wade @deapdool
hi how do i help a blind guy experience the joys of strip dancing
3.1 million likes 900k retweets
jane @janegame
well. what a tweet to wake up to.
karen @pageme
ksdfghl is this about matt?
wade @deapdool
yes. it is a t r a v e s t y that somebody as attractive as him can’t appreciate the way a good body looks : (
Matt @MattMurdock
Wade, this really isn’t necessary.
wade @deapdool
yes it is. now i would appreciate some input here, since i know 3.1 million people have seen my tweet : )
weasel @thatsconfidential
oh, no. he’s busting out the smiley faces. that means he’s serious.
jason @jaybirdd
you could describe what you’re doing in detail??
wade @deapdool
hmm i am very good at talking, but i’m pretty sure he’s already read porn & i wanna introduce him to something new.
Foggy @FogNelson
He likes touching. You should use that.
wade @deapdool
tysm for the advice, foggy, and i will do us both a favor by not asking how you know this.
Matt @MattMurdock
I’m disabling my text to speech.
spidey @spiderman
i can’t tell if this is hilarious or traumatizing
wade @deapdool
you know i love you, spidey, but please get off this thread
spidey @spiderman
gladly
lee @drleslie
hasn’t deadpool, like, murdered dozens of people?
wade @deapdool
hush now, vanessa, i’m in the middle of something
lee @drleslie
i- who is vanessa?
karen @pageme
i’ve learned it’s best to just ignore him
wade @deapdool
heyyyy @MattMurdock would you like to come over to my apartment for reasons that have nothing to do with this thread??
cam @camtheman
omg man you’ve gotta say yes
Matt @MattMurdock
Do I really have a choice?
wade @deapdool
i will be very sad if you say no but ofc you have a choice because Consent is Sexy, kids at home, and fan fiction such as this one often gloss over consent issues
karen @pageme
just smile and nod, everybody
Matt @MattMurdock
....I’ll be there in fifteen.
private conversation between kare bear and THE DEVIL
kare bear: matt this is amazing
THE DEVIL: What?
kare bear: you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for this to happen
THE DEVIL: Waiting for what to happen?
kare bear: you and wade getting together, obviously
THE DEVIL: We aren’t getting together, Karen
kare bear: i-
kare bear: then what exactly is gonna happen?
THE DEVIL: I believe the term is “bro’s helping bro’s”. I’m more interested in seeing if Wade can pull it off than the actual stripping.
kare bear: so you’re telling me you aren’t interested in wade at all??
THE DEVIL: It doesn’t matter if I’m interested. This is just one of Wade’s boredom induced experiments.
kare bear: you’re an idiot, matt.
THE DEVIL: Well, yes, but why?
kare bear: i’d send you the eye-rolling emoji, but i know siri would have to read it to to you, and it just isn’t the same. i am rolling my eyes at you though, you need to know that.
THE DEVIL: read ✓ 3:47pm
kare bear: this app doesn’t send read receipts
cam @camtheman
i can’t believe a lawyer is gonna get together with a mercenary. i ship it <3
678k likes 900 retweets
karen @pageme
i’ve been informed by party one that they aren’t getting together
wade @deapdool
they aren’t? : (
karen @pageme
he used the phrase bro’s helping bro’s.
Foggy @FogNelson
What an Idiot
karen @pageme
that’s what i said
spidey @spiderman
i’m sorry your boyfriend is so stupid, wade.
kali @shawarma
we stan supportive friends xoxo
spideypool @shipperunashamed
murdock knows that spidey pool is the true otp <3
wade @deapdool
1)nobody uses the term otp unironically anymore and 2) spiderman is a spiderboy young enough to be my son
wade @deapdool
unless we’re talking about garfield in the last movie, in that case it’s not as creepy
spidey @spiderman
what....who is garfield......
wade @deapdool
don’t worry, tom, you blew him out of the water
wade @deapdool
oop gotta go matt’s here : )
spidey @spiderman
gosh he’s difficult sometimes
private conversation between beter and kare bear
beter: matt’s into wade, right?
kare bear: obviously
kare bear: wade’s into matt, right?
beter: obviously
beter: think they’re gonna talk about their feelings like adults?
kare bear: of course not
beter: ugh, men
kare bear: i-
kare bear: whatever, the sentiment’s there
kate @hawkeyee
so......how long does the average strip dance take??
300k likes 500 retweets
clint @hawkguy
why on earth do you need to know??
spidey @spiderman
shhh, clint, just ignore it
Foggy @FogNelson
Definitely not this long.
sara @withnoh
uwu maybe they actually talked out their emotions uwu
karen @pageme
pshhh, yeah right
john @blakepd
i have no idea who either of these guys are, but i am very invested in their relationship
sophie @sophkyl
aren’t we all
just shut up @mirandahobbs
maybe we should stop snooping into other peoples personal lives?
jane @janegame
the majority of us woke up to deadpool asking for advice on how to strip dance for a blind guy, it is our god given right to snoop
weasel @thatsconfidential
she speaks the truth
amanda @boobebabo
bahaha #BlindBlowJobs is trending. stan twitter is chaotic.
shellie @shesellsshells
if anybody’s gonna give that guy a blowjob, he’s gonna have to be blind. have you seen him?
spidey @spiderman
cancel culture is toxic but please cancel this person
shellie @shesellsshells
spiderman sicced his attack dogs on me this isn’t fair
300 likes 12 retweets
kara! @biderman
it isn’t fair how you would judge
somebody based on the way they look:/. especially considering you look like that
shellie @shesellsshells
hypocrite
anna @bethbaby
ableist <3
shellie @shesellsshells
it was a joke damn
miles @moralesman
sometimes people are raised to believe that putting others down is funny, but it really hurts, especially when it’s about something you can’t control. how would you feel if i said no man will want you because your hair is as thin as most men’s pubes?
spidey @spiderman
asdfghjkl harsh miles, but thanks for defending wade’s honor
shellie @shesellsshells
ugh i’ll delete the tweet jesus. i’m sorry you people can’t take a joke.
kara! @spideystan
aww she didn’t even learn anything :/
wade @deapdool
hi i am Back and Better Than Ever except i’m actually pretty sad but at least i’m Back, right?
2.5 million likes 756k retweets
spidey @spiderman
aww, wade : (
jane @janegame
i guess that means they didn’t talk about their feelings
john @blakepd
disappointing, truly
Foggy @FogNelson
Did he at least enjoy the show?
wade @deapdool
oh he enjoyed it plenty ;(
wade @thatsconfidential
jesus even his winks are sad
kate @hawkeyee
it’ll be ok, wade. there are plenty of blind lawyers in the sea.
karen @pageme
i can’t believe i wasted 87% of my battery so twitter could run in the background for this to happen.
jen @jennifyr
everybody we need to cheer wade up:/ sad mercenaries are probably not very safe.
cam @camtheman
oh i can’t stand this
cam @camtheman
@MattMurdock explain yourself.
Matt @MattMurdock
What did I do?
cam @camtheman
you ruined the perfect get together moment
Matt @MattMurdock
Elaborate, please.
spidey @spiderman
oh god, he’s stupid too
cam @camtheman
look, all i’m saying is that “just friends” don’t think about giving each other a strip tease first thing in the morning.
Matt @MattMurdock
... Oh.
wade @deapdool
now he gets it?!
karen @pageme
believe me, we’re all just as disappointed as you are.
cam @camtheman
i believe you two need to talk.
private conversation between THE DEVIL and big mouth
THE DEVIL: I am sorry for being an idiot
big mouth: i’ll forgive you if you go buy condoms :D
THE DEVIL: ... be right back.
tim @timdrake
is....is nobody gonna ask how a blind lawyer and mutant mercenary crossed paths???
tim @timdrake
ok then.