Chapter 1
The small whimper his daughter makes when he straps her into the car seat almost has him reconsidering his decision, but he pushes that thought aside and reminds himself that this had to be done. Steve has her calming down in minutes, the soothing sound of his voice enough to send her back to sleep.
With her asleep and secured in her car seat, he gets to work on packing the bag that she was going to need. He doesn’t have much for her, but it would be enough for now. At least until she’s settled in her new home.
The thought of leaving her behind brings tears to Steve’s eyes and he quickly wipes them away when a few escape and roll down his face. He needs to be strong, if not for himself then for her. He only wishes he could be stronger. Maybe then she wouldn’t have to go.
Steve takes a shaky breath to calm himself, and he sends a glance in his daughter’s direction. She’s still sleeping and he can only hope she stays asleep for the rest of the trip.
A presence is what steals his attention away from her and he turns toward the entryway of the room, finding T’Challa lingering. Steve knows why he’s here
“I’ve made up my mind,” Steve says, beating him to the punch. They’ve had this conversation before and each time Steve’s answer was the same. He was not going to back out. He didn’t have a choice.
When T’Challa says nothing, Steve turns away to continue packing his daughter’s belongings.
“She is safe here,” T’Challa finally says. Steve sighs harshly and pauses, glancing up to meet the king’s gaze. “Wakanda will take care of her.”
“Thank you, but what you’ve done for Bucky was already asking too much. I can’t have you do this, too.”
The silence that falls over them makes Steve believe that maybe the king has finally understood his decision, but when Steve glances up again to still find him lingering, he lets out a heavy sigh.
“You know she’ll be better off away from me,” Steve tries to explain. It hurts, hearing himself say those words, but it’s the truth.
“And what about you? Can you be away from her?” T’Challa asks, this time taking the small steps into the room that Steve was lucky enough to call his own for the past few months. Just being reminded of the kind of hospitality he and his daughter were shown almost makes him consider taking up the king’s offer and letting her stay in Wakanda.
But he can’t do that.
“No...but she deserves to know him. I didn’t know my father and I don’t want that for her.”
“She won’t know you.”
The grip Steve has on the bag tightens, fresh tears gathering in his eyes. The words T’Challa speaks are painfully true. She wouldn’t know him. But maybe that was for the best.
“She’ll be better off with him. He’ll...he’ll take care of her.” It’s wishful thinking. Steve has no idea how Tony will react and he can only hope that he’ll accept her despite their past.
T’Challa lets out a sigh. “I can't tell you what you are doing is a mistake…” he pauses, and Steve knows that’s exactly what he’s trying to tell him. “You know what’s best for her. If you change your mind, Wakanda is always open to you and your daughter.”
Steve nods. “Thank you.”
He’s left alone after that.
He gives the room a quick look over, making sure he’s not missing anything that his daughter might possibly need. He knows Tony will handle the rest, and Steve can’t help the small smile that forms over his face at the thought of Tony spoiling her. That smile falters quickly. There was no guarantee that Tony would accept her, but Steve had to have faith that he would.
Tony Stark did have a heart. Steve has witnessed it many times, and he knew their daughter would get to witness it next.
Steve lays a blanket over his daughter’s sleeping form, smiling softly when she yawns and stretches. He wishes he had chosen a name for her, but doing that would have only made letting her go harder.
He had considered naming her after his mother, but she didn’t look like a Sarah. Her features were a Stark trait, if the dark hair atop her head went anything to go by. He can see a bit of himself in her, but it was clear she was going to take after Tony.
She was perfect.
“Come on, sweetheart,” Steve gently picks the car seat up, shushing his daughter when she whimpers from being disturbed a second time. “I’m taking you home.”
Getting inside the facility had been simple enough, proof that Tony had yet to change his access codes. Steve knows better than to get too hopeful. Just because he was able to slip inside didn’t mean that Tony wanted him there.
They ended on bad terms. The fight in Siberia quickly became the thing Steve regretted most. No, losing Tony was his biggest regret. Out of all the stupid things he’s done, lying and betraying Tony was now and forever going to be number one on his list.
For as long as he’s known Tony, their relationship was far from perfect and becoming friends was a rocky journey. They happened to beat the odds and form a friendship, but anything other than that seemed impossible. At least, at one point it did.
Steve moves quickly, knowing he’s already set off Friday and she has probably already alerted Tony of his presence. The compound is quiet, the only sounds his quickening footsteps and his daughter’s small whimpers.
Please don’t cry…
She would give him away if she did. And maybe there’s a part of Steve that wants her to, just so he can get a glimpse of the man he loved; still loves. The other half argues against that idea and Steve finds himself choosing its side. He can’t imagine what would happen if he were to bump into Tony. Another fight would surely break out.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Steve didn’t have time to find out. He enters the common room, deciding this would be the best place for her. He gives the room a look over, letting out a sad sigh as memories from his time here replays in his mind.
The last time he had been in this room was during the discussion over the accords. That was the day he thought had changed everything between himself and Tony. Turns out he was wrong. It was what happened in Siberia.
The soft noises his daughter makes when she stirs snaps Steve from his thoughts and he directs his attention on her. He carefully sets her down near the sofas, then he’s kneeling down to adjust the blanket that has slipped from around her.
This was the hard part. It wasn’t the day he discovered the life growing inside of him; it wasn’t the day he suffered through excruciating pain to bring that life into the world. This, saying goodbye, was one of the hardest things Steve has ever had to do. Saying goodbye to Tony had been difficult and he still hadn’t healed from that. Now he was having to say goodbye to another person he loved.
She stirs again from his touch, revealing the dark eyes he can’t live without, but knows he needs to figure out how to do so. He smiles softly at her, his vision blurry from the tears that have gathered.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he whispers, reaching out to gently stroke his thumb along her face. He leans forward, pressing his lips against her soft hair, his eyes squeezing shut when more tears threaten to fall. “I love you so much.”
He lets his lips linger a little longer, a choked sob leaving him when he realizes this was the last kiss he was ever going to give her. She stirs again, forcing him to pull away and he leans back, wiping his tears quickly before reaching into his jacket pocket and retrieving a white envelope, placing it neatly with her things.
He wonders if Tony read the last letter; it’s a thought Steve’s had ever since he sent it. This new one was more important. This one couldn’t be ignored.
Steve rises to his feet. His daughter had fallen back to sleep, giving him the opportunity to turn and leave. Only he can’t. He’s frozen, stuck to the floor beneath him.
For a moment he contemplates taking her with him. He doesn’t know where they’ll go or what they’ll do, but at least he’d have her. It’s too risky. A life on the run isn’t one he wanted for her. She deserves to live a happy life. Even if that meant without him.
He gives her one last look, then he goes, just like he promised he would. He tells himself that this was for the best.
If only it felt that way.