Chapter 12
Thor woke up to strange noises, he looked around to find the source was Loki. His brother was twisting and turning as if something was hurting him. He whimpered and said something sleepy gibberish. But the desperation was clear.His ha nds moved as if to stop something from attacking.Thor leaned and touched his forehead.It was warm. Loki turned away and whimpered.Thor could make ," Please Thor.." this time.He again called Loki, "Sweetheart, I am here.wake up.Its a dream"
But Loki was far gone...he arched his back and screamed. The scream of pain, hopeless desperation and every thing that Thor wished to keep away from his little brother.He tried to shake him awake.But Loki moved away ,saying " no more please please stop.I will do it..."His hands held up as to protect himself .
Thor couldn't see it anymore. He slapped Loki's cheek asking him to wake up. Loki stopped talking... a little awake.Still terrified.
" Thor..."
" Yes my love.I am here.You are safe now.."
" No! Nowhere is safe.Thor, they are here... they will... .they should not get me again...you need to kill me Thor .that is the only way"
" What? Loki, what are you saying? you are here in our chambers.Nobody is here.."
" They are here.Can't you see them?"
" No Love.Nobody's here.Open your eyes."
" They are open..." Loki whined.
" Loki, I am going to touch your eyes to show that they are closed.When I remove my fingers,you will open your eyes.Do you understand?'
" Yes"
As Loki opened his eyes, he looked around in fear.
" See nobody is here.It was just a bad dream , wasn't it? Tell me about it."
Loki was about to say yes, but the enchantment buzzed his mind forcing him to answer truthfully.
" No.It was a memory." He looked at the ring with disdainful eyes. and unwillingly continued, " I was back there ,in the cell. They were torturing me with heat. They burnt me untill I could not think straight and then they would send your illusions... I tried ,but then you were so very..you. maybe I wanted it to be you.Everytime I fell for the trick, always thinking you have come for me.But you never came ...you never came,Thor!" He sobbed. Confusion in Thor's eyes fade slowly to rage and then anguish. His eyes now as wide as saucers.
" What are you talking about?" He asked.But Loki was not commanded to answer questions, so he thinned his lips.Thor should never know...He should be far away from this!
" Tell me" Thor's firm command caused Loki to look up.If Thor didn't realise earier, now he knew about the ring.And he was using it to force Loki to tell...
" I..I am talking about my time after I fell in void.I was ...I was falling for so many days, years...I don't know. Time works different there ..I thought I am going to die. But I am not lucky...I had to go and fall in clutches of ... Thanos." He whispered the name.
" The mad titan? But he was pushed beyond nine realms. You...he found you? Oh Loki!" Sadness filled his eyes as he touched his lovers neck. "I am sorry I used the ring to force you to talk... but sometimes you are so stubborn. I have known you have nightmares for a long time ,but you would never speak about them. I..I just.."
" I understand.But it was better if you didn't know. Trust me."
" I ..I never asked why you did attack midgard when you did.You did seemed disturbed, but I pegged it all to your anger and madness.Father said no man's sanity can be preserved after void. He said earlier no man can survive." Loki smiled and opened his mouth but Thor held his hand up to say, .."I should have looked for you"
" What can I say? I live to disappoint your father... !" He didn't comment Thor's last sentence.He wished Thor had looked for him... but it was so very late now.He could never be found after all the things... He was already a nameless and homeless man when he arrived on midgard.
Thor sighed.He wanted to assure Loki that Odin was his father also.But he was not sure himself now. And he needed Loki to talk..
" Love, I forgot to remove the ring before sleeping.I should not have used it like this, I can't apologize enough"
" It was not intentional,I suppose.So no need to apologise. And we both know, I have done too many things I have yet to apologise for. "
" If I removed ring , will you talk to me brother? I need to know more!"
" If I refuse, will you force me to speak?" Loki really didn't want to share this, but there was no turning back now.
" No.I will not do that,but now I have a suspicion that you were coarsed, I will have to find answers somehow"
Loki sighed," I was not coarsed or forced ,Thor.I will tell you, everything you want but you have to promise me something."
" Anything."
" Then you will not run off to kill anybody as soon as you hear what I have to say, promise me."
" Loki , you were tortured. I am going to kill that bastard. I only need details..."
" Okay.He is going to come back anyways. So we can't avoid the fight, but promise me you won't go without consulting me and planning properly."
" Its refreshing to see you worrying for my safety" Thor said grinning and removed Loki's ring.
" Oh.Get lost .I was thinking about myself" Loki smiled.
" How were you thinking about youself by preventing me to going to my doom?" Loki's smile vanished,
"Don't talk like that Thor.Do you realise what will become of me if something happens to you?"
Thor didn't answer.He could not.So Loki said,
" See ! I am still selfish.Now ask me your questions before I change my mind."
" Ah. Tell me from the start.What happened when you fell.."
" I was falling for long time... it seemed years to me.The pain, the friction.. occasional accident with meteorites,it left me weak and hurt when my body finally touched with rock. I don't remember who found me, but they dragged me into that cell..It was...it was dark and cold." He shivered at memory. Thor put a hand on his back.
" I was left there alone for a long time.. without food, drink, medical help or without any contact.By the time the other came I was desperate. I was already insane with solitude I think.I would have done anything just for a glass of water. But they didn't ask me for anything. They experimented on me... with pain,heat ,cold everything without a word.I fought,Thor I swear I fought.," Thor hugged him close," I fought,cursed, threatened even begged... Nothing affected those creatures. They methodically dissifered my strengths, my weaknesses and finally when I had satisfied them, I was given food and drinks."
Then I met him... Actually I was presented to him. I had passed whatever test they had done... The other, that disgusting creature congratulated me for the fortune of meeting Thanos" .He fell silent.. It was too much to even think. His chest was feeling tight..
Thor took his appearance. and said, " Love, I can see its not easy.you don't have to continue"
" No.I have to.I will never finish it if I stopped now.And you have to know... He will come.He promised.. "
" I don't understand Loki.What did he promise?"
" He promised me thatnno planet, no baren moon,no crevice could hide me from him and I will beg for something sweet as pain...I failed him.He will come Thor!"
" Oh Loki" Thor wanted to embrace Loki and never let him go.,"I am going to kill him for this, and If he even looks at you now. I will bring him back and will kill him again.Did he forced you to attack midgard?"
Loki was perfectly peaceful in Thor's arms.He looked up frowning and bringing his eyebrows up together,
" No Thor, he didn't.I agreed.It was my decision"
" And may I ask why did you agree?"Loki moved back and stared at him. then stared at wall his brows furrowed in thought. He looked so lost, Thor just wanted to take him back in arms.
" There was no other way... I_I had to get out of there,Thor. I would not have done it, but It was too much. I waited for you, for father... anyone ,but nobody came.He was telling the truth, when he said nobody comes for monsters! I had no loyal friends, like you.Odin was all too happy to have me gone.All I ever had was you, but you never came...you never came, Thor ! ", He shuddered as sobs raked his body. Thor closed the distance and hugged him.
" I am sorry, sorry love! I should have searched for you. . but father said you were gone and... norns I am sorry" Loki kept sobbing.
" Sshh ,Loki I have you now.You are out of the cell and We will find a way through this,I can get you pardoned.And I will find the bastard and kill him painfully.I have you now love, thats all that matters"
" You don't understand do you? ",Loki said in his chest," You don't have me Thor, nobody Can have me . Your brother is dead.. Nobody can survive after being Thanos's child"
" Wha.. What did he do to you?"
" Nothing much, except being cut open and being rearranged.." Loki laughed bitterly ," They did something to my mind Thor, Never was I so weak willed." He paused searching Thor's face, and continued when he found what he was looking for," They used to inject something in my neck, maybe in morning, I had no way to know.I was so scared, you know I don't like needles" Thor nodded. and asked,"I know such methods are used on midgard. What poison did they inject , brother?"
" I don't know. I would be dazed for hours after, the chunks of time missing from my memory. I think I he opened my mind and took all the things I hidden, then used them to twist my mind to his liking.I suffered from hallucination I think. He changed my memories... If I was angry before, I started to hate everyone. He took my pain, my dispair and grief and sharpened it to wield at his will. You think I was forced, but those were my own feelings.Whenever I was aware... I tried so very much, to get out,but there was no way I could find.I thought I would loose him as soon as I reach midgard, but the scepter..I think it controlled me,amplified my rage. I remember some moments of clarity.but it was late then, so very late." He stopped talking.
After a moment Thor said,
" You have been punished wrongly, I should have enquired more" He wanted to assure him, tell him everything will be alright. But that have to come later... Loki was trembling in his arms. His heartbeats thudding between them.
" Love, Are you all right? Please tell me.What should I do?"
" Stay" Was all Loki could say . They stayed like that, for long time.Thor was nodding off when Loki said.
" Sleep ,Thor, you need rest" and moved away. Allowing him to lie easily.
" You also need rest love"
" I am used to not finding sleep"
" Should we go out? Mayhaps open air will help you" Loki contemplated the offer and said,
" I ..I want to sleep.To forget.Will you command me Thor, please? "
Thor wanted to say no.He hated the idea of putting the ring back on in their bed, but Loki seemed too tired, too hurt. So he got up to get the ring.
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