking now. Cool. That’s healthy.
SM: What’s Cap said, Bitsy?
S4: ‘lost it I think in the atlantic. Do you think god hates me?’
SM: aldkjfadsf
DD: word
S2: well hello, buzzed sir.
DD: not quite, but we are getting there.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): why the fuck won’t anyone call me sir. Every Safeway employee on the eastern seaboard calls me sir, but I can’t get a single lick of respect outta y’all.
DD: its because I’m handsome.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I
SM: No one calls me sir ☹
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): that’s because you’re twelve
SM: I am NOT
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): baby boy
SM: Stop, you heathen. Stranger danger.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I am no stranger.
SM: I’m telling my mom
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you have no mom
SM: I’m telling my other mom
DD: how many moms do people have?
SM: depends
DD: I got like three dads.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): how many shots, boo?
DD: plenty
BT: 4 now
DD: I want to talk about my dads.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): a rare moment of vulnerability, huh Red? Alright go on. Talk about them. Tell us everything.
DD: fuck you.
DD: no. You don’t deserve it.
S2: no red, we want to hear. Really.
S4: we do.
S3: is this going to end in murder? It always seems to end in murder with you.
DD: I miscounted.
DD: I’ve got four dads, but one of them’s more like a grandpa? That’s technically a dad, right?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): that is how generations work, yes. I’ll allow it. But just fyi. Like, you actually have two grandpas and one dad. That is an actual fact about you.
DD: no I don’t
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you do.
DD: I fucking don’t.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): take another shot slugger.
DD: maybe I will.
BT: please no. please do not encourage.
DD: I recounted. I’ve got three dads and a grandpa.
SM: stop taking all the dads.
DD: shut up I’m talking.
DD: right. So there is Dad. Obviously.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Obviously
S2: obviously
DD: are you getting fresh?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): yes
S2: what does that mean?
SM: just say yes
S2: why? Is it bad?
S3: yes
S2: then yeah
DD: brats.
DD: whatever.
DD: So there is dad. And then there is the old guy at the gym. That’s grandpa. And then there is the Father. And then there is God.
DD: three dads. See? I told you.
SM: …
S3: that was very good Double D. really good sharing.
DD: I thought so
BT: what about Husband’s dad?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Did you break him, kid?
BT: maybe? He stopped moving?
SM: awwwww
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I had a dad.
S4:**had**
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): should killed that bastard when I had the chance.
S2: I LOVE MY DAD
S4: SAME
S3: I don’t have a dad?
SM: SAME
BT: Same
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): Inivisiboy. Your father weeps right next to you. What are you talking about?
BT: I’ve never met this man in my life.
SM: I haven’t had a dad for like 24 years.
S3: Nice! I haven’t had a dad for like, 15.
BT: I’m not confident that I’ve ever met my father?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I will do you all a service right here right now
SM: no thanks
S3: we’re good actually wade
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I am now your father.
DD: HA
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): silence, sheep. I am father
D2: oh, hello father. I am dad.
S2: !!!!
S4: swooped in and SCORED
BT: I am
BT: hurt?
SM: Dave will you be my dad?
D2: do you need one?
SM: absolutely not. But I can’t risk Wade being it.
D2: oh yes. that’s fine then. You can be my son.
SM: do I have to change my name?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): how dare you. You could be Webs Wilson.
S2: SPIDEY YOU NEED TO GIVE IT UP
S4: oh my god. Webs Wilson
SM: oh my aunts calling hold on
S3: a hasty retreat
DD: have acquired cat
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): put it back
BT: (it is not a cat)
DD: what did you say?
BT: I said it’s a great cat, teach.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): You’re right. My mistake. picture of cat please.
BT:[image]
S2: pft
S3: oh wow.
S4: uh? How many drinks in are we?
D2: what the hell is that?
DD: cat
BT: (Husband wrapped football in throw rug.)
DD: how dare you speak ill of your baby sister
SM: Husband is truly the only thing holding this family together.
BT: Husband has big plans for the holiday card and is also piss drunk. Send help please
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): oh NICE. Red, give your hubbie the phone
DD: k
S3: is that a good idea?
DD: hello?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): heeeeeey boo. How you doin’?
DD: Y does evyone call me hsanb
DD: husbanb
DD: husband
SM: because you and red are married, friend, remember that disaster?
DD: yes. Most buetiful
DD: beaautiful day of my life.
DD: summer.
SM: aww
S2: I cried at your wedding
S3: ^
DD: oh nice. I did too I think.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): no no friend. Red cried at your wedding. On you. For like, an hour. Getting things a little mixed up there.
DD: he’s a sensitive soul
S2: aldfja;sdljfadfa
S2: yeaH
S2: he is
DD: I kno
DD: I feel bad he wants a cat
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I’m about to have some.
DD: …?
SM: Bella’s gone out and fucked a man
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): no Bella kept her darling ass home as instructed but this INTRUDER has entered my sacred household.
DD: oh kittens
S4: kittens.
SM: I’ve claimed all of them.
DD: that’s okay we don’t need any. We got plans
DD: plans/
BT: plants
DD: that one
BT: and dogs
DD: them too
BT: and apprentices
DD: god help us that we just have one of them for a while
BT: but?? I am your favorite??
DD: you are my favorite
BT: YES
S2: damn you even got it in writing. Good for you BT
BT: screenshotting
S3: I sense an argument
DD: oh I need to give back the phone. Idk if we need texing rn tho. So I think we’re gonna have a nap.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): go nap friend.
DD: 😘
S2: wild to see that emoji by red’s name
S3: cursed image
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): if only you guys had known red in his glory days. It would not be so cursed
S2: what
SM: massive flirt
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): an inspiration to us all
SM: charmed his way out of so many arrests
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): broke and entered so many apartments, had enthusiastic acrobatic sex with people inside them with only occasionally stabbing and police calling. Truly a legend.
S3: or an STI machine
S2: ^^^
S4: that sounds irresponsible
S3: tell em like it is Bitsy
D2: oh I remember. A gal in our building told everyone who would listen that she’d banged the devil of hell’s kitchen
S2: I cannot beLIEVE
S4: that’s nasty
S4: why would you even be proud of that
S3: idk, Spidey, what do you think?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): ;AKA;LSDFJASD;FKJASHFDSKJS
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): called OUT
SM: I have had a normal number of relationships
S3: half of the people we meet are your exes. Half of them try to kill us.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): he’s only doing what he saw in his youth, children. The boy had no father. And one of his two big brothers was nothing but a Horndog
DD: you talking shit?
S2: yes.
S4: aren’t you supposed to be napping?
DD: husband is napping. I am trapped and not tired.
S2: why was Youthful Red a horndog?
DD: oh that was the longing
S3: mood
S2: not mood. What the fuck does that even mean?
DD: therapist says ‘attempting to find meaning through others.’
SM: y-yeah
S3: aw, Spidey.
S2: that’s dumb
S4: how does that work?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): never well.
BT: oh I do this.
DD: we talked about it
BT: I know and I still do it because my mistakes are my own 😎
DD: you also finish all the girls drinks at the club
S2: OH MY GOD BT THAT’S SO DANGEROUS
BT: My mistakes are my own 😎
S3: why do you do that?
BT: poor judgement under the influence 😎😎😎😎
S4: you guys are all walking DUI campaigns
BT: Bold of you to assume I can drive ✌
SM: I can
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I know I taught you
SM: you taught me how not to drive. Then DD taught me how REALLY not to drive. Then Sergeant Barnes taught me how to drive in an emergency.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I thought Cap taught you how to drive?
SM: He did.
SM: Stick, even. Also a tractor?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): oh my god
S2: why does Cap know how to drive a tractor?
SM: likes to be tall
S4: same
S2: same
S3: I am tall
SM: shut up S3, we KNOW
S2: ugh
S4: shun the giant
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I am also tall
S4: shunned
SM: how dare you
DD: I am tall
SM: we know DD, but you also like to be tall.
DD: like up high?
SM: yea
DD: I do like to be up high
S2: he’s one of us at heart.
D2: Oh, I’m tall
S2: LEAVE
S3: **high fives over the heads of the shorties**
SM: Don’t call me shortie
S2: One of us
SM: I am taller than you. And Bitsy
S4: one of us
BT: If I got a stool I can reach things.
S2: have you ever climbed on a shelf in the supermarket?
BT: …
S2: one of us
DD: I was a shrimp until I was 20.
SM: oh my god for real?
DD: smallest in my class until the middle of highschool. It sucked. Was stickly until the good genes kicked in too
SM: I did not get the Good Genes ☹
BT: same. My mom was taller than me.
S2: akdfhasdjfa;dsljfa AW
BT: ☹ ☹ ☹ I just want to be tall.
BT: DD taught me to choke someone with my thighs tho. So you know. Shorty power.
SM: oh same. The Widow taught me that first, but then I uh.
S2: say it
S3: it’s okay Spidey this is a safe space.
S2: SAY IT.
SM: …the thighs got big
S2: THUNDER CITY
SM: I hate you
S2: Look at this man’s ASS, y’all
SM: They aren’t that big!!!
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I mean?
SM: don’t you say a damn thing.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you were so tiny, kid. We never could have expected this.
S2: No one expects Thunder City.
SM: why do you bully me so much?
S2: Suffocate a man with them gams, boo
SM: I don’t kill people ☹
S2: No, but you sure as fuck sit on em
S4: do I get to learn the thigh hold?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): …
DD: stickly
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I mean, yeah. But Webs fleshed out eventually?
DD: stickly
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): and you fleshed out eventually
DD: many squats. A body like this aint cheap.
BT: its pretty cheap
DD: silence you
BT: sensei lives on pad thai.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you and Thai food, man.
DD: superior cuisine
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you and Hubbie have ranked all the thai food places in HK.
DD: finances change. You need to know your options.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): how the fuck you do that and keep that ass I will never know
DD: I reserve carbs for pad thai and scotch.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): not together I hope
DD: now there’s a thought
BT: you’ve had enough for today.
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): you’ve been cut off, Red. Betrayed by your own son.
DD: we’ve been over this wade
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): fine. He’s a horcrux then
DD: do not speak to me of satan’s literature
S2: oh my god Red you cannot be that catholic
DD: try me
BT: the dogs are freaking out?
DD: an interesting turn of events. Please excuse us.
D2: oh hey, my kid’s freaking out. Y’all getting knocking too? Thinking about not answering it.
SM: Is it cops?
DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): can verify. Is probably cops. Making sure folks are inside. Came around here when a bunch of fuckheads decided to try to have a block party.
SM: oh shit, well that’s our cue to duck and cover, huh? I have a pile of movie recs that I need to watch, so I’ll talk to y’all later.
S2: saaaame. Bye
S4: bye!
S3: bye!
Blindspot: good morning friends and neighbors. I was rudely awoken this morning by DD taking shots at 6:30am. You too, can be rudely awoken by him taking shots at 6:30am over at Little Spidey’s page.
Little Spidey (Pink): Oh Lord she’s a-coming—link
Spiderman 4.0: Check out the early morning ISO Chat for the day here. Next time, we’re going to take some questions. Can’t guarantee that even one of them will be answered, but @me or Little Spidey and we’ll throw a few of the best ones to the wolves. Don’t forget to stay inside and wash your hands!!
