Here comes the lullaby
Natasha's body felt like she was freezing more than anything else and more than a few times one of the three men had gone to get her a blanket or something before remembering Bobbi's warning: Keep her cool. It bothered them more than they wanted to admit but they were going to follow her instructions because it meant that Natasha would have a better chance of pulling through.
Bobbi had checked in with calls for the last six or so hours each time unfortunately reporting that she had nothing that she could tell them that was concrete.
Not yet anyway.
By the time 4am rolled around all three of them were exhausted but Bucky refused to sleep. Clint kept dozing off but would jolt awake after about half an hour and Steve just sat there silently and to Bucky that was the worst. He just sat there quietly watching his friend with this worried look on his face that displayed the agony that he wouldn't voice. More than enough times he'd tried to find a way to ask him to talk but he just didn't have the energy.
It was clear each of them was devastated by what was going on. Clint was still pissed at him that was perfectly clear but Steve's silence was worse than Clint's visible disdain. Steve was one of those quiet anger types and he couldn't quite work out if his best friend was actually mad at him or if he was just exhausted and worried about Natasha. It was hard to tell and it was driving him insane.
Bucky could read almost anyone in the world and yet right now Steve Rogers was unreadable.
Bucky himself been pacing around for the last 45 minutes and he was tiring himself out but he refused to sleep. Every noise had him flick his eyes immediately back to Natasha or back to Clint's phone which lay on the coffee table in front of him just in case there was news from Bobbi.
6am rolled around and Bobbi Morse - yawning - walked into the door looking utterly exhausted with a glance around at each man, she shook her head. She had nothing solid yet but she'd reached out to someone for help. Someone that happened to be less than ideal but what could she do? She had no way of figuring this out on her own and she'd realized that after an hour or so.
This was something specially engineered and she was breaking it down bit by bit but that was a slow process and they didn't have that kind of time, all she could do at this point was be thankful that this damn thing was slow-acting and it seemed very painful, they didn't want Natasha dead or at least not right away, they wanted her to suffer first.
"We're working on it," she promised. "We're gonna do everything we can. I'm not gonna let her just die. I'm going to find a way to do this. I won't let anything happen to her." Of course she wouldn't. Natasha was family. She was someone that she cared too deeply for to let die. Hell even if it was someone she didn't like she wouldn't just let them die, that wasn't the type of woman Bobbi Morse was.
"I've put out a few calls to people I'd really rather not have spoken to but it's worth it." She flicked her eyes to Bucky who nodded his head in understanding; the types of people that you really didn't want to end up owing favors to. He had more than a few of those himself. "The second me or my friend hear anything we can work with we'll work on an antidote but until then all we can do is keep her alive."
She couldn't bring herself to say that she could only hope there was an antidote because if there was nothing that could be made then she couldn't do a damn thing to save Nat, none of them could. She pulled a syringe out of her bag and held it up.
"Activated Charcoal, it should at least buy us some time," she explained as the three men looked at her. "That's all I can do right now: Buy us time. It won't fix it but it should slow it down at least. It'll slow the rate that it's absorbed into her metabolic system. Anything to slow this down right now is our best hope. It's slow-acting already which is good but we need to make it slower until I can make it stop." She was exhausted that much was clear, she was struggling to stand on her feet and she kept yawning. "I wish I had better news guys."
She walked over and injected it into Natasha's IV line. Bobbi reached out to touch her hand and sighed before she turned back to look at the three men.
"It isn't your fault, Bobs," Clint spoke as he stood up and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "You're doing as best as you can. We get it, it ain't a quick process." He couldn't even imagine how much Bobbi would've put herself through tonight to try to get an answer for them in this short a space of time but he knew she'd have pushed herself to the point where she literally almost broke and that would be why she was here right now.
"We appreciate it," Steve spoke quietly as he looked toward Bobbi. It was the first words he'd said since Bucky had finished his story earlier. "We know you're doing all you can. Everyone should get some rest," he sighed. "Take it in shifts to look after Nat. We're no use to her if we're all exhausted."
"I'm not sleeping," Bucky replied immediately. "I don't know if the people that did this to her know where we are and one of us needs to be able to stop them. One of us has to be able to get them away from her-"
"We're all capable of doing that Buck," Steve interjected. "You called us out here because you needed help, you can't do this on your own anymore. You need to sleep. I'll take first watch and if anything happens I promise you I'll wake you up, you have my word."
Not angry then. Good... Right?
Bucky nodded his head and sighed. He glanced toward Natasha as he walked over and sat on the edge of her bed he picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. As he placed it back down again he tried his best not to break; she was writhing even under her sedation, whimpers of pain broke her lips as sweat poured leaving her skin clammy to the touch. Her hair stuck to her forehead and he tried his best not to lose what remained of his composure.
"C'mon Nat, you're the strongest person I've ever met. You can beat this, fight. Please, fight. I don't wanna lose you again," he whispered. "I love you, okay? I love you. Just wake up, please just- don't you dare die on me. Don't leave me." He couldn't stand it if she died. He'd just gotten her back - or started to - and losing her forever was more than he could take. He loved her far too much to let her just die on him like that. He'd rip this whole damn world apart if she died. "Please don't leave me."
He couldn't stand it. The thought of it had pain and anger bubbling up inside of him and he knew that he could tear their damn worlds apart single-handed but he didn't want to do that, he wanted to be better than that. He'd fought like hell to become someone better, he'd fought so hard to get away from being their little weapon. She'd fought just as hard and all it had taken to drag her back to being the girl that she'd fought so hard to get away from was him. He'd been used to tear her apart. He'd been used to hurt her.
Again.
"If anything changes come get me, okay?" he spoke to Steve as he stood up, Steve nodded. Bucky's eyes cast toward Bobbi and Clint and he inclined his head toward the stairs. "Three bedrooms upstairs, you guys should go get some rest too. Like you said, we're no good to her if we're all exhausted and we can't think straight."
"Or fight," Clint added with a yawn. "We're no good to her if we can't fight."
"Yeah," Bucky agreed with a sad sigh. "Just- Let's get some sleep before I lose my shit." It was all he could do. He just needed to do something - anything really - to stop himself worrying that he could lose her all over again. His head was still a mess and everything felt distorted and out of order but all he knew was that if he lost her he'd lose whatever life he'd fought hard to achieve so far. He couldn't lose her. Life without her wouldn't be worth it.
He wasn't entirely sure how he'd even lived without her to this point if he was honest with himself. Brainwashing was a hell of a thing. They'd taken away everything he was, everything he loved... He hadn't felt this resentful in years. Anger was like a volcano but if he erupted he might never come back from the edge of that abyss. He had to fight it for her sake because he knew she was fighting for his, she was fighting for everyone she loved.
No matter how stubborn she was that she didn't want to hold on to who she'd been before she'd flipped that switch again, she was holding back out there and he knew that she knew it too. She was holding on and he knew it. She was capable of far more than she had been out there in the field before this. Natalia was holding back, a part of her remembered who she'd become and a part of her was still fighting for that.
Come morning there was no change but by the time they'd all gotten up and downstairs, Steve had informed them that Bobbi had left a good hour before they'd even roused which made Clint and Bucky exchange a look. They were clearly curious but as they looked back at Steve all he did was shrug. He had no idea what was going on with her and he had no idea why she'd left when she had but it wasn't his place to ask.
He didn't know her. He had no business prying into her business. She was here to save Natasha and that was what really mattered here. He didn't have to pry into Bobbi Morse's life or ask her what she was doing, where she was going or anything else of the sort. He just had to trust that she'd save Natasha's life. He just had to trust that she was the person Clint said she was.
"She musta found something out," Clint offered, he was trying to be reassuring. God, he hoped that she did. "It's the only reason I can think of for why she'd wake up and split like this with no note or explanation. That ain't Bob. Usually, if it's something I need to worry about she leaves a note or something but-"
"She seemed in a hurry," Steve interjected him. "I think her friend from the hospital called her."
"Makes sense," Clint replied as he looked toward Natasha. "How is she?"
"No change, Morse checked her over before she left. She said that she was holding on but she wasn't sure how much longer she could. Nat is strong but..." He drifted off with a sad look toward Clint and Bucky obviously not wanting to speak the words all of them feared: Natasha was dying.
"She'll fight it. She'll come around," Bucky spoke resolutely. "She'll be okay. She has to be. I won't lose her again I just won't. I can't. I love her, she's everything to me that matters. I love her, I can't lose her like this. Even if I have to go in there myself and I have to pull someone out that can help her I'll do it."
"You can't do that Buck," Steve spoke softly. "You can't go back there. It's too dangerous."
"The hell it is!" Bucky fumed. "It's for her, Steve. It's for Nat."
Steve could understand his best friends frustrations, he could understand his evident fears and his woes but he knew too that they had to be smart about it; Clint seemed just as keen to rush in at first but he had a moments pause when he thought about his wife and his son and he'd reluctantly agreed with Steve.
"I'd have said the same thing once too, Rogers is right though we have to play this smart. If she comes outta this and you're dead then what? What do you think that'll do to her?" Clint argued as he studied Bucky and shook his head. "Barnes, I know you love her and that's amazing, and as much as I don't like you? She loves you too. You gotta not be an idiot for her sake. Nat needs you. Nat needs you alive and here when she wakes up."
Bucky - grumbling under his breath - released a sigh before reluctantly nodding. He didn't want them to make sense. He didn't want them to be right about any of it he just wanted to find a way to save the woman he loved. If there was one thing that Bucky Barnes could do it was that: He could fight. He could fight for a good cause this time around but he could fight anyway. He could fight for her. He could fight for them and he would.
"Cool your hot-headed crap, you need to keep your cool for her sake," Clint inclined his head toward Natasha as he spoke. "We all do. I want to save her just as much as you do which is why I dragged my wife halfway around the world away from our son to save my best friend. She's my kid's Godmother. She's my best friend. I get it: Losing her isn't an option but we'll figure this out the smart way and trust me coming from me? That says something."
Bucky was clearly distressed and no one could blame him for that, they all were but if he went off half-cocked and did something utterly stupid then where would they be? She needed all of them when she woke up because it'd take all of them and knowing how much they all locked her to bring her out of this, out of the pain inside of her and out of the scary as hell situation she was in right now.
Clint understood more than he wanted how Bucky felt. He knew that it was agony watching the woman you loved laying there not knowing if she was going to survive and feeling more and more useless as each second ticked by because he'd been there himself once. He'd almost lost Bobbi and he'd had to find a way to push past what he was going through for her sake. He had to be strong because she wasn't.
He'd made a choice that day that he had no doubt Bucky would make now if it meant that Natasha's life would be saved. He knew that impossible choice if it were posed to Barnes right now he'd take it without thinking twice just like he did that day.
"I get it, I really do," Clint spoke as he looked at Bucky. "I was here once myself. I made an impossible choice because I was watching the woman I loved die right in front of me and I know you'd do anything to save her but we can't just act irrationally because we need to know when they wake up, they need us." It had been a hard decision for him to make but it was one that he'd make a hundred times over if it meant that he wouldn't lose Bobbi.
He knew that she was the only thing that mattered at that moment just as he knew that the only thing that mattered right now was Natasha's life, he'd give his own for her and while that was noble enough it'd do nothing but cause her pain that he didn't deserve, she'd been through enough. She had endured more than enough and when she came around she was going to need him to be right by her side and Barnes was just going to have to learn to put himself aside and know that Natasha's wellbeing both now and when she came out of this mattered more.
The phone in front of Clint started to buzz and he reached out quickly to answer it. He listened to Bobbi talk and he knew that this was it. Life or death. She wasn't just calling to see how Natasha was and he'd figured that out the second that she spoke. There was such an urgency in her voice, an urgency that masked the pain that she was feeling. She didn't want to be delivering this news and Clint knew it.
She wouldn't have been able to do it face to face without breaking. Clint's expression fell and he could do nothing but mumble in agreement or with what little input he could manage as Bobbi spoke. He looked at Steve and Bucky as he ended the call and gripped the phone tightly in his hand.
"It isn't like any kind of poison they've seen before. They can't find a cure. It's some kind of specially designed thing just like they thought it was. Bobbi said it'll be burning her up from the inside and we don't have long left. She's gonna die if we can't get an answer in the next three hours. We're almost out of time." It wasn't the news that any of them wanted but it was the news that they were handed anyway. "We can't fix this," he spoke numbly.
His eyes traveled back to Natasha as he studied his best friend and he felt a crushing agony rising within him. They'd failed. Bobbi couldn't fix this. She had been the only person Clint knew that he could ask for help.
"Yes we can," Bucky snapped back as he stood up. "I told you, I'm going in there and I'll find a goddamn answer if I have to kill every single person I come across in the process then fine. They want The Winter Soldier they'll get him. They've pushed the one goddamn button they know I have. Her. They used me to tear her apart and they're using her to tear me apart. I'm going in there."
"We," Steve replied as his eyes moved to Bucky. "We're going in. You aren't doing this alone. We have 3 hours. We need to move and we don't have time for debates."
3 hours, 3 hours was all they had to save Natasha's life.