A Second Chance

There’s not a day that goes by when he’s not thinking about her. She is constantly on his mind, and he always lets those thoughts wander, wondering if she’s doing okay and if she’s thriving just like he hoped she would.

The decision to leave her plagues him, filling him with a regret he has to carry for the rest of his life. Some days he wishes he had kept her, but the life he was now forced to live wasn’t the life he wanted for her. She deserved better than what he could give.

His thoughts always shift between his daughter and Tony. There have been no signs of communication since the night Steve turned Tony’s world upside down for the second time. No calls, messages or letters; nothing. It was worrisome at first, but Steve knew deep down that Tony wouldn’t abandon their daughter.

She was probably doing well, at least that’s what Steve liked to tell himself. He doesn’t regret leaving her with Tony, knowing she’s being spoiled and loved by him. Steve wishes he could be there with them, but he ran for a reason. He was a criminal. He’s caused enough harm to the people he loved.

He was no longer Captain America, ditching that title the moment he let the shield slip from his fingers in the old Hydra base. That wasn’t who he was anymore. He was a criminal, the complete opposite of what Captain America was supposed to represent.

Staying hidden and out of sight was a struggle initially, but spending a majority of that time with Natasha taught him how to keep a low profile. The beard he let grow out helped; no one recognized him anymore. And maybe that was for the best. He wasn’t the Steve Rogers everyone knew him to be.

He could only be on the run for so long. It wasn’t until Natasha suggested they return home did Steve finally agree. He’d been away long enough.

Bucky remained in Wakanda. He was still recovering, and Steve didn’t feel right ripping him away from the peace he’s found and dragging him back to New York. He also didn’t know how Tony would react upon seeing the ex-assassin. Their last encounter had been brutal.

Going home was risky. There was a chance that he would be turned over to Ross, but it was a risk he was willing to take. He needed to see his daughter.

“You guys look like crap,” is the first thing Rhodey says when Steve, Natasha and Sam step foot back into the compound. It was clear Rhodey was still bitter about the incident involving Steve and his best friend. It’s not surprising, this is exactly how Steve imagined he’d be greeted if he ever showed his face again.

“Yeah, well the hotel’s weren’t exactly five star,” Sam replies and the small grin that appears over Rhodey’s face gives Steve hope. Maybe there was a chance of him being forgiven. He can only hope Tony can do the same.

Rhodey is shifting his attention to him again and he folds his arms over his chest. He’s still upset, but it’s clear he’s doing his best to be civil. “He’s not here,” he says, and Steve doesn’t even need to ask who he’s referring to. “and honestly I don’t think he wants to see you.”

Steve’s shoulders sag. He’s doing everything he can not to let his emotions get the best of him, but he knows he’s failing miserably. All he wanted to do was make things right.

“Where is he?” Steve asks, not knowing if he was going to get an answer or not.

Rhodey sighs and glances down near his feet for a moment before meeting Steve’s eyes again. “Listen, he wants to be left alone. He’s happy now.”

Those words are like a punch to the gut. Steve should be glad Tony is happy, and maybe a part of him is, but the other half doesn’t want him to be. At least not until they’ve restored their relationship.

“I just want to talk. I want to make things right.”

Rhodey stares him down. Steve would understand completely if his request wasn’t granted. What he did to Tony was unforgivable, and perhaps he should move on like Tony has. But he can’t. Not without him and their daughter.

Rhodey lets out another sigh. “You should shower first. I doubt he’ll let you near him smelling like that.”

Steve does more than just shower. He shaves the beard off. He wonders what Tony would have thought of it, but the facial hair makes him unrecognizable and the last thing he wants is for Tony to not know who he is.

At least...anymore than he already does.

The last place Steve expected to find Tony was in a secluded lake house. He had pictured Tony living in the compound or one of his many extravagant homes. The lake house wasn’t like Tony at all. Perhaps they both had changed over the years.

Natasha had come with him. Steve’s not sure if she tagged along for support or to clean up another mess if one were to get created. Maybe both. Whatever the reason, Steve is grateful for her company.

“You coming?” Steve asks when he realizes she hasn’t unbuckled her seatbelt.

She smiles softly at him. “I’ll give you two some space. If anything happens-”

“Nothing will,” Steve is quick to assure. The point of seeing Tony again was not to fight. They’ve done enough of that already.

Tony is outside with a little girl in his arms when Steve does get out of the car. Steve knows immediately who she is, and his heart aches to see more of her.

Seeing Tony for the first time in years brings forth an array of emotions. That love he has for him is still there, outweighing everything else. But the guilt lingers. It never left despite the time between them.

Tony doesn’t look the same. He’s aged some over the years, but it’s not the bit of gray in his hair that makes him different from what Steve remembers. He appears happy, content with where he is. Steve has never seen him so calm and relaxed. So at ease.

It was good. Tony deserved this.

The moment he notices Steve is when something in his eyes shifts. Steve waits for the yelling to start, for him to be told to leave the property, but instead Tony is allowing him closer until they’re standing on the front porch of his house.

Their daughter isn’t with them. Steve wishes Tony would have allowed her to stay, but he understands that the conversation they needed to have didn’t need to happen in front of her. There was time for Steve to meet her after they’ve finished talking.

Tony makes himself comfortable by occupying one of the chairs. He gestures for Steve to do the same, but he declines, deciding to stand instead. Maybe he should sit down, but he’s still hesitant to get too close. He doesn’t know how Tony really feels about him yet.

“It’s good to see you, Tony,” Steve is the first to say. He means every word. For years he’s wondered how Tony had been doing and if they were ever going to cross paths again.

“I wish I could say the same.” Tony’s response hurts, but Steve understands why his presence would make Tony feel this way.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony scoffs. “What are you apologizing for exactly?”

“Everything,” Steve says. “I know me being here isn’t what you expected-”

“You want to know what I never expected, Rogers? I never expected you to lie to me, to betray me. To keep lying! How long did you know?”

The question could be in reference to the truth about Tony’s parents, but Steve knows he’s talking about their daughter.

“After Siberia-”

“Jesus.” Tony runs a hand through his hair. “You were pregnant when we…” he trails off, cursing when Steve nods his head.

“I swear I didn’t know about her before all that,” Steve explains.

“But you found out later. Why wasn’t that in the letter?”

Steve lets out a sigh. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“So you kept something else from me?” Tony spats. He’s growing angry, and Steve knows he needs to be cautious. He can’t risk losing his shot at fixing what was broken.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I wanted to tell you, but the truth is I was scared. Which is why I left her with you.”

“I get you abandoning me and the team. I’ve learned to move past that, but abandoning her...that’s where I have a problem.”

“I didn’t abandon her-”

“You left her! You snuck into the compound and you left her! Did you even care? She needed you.”

“She needed you more. Tony, you know why I did what I did. You know what I’ve become. She didn’t need to be around any of that...around me.”

“Why now?” Tony asks. His tone is still the same, dripping with venom. There’s a bit of hurt in there as well. “Why show your face now? For years you could’ve done something.”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me,” Steve answers honestly. “I wanted to write to you, but I didn’t know if you would even read another letter.”

“You could’ve called.”

“I know. You could’ve, too.”

Steve has no idea if the phone he sent Tony was still in his possession. He would be lying if he said he never waited to hear from him. Not once did he ever receive any phone calls.

“Yeah, but your letter said if I ever needed you. Guess what? I never did. I think I did just fine.”

“Can I see her?” Steve knows he should have waited to ask that question until they were both calm, but he can’t wait any longer. He needs to see his baby.

“You already did,” Tony says.

“Please? I just want to meet her.”

“She doesn’t know you.”

Steve frowns at those words. He shouldn’t be upset. He knew from the beginning that giving her up would result in them never having a relationship. He had hoped to create one with her if given the chance. But Tony wasn’t about to give him that chance.

“You didn’t tell her about me?”

“Why would I do that? I didn’t know if you were going to come back. You made it clear that no one else mattered when you disappeared with Barnes.”

“Believe me, Tony I wanted to come back,” Steve says, ignoring the way Tony scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I wanted to be a part of her life, but the life I was forced to live-”

“Was because of your doing! All you had to do was stand down, but you can’t seem to do that, can you?”

“He’s my friend.”

“And she’s your daughter.”

The silence that follows is unbearable, more so because Steve knows he’s the reason for the tension between them. His intentions were to never hurt anyone. If only things had played out differently.

“What’s her name?” Steve breaks the silence first. Tony peers up at him, the fiery look in his eyes slowly dying out.

“Morgan,” Tony replies.

Steve smiles. “It’s pretty. I guess I thought you would’ve named her after your mother.”

“We named her after Pepper’s uncle.”

At those words, Steve’s eyes are landing on the gold band on Tony’s finger, brows furrowing at the sight. He can’t help the sad sigh that leaves his lips. Of course Tony and Pepper would rekindle their relationship. Steve was too late.

“I didn’t know you two…”

“Steve, come on. What did you think was gonna happen? That you were gonna come back and pick up where we left off? It was never going to work.”

“I just wanted to see her. To see you.”

“Well you saw us. Don’t know when you’ll see us again. Knowing you probably not for another few years.”

“I’m not leaving. Not anymore.”

Tony nods, though he doesn’t appear convinced. It doesn’t matter. Steve will prove to him some way or another that he was here to stay.

“Where have you been?” Tony asks.

“Everywhere. I don’t really have a place to go to,” Steve says. There’s the compound, but he’s not sure if he’s granted full access to his past home.

“You have the compound. It’s your home, too.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

Another silence falls over them. So much is still needed to be said, but neither one initiates it. Steve tries to remain positive, reminding himself that they were at least getting a few words out and avoiding another fight. They’ve come close to one, but somehow managed to keep themselves in check.

Steve decides to keep their conversation going and he opens his mouth, only to shut it when the front door of the house is opening and Morgan rushes outside. She runs straight to Tony.

“Mommy told me to come and save you,” she says.

Hearing those words hurts. It hurts more than the painful words Tony or anyone else in his life has spewed. Hearing his daughter call Pepper mommy was the last thing Steve ever expected. It wasn’t fair.

Tony lifts Morgan into his arms, hugging her close. “Good job. I’m saved,” he tells her.

Tony rises to his feet and heads to the door with Morgan in his arms. Steve quickly stops him from going any further.

“Tony, wait. I’m happy for you, I really am. But just give me a second chance.”

“I got my second chance right here, Cap.”

“Let me have mine. Please?” Steve begs, his eyes filling with tears. Morgan is staring at him, completely unaware of who he is. That only brings more pain. “Tony-”

“You need to go,” Tony says. Then he’s turning away and leaving Steve alone on the porch.

There’s no reason for Steve to stay, he’s already overstayed his welcome. He doesn’t want to go. He promised he wouldn’t leave anymore, but it was obvious Tony didn’t want him around.

Natasha doesn’t say anything when he joins her back in the car. She already knows how it went, and she lays a comforting hand over his shoulder. It helps, but it’s not enough to fully take away the pain.

It was too late. He lost his second chance.