Chapter 8
Loki woke to a streaming sunlight in late morning.He sat up, trying to wipe away sleep from his eyes.He was still too dazed with sleep when he heard a voice,
" You are awake.Good I have called for breakfast.You must be hungry" ,Thor was standing in threshold of their outer chamber. Loki blinked in confusion.Why was Thor back so early, or did he miss sparring? Breakfast was Loki's responsibility, why was Thor doing it? Something was wrong.... And then memories of previous night hit him.He must have moved because suddenly his lower parts were throbbing painfully, It confirmed that it was not a dream.
Sudden white hot rage engulfed him and he threw his feet down from the bed.
" You! " he was about to charge at Thor who had entered inside and closed the door behind him, in the face of upcoming confrontation.Loki had forgot that his legs were still tangled in furs. He started falling, arms flailing wildly about to hit facedown on floor. Suddenly, strong arms catched him mid-fall.
Thor held wild eyed Loki close to his chest. The anger in his eyes has subsided in the wake of sudden fall, and Thor's proximity. Thor lowered him to ground and carefully untangled his feet.Loki stood up and stumbled back his legs hitting bed, away from Thor!
" I will kill you" Loki screamed and searched for the dagger he kept in drawers.
This was serious. Loki would not miss the mark if he was angry enough to kill him. Thor had had time to think about this. There was no easy way of doing this.He had already hurt his brother and now he had to hurt him some more.He could only hope for Forgiveness, He would work for it his whole life.But now he had to do this.
" Stop , Loki" He shouted, in his warrior voice.Loki's arm stopped mid-air where he was about to throw the dagger. His eyes widened, understanding dawning in them.
" We will put this away first" with that Thor removed dagger from his hand and kept it aside. He folded Loki's arm as if he was a doll and picked him up. Loki was glaring at him when he was set down on bed.
" You should dress now" Thor said in soft tone and picked up silk pants from where he had discarded them prior night. He then gently tugged at Loki's legs and made him wear the pants.He avoided Loki's eyes as well as certain areas where he had previously taken interest in. After that he knelt in front of Loki. As if to worship him or to apologise. He took Loki's both hands in his and caressed them with thumbs .Loki jerked his hands away and hissed ,
" Don't touch me!"
Thor held his hands up in surrender, but stayed in his place.
" Okay.Lets get this over with" Thor said.
" What.What are you doing. You are fool if you think I would ever..."
" Stop talking." Thor said causing Loki's mouth to click shut in mid sentence. " You will listen carefully what I am going to say." He added.Loki was glaring daggers at him, but could do nothing. Thor felt a pang of guilt in his chest.
" Loki, I am commanding you the basic rules. You will follow my instructions with keeping the intended purpose in mind.
You will not harm me or mine in any way. You will not find loopholes so that harm can come to me or mine. You will protect me from harm if you can.
You will not try to find a way to remove the ring nor you will try to escape or run away from me.
If my two order are in contradiction with each other, most recent will hold precedence unless mine or your safety is at stake.In such case you will ask me to clarify.
You can use your seidr and speak your mind abiding these rules. Do you understand? Nod if you do"
Loki's eyes were wide and glazed over as the enchantment started taking place.Yet he managed to nod shakily. A tremor ran through his body ,and he shivered.Thor wished he could hug and chase his fears away.But touching Loki was out of questions now. He was still looking despondent when Thor stood up and said,
" You can speak now"
" Can I? Do you really want to hear me? Don't you want me all silent and doing your bidding. Happy now that you have full control over me? Odin would be proud of you.Have you told him that you made me your bitch? How would you like me today master, A good fuck before the day starts or a fellatio is in order? " He was screaming by now. Thor was standing still near window facing outward.He turned ,
" Please ,Loki..."
" No need to plead, mighty King.I will do anything with a single word. Who am I to deny you?, I am just a pleasure slave! "
" Loki. I would never again touch you like that..not without your consent.You know it brother!"
" So last night was one time exception. A duty so that I would be controlled properly.Sacrifice you made so that the monster will remain bound ! I shall thank you then master, at least you made it bearable for me.How noble of you!" Loki said with so much venom that every word was like a dagger to his heart.
" Loki Please understand, I had to this. They would have sent you back.I would have lost you, brother. I promise you that I will live my whole life making up for last night" Thor was so anguished that he was not sure how he was still talking and not sobbing at Loki's feet.
" You promised me you will not hurt me, yet you did! So keep your promises to yourself. Get out, and don't show me your face." Loki hissed. when Thor was too dumbfounded to move, he screamed, "Get out!"
Thor left. Loki fell on bed crying. The tastefully arranged breakfast in outer chamber remained untouched.
Loki spent his day in melancholy refusing to meet anyone. When Thor tried to talk to him in afternoon , He got up and went into bathing chambers.' Let him order me to come out!' he thought and sat brooding in bath. When he came out in evening, Thor was gone. He sat near window, angrily decided he wouldn't cry like a woman. Even after being raped and kept like a woman, he thought bitterly. He started thinking, he would try some way to escape this situation,he was clever enough. But as soon as the word escape came into his mind, a loud ringing started in his ears, his breath coming too quickly too short, his brain had gone hazy. the enchantment, prevented him from thinking clearly.He sat there, staring mindlessly out of the window.For how long he didn't know.But when he came back to his mind, Thor was staring down at him with worried face. The day had darkened out in the window.
" Are you all right" Thor asked.
" Go away Thor" He was tired,too tired for this now. Thor seemed to understand.
" Very well. Alfheim's delegation departed. Faradei has left a letter for you,here" Thor gave an envelope to him.
" Am I allowed to read it then, master?" Loki could not let go the temptation to at least one snide remark. Thor sighed.
" Yes you can..Then you will eat and sleep. You look as if an army of bigelsnipes trampled over you. You need rest" He said firmly. Loki felt the tingle of command taking place.
' " Of course, master" He sneered.
" I am sorry ,Loki but I know you will not be able to rest tonight if I don't command you"Thor tried.
" Everything done to me has always been for my wellbeing . How fitting! " Loki whispered feeling sudden fatigue. Thor didn't argue with him. He left.
Loki sat on the bed and opened the letter, Lighting a candle with seidr, he started reading.
Hey beast,
We have to leave. Frida and Alfie even Feldon wished to see you before going, but we understand that you are little under the weather as your thunderer excused.
I have always loved you, and whatever condition I find you next time it is not going to change. For being a whining baby who cries about ' how nobody loves me' you have always been blind to the the love you have. Jokes aside,You are really dumb when someone loves you. I know you have had difficult life, and you are scared even to be loved.You fear that love given to you will turn out to be a lie or it will be taken away, whichever is the case.In this fear you forget to reciprocate and hold youself back. Slowly, the person who loves you steps back, wounded by your thorny shield. And then you cry more, as you think you were right in not trusting them. Don't deny, you know its true.
So, why don't you concentrate on your feelings rather than others'? Why don't you love freely without any reservations? Its not like you have a dignity to preserve now.Don't glare, I know you will be thinking far worse things about yourself ! Just once in life ,Give your love without care, beast.Give it to your king or to a stableman or to me, whomever you like! Don't think about consequences.. because worst has already happened.( If you choose me, just let me know. I am more than ready. But for a genuine love, not just a tumble this time)
I wish you will see the love you have and stop crying for the one you don't have. I wish you opened your eyes.
Remember our heartbreaks are caused by our disappointments when our expectations are not fulfilled.
"You always have a place in our hearts, nomatter if you are a prince or king or menace or concubine! Take care"_ Says Frida.
I am praying that we meet again. Don't go insane till then,
Always in love with you
Faradei
son of Delfie.
Loki took a shuddering breath and kept the letter aside.He didn't understood anything Faradei had written. What love has to do with his situation.Yet He knew Faradei was trying to tell him something. His puzzles were Loki's favourite games. he would understand what the elf wanted him to. but not now. He was too tired now.
He got up as the tingle of the command pushed him to move out. He found a boul of thick soup and a piece of honeycake on the table. He ate mindlessly. and was surprised that the food was accurately enough to feel full. Not that surprised, because he always ate moderate amounts.But whenever a meal was arranged by servants with a quantity to feed an army, he used to get irritated. Maybe Thor has was being thoughtful. As his thoughts turned to his brother his mind went on rollercoaster ride. He felt betrayed,hurt, confused and even happy for some reason.Why did he respond to Thor's attentions? Why was he so aroused? This was another puzzle to solve now. He didn't realise as he went to bed and fell asleep as the spell forced him.
Next day when Thor came back after his morning spar, he was greeted by chaos. The bedchamber was destroyed completely. Torn and broken pieces of furniture were revoling in air forming small tornedo. Loki sat in middle looking dishelved,his eyes held mad glint. The bedcloths and curtains had joined the tornedo in pieces. Thor was too stunned to talk.
With a wave Loki made the things fall on floor, with clatter. " The mead...It was drugged, wasn't it?. What did you give me?"
" I..I am sorry,Loki.I had no other option. I didn't want this to be forced..but Father.."
" What was in that mead?", Loki was not in mood to hear excuses.
" Aphrodisiac. in small amount, and you drank only half of it.. Please Loki.Try to understand"
. "You drugged me! " Loki was so angry that he didn't even notice as the dagger appeared in his hand and he moved to stab Thor.It happened so fast that Thor barely ducked out of the way due to years of practice. When he got up ready for next attack,he found Loki on floor. His brother was lying on his side, panting hard. Thor went to him,
" Brother " Loki sat up, cradling his right hand to his chest.
" Show me your hand" Thor was worried but suddenly Loki's hand was in front of his face. The palm was red with some blisters forming. His expression was pained.
" Wha. .what happened?" Thor could not understand.
" You ordered me to show my hand, your majesty!" Loki said through the teeth.
" Oh. I didn't mean to.But what is wrong with your hand? Why its burnt?" Loki stared at him as if he has grown another head.
" You don't understand.You really don't know, right. Why would you, things are always turned in your favour... Odin made sure of that! He even brought a jotun pet home so that his golden son can shine bright!"
" Loki,we will talk about this later.But you are hurt, I am calling Eir"
" Don't you dare. I promise I will kill your loyal healer even if I am burn myself to ash.She gave you the drug , right?"
Thor was clearly distressed, but didn't answer the question. Instead he said,
" Fine. Just tell me what is wrong with your hand" Loki snarled as the enchantment took place at direct order. Thor fidgeted.
" As you command,my king. My hand is burnt because I tried to kill you against your order.You have commanded me not to harm you, but I defied your order so the ring's enchantment has punished me causing pain.What better way than heat to hurt a frost giant? Your father is indeed most cunning in his methods."
" Norns, Loki.He is your father too.I will talk to him, and find a way through this.He is angry yes but he would not want to torture you like this"
Loki thinned his lips and turned away.He didn't want this argument now. If the oaf want to forget that the enchantment was designed by his father, let him!
" You are hurting brother, if you don't want a healer, at least heal yourself" Thor said.Loki didnot move.
" Heal your hand Loki" At the firm words Loki's eyes widened.He tried to glare as the spell worked to force him. Then he held his hand in front of his face. He grimaced in pain as. his seidr started working. Then whimpered and lied down again. Thor panicked as he started writhing in pain.
" Wha..what?"
" Healing immediately is painfull you fool. make it st..stop.." Loki cursed his magic and Thor's stupidity.
" All right, stop stop the pain.Norns,I am sorry brother.I will be careful . I need to work on our communication" Thor was so worried that he forgot that he was holding Loki's now healed hands. Loki snatched them back.He looked exausted.
" You should rest ,brother.I will send some food later. " with that, Thor almost ran out of there.
_@_@_@_@_@_
Thor started speaking carefully, phrasing his wishes as questions to Loki.Yet ,days had became more than difficult. Whenever he could, Loki threw insults and taunts to Thor. He would rage on for hours until it was difficult to breathe or untill Thor commaded him to shut up.Thor took it all patiently to Loki's surprise..In old days, Loki would have been lying dead for how many times he couldn't say.Yet it did nothing to calm his anger. Instead Thor's refusal to argue ignited his rage more. He wanted blood, He could kill the king with his bare hands. But the oaf had commanded against harming him so the words was only his options. And he used his words viciously.He was not called silvertongue for nothing. But All the taunts and raged rants were of no value.He felt no satisfaction when his words would cause pain on Thors face. The anguish on his master's face did nothing to quell the burning rage in his chest.
The anger would be follwed by melancholy. As soon as Thor left, he would cry bitter tears untill he couldn't anymore. and then he would sit or lay there doing nothing, feeling nothing. He would spend his days staring at space numbly. Some days, he would do nothing, will eat or bath only when Thor commanded. Those days seemed to pass in daze.He would snap at servants even at Thor for no reason. Sometimes he would think,that Thor is also stuck in this with him. He is also suffering, though very silently. But Loki could not bring himself to forgive him. He always felt the bubbling rage in the chest, whenever he saw Thor. Thor was the reason for all his pain, his misery.Thor was worthy when Loki was disappointment. Thor was adored , Loki was shunned.Thor was the sunlight, golden heir, while Loki was a shadow, just a trickster. Thor was true son,loved by all, Loki was just a stolen relic,abandoned by his own... And so Loki kept the anger alive.
Thor had tried to talk to him many times. Once he said,
" I want you to be happy Loki" his eyes pleading.
" Then why don't you command me to. Because I don't think I can be happy in this life otherwise" ,Loki snapped.
As holding civil conversation with each other became difficult ,Thor started to avoid him. He would go out to spar while Loki was still sleeping and come back late in night,long after Loki was asleep.He would order servants to bring food for his brother or draw baths on regular basis. If the servants reported him that Loki has not eaten or moved ,he would return in the middle of day with some food, always Loki's favourites. He would command him to eat. Then draw a bath and make him to take one.All the while trying to ignore Lokis snide remarks and hurtful comments. He would itch to take Loki in his arms, hug him and tell him 'its okay, stop fighting now. let go.' But he never did that. He didn't even touch Loki anymore. He knew that his touch was not welcome.He knew that before that wretched night Loki had started to trust him again,had started to smile and he has betrayed that trust. That betrayal has turned his sweet Loki into this. And that guilt was killing Thor.