Chapter 27
Thor asked Nanna to keep an eye on Loki and left.He needed to be away, to think. This was an unexpected development if not unpleasant. And there was a question of Loki's reaction when he learns the truth. Thor was really not looking forward to telling him that.
When he made his way back towards their chambers, he met Nanna in the halls .
" He is awake my king. I am going to kitchen to find something for him to eat."
" How is he?"
" I don't know.Lady Eir was checking him when I left."
Thor prayed to Norns for strength and entered inside. Loki was sitting alone in the large bed, looking lost.
" How are you feeling ,love?" ,Thor approached.
Loki turned towards him , his face ghastly pale, " Congratulations are in order,I suppose!" he said without a trace of any emotion. Thor gulped.
" Eir told you."
" She told me that I am not dying,yes."
Thor sat down.Picked Loki's hand from his lap, and kissed his knuckles. The thin god snatched his hand back.
" Your healer has gall to push her seidr in my body, do you know how insulting it is? How vulnerable I felt?" , Loki snapped.
"I am sorry Loki, I worry for you. You will get to meet the vanir healer when he arrives, but right now I am not taking chance with your health.." He was about to leave when Loki spoke,
" No! ", Thor was going to argue but he beat him to it,
" I am not a child ,Thor. You may have right to decide for me but you promised that we will be equal in these chambers. I didn't lie to hurt you, quite opposite actually.But whenever I try to do something good, it comes to bite me back..And I have nothing against Eir, she is the best healer anyone could get. But that's all... I will not trust more than my health in her hands.She is loyal to king of Asgard, always has been.It only right that, she checks on king's concubine and his unborn child. I donot intend to threaten her position in court, so yes she can treat me within limits."
" I apologise love, for my rash reaction and for hurting words. But I was scared Loki, I was scared that I would lose you and I thought you did not inform me about it early so that I could have faught for you."
Loki made no movement to acknowledge the apology.
" Loki ,baby please.. say something." Thor put a finger under his chin and turned him towards himself. He earned a defeated sigh.
" I am tired of it Thor. I am tired of others dictating my life. I am tired of never having any choice.Its always thrown at me like I don't matter... maybe It's true.I just..."
" But you do.Love, you do matter for me.You matter so much that I could kill for you, I would give my life if it makes you happy.And you can have the choice.. It's all right if you don't want this pregnancy." Thor almost chocked out the last words and almost flinched when he saw the hope in green orbs he loved so much! ' Would Loki really get rid of their baby?'
" I don't know Thor. This child will not be welcome here. I don't wish another Loki to grow up in shadows of this palace."
" Loki, please.Trust me, we will not repeat past mistakes. Our child will be a loved and cherished as heir to Asgard's throne, a child of a king and a prince..."
" The child of a king's concubine who will never be allowed anywhere near the throne. I have read my concubinage, I am surprised that you are not approached with marriage proposals yet. Me or my child , we have no chance there. I don't even want that... but still he will be hated, for being mine!"
" I promise I will make this all right, love. I have promised you a honourable place by my side.. our child will be a king.." But Loki stopped him, harshly.
" What will happen if it is blue ,Thor? What will you do if my monstrous blood turns prominent?"
" You know I love you in every skin , our baby will be no different!"
" And what of your people? what of Odin and his council.."
" We will find a way, love."
" I don't want to! I don't want to struggle and fight anymore. I don't want to resort to tricks and manipulation in search of good life for me or for this child. I don't want to be blamed for every war that is going to come if I bore this child..."
" I understand. You don't have to do anything that you don't want.but if you decide to bring our chid in world , know that I will be forever grateful and I will do everything a father should do and more! I promise you on my honour!"
To this Loki had no argument, so he said,
" Get out!"
_@_@_@_@_@_
In the end, they decided to keep the news secret for Loki. Sif, Nanna and healers were obvious exceptions and bound themselves by oath to keep the royal secret.
Two days after the news, Loki entered the king's study with nervous feet. Thor rushed to him,
" Loki, what are you doing here? Are you ,are you well? Are you in pain?" , his arms moved on the thin frame towards the yet concave stomach of not showing jotun.
" I am well enough? Can I not visit you?" ,Loki batted the searching hands in annoyance.
" Of course. you can visit me anywhere. Come sit down.Have you eaten?"
" Hmnn." ,Loki groaned as he sat on the chair in front of Thor's desk. That caused Thor to frawn..
" What did you eat?" He asked with suspicion.
" A toast?" Loki answered tentatively.
" Loki, you ate that for breakfast with me . Its almost evening, why would you... is your stomach upset? Should I call Eir?" , he stood up, frantic to ease his own panic and his brother's discomfort.
" Thor, I am well. I am not as nauseated , the potion is helping... no need for healer"
" Then why you have not eaten... a toast in morning is nothing!"
" I don't feel like eating."
" Why? Is the food not desirable to you? Does the smell bothers you? Do you crave something specific? Whatever it is I can bring it to you!"
" Thor enough! I will tell you if I want something. Right now I have something on my mind"
" Do you wish to talk?" , Thor asked hope shining bright in his eyes. Loki had been distant since his pregnancy was revealed
" Yes.I...ah need a favor actually!"
" Loki, you know I will do anything for you.What is it?"
" I wish to write a letter to Helblindi, the king of Jotunheim."
Thor swallowed his hurt...if Loki wanted to connect with his blood brothers, he would not be stopped.
" Of course brother, you can write to whomever you wish to."
" But my letter will not be delivered without being scrutised and I don't have my seal anymore."
" Oh." That was right. Loki had lost his privileges along with his status. Inter-realm correspondence under his own seal was one of them. In truth Loki ,being a concubine couldn't write to anyone.
" Can you send this with your seal?" He brought a envelope from his ovecoat, nervously biting his lower lip, " I have not closed it ,you can read it before sealing."
Thor took the letter and. kept ir on desk without taking his eyes off the hopeful face of his beloved.
"Consider it done. I will not look at it. You have right to have your own correspondence, love. "
" Thank you." Relief washed over Loki's face. It didn't bother hom anymore that he is so expressive in front of Thor. "Do you... do you not wish to know what I have written?"
" No.but if you want to talk about anything, I am here." Thor offered.And Loki understood.He had not been able to speak with Thor about the pregnancy. And now he was seeking his Jotun elder, Thor was jealous!
' I can not. I wish to confide in someone neutral."
" Then talk to Sif."
Loki snorted. Sif was hardly neutral and he had been talking to her. but when he opened his mouth ,he saught to assure his king.
" Sif hardly knows anything about Jotun pregnancy. I wish to know what I am getting into before deciding."
" Very well then. I will seal this with a stamp of secret correspondence. and it will be opened by Helblindi only."
" You have my gratitude." Loki smiled.