Chapter 33
STEVE
He was sitting on the back porch, drawing pad in hand when a magazine suddenly fell into his lap. The blonde smiled as he looked up, nose scrunched up in confusion.
“Hello to you too,” he said sarcastically. His husband had his arms crossed as he walked around to stand in front of the super soldier.
“Another cheating scandal, Steven. Really?” Steve rolled his eyes and thought back to the last time this happened.
“Did you ask Jarvis when the photo was taken?” he asked, still not looking at the magazine.
“No I didn’t. For all I know he’s been in on this from the beginning.” He made sure to sigh heavily before looking down at the magazine that had Steve immediately coiling in disgust.
Sure enough on the front, was yet another Steve look alike.
Except this one was with a woman.
And also had the look alike sporting a huge porn-stache.
“Seriously?” he asked looking back at his husband, who was failing at hiding his giggles.
“Are you telling me this isn’t you?” the bastard asked in a squeaky voice, fidgeting in place. The super soldier glared at him before looking at the magazine again.
“You purchased this,” Steve said aloud, shaking the thing and looking up at the man biting his bottom lip.
“How could I not??” the shorter man asked while pointing at it. This prompted the blonde to roll the magazine up and swat the man with it. Tony yelped and jumped away, which made Steve reach over to snag the man by his waistband and yank him back onto his lap.
It got another yelp out of his genius, but Steve felt justified enough not to feel guilty.
“Why would you buy this?” he asked as Tony settled on his lap, the blonde bringing the thing in front of them so they both could see it. In all it’s ridiculousness.
“I wanted some gum while I got gas, and found this beauty,” his love said simply, shrugging his shoulders as well.
“Ah. I see. Well there seems to be something else wrong with this picture…” Tony giggled before responding.
“You still haven’t answered my question. Are you telling me this isn’t you?” the genius side-stepped the other man’s point.
“No you’re right. You caught me. I’ve been lying about being gay all these years. I secretly love vaginas,” he deadpanned. “And also wear porn-staches in my spare time.” His husband finally burst out laughing from that.
“Aha! I knew it,” the billionaire said between laughs. Steve rolled his eyes heavily, again, before tickling the man in his lap. “Steven!” the man shrieked, which only prompted the super soldier to continue with his assault until the other man conceded.
“Fine! Okay? This probably isn’t you,” Tony grumbled, still sporting a smile as he grabbed the magazine out of Steve’s hands. “You do look good with a mustache,” he added, wiggling his brows.
“Don’t lie,” Steve growled out, debating with himself whether he should throw that magazine away now or later. They settled into a comfortable silence, gazing out at their view of distant mountains until his husband spoke quietly.
“Maybe you should cheat on me,” the genius whispered out, obviously not having want to have said that out loud - if evidence by his suddenly rigid body and red ears.
“What?” Steve asked as Tony moved to stand up.
“Just teasing you, darling. Do you want some tea? I could use some tea,” the brunette said as he walked directly back into the house, leaving the magazine on the ground. Steve grabbed it before following him, if nothing else to recycle it properly.
“Hey, don’t just walk away from me,” Steve said as he followed his husband into the kitchen, where the brunette had his back turned as he rifled through their tea selection.
“I’m right here, I’m not walking anywhere,” the man said, back still to Steve.
“Anthony, why would you want me to cheat on you?” he asked in a more serious tone. His husband finally turned around but wouldn’t look Steve in the eye.
“I told you I was teasing you.”
“Sweetheart, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you suck at lying to me. I’ve seen you lie, very well to other people. But you’ve never managed to lie to me.”
“Yeah huh!” Tony exclaimed, offended and finally looking up at him. “I lied about your one hundredth birthday present, I lied about liking your oatmeal raisin cookies and I lied about your ass not looking slutty in your yoga pants.” A smile spread across the super soldier’s face as he considered the man’s confessions.
“Sweetheart, I knew you were lying about those things,” Steve said, smiling when his husband’s face immediately frowned at that, “I just let you get away with them cause I wanted to be surprised, I like seeing your face when you pout and I was well aware how my ass looked, I just like teasing you.” This only caused the genius to pout, which made the super soldier take a step closer to hug the man.
He chuckled when the man growled in his embrace and mumbled something about ‘mind-reader.’
“I wouldn’t have to read your mind if you would actually talk to me,” Steve pointed out, hugging the man a moment later before releasing him. “Now, do you actually want tea?” he asked, frowning when the other man shook his head no.
They both turned to the sounds of Miles and Emerson coming home, which prompted Steve to grab his husband’s hand and take them to the bedroom for more privacy.
He knew the second they saw their kids, his husband would shut down.
His husband knew that too, which was why he was currently growling at the super soldier. Steve ignored him in favor of sitting on their bed and patting the comforter next to him. Tony leaned his head back and groaned loudly at the ceiling, getting a chuckle out of the blonde.
“Thirty years, come on baby, you can talk to me,” Steve said as he threw in some wiggly brows for good measure. Sure enough, his love chuckled, rubbing his hands over his handsome face before walking over to the blonde.
“Can’t we just, have some fun instead?” Tony murmured seductively as he tried to reach a hand down to Steve’s crotch. The blonde gently grabbed his wrist to stop him, then slowly pulled the shorter man onto the bed with him.
“Talk first, sex after.”
“Counter offer. Sex first, drop it later.”
“Tony…”
“Fiiiine. What do you want to talk about sweet cheeks?”
“Tony. Why did you suggest that I should cheat on you? No jokes this time,” he said as he kept his husband’s gaze. The brunette threw his best puppy eyes, but Steve didn’t budge.
“It’s what it always is, Steve. My stupid insecurities getting the better of me,” Tony said as he laid back against their bed. Steve laid beside him, propped on his elbow as he rested his other hand on the man’s chest and waited for him to continue. “You know how I’m old, right? And you’re going to outlive me and...I don’t know maybe I want a say in who replaces me a-”
“-Replace you? Tony, what-?”
“-nd let’s face it, you obviously don’t have the best judge of character-”
“-are you...Tony there will never be anyone else-”
“-and hey, maybe you could come out of retirement and-”
“-wait, what?!” Steve asked, sitting up and looking down in shock at the other man. “Is that what all of this is about? All that bullshit about me cheating on you or...finding your replacement?” the blonde stuttered out, still in disbelief. “Because you think I regret retiring?”
He guessed by the pink twinge in Tony’s olive skin that he had hit the nail on the head. That, and his husband’s sudden pout.
“Tony,” Steve said in a quieter tone. “Why do you think I retired?” The blonde frowned when his husband visibly winced at that.
“Cause of me,” Tony whined out dramatically, covering his eyes with his crossed arms. “And my stupid knee surgery.”
Steve rolled his eyes heavily at that.
“You know, for a genius you’re pretty dense sometimes,” the blonde quipped back, smiling when his husband scoffed out in offense.
“Well, then enlighten me Steven,” the shorter man grumbled as he sat up to face him.
“Tony, we were Captain America and Iron Man for over forty years. When we met and formed the Avengers, we were the only super heroes out there. But we’re not alone anymore. The world has the Guardians, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, not to mention the new Avengers team. They don’t need us anymore. And as much as I loved fighting for what was right...it killed me to be away from my family. Away from you. I retired because I wanted to spend more time with you. And our kids and grandkids. Plus, don’t you remember the last time I got injured? The serum took longer to heal. We’re not young men anymore…”
“Which is part of my point!” his husband interrupted. “I’m old!”
“Drama queen, you are sixty. I am over a hundred.”
“But you’ll still outlive me!”
“Not if I can help it!” Steve snapped back with a raised voice, startling himself and his love. Tony’s face scrunched up in a panic-confusion combo as he stared back at him. The super soldier sighed heavily before deciding now was the time to admit a secret of his.
“JARVIS, what are Tony’s vitals?”
“Sir’s blood pressure is one ten over sixty, his cholesterol is one-thirty, he has a resting heart rate of ninety, though that is currently accelerating due to this realization-”
“-wait, what? Steve what does that-”
“JARVIS and I have been secretly drugging you for years,” he finally admitted out loud. “Nothing abnormal, you know. Just vitamins. And baby aspirin for your heart. And I’ve switched your coffee to decaf a number of times. And I might have snuck kale into your diet…”
“What?” Tony snapped, putting a smile on Steve’s face at his husband’s aversion to the vegetable. “You’ve been drugging me and putting kale in my food?!”
“Yes, what do you think I meant by ‘long haul’?” the blonde asked with a shrug, unsure if Tony was actually offended or not. “I’ve told you countless times but apparently I need to up my game,” he said with a sigh as he pushed his husband back onto the bed, crawling on top of him. “You’re it for me, Stark,” he said in his Captain voice, claiming the man’s lips when he let out a laugh.
“Sirs, Emerson and Miles have requested you two to quote ‘knock off the hanky panky’ unquote,” the AI spoke up as the two started getting into it. They both groaned at the update.
“Still can’t believe you’ve been drugging me all this time. And with kale of all things!” his man said in fake offense, evident by the man’s blush.
“Yes you can, and you love me for it,” Steve quipped back confidently as he pulled the man off the bed with him. “Know why?”
“Do tell,” Tony purred at him, attempting to cop a feel on their way out. Steve playfully swatted him away before quickly pulling the man back into his arms.
“Cause I’m it for you too,” Steve said with a big grin, which grew when Tony rolled his eyes at that.
“Such a sap,” the man said fondly as he reached a hand up to stroke the taller man’s cheek. The hand then ran along down his chin before gripping tightly. “But if I ever find kale in my food, I will divorce you,” his man growled out. Steve only smiled back at him.
“I told you before,” Steve teased as he gave a quick peck to the man’s perfect lips, “you can’t lie to me.” Tony released his grip but kept his glare as Steve went to open the door.
“Hmm,” his genius hummed as he walked past Steve holding the door for him, “guess I’ll just have to come up with a creative punishment then.”
Steve just smacked his ass in response.