Now comes the night
Bobbi Morse was no stranger to days that could go from 0 to 100 quickly, the life of a spy was an unpredictable one at best but it was worse still when the people you loved happen to like to find themselves in danger, case and point being Ms. Romanova. When she'd gotten a call off of Clint to say his best friend had been poisoned the first thought in her head was Shit, what the hell happened this time? And no one could blame her for that. She was aware that if she was supposed to deal with this and she failed the consequences would be catastrophic.
No pressure then.
Having someone's life in her hands was again not a situation that was unfamiliar. Hell saving Natasha and Clint had happened a few times because SHIELD's best duo also happened to be reckless out there in the field and they'd gotten themselves backed into a corner a time or two over the years, Bobbi was one of those agents that worked alone so it was easy for her to get in and out without a team, it wasn't even the first time she'd had to cook up an antidote for one of them but it was the first time that she'd have to do it against people as skilled as these were.
It raised many, many questions in the mind of the beautiful blonde scientist and one that she'd undoubtedly not get answers to for quite a while yet. Ugh. It wasn't like she could take a damn lab with her so she'd contacted someone she knew in the area and pulled in a favor to get access to a hospital lab so that she could run tests, it was the best she could do under such short notice and such dire circumstances and all she could do was hope it was enough.
Talk about putting her between a rock and a hard place.
She'd spent the whole damn trip there praying to every single deity she could think of that she'd be able to fix this, she didn't want to be the one responsible for not being able to fix this situation. She was freaking glad at this point that she was as good as she was but that still didn't mean she'd be good enough when it came down to it.
Goddammit Romanov. Why the hell did you have to go be so stupid?
She'd made it exactly when she'd promised she would though she felt undeniably worse for the wear given her abrupt journey and the speed required to make it there but she didn't say a word as she walked inside and studied her friend; Bobbi closed her eyes and sighed.
"How long has she been down?" she questioned as her eyes slipped to the man she presumed was Bucky Barnes. "I need to know everything you do even if that's not much, even the little details that might seem irrelevant to you."
She had no time for introductions, she picked up her bag and she set it down on the chair, her eyes moved to her husband and she read the look on his face; her own softened as she offered Clint a small smile and she nodded.
"I'll do my best," she promised answering his wordless plea.
"Shes been down for about 8 hours, I'm pretty sure the bullet was laced with something," Bucky answered as he studied her apprehensively, he clearly didn't trust her but at this point he literally had no choice but to do just that if he wanted Natasha to survive. This was their expert and he needed to let her help.
She didn't need him to though, Clint and Steve did and that was what mattered to her. She looked at him and studied him with a frown.
"Did you pull it out of her?" Bobbi questioned almost like the answer should be obvious, "Or is it still in? I'll need to look at it and run some tests. I'll need blood samples too. You were ah, trained by these people so can you tell me what poisons they might've used? If it's something they've used on someone before it might help if you can remember anything about it."
His head was spinning as he tried to sort through her questions in his mind, he didn't exactly take note of everything they'd used on people over the years and he was never the one assigned missions like that. He was always the one that had to put a bullet in someone, slice their throat... Always something far more messy. It was the Widows - people like Natasha - that had been assigned missions where things like that were required. He hadn't been privy to much of that information.
"I got the bullet out it's on the counter over there." He gestured to the left of them, "But I don't know anything about what they might've used. I didn't get the kinds of missions where poisons were involved and its not like they discussed any of that crap around any of us. I wish I knew but I don't have any idea."
"Well that's unfortunate," Bobbi sighed as she walked over to pluck the bullet out of the metal tray. "I need to get this to the hospital lab to run some tests, I've already called ahead and let a friend of mine know that I'll be there soon so I'll do the blood-thing then I'll head out and I'll let you know what I find. Just- Try to keep her stable I guess. Fluids, lots of fluids. Keep her cool. We need to keep her body temperature down or whatever it is could burn through her even faster and kill her quicker."
It was clear that while keeping a calm composure externally, internally Bobbi wasn't fairing up as well as she might like people to believe she was. One look toward Clint was all it took for her to cast her eyes down toward the floor. If she needed to she could call in help and it wouldn't be all that hard to do so but that would mean more people involved in all of this and that had been so far from what anyone wanted or intended... More people in danger was bad, more people in danger was always bad.
Silently, Bobbi drew blood from Natasha and simply turned to walk out.
If she stayed another second she was likely to end up showing just how worried she was and that wouldn't do anyone any good. She was supposed to be the calm and composed one, she was supposed to be the one that was going to fix this situation and showing panic would just end up causing more problems for everyone. It was in that moment that she found herself hoping she was as good as Clint thought she was and she sure as hell hoped she was. Bobbi hadn't doubted her abilities this much in years.
She could not fail this.
Bucky turned to Steve and he had just the smallest hint of a smile on his lips; Clint and Steve both looked at him like he was mad for smiling in such a situation but he didn't really care. It was his memories, him finding a way to cope with all of this and finding a way to tell them what they needed to know. Coping mechanisms weren't his strong suit that was for sure.
"That day on the bridge, the first time you saw me again? She didn't look afraid of me. I wondered why she didn't. She looked confident in herself, she looked like she knew no matter what she was gonna be okay. Every shot she took would've wounded me not killed," Bucky explained to the pair of questioning men. "I wondered for a little while after that before I was wiped again why she looked at me like she wanted to challenge me, like she was daring me to kill her. Guess she always knew I never would. She knew I wouldn't take the kill shot. Had it twice and I didn't. She didn't care that she got hurt because she knew I wouldn't kill her, she knew I wouldn't be able to do it. She was trying to reach through to something in me even then. Always did things her own way no matter what might happen. She's always been so tough and stubborn."
He'd put it down to yet another arrogant SHIELD agent for a while but it had plagued him that whole damn mission, why the hell hadn't he been able to take the damn shot? Why wasn't she afraid of him? She looked like she knew what she was up against and even Steve held obvious fear but not her. When he'd shot her she looked nothing more than irritated. She was- He laughed as he thought about it.
"She was always so goddamn stubborn. I remember when I first met her they put me in a room with her she was strong and I could tell that much. They told me she was their best, they were so damn proud of their little pet and they told her they wanted to see if she could beat me. They wanted to see if she was good enough to beat someone like me. They told me I had to train her; she had this defiant streak that they didn't like. She was supposed to be disciplined. She was supposed to be the good little soldier that'd fall in line because that's what they'd trained her to be but something in her still defied the training that they'd given her and they wanted me to temper that." He inhaled a deep breath.
"She got her ass kicked. She got her ass kicked for a good month or so until she took me down for the first time. They put us on our first mission together a few weeks after that. She was so graceful out there, I've never met anyone that made killing people look graceful but she did. I'd worked with others before but none like her. Others like me that were- well they were nowhere near as good as me or as her." It was clear from the look in his eyes that he was far away from here and now.
"We were their best team. The longer I worked with her the more human I started to feel and so did she. We both fought against it because it wasn't what we were supposed to be. We both knew what punishment we'd get if we were human so we tried not to be."
He didn't bother to tell them that it hadn't worked because they already knew that.
"Six months later we were separated, she had to go solo and I was put back in the freezer until they needed me again, turns out the next time they'd need me was when there was a diplomat that needed assassinating in Washington. It was the first time I rebelled, I didn't go back after my mission I left, or at least I tried to. I stopped running when I remembered her. I took the punishment they doled out to me because there was a chance I'd get to see her again and I was right."
It was worth it to get the chance to see her again
"Four years after that I was put on another mission with her. We didn't stay under for long this time, we broke through it because of what we felt for each other. Two years we got to pretend, to be together in secret; we tried like hell not to slip up and let them know but then I slipped. They told me she was supposed to marry someone and I lost it. I told them that they didn't own her, she wasn't their property... Guess that made them start to look real close."
That was where this story started to get painful.
"They punished us both. Severely. She- They made her be in the lab when they put me back under. The last thing I ever said to her was I'm sorry. She was screaming so goddamn loud. I knew what was gonna happen to her once I was gone so I tried to fight but I couldn't. I let her down," His jaw tightened. "Next thing I know I'm on a few dozen missions but never got to see that girl again. Dreamed about her at least when I could dream I did, I didn't know if it was real. I didn't know if anything was real. They were the worst missions, the ones where I was out for a couple weeks were the worst because I'd see her face in my dreams, more like nightmares I guess."
He looked toward her best friend and shook his head.
"You wanted to know what triggered her and now you do, they made me a part of her embedded programming in case they ever needed us to work together again and we didn't stay compliant I guess. They made what happened to me another way to hurt her." Bucky looked remorseful, pensive. "If I'd known I'd have begged you not to let her be there so she wouldn't have been hurt again and she wouldn't be in this mess now."
This was what Clint wanted right? He wanted to know the damn story well he could have it. It took his mind off of the fact that she could die; he'd sit here all night talking about anything if it meant that he didn't have to consider the possibility that she might die.
"Odessa wasn't it? She said something about- I didn't know who she was but I didn't take the kill shot then and I didn't on the bridge either. I didn't remember anything at least not anything tangible. A few vague dreams once you got me to come in. That day at the airfield she said You could at least recognize me. I had her pinned by the goddamn throat and she still didn't look like she was afraid." There was an undeniable sadness in his voice as he spoke.
"So goddamn stubborn," he sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Who she became was who they wanted her to be and I guess that's the sad part. She was disciplined, controlled... She would've followed orders better than the girl they turned out. Natalia isn't a bad person and she never was. She was a weapon with no choice but beneath all of that there's a goddamn heart. She and I were never human until we had each other. She was my heart and soul, I didn't know there was anything human left in me until I met her. We saved each other or at least we damn well tried."
He looked at Clint then.
"You wanted to know so there you go. I've known her most of her life and now I feel like I don't know her at all. I watched the woman I love screaming and begging them to let me go, apologising and telling them to punish her instead. She fought for me until they wiped her away and even then she did. She tried to look for me, she told me that she never gave up trying. She could've been killed and she didn't give a damn. That is who she really is. You saved her and I thank you for that. She always deserved better and I'm glad she got it eventually." Even if it wasn't with me was the part he didn't add. "We planned to go, to run but we didn't get the chance. I wanted to be the one to give her that better life but I never could and now she's in this mess because what happened to me triggered buried programming."
Their handlers had made sure of that. His handlers had made sure of that.
"She's the strongest person I've ever met and if she dies in there I'll burn this whole goddamn world to the ground. If she dies in there I'll have lost the only goddamn thing that ever meant anything to me. Hate me all you want but you can't hate me more than I hate myself. I'm perfectly clear that that's my fault and I should've protected her but if she knew about it- Natalia was never the most open person. She's teetering on an edge right now and I was worried something like this would happen I just hoped I was wrong and it wouldn't. Hate me if that's what you need to do but nothing will be worse for me than losing her."
Again. Nothing would be worse for him than losing her again, how could it be?
"I think she knew she had a tail, she's always been so stubborn and sure she could handle anything especially when she's like this," Clint muttered. "When I met her she was a total pain in the ass but she was sure of herself always, didn't matter whether she was right or wrong most of the time she was just damn stubborn. Don't get me wrong I love her but jeez is she a huge pain in the ass."
Nat never did like to ask for help.
"I don't hate you, don't like you very much 'specially because you just dragged my wife and kid into this mess 'cus you couldn't keep her safe but I don't hate you. She loves you, you love her. How can I hate you? Wouldn't be fair on Tasha." That was what mattered. All that mattered to him was Natasha. "If she dies in there though you 'an me are gonna have an issue. Then I will hate you. You were supposed to protect her. If she dies, I'm putting it on you."
"I'll put it on myself trust me, if she dies I'll never forgive myself. No matter how much you might hate me if something did happen to her I'll hate myself more," Bucky muttered. "Is your girl as good as you think she is?" That was what mattered wasn't it? Could Clint's wife actually pull this off? She was the one here that was supposed to be the expert and Natasha's survival quite literally rested on her shoulders.
Clint glowered but nodded his head anyway. "Yeah, if anyone can pull this out of nowhere its Bobs. She's the best I know, smartest woman I've ever met. Bobbi is the best in her field so yeah, if anyone can figure this out then it's her... I hope so anyways."
Clint knew that she'd hate herself if anything were to happen to Natasha. She'd never forgive herself and while Clint hated the thought of putting that kind of pressure on his wife he hated the thought of his best friend dying too and there wasn't anyone in the world he trusted more than he trusted Bobbi.
Steve - eventually - sighed and reached out to pat Bucky on the shoulder, his eyes slipped between Bucky and Clint. "We're gonna do what we can to save her, we won't let her die. She's our friend and more importantly she's strong. Natasha will come out of this she has to."
Steve wasn't wholly sure who he was trying to convince, himself, Bucky or Clint but either way he hoped he was right. Natasha had to come out of it. Natasha had to survive, there was no other way this could go.
Please let her be as good as Clint says she is...
Bucky Barnes had never been a praying man and yet he sat here doing exactly that in his head. Please, please survive.
Please Natalia, don't leave me like this.