Fuck you, fate
“She’s been dead for seven days, Stephen. You need to talk. You need to eat. Please.”
The boy just stared ahead as the psychiatrist sat next to him. She was okay. Not as bad as they usually were. But for Stephen, that didn’t matter. Dead. His little angel. Donna. Dead.
“Please. You’re hurt. Very much so. Physically and mentally but talking will help.”
There was a knock on the door and a doctor came in.
“Thank you, Mrs. Larson. I’ll take over now.”
She smiled and got up from her chair.
“Bye, Stephen. I’m gonna come see you again tomorrow.”
The doctor took her spot.
“Hey, boy. My name is doctor Slippery. But honestly, that name just sounds like a bloody failure, so you can just call me Josh. I was the dude operating on you. And I really want to tell you that you’re hell of a strong young man. And fucking hell, your reaction is understandable. You took care of her, right? Your parents aren’t around anymore.”
Stephen looked at the man and nodded.
“We got your brother. He’s taken care of. Don’t worry. Victor, right?”
The young man nodded again.
“Okay. You don’t have any STDs or something. Your wounds are not infected and we have the DNA. If it helps just a little bit, we’ll get the little motherfuckers that did this. And I’m not going to send you away this easily. I am going to help you. Not just recovering. But with the shit around it all. Making sure the funeral of your sister will be planned and getting Victor into a safe environment to stay in for a while. Because you’re too young to be a single dad for this kid.”
Stephen reached out for Josh’s hand and the doctor immediately took it.
“Do you want to talk?”
The boy swallowed hard and cleared his throat.
“Did she- was it- They didn’t do that to her, did they?”
Josh shook his head.
“No, Stephen. They didn’t do that to her.”
He looked down and let the tears fall freely.
“I did that. I failed her.”
Doctor Slippery squeezed his hand a bit.
“No. Stop. You were taken advantage of while still defending Donna. It is not your fault.”
“I want to die.”
Josh looked at him with worried eyes.
“You’re 17. You don’t even know what life is yet. So far you had school- and teenager problems and apparently a lot of fucked up out-of-the-ordinary-problems as well. Don’t do that.”
“I can’t go on- without her.”
“Look, there is countless Donnas out there. And I save a few every week. I help women giving birth to a lot of Donnas. And if I wasn’t here, I don’t know if they’d live now or not.”
Stephen looked at him. He kind of understood.
“I- I really wanted to be a doctor too.”
“I think you’d be a really, rally good one.”
“That’s disgusting.”
Christine said as she looked at her pizza.
“Well, you have to learn your lesson. You get Chuck e Cheese for running away and leaving me alone with Optimus Prime.”
The woman took another slice of her pepperoni pizza and shrugged.
“I’m hungry. It’s okay. I’d eat something you had cooked as well at this point.”
“Rude.”
The man said with an expression of fake-hurt.
“Honestly though, why did he want to talk?”
“Congratulate me. As you heard.”
She sighed
“Okay, don’t tell me.”
Christine shoved the pizza away.
“Well, we better never do that again.”
Stephen nodded in agreement. Somehow he kind of wasn’t fully there anymore. What had tonight really shown him? That there is a whole load of ignorant idiotic people. Just that. Josh, Christine and then just- the rest.
“I’ll bring you home.”
The doctor paid, led Christine to the car and drove her home. He was awkward. Didn’t talk. The woman from time to time looked at him but decided to let it go. Once they reached Christine’s place, she gave his hand a quick and gentle caress and got out.
“See you, Stephen.”
He nodded at her as she walked back to her apartment. Unbelievable how she put up with his bullshit. Just incredible. Stephen started the car and drove off. It still wasn’t even midnight. The 2nd of February, eleven forty. And he sat in a car on his way home already. Stupid party. Honestly? Stupid award. Stupid people. Stupid fucking fate. Yeah. Fate. Fuck you, fate. Fuck, fuck, fucking fate, fuck fuck. Stephen really never saw a sense in all of this. All he had- was his work. All he had was just that. Eventually he’d just get lost in his self pity and his pain. Flashbacks shot through his head. Of Donna. Of Victor. Of the rape. Of the court day. Of him starting out in university. Bullying, doubt, self hatred, self harm, pushing everyone away, lonely nights, sleep paralysis, drugs, alcohol, more drugs, even more drugs, rehab, Josh. Josh was the only one who really, REALLY knew him. Jump, pull the trigger, get the rope, take the knife, swallow the pills- For one second he just couldn’t think clear anymore. Don’t jump. That’s all I want to say. Fuck you, Stark. Fuck you. And with that thought, Stephen’s car went off the cliff. He just leaned back with his hands holding the steering wheel. His entire world turned. Again and again and again and then it was all just- black. He felt blood dripping off of his face. He heard the car make few last sounds and then everything was just gone.