Chapter 4
“You know,” said Selena, from where she was sitting on Taylor’s counter eating a blueberry yogurt, watching as she spooned cookie dough onto a cookie sheet, “you never actually did tell me why you were making pumpkin spice cookies two weeks before Christmas.”
Taylor flushed and looked down at the tray, her kitchen smelt like a cool autumn afternoon, like warm pumpkin and cinnamon, not something typically associated with Christmas. She would happily tell anyone who would listen that it was her favorite holiday. She sighed.
“The recipe looked good on pintrest?” She tried, but Selena hit her with a steel gaze.
“Fine,” Taylor said in a huff, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. She was getting them trimmed tomorrow morning before Jingle Ball, and more importantly, before her birthday party. “Matty may have mentioned that he liked pumpkin spice, because it wasn’t something they had in the UK.”
Selena snorted. “Matty Healy is a pumpkin spice girlie?” She asked with a grin. She looked like the cat that got the canary. Taylor was a little worried about her best friend and Matty meeting the next day, it seemed very likely, from her afternoon spent with the man, that the pair were going to get along like a house on fire, and as a result gang up on her. It helped that they already had their dislike of Karlie Kloss in common.
Taylor pointedly ignored her phone that was sitting face down on the counter. There was an unread text message from Karlie herself, confirming that she was still coming over for a girls night that evening. Taylor hadn’t found a way to break it to Selena yet. The thought of seeing her again for the first time since the concert, since the breakup, made Taylor want to throw up. But so did the thought of not seeing her again.
It would be better to get their first meeting as “just friends” out of the way, in private thought Taylor, with just Selena as her witness, rather than at her birthday party the next night. It was the social event of the month, Karlie had said when they started planning it. There was no way that she would miss it, even now. Taylor hated that she didn’t want Karlie to miss it. But at the same time, she wasn’t sure how she was going to react to seeing the other woman. There was a chance she would burst into tears, or throw a shoe at her or something. Taylor wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure what hurt more. The idea that Karlie was in her life, in a different capacity, or that she wasn’t in her life at all.
Taylor shrugged. “He claimed to be, but I also only believe every other word he says.” He was like a snake charmer, she thought, endlessly charismatic, but just enough of an asshole to make you think he was being sincere. Taylor still couldn’t get a read on him and what he actually thought of her as a person. He had already made it clear that he did enjoy her music and respected her as a songwriter, but that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things if he thought she was insufferable.
But despite that, she wanted to do something nice for him. He was giving up a hell of a lot more than she was. He was flying back to New York to attend her birthday party instead of heading back to the UK for a well earned break with the rest of his band. She wanted to make sure he knew she appreciated it.
Selena smirked. “You like him, don’t you,” she said knowingly. “This is good, he seems like less of a bitch than Karlie.”
Taylor groaned. “It’s not like that, and you know it,” she said, the timer on the oven beeped and she abandoned the cookie sheet on the counter to check the tray she had put in ten minutes previously. She squinted at the cookies, and decided they could be a little darker along the edges, and popped them in for another minute.
“Yeah,” said Selena, licking absentmindedly at her spoon. “But it could still be nice to have another friend.”
“Yeah,” said Taylor, turning back to the tray on the counter. The ones baking hadn’t spread as much as she anticipated, she could probably fit a few more on the next sheet. “It’s just a little weird, since Tree arranged the whole thing.” She explained. “I feel like a little kid being set up on a playdate - and he’s only going along with it because his manager says he has too.” Taylor paused. “I don’t think he actually wants to be my friend.”
Selena shrugged. “You don’t know that,” she said. “Isn’t he English? They’re not all warm and fuzzy either.”
“That’s true,” said Taylor, though she thought of her short whirlwind romance with Harry and how overly affectionate he had been. He was the definition of warm and fuzzy. But then again, maybe he was the exception and not the rule. Cara wasn’t very warm and fuzzy.
The oven beeped again, and this time the cookies looked perfect. She pulled out the tray and set it on the granite counter to cool for a few minutes before transferring them to a wire rack. She put the new tray in the oven and debated whether or not she should spoon the remaining cookie dough onto a smaller sheet, or if she should just eat it. She dipped her spoon into the mixing bowl and popped a scoop into her mouth. She was feeling sorry for herself, she was going to eat it.
“I just feel bad,” said Taylor, taking another scoop of cookie dough and eating it. “I’m upending his life a lot more than he is mine.”
“I get that,” said Selena, sliding off the counter to dip her own spoon into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. “But, he agreed to it, and it’s helping his band too.”
“I guess,” said Taylor, taking another spoon of dough. Pumpkin was delicious she thought, it really should be a year round thing, not just a fall treat. “I just, it felt more like his manager and publicist signed him up for it, and he’s having to go along with it whether he likes it or not.”
She should make gingerbread cookies as well, she thought, and make little sandwiches, a pumpkin spice cookie on one side, a soft gingerbread cookie on the other, maybe with her chai tea cream cheese frosting in the middle. She didn’t have the time or the ingredients to make them today, but she mentally added it to her to-do list before Christmas. Maybe she’d be able to make them Saturday morning after her party, that way she could send some back to the UK with Matty for his family when he left on Sunday.
“Well,” said Selena, “you're a catch and their song is climbing the US charts now, so he can’t be too angry about the whole thing.”
“I guess,” she said, setting her spoon down on the counter to transfer the cookies from the cookie sheet onto the wire rack to finish cooling. “Do you think I should frost these?” she asked.
Selena reached over and plucked a cookie off the tray, and took a bite. “They’re really good as is,” she said, chewing and swallowing, “but frosting them wouldn’t hurt either.”
“I think I’m going to frost them,” she agreed. She didn’t want Matty thinking she had half assed his cookies.
“And about the Matty Healy thing,” Selena added, “He’s a big boy, he can make his own choices, and even if he was corroded into it initially, he wouldn’t be continuing to be seen with you if he didn’t want to be.”
“I guess that’s true,” Taylor said, even if she didn’t believe it. She pushed the mixing bowl towards Selena. “I’m done with the cookie dough, if you want the rest, speak now or forever hold your peace, because I need to wash the mixing bowl to make frosting.”
“One more scoop,” said Selena, reaching around Taylor to grab a final heaping spoonful of cookie dough. She snorted in amusement. “Imagine if we both got salmonella from this.”
“God don’t even say that,” said Taylor, taking the bowl over to the sink and scraping the remaining dough down the garbage disposal before filling it with soapy water. “I think if I pulled out of Jingle Ball for salmonella poisoning Tree and Scott would actually team up for once to murder me.”
“Oh my god, we’re not going to get salmonella poisoning,” said Selena laughing, as Taylor scrubbed the mixing bowl. “Just forget I said anything.”
“I’m just saying,” said Taylor, scrubbing at the sides of the bowl with a sponge.
Selena grabbed another cookie off the cooling rack and retook her position on the counter. Olivia, who Taylor hadn’t even realized had made her way into the kitchen, jumped up on the counter after her, and settled herself in Selena’s lap, purring softly as she scratched behind her ears.
Taylor sighed, and turned off the water in the sink after having rinsed the soap out of the mixing bowl. “Olivia, you know you’re not allowed on the counter,” she said, her voice full of resignation as she fixed Selena and Olivia with a hard glare.
Selena just shrugged. “I am an innocent bystander, this is the product of your parenting and something that needs to be discussed between you and your daughter.”
All three of them knew that Taylor wasn’t going to tell Olivia to get off of the counter, especially with the way she was settled so happily in Selena’s lap.
Taylor fitted the mixing bowl back into her Kitchen Aid and clicked the whisk attachment into place. She measured out a cup and a half of powdered sugar, added a sprinkle of nutmeg and then turned to her refrigerator and frowned.
“Should I use milk or eggnog in the frosting?” she asked, looking at her options. She usually used milk when she made her chai sugar cookies, but the eggnog purchased for her party tomorrow might give the fall cookies a more festive spin.
“Eggnog,” said Selena, echoing Taylor’s thoughts. “It’s more Christmas-y.”
Nodding to herself and Selena, Taylor measured out the eggnog and turned on the mixer, watching as her frosting glaze came together happily. Turning off the mixer, she dipped her finger along the edge and nodded to herself, the eggnog was the right move.
She removed the mixing bowl from her KitchenAid and pulled out a clean teaspoon from the cutlery drawer, and started carefully spooning it over top of the cookies.
“So I know I’ve just eaten like a yogurt and a whole bunch of cookies,” said Selena, snagging one more now that they were frosted for a taste test. “But you haven’t and I worry, so what were you thinking of for dinner?”
Taylor almost dropped the spoon she was holding. She guessed now was the time to tell Selena, she thought with concern. She turned to the beeping oven to pull the second cookie sheet out and set it on the counter, buying herself more time.
“Um,” she said, trying to figure out how to break it to her that Karlie was coming over, and bringing dinner for the three of them without launching a well meaning lecture. “I was thinking sushi?” she said. Which was true, sushi is what she had asked Karlie to pick up on her way over.
“Sounds good,” said Selena nodding along. “Do you want to go somewhere or get take out?”
“Um,” said Taylor, turning to face her. It was like ripping off a bandaid, hopefully the anticipation would be worse than the actual act. “Karlie actually said she’d pick it up on her way over.
“On her way WHERE?” Selena squawked, startling Olivia who jumped out of her lap and scurried out of the kitchen.
“Here,” said Taylor, glancing at the clock above the stove. Karlie actually probably was on her way now she thought, it was nearing seven thirty and Taylor had told her to stop by around eightish. “With sushi, to have a girls night.”
“Tay,” said Selena slowly, “why is your ex girlfriend, the one that broke up with you via text message coming over for girls night tonight.”
“Because she still wants to be friends,” said Taylor, closing her eyes so she couldn’t see Selena’s disappointed face. “And I didn’t want the first time I saw her since she broke up with me to be at my birthday party.”
“She’s still coming to your BIRTHDAY PARTY?!” Selena asked in horrified shock. Taylor nodded slowly.
“Babe,” said Selena, and Taylor blinked rapidly. Oh my god, she thought, she was going to start crying. She hadn’t cried over Karlie at all, at least not yet.
“She wants to be friends,” Taylor said, her voice cracking. “And I think I’d rather just be her friend than not get to have her at all.” She reached up to rub at her eyes, no doubt smearing her perfectly applied winged liner.
“Oh Taylor,” said Selena, sliding off the counter to reach out and give Taylor a hug.
Next thing Taylor knew, they were sitting on the floor of her kitchen, as she sobbed into Selena’s shoulder. The cookies on the counter were long forgotten, even though Taylor knew in the back of her mind that as soon as the glaze dried she needed to put them in a tupperware container to stay fresh.
“I’m so sorry,” said Selena softly, petting Taylor’s hair, not caring that she was getting Taylor’s makeup all over her white tee shirt.
“You don’t have to pretend,” said Taylor sniffling, “I know you don’t like her.”
“It’s not that I don’t like her,” said Selena, her words not even the slightest bit convincing, “I just think you deserve better, and she is continuing to prove my point.” She paused, “and I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”
“I just feel so dumb,” said Taylor, “I should have known better, like obviously we couldn't go public with it, because of my label and her career, but she never wanted even our friends to know. She got so mad when she found out I had told you.”
“That’s not fair,” said Selena soothingly, “You shouldn’t be anyone’s secret.”
Taylor snorted. “I wonder what she would do if she found out Matty knew.” She pressed the heel of her palm against her eyes. “God, she’s so bothered by him too, part of me is really happy she thinks we’re actually together, and doesn’t realize it’s a PR thing to try and protect our images.”
It was Selena’s turn to snort. “Well, I mean, it’s her loss, she broke up with you so even if it was a real relationship she wouldn’t get to have a say in it.”
“I guess,” said Taylor, “I still feel guilty though, she was really upset when she saw the pictures of us in Central Park, and then when he left my apartment later.”
“Again, she doesn’t get to dictate who you are or are not seeing, especially in a romantic or pretend romantic way, considering she broke up with you,” Selena emphasized. “Plus, wasn’t she basically dating Josh the entire time you guys were together.”
“I don’t even know anymore,” said Taylor honestly. “I’ve been trying not to think about that, or him, I just get even more upset when I do.”
“Then forget I brought it up,” said Selena, and Taylor laughed humorlessly. Her phone chimed from where it was sitting on the counter above them and Taylor reached up and grabbed it.
“Speak of the devil,” she said, “Karlie is going to be here in ten minutes.”
“Are you sure you still want her to come over?” Selena asked and Taylor nodded. Selena clapped her hands together and climbed to her feet, then reached out a hand to pull Taylor up.
“In that case,” Selena said. “You go fix your makeup, and I’ll finish frosting the cookies and put them away.”
“Thanks Sel,” said Taylor softly. “I don’t know if I say it enough, but I’m really thankful, and glad that we’re friends.”
“Right back at ya Swift,” said Selena smiling, “now go, no more tears, don’t let that bitch know you were crying over her.”
Taylor gave Selena a watery smile, and glanced back down at her phone, which had started vibrating insistently, this time with an influx of text messages from Tree. Taylor swallowed hard, wondering what crisis was brewing this time, which misstep she could have made.
Instead she was greeted with a picture of Matty, one that looked like it had been taken from their concert that night, which surprised Taylor, for it should have just started. “Oh dear god,” she muttered to herself, trying and failing to resist the urge to smile. Tree herself had accompanied the image with a smiley face emoji and links to a few articles and twitter posts that Taylor would look at later.
“What?” Selena asked, concern present in her voice, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, actually,” said Taylor, full on smirking now, “Karlie is probably going to be pissed when she sees this though.”
“Sees what?” Selena asked, and Taylor just handed over her phone, her grin growing as Selena let out a cackle.
Matty, most likely as a reference to the conversation they had, in the same kitchen a week and a half prior, was wearing a 1989 shirt, from her official merch collection, her face boldly plastered across his chest. Tree would have told her if they had sent him one, meaning he must have actually purchased it off her website or from one of their retail partners, despite his teasing that her merchandise was over priced.
“Yeah, I can see her hating this,” said Selena, pausing as another message from Tree came through, this one a link to a video, presumably from the concert.
Selena turned Taylor’s phone around so they could both watch the grainy cell phone footage someone had posted to Twitter, merely moments after taking the video.
“Do you guys like my shirt?” Matty could be heard shouting to the crowd as they cheered, he laughed. “Correct answer,” he chuckled. “Would it be okay if we added a song to our setlist tonight?” he asked and the crowd screamed. Matty’s grin was visible even through the low quality video footage.
“I’m glad you’re okay with it,” he said, “because we were going to do it anyway.” He paused, “is it okay if that song is a cover? From the best album released this year?” He laughed again, “I don’t know why I’m asking, it’s not like you get a choice.” The opening notes to Style started playing. “Midnight, you come and pick me up, no headlights,” Matty sang. Selena minimized the video and handed the phone back to Taylor.
“God, he’s good,” said Selena, shaking her head, and Taylor nodded, looking over the messages from Tree basically amounting to the same thing. She still wasn’t sure if he actually liked her as a person, but Matty really was manipulating the narrative and selling their relationship to the public in a seemingly organic way, whether he meant to or not.
Her phone buzzed again and Taylor swore. “Fuck, Karlie is here.”
“Go fix your make up,” Selena urged. “I’ll let her in.”