Chapter 22
2015, 25 April
They've recovered the scepter. The mood is lighter than it has been for months now. They did it. It's a small step, but they did it.
Stark is throwing one of his parties again, and all Natasha can focus on is not eye fucking Maria. It's not her fault she looks gorgeous in that red dress. Red, probably for Natasha, judging by the playful smirks Maria throws in her direction every once in a while.
Natasha distracts herself by playing the bartender role and absently flirting with Bruce. It was fine, Bruce was ace-aro. He didn't mind, he was trying to flirt back too, but awkwardly. He needed help with people skills, it seemed. Bruce was gradually gaining confidence around the Avengers, actually joking and taking part in their plans or pranks nowadays.
And then this fucking murderbot comes, and Natasha's just fighting again. Fighting for her life, fighting to protect the Avengers' sixes, fighting like she's done her whole life.
As they deal with the aftermath, Maria picking out glass from her bare feet like it's dust, Natasha hyperaware, Thor angry at Tony.
Natasha glances at Maria and Maria gives her a slight nod.
I'll be at Barton's farm to protect the others in case, Maria taps on the glass of the table, and Natasha taps an okay back.
2015, date redacted
"I think I may have offended Steve," Maria says as she invites herself into the training room and Natasha pauses her hits on the punching bag.
"Yeah, what did you say?"
"May have insinuiated that the twins were crazy for volunteering for Strucker's experiments," Maria sighs.
"Hit a sore nerve there," Natasha observes, but Maria smiles wryly.
"My dossier. It says Agent Hill lacks a delicate touch and is extremely deficient at relating to people. That's straight from my S.H.I.E.L.D.'s personnel review. Pretty harsh."
Natasha squints at her.
"I wrote that review," Maria shrugs as Natasha cracks a grin.
"Well, looks like I've melted you with my fire, Agent Ice Queen," Natasha purrs as she slinks closer to Maria, pressing up against her in a fluid motion.
"Good thing I enjoy playing with fire," Maria breathes out.
"Careful, you'll burn," Natasha smirks and tilts her head as Maria's hot breath fans on the moist skin.
"We probably should take this somewhere private. JARVIS, delete the footage from me entering to now," Maria says, voice sounding slightly strangled.
"JARVIS isn't around any more Maria," Natasha reminds.
Maria sighs.
"Pity, he was a good AI."
"I'll be leaving to chase Ultron in about thirty minutes. Love you," Natasha sighs as she pulls Maria down for a kiss.
"Mmph. Love you too. Now go kick some butt. Come back to me, okay? I'll be keeping the kids and Bartons safe."
"Love you, bye."
Maria smiles as she leaves.
"You're sashaying, Natasha Romanoff! Don't think I can't see it!"
2015, date redacted
Natasha sits and stares in silence.
You've got the stamp of the rodina, Natalia, and the rodina wants you back.
Punch to the gut, kick to the knees.
Yelena stares up at her in horror. "Mama," she cries. "Mama!" She screams.
Cold arms choking her. Her thighs choking someone.
Chained to that pole. The brunette in the room, the other brunette in her dreams and memories.
Someone carrying her.
Shooting her protegee. Killing her sister, her girl. Seeing the brunette scream in shock and betrayal and horror.
The light in her dying, the white cube, the clip-clop of pointe shoes on marble floor like a chess board, move the pieces Natalia, its your turn Natalia, are you the queen or the pawn, are you the spy or the knight in shining armour, you are the Black Widow, the Slavic Shadow, the Red Death, the merciless killer, the assassin, the blank canvas, the shattered mirror, the musical jewellery box wind-up ballerina.
"Tasha."
Natasha closes her eyes and wants to scream, wants to shout.
Yelena has told her about nearly drowning when she was five, when she was taken too.
Natalia was remade in fire, but now she's suffocating from the ashes and smoke.
Careful, you'll burn
My name means light, it will guide you.
We all, are living in a dream.
You do not fail, you will not break.
You will not yield.
Again, again, again. The dance of spiders, of lone wolves crying out at night, howling at the moon. Shouting for release. You will never be free from the Red Room, Natalia.
Natasha jerks up and bites her tongue so hard to keep from screaming that she tastes blood.
"Tasha," someone is saying. She wants to get up, she wants to scream and run and hide and burn off her fingerprints and become a new person and cover herself so deeply she can't see-
"Tasha, its Clint. We're going to the farm, we're going to see Maria and Yelena and Galina and Lila and Cooper and Laura, okay?"
Clint. Clinton Francis Barton, born June 18th 1982. Like Maria. Maria Christina Hill, born 4th April 1982. The brunette of her memories, the love of her life.
Natasha tenses and nearly cries out in pain as her muscles, which have been tense and twitching for a while now, were put into use again.
"Breathe Tasha, breathe. You got this."
Natasha breathes. Inhales, exhales. Remember your training, Natalia.
"Clint." She breathes.
"Need anything Tasha?"
"Stay. Please. I, I can't go to the farm. I'm going to hurt everyone, please."
'We have a literal god who's also fallen prey to mind tricks and is also recovering as we speak. You will not hurt anyone, I will not allow you to."
Natasha takes in a deep breath and turns her head to look at Clint.
"If I hurt anyone at all, I don't care if its on accident, lock me into a room, or kill me. Natalia, she's still awake. I killed Yelena, I made Maria watch and broke her, I reshaped Galina. I-"
"That's not real Tasha. The witch, she was messing with your head. You are Natasha Romanoff, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., Avenger, hero."
"I feel dirty, unclean. Blood everywhere, hair like fire and blood." Natasha chuckles.
"Black Widow straight out of legends, of hate and disgust, once pride and glory, its ironic," Natasha gives a sad smile.
"Can I touch you?"
"James once said that, he's nice. You'd like him, unless you two have pissing competitions, over territorial males," Natasha mutters, clearly out of it.
Clint puts a hand on her leg, and Natasha gives another chuckle.
"Tasha, listen to me. You are not back there, you are not a monster. You are Natasha Romanoff. You are a hero to the world, a survivor, you are Maria Hill's girlfriend, you are a mother of Yelena and Galina. You are an aunt to my three children, you are not in the Red Room. Red Room is gone, Tasha. You did it."
"I did?"
"Yeah," Clint says, and smiles.
Natasha smiles back at him.
"Here, I've got your phone, you can listen to a few recorded messages from them if you want," Clint holds out her phone, and Natasha accepts gratefully.
They stay like that for the entire ride, listening to their families voices.
2015, date redacted
"Where exactly are we, Legolas?"
Clint smiles, smiles at the familiar farmhouse, heart fluttering in trepidation.
'You have to keep this place a secret, Tony, understand? The rest of you too."
They mutter their agreement as Clint moves to help Natasha up, still disorientated but still doing good enough.
They head up to the farmhouse.
Clint opens the door.
"Honey? I'm home!"
The Avengers look around in confusion.
A woman walks into the hallway.
"Hi. Company. Sorry I didn't call ahead."
Laura smiles nontheless.
"Hey," she says and kisses Clint.
"This is an agent of some kind," Tony asks.
Clint breaks apart from Laura, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"Gentlemen, this is Laura."
"Hi, I know all of your names," Laura says, waving.
Tony confusedly waves back.
There's suddenly footsteps from the upper floor.
"Oh, incoming!" Clint says happily.
"Dad!" Lila shouts as she hugs Clint.
Cooper runs down and does the same as Clint scoop them up.
"Hi sweetheart, hey buddy, how are you two doing?"
"These are," Tony begins, waving his hands about," smaller agents."
"Look at your face! Oh my goodness," Clint snorts.
"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" Lila asks as Clint puts her down.
"Why don't you hug her to find out?" Natasha suddenly says, appearing from behind and putting on a genuine smile, letting Lila jump onto her.
"Sorry for barging in on you," Steve finally says.
"Yeah, we would've called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed," Tony snarks.
"Yeah, well, Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files. I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lie low."
"Honey," Laura says.
There's a slight crunch as Thor accidentally steps on legos but brushes them under the couch.
Natasha lets Lila go, moving to Laura.
"I missed you. How's little Natasha doing?" Natasha cooes.
"She's..." Laura looks guiltily.
"Nathaniel."
Natasha's smile is wiped off her face dramatically as she slowly lowers herself down, trying not to wince at the sore muscles.
"Traitor," she whispers at Laura's belly.
There's a sudden movement as Thor heads out of the place in a hurry, Steve giving a glance and following him.
"Maria and the girls are out in the city today, getting groceries. She left her phone here though, she'll get back in time for dinner," Laura explains.
Natasha gives a wry smile.
"I'll go get a shower and change into something more comfortable, I suppose. Go see your husband, he's pining."
Laura laughs and Natasha also has to chuckle at that.
Natasha leaves. She can go check on the others once she got her defenses up. She needed some time alone.
2015, date redacted
Natasha puts on her robe. She's ready. She's not at full capacity now, but it will do. Steve was out there chopping wood, he needed to let loose some steam, so it was good. Thor had gone to check on the stones, said he would return soon. Tony was, she didn't know, but she suspected it had something to do with the call Laura had made and Tony's disappearance. Now Bruce, he needed support.
Natasha enters the guest room. The shower goes off in time. He steps out in a towel, immediately blushing slightly as he saw Natasha.
"Hey Bruce, the shower pressure's good in this shower. The best, I would say," Natasha shrugs.
"The hot water's used up, you, eh, may have to wait."
Natasha dramatically sighs.
"Those idiots, shower in there for an hour. There's clothes in the drawer by the way. You still have to be presentable even if you're an Avenger."
Bruce sighs.
"The world just say Hulk. The real Hulk, for the first time. I have to leave."
"You assume that I have to stay? I had this dream. The kind that seems normal at the time, but when you wake...," Natasha contains her shudder.
"What did you dream?"
Natasha breathes in deeply.
"That I was an Avenger. That I was anything more than the assassin they made me."
Bruce sighs again.
"Look, I am a threat to this world. I've got this, this, monster inside me."
Natasha nods.
"I was made to be a monster. A ruthless killing machine. I was a student of the Red Room Academy," Natasha inhales and exhales.
"I've been made and remade so many times, sometimes I don't think I'm me. I killed my first husband. I killed half of my classmates. I have painted, splashed the world in dark, dark red. I can take down the world with the information I have. I nearly did, many times. No matter what, I am still the Black Widow. I have done so many despicable things that should not be spoken about. Read my files, you'll know. You read them, and tell me if you still think you're the only monster on this team," Natasha shrugs, fighting back tears slipping past against her own will.
Natasha stands to attempt to scrub the sin away from her body, from her skin, and enters the shower, leaving Bruce.
2015, date redacted
"Nick," Natasha greets as she walks into the dining room and sees the familiar man there. It provided a bit of comfort.
"Good to see you Romanoff, but we both know I'm not the one you want to see."
Natasha gives another wry smile, she seemed to be doing that a lot often, didn't she?
Natasha settles herself down as Laura serves dinner, some pasta she made.
"Ultron took you folks out of play to buy himself time. My contacts all say he's building something. The amount of vibranium he made off with, I don't think it's just one thing."
There's a nudging at her, and Natasha looks to see Lila give her a drawing of a butterfly.
Natasha thanks her.
Fury is about to continue when there's a knock on the door.
Natasha fights to keep the smile off her face as Clint grins at her and Lila runs to open the door.
"Galina, you don't have to take off your shoes you know. Yelena, stop blowing gum near me, the bubbles are going to go into my hair," Maria complains as she steps into the house, dropping the keys into her bag.
The Avengers are all staring, jaw dropped, as they see the ex-Deputy Director smile awkwardly, hair flowing and loose, carrying bags of groceries and looking like a housewife even though they've seen her shoot and agent in the foot for touching her and throwing people off the Helicarrier.
Maria meets Natasha's eyes and they have a brief silent conversation.
Oh Nat.
"I'm hangry, why's there suddenly like five more people here? Hey Stark," Yelena casually says.
Galina observes the crowd and disappears behind Yelena to go wash their hands.
"Are you Hill?" Tony asks.
"Very much Maria Hill, unless a Skrull decided to kidnap me and replace me," Maria jokes.
Tony continues spluttering, Thor looking confused but slightly happy at the food, Steve just confused in general, Bruce massaging his forehead.
Maria's attention zeroes in onto Natasha. Natasha had opened up, kicking Clint out of the seat beside her.
"Nat," she breathes, and Natasha's self control audibly snaps as she leaps up to jump and cling onto Maria, who manages to catch Natasha and not drop her bags.
"Masha," Natasha's muffled voice says.
"I'm here, I'm here. Heard you were playing mind games again, you okay Nattie?"
Natasha chokes back what suspiciously sounds like a sob as she whispers in rapid Russian and English and Maria just grips Natasha tighter, ignoring the looks the Avengers sent to them.
She vaguely hears Nick tell them to pay attention to what he was saying as she and Natasha just stands there and the tension floods out.
"I missed you, we nearly didn't make it out," Natasha says in a terrified whisper.
"You're Natasha Romanoff, you wouldn't die on me. I won't allow that, I'm Commander Hill," Maria whispers back.
"Let's head back for debrief, Nick's going to get cranky if he needs to repeat," Natasha murmurs.
Maria lets Laura get the groceries from her without letting go of the seemingly tiny woman in her arms and sits down, letting Natasha sit on her lap.
"So, you and Vodka Aunt, since when?" Tony asks.
"Since 2008, Stark, you really missed out a lot," Maria smirks as Tony gasps.
"Yeah, they were being so obvious back then. They were so sweet, it was almost disgusting," Clint adds as Natasha gives him the finer and Maria tsks at Natasha.
Steve was looking a little pale, and when Natasha, who had recovered enough, pointed that out, he turned paler.
"Old age catching up Capsicle?" Tony tries to joke.
"That's because I kissed him once when we were undercover, he was so scared of Mom," Yelena suddenly says, appearing from the stairs.
"Oh my god-" Tony.
"You did WHAT?" that was Maria.
"Oh I am going to literally let the vultures eat you," Natasha growls as Galina appears too, settling down on the sofa beside Yelena.
"And who's that?" Tony points out, pointing at Galina.
'She's our other daughter. Avengers, meet Yelena Belova and Galina Lazarev."