The Brother
“Catch me!” She shouted as her little feet ran and ran through the meadow. High grass made the girl disappear. Her giggles could be heard from far away as her big brother chased after her. From time to time she looked behind to find him. Then just a few minutes later, hands picked her up around her waist lovingly. “Got you!” The boy laughed out as she kept struggling playfully. Then her bright blue eyes met his ones. So pure and innocent and honest. The wind blew through her brown open hair, messing up her fringe. The little one pressed herself against her brother, hugging him tightly. He caressed her back pressed a kiss onto her cheek as he started carrying her further down to the river. He put her to the ground into the bright green grass and sat next to her. Her white dress made her look like an angel. A happy angel. They threw stones into the water, watching them sink to the ground. The girl clapped with a wide smile. “I wanna know what’s down there! In the water!” She said, sticking her head closer to the surface of the river. “Well-“ He started, looking at her in adoration “-there is fish. And beautiful rocks. Little creatures that you couldn’t even imagine. And they all have different colors.” She looked back at him. “I want to see all that someday.” Her brother smirked and held his arms open for her. She crawled onto his lap and put her little head onto his chest. “I’ll show you. One day I’ll show you all that’s down there. Including the mermaids.” His heart melted at the shimmer in his sister’s eyes. “Mermaids! They are real!” He put a finger to his lips. “Yeah. But you can’t tell mother or father about them. They can only be seen by children. Adults forget about them when they grow up. It’s just for your eyes.” The little girl yawned. “I never wanna grow up.” The brother’s fingers entangled in her hair as he caressed her head, pressing a forehead kiss onto it. “I know. You will always be a kid in here.” His finger touched his sister’s chest, right where her heart beat in excitement. “Promise?” She asked shyly as he nodded. “Oh, definitely. I promise, yes.” She held onto him tiredly. “We have to go.” The boy got up with her, holding her tightly in his arms. Suddenly he felt the weight he carried getting lighter and lighter. He was confused but didn’t let go. As he only could feel a feather, a presence around him anymore, his eyes darted to the river. And there she was. Her expression empty, her eyes staring up, her skin blue. There were choking marks on her tiny neck. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted to reach out to her but couldn’t. Then hands around her small frame pulled her down further. The boy wanted to scream, shout, do anything at all but all he could do was stand there. Her weak lips formed his name. Again and again. Eyes begging for help, weak struggles coming from her until she was completely still. Only once his sister was dragged down into the darkness of the water far enough for him not to even spot her silhouette anymore, was when his lungs filled with oxygen again.
“Donna!” The doctor shot up, immediately feeling hands holding him carefully.
“Stephen? Hey, Stephen, look at me. Come on.” Christine caressed his shoulders lightly as he relaxed again under her touch. His entire body was shaking.
“Come on now. I’m here, you’re not alone.” Her hand cupped the surgeons face as he let out a shaky breath.
“Sorry. I-“ Strange cleared his throat. It felt unbearably hard to breathe and speak.
“Do you want to talk? Who is Donna?”
Stephen just shook his head and looked at the digital watch next to him. February 2nd, 4 AM.
“Let it down, okay? I’m not keen on talking about it.”
The woman pulled the duvet up further for Stephen to feel protected. Once he had started moving, doctor Palmer was confused to say the least. It had looked like Stephen had suffered from sleep paralysis. But how could Stephen Strange of all people suffer from trauma? This didn’t fit the man she knew and loved.
“Anything I can do?”
“No. Just sleep. I need some air.”
He put on his trousers and a shirt and fetched his watch and key to his car.
“Thank you, Christine. For- everything. I’ll be back in a bit.”
She nodded.
“Of course. Don’t forget the party. If you- If you feel up for it. Otherwise I’ll just-“
“It’s fine. It’s all fine. It is what it is.”
Then he turned and walked to the door with quick but uncertain steps. Where was he going? How was this helping? How could he reverse things?
Once he’d reached the car, Stephen ripped open the door and sat down. He shut it and leaned back, closing his eyes again. He tried everything to picture his little Donna once again. As the laughing, beautiful, happy angel she was. Stephen sighed and started the car. He didn’t have a destination. Didn’t have a reason. He just followed the road without looking back or questioning it. Wherever it would take him, he’d go. The streetlights reflected in his puffy eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks. New York City. His home. As he called it. It wasn’t his home at all. It was the furthest away from what he’d called home once. The only way of not constantly being reminded of her. The only place he felt no connection to his little sister. It was loud, busy, career oriented. No green, no little rivers nearby, no cottages or big gardens everywhere. New York was big. Just big. There was no place for small. The little things didn’t count here. If you could make it nowhere, you could still make it in New York. All you had to be was a cold machine. And that was precisely what Stephen was. He was the brain, the mind, the engine, but Donna had been the heart. Stephen felt like he functioned with her. But when she was ripped away from him, he also lost part of himself. In the beginning, her presence was still there with him. Following him. He had felt warm even months after she was gone. But with the years, he distanced himself more and more of everything that had happened.
It went downhill from there. With his parents dead and only him and his brother Victor left. Victor and him didn’t talk. Had almost no connection at all. He wanted to. But all he saw in Vic was Donna. And he couldn’t bare it. It was almost as if they shared a pair of eyes. When they just started to get to know each other for real, Victor was killed. A car had ran over him. He didn’t have a chance anymore. He couldn’t help. Same as before.
“A true failure you are.” He told himself as he stopped the car after just a few minutes of driving.
Stephen sat there for a while before getting out and walking a few meters. He put his hands onto the rails of the Brooklyn Bridge, taking a deep breath as he looked down.
“I’ll show you. One day I’ll show you all that’s down there.”
He sat up onto the rail and let his legs hang down, staring into the water. It would be so easy. To be with her again. To feel her little hands in his.
“Including the mermaids.”
He let his weight pull himself forward a bit. All he had to do was let go of the rail. All he had to do was lift his hands off.
“One day. But not today.”
Stephen sighed as he looked up into the sky. He wasn’t a religious man by any means. But he could feel her in those situations. Telling him to hold on. That he was needed down here. That she was okay now. That she’d found all the beautiful creatures and mermaids. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought. And she was right. She never had to grow up. Stephen got down again and stood on shaky legs. He walked back to the car and drove off again. Just away from the bridge. What he couldn’t get away from were his thoughts though.