Afraid
It’s the start of December so everything is decorated and shining with All I Want For Christmas Is You echoeing from every shop. The only relief from this music is school since PC Principal kinda forbid the celebration to discriminate against people who don't or can’t celebrate Christmas. There is still a long banner wishing all the festivities and there is a bit of decoration here and there to not depress everyone.
Tweek doesn’t really like to be at his parents’ coffee shop but he never thought he would prefer going to school than stepping there again. Christmas isn’t so bad but working for a coffee shop during that time is a nightmare. The cold is nice though - the heat makes Tweek more sick than anything so luckily for him he can’t handle winter rather easily. Every year some people would comment on how he barely wears a jacket even when it snows.
Kyle and Stan don’t have his superpower so they stay glued to each other to fight the cold. Clearly they have made up and Tweek is curious of how it went because they are really absorbed into each other, blushing and nudging, and haven’t even noticed when Kenny decided to join their private party for some warmth. Cartman looks at them, completely disgusted. Tweek can understand where it comes from since they probably acted like this before and during the bus ride - his own bus only dropped him off now and they have spent five minutes in the cold because they wouldn’t move their asses. Kyle announces that Davíd and him kindly broke up and are just back as friends, as if it isn’t a big new and Stan isn’t looking all high and happy.
When they get in the school it’s a bit better, they finally linger into each other’s faces and act properly to be in public. Stan mentions that he is leaving during the Christmas break to spend it with his mom’s family and Shelly to a ski station, which sucks since they will have a ski trip with school right after so he says that he will probably just hike or try their different saunas. Kyle’s cousin and his family are coming over which means a lot of people are under one house. He always tries to find a way to leave, and also shake off his clingy cousin, which means Tweek or Kenny will have to come up with emergency excuses before Kyle loses his mind.
Once Tweek spent a night there during their Hanukkah festivities, it was great even though he felt like he was intruding - even if it’s Kyle and his mother who insisted he come over. Stan often stayed too, for two or three dinners, from the moment his parents started to divorce. Kyle has spent a few Christmas dinners with his family too. Tweek realises they have been married for years now and finds their latest couple drama completely ridiculous.
Kyle has grown more tolerant about Christmas, outside from complaining about people celebrating for a whole month, and Tweek knows he has a soft spot for silly Christmas sweatshirts. Mr.Garrison doesn’t have the same spirit and clearly this year isn’t an exception by the face he has when he comes in their classroom. Somehow he has been assigned as their supervisor for the ski trip and Tweek hopes it’s not a sign of bad omen.
“So keep in mind that we aren’t leaving a minute later, if I see one of you running toward the bus and the door is closed we will leave without you,” their teacher arshly explains with a pointing finger before slapping the board where he just wrote the time they will leave, along with all the guidelines for the trip like on the papers he distributed. “And since I’m the only capable teacher in this place I had to ask some of your parents to come to control you all.” Deep down Garrison must love them or they wouldn’t have come back. “There will be Mr.Donovan, Miss Cartman-”
“WHAT?” Two voices boom.
Clyde almost stands up and Cartman only throws his hands in the hair with a snarl, before they glare at each other.
“WHAT THE FUCK?” Eric screams. “You can’t let his fucking dad to come! Or my mom! I don’t want to fucking see her!”
“Don’t let his mom come!” Clyde pleads. “She is a whore and will try to get my dad!”
“Oh Jesus,” Tweek murmurs, with an anxious scratch on his hand, as he can feel it won’t be solved quickly and peacefully. Kenny, next to him, looks pretty amused by the upcoming show.
“HIS DAD PAYS BITCHES!”
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
“SHUT YOUR MOUTH— BOTH OF YOU!” Mr.Garrison angrily cuts in.
“HE IS GOING TO RAPE MY MOM!”
“Dude, everyone already fucked her,” another student speaks up, causing giggles to erupt from every desks and choking Cartman’s distressed scream.
“I don’t care about what your parents do, and I’m certainly not going to watch each one of you when I get a free vacation,” their professor explains with an overdramatic tired voice. “They can fuck or whatever because I won’t fucking care .”
Clyde is about to protest again but is shushed with a warning of detention. He slumps on his desk, pouting while Cartman is furiously typing on his phone - probably to his mother. Tweek notices that Stan is also texting, probably to Kyle who isn’t in their class for this hour.
Mr.Garrison quickly gives them all a group project and asks them to make pairs - though he decides that Clyde and Cartman deserve to be together. Tweek notices that it leaves Craig alone, leaving him slightly surprised before he looks around the class. Kenny has already settled at Tweek’s table, leaving no chance for anyone to not see them as a pair. He doesn’t have the strength to ask Kenny to change with Craig and to come up with an argument that doesn’t make his crush too obvious.
It leaves Craig with Stan and once they see each other, they grimace at the realization - although Craig’s face barely changes except for the short furrow of his eyebrows and purse of his lips. They aren’t far away from Tweek’s table and Stan sends them a pained look that he only replies with a nervous smile.
Stan and Craig had never really gotten along. Maybe because everyone pestered them about some of their similarities—when they are completely different in Tweek’s humble opinion. They also have a childish rivalry that hasn’t disappeared over the years.
The project is fairly easy even with the insults exchanged between Cartman and Clyde. Mr.Garrison keeps an eye on them because of it and often orders them to go back to work.
“So you are with Kyle, now?”
Tweek tries to not perk up but his eyes travel to Stan’s table, ears highly trained to hear anything coming from Craig’s mouth. Stan has frozen over his paper and looks through his eyelashes to look at him.
“What?” His confusion is clear and Tweek feels the same– Craig is probably looking for gossip, he likes those, but he could also be into Kyle. “The fuck you are talking about?”
“About you missing classes and Kyle out of the closet.”
Tweek can see that Stan really doesn’t like the subject, probably even more if it comes from Craig. “Like you care, leave him alone,” he warns with a glare.
“Everybody talks about that.” Craig shrugs as if it isn’t a big deal and Tweek checks if Kenny is paying them any attention too. “Your whole group is always an orgy of drama.”
“Fuck you,” Stan spits out. Craig doesn’t even look sorry or concerned– just the usual handsome. “You know shit about us and what do you mean an orgy you asshole.”
“McCormick is enough,” he says and restarts to work on the project.
Kenny looks up from his phone to glance at them before he meets Tweek’s eyes. He doesn’t know what he sees in there but Kenny mouthing ‘he is so into me’ isn’t what he expected as an answer.
“What do you mean?” Stan asks with a perplexed frown.
It’s not impossible that Craig is into Kenny. Tweek won’t be able to handle it though. Kenny is a great guy and even though he hasn’t ‘fully’ experienced with him, he is pretty certain that he is a great lover and who would Craig be to say no to great sex? Tweek will die. Even if it starts just from getting laid, they will definitely fall in love with each other–holy shit Craig will be Kenny’s rebound guy from Butters and they will be all cosy and happy. Tweek will have to watch all of this and mourn his own love life. Craig would be an idiot to not see how great Kenny is.
“He fucks everyone doesn’t he?”
“Dude if you want to fuck with him just go ask him don’t talk to me.”
Tweek needs to curse Stan.
“The fuck no.”
He sounds pissed and it’s probably why Kenny smiles, leaning toward them. “Wanna take me for a ride C-”
A pencil case is smashed in his face and cuts his sentence. Tweek can’t help but snort at his small squwak. Craig throws a dirty look at Kenny after retrieving his pencil case and goes back to working. He probably isn’t interested in Kenny if he reacted like that.
Stan doesn’t seem to be bothered by Davíd anymore and looks not even jealous. They eat normally in the cafeteria and Kyle talks to him in the line for food. Tweek feels like he is missing something but he can’t pinpoint what it is. They chat about the ski trip and the disasters with it. Everyone knows that Cartman’s mom and Clyde’s dad fucked two years ago or so because Cartman screamed at the whole school when he walked on them too. Clyde also had a major breakdown when people started to say that they might end up as step-brothers. No one knows if their parents actually dated but they definitely fucked.
Tweek looks up at the new figures joining their tables. Wendy and Bebe don’t sit down, only holding their trails.
“Hey guys, just to say that we delivered the names for the Secret Santa of this year,” Wendy announces. “So you know what to do if you get yourself.”
“Alright, thanks,” Kyle says.
Tweek merely nods. They have started to do it years ago and while it’s not bad, it still gives him a lot of anxiety whenever he has to pick a gift. He has a whole list for Craig but never got him.
“I’m not doing it, why should I buy a gift for someone when I can keep it,” Cartman argues as he continues to take wide bites.
“Good, you aren’t playing this year anyway,” Bebe comments, looking at her nails.
“What?!”
Wendy rolls her eyes. “Later guys.”
They walk away before Cartman can find something to say. “See? That’s why women are bitches,” he grumbles, glaring at the tables heading to their table.
“Shut up, Cartman.” Kyle sighs. “I had completely forgotten about that secret thing.”
“Too busy sucking dicks,” Cartman mocks with his fake-innocent eyes fluttering.
“I barely find anything everytime,” Stan admits, ignoring him.
“Just give something that they like— for Clyde a taco,” Kenny simply advises, earning an exasperated look from his friend.
“That’s not fair. He is the easiest one and wouldn’t complain about getting one each year,” he comments.
“Wait, that’s why you gave me a Kermit last year?” Tweek blurts out over his thermos of coffee.
“You have a Kermit ?” Kyle asks with a conflicted frown.
“Everybody loves Kermit,” Kenny says with a nod, “and Tweek loves frogs too. 1+1=2 you know.”
Tweek glares at him. “It doesn’t mean I want it in my room!”
“Wait, why haven’t we seen it?” Stan asks, glancing between them two. “And aren’t we supposed to not tell who we had?”
“I keep it in my closet. I’m not letting it walk around— and who else could give me that!” Tweek exclaims.
“Yeah, I’m a genius,” Kenny confirms with a wide grin before he laughs when his shoulder is punched.
“You keep it in your closet?” Kyle parrots with a frown. A tired sigh escapes him and he shakes his head with closed eyes. “Tweek, I thought you were over that Toy Story fear.”
He can clearly see that Stan is holding back a laughter, probably picturing how Tweek put Kermit in a box, sealing it with everything he could find before burying it deep in his closet.
“But what if!” He argues because they are judging him. “Muppets have hands up their asses that’s enough for them to be angry and get possessed!”
Kenny nods in agreement with a serious look as if he isn’t the one who gave it to Kenny.
“You fucking spazz, it would just watch you sleep,” Eric comments without care, not even watching his reaction - a wide gasp.
Tweek gives a proper punch at Kenny when they get out of school, even though he took his side in the argument of toys hiding the fact that they might be alive, and promises himself that if he gets him this year he will find something horrible. If he can find something that could completely disgust him in Craig’s eyes, he wouldn’t complain.
He isn’t jealous. It’s just that Kenny is obviously promised to Butters and Craig would have his heart broken if he goes after him. Tweek is just being a good friend! First for Kenny and a bit for Craig - just being a regular kind classmate. Plus Kenny asked him to be his wingman with Butters, that’s why sneaks out of his house tonight. Officially, he is brought as a cockblock or the voice of reason for Kenny’s libido - but Tweek can figure out it’s better if he is a wingman. Kenny deserves a good boyfriend, who happens to not be Craig.
“You are— Rainbow Dash.”
Tweek brings back the icy drink to his brusen lips after reading the result of the quizz. He quietly reads the description of the results, sipping on the milkshake before glancing up to watch Kenny’s reaction - he is faking his frustration with a horrible grimace.
“God dammit,” Kenny dramatically groans out, flopping in his seat like he got shot. “I’m such a Rarity! I’m not just gay– this test is homophobic.”
He laughs, tasting his lips for the sticking sweet there. They decided to take a small stop before heading to Butters’, they had some time to kill and Tweek can see that Kenny is slightly stressed so he allows him some distraction before Butters and him finally see each other again. He might have awkward silences to fill in so he has thought of random facts to blurt out that could bring to another talk. To be honest, he doesn’t really expect to have to do that since Butters is chatty and would probably have a ton of things to say ever since he changed school. Tweek wonders if Butters might mention how Kenny obviously avoided him or ignore it, as gullible as he happens to be - he must have nothing that.
“You want to do another test?” He offers. They only grabbed some food and Kenny has finished a moment now.
“Nah, we should probably go,” Kenny admits and swats the empty bags in the back. He turns his car on and shuffles his old radio.
“Alright,” Tweek says and lets him put an old homemade tape in.
He browses through his social media once he catches on that Kenny wants some alone time. His people’s reading isn’t foolproof but he is pretty sure of that one. Tweek doesn’t post much about himself on the internet, only appearing through his friends sometimes; after all he doesn’t want the government to know much about him. When he does want to post something, it feels intimidating. It’s a bit like throwing a message in a bottle in the sea - he is scared someone will answer and at the same worries if he doesn’t get one, leaving him in this weird limbo of depreciation.
Craig’s gang seems to be having a small party at Clyde’s place. He tries to not rewind the stories more than four times but Tweek is really itching to catch any glimpse of a blue chullo hat. With a quick glance over the road he settles his phone next to his legs.
“So what are we going to do? Sneak in?” Tweek asks. “That’s the plan?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Kenny replies with a carefree sniff that makes Tweek’s nose itch. “He told me to text him when we are there so we will see then.”
His sandy hair is a bit tidier than usual but not quite, probably because he hadn’t managed to decide on which look to go with. He has mentioned that he would let them grow until he can tie them in a ponytail at least. Tweek wonders if long hair would suit himself but he has big doubts about it, even more when he barely thinks of brushing them everyday.
“People from his school won’t find out, right?”
“Apparently they don’t really check, plus what could happen? They can only throw us out and Le—Butters said they are cool as long as we aren’t noisy,” Kenny tells with a shrug, giving his attention only to the road.
It doesn’t fully comfort Tweek down but it is enough for him to not worry more about it. Tweek watches him nervously scratch his forearm.
“Hum, so, his roommate is cool?”
“Said so.”
He looks at him before tightening his lips. “Are you okay?”
Kenny frowns at the road. His jaw tenses for a moment before he sighs. “Yeah, sorry— I’m just stressed, tired, whatever. Maybe I should have wanked or something.”
“Not when I’m here.”
“I would have waited for you to go to the toilet,” he assures with a cheeky grin, probably forced.
Tweek childishly chuckles at his reply. He probably would have let him go on about it if he isn’t trying to prepare some emergency topics if the mood turns sour. If they are lucky they might watch or play something to pass the time.
He has never talked a lot with Butters. Maybe it’s mean of him but Tweek grew up sort of scared of what happens in the Stotch house - and so avoided going there as much as possible. Once, during middle school, Butters showed up with dark bruises all over him, definitely not from a fall in the stairs like he says but he has still been his old cheery and optimistic self. Tweek isn’t eager to get into people’s messes. Meeting Butters’ parents in the middle of a grocery shop was already stressful enough to not exactly want to hang out with him and face his parents. Even Kenny seems to fear them and that’s a clear sign that they are crazy.
They transfer their son so he might not do gay stuff; who does that? Assholes. It hasn’t even been because they saw him fucking another guy—no, their neanderthal brains only witnessed an almost kiss and flipped out. That is supposed to be evolution. The Stotch aren’t openly homophobic but still , if they could send ‘that kind of people’ on an island to never see them they would. This is still homophobic. At least Butters isn’t at one of those ‘reorientation camps’, though they have tried when he was younger. Though Tweek wouldn’t be surprised if it’s actually one as Butters only said that it is a nice high school.
Butters had mostly hung out with various groups back at South Park, even some kids from North Park but he has been pretty close with the girls. There had been a few rumors about him being genderfluid but it was nothing more than hushes - not enough for his parents to hear something else to get him grounded even if it seemed to be the truth. Tweek is certain Kenny knows the truth about it but never shared. Butters and him were really close. Always seeking for each other everyday, which Tweek would kindly tease him about it, if he isn’t the same kind of person. You just know that they are a match when you see them, platonic or not - there is something. Nobody calls Butters Leo except for Ken and nobody calls Kenny Ken except for Leo. They are like rare pairs of legos, if you lose one then you can just give your hopes up for another one.
Tweek isn’t oblivious, so he can’t say he is surprised that his friend has feelings for Butters. Even if he doesn’t approve of Kenny's reaction after their almost kiss, they should have talked about it. He might do the same if he had a wild chance to kiss Craig. It could happen if they were both drunk or through a dare. Would Tweek ever say no to get one kiss from Craig? Small chances.
A shuffle makes him focus on the driver, busy with his car mirror to adjust his hair instead of paying attention to the traffic light.
“The- Kenny! The road!” Tweek violently shrieks - even going to grab the wheel for an emergency.
At his horror, Kenny only heartfully laughs. Even when his hands are back on the wheel he can’t feel reassured.
“Since Stan and Kyle are talking again, you think they are hanging out tonight?” Kenny wonders.
“I hope so,” he half-mutters, “maybe at Kyle’s since his parents aren’t here.”
“Mmh, they could fuck.”
“Even if they did talk about their feelings I don’t think they would go that fast,” Tweek kindly argues though he can’t help but hope so for them. Quickly curious, he takes his phone in hand to look for some hint what the two Super Best Friends might be doing. They seem to have disappeared, maybe to get some time all alone. “I hope they finally talk.”
“Yeah, people should fuck, not be angry at each other.” Tweek laughs at his words and shakes his head with a smile. “Can’t wait to see who won the bet,” Kenny adds with a mischievous tone.
“I still feel bad about it.”
“What, we are just trying to guess who will top or bottom and who is the little spoon. I’m a hundred percent sure that Stan would be the little spoon.”
“Well Kyle is more a knife than a spoon.”
The road isn’t that long. Sometimes Tweek wonders which of them between Butters and him are the most fucked up - Leopold with abusing parents and bullied as a child or Tweek with… stuffs. There isn’t a right way to compare. Kenny’s life is also a painful one but he has this rash energy and desire to conquer the odds. He has his down times and Tweek tries to be here for him but somehow he has some control over it–he is like a sage who has fought without losing their true essence.
From outside, Butters’ high school seems normal, not as new as the one South Park and North Park share but not creepily old either. The dormitory is a bit fancier and for a brief second Tweek is really interested by the prospect of it. There are no grids over the windows nor surveillance cameras from what he can see. It feels a bit anticlimatic when he knows it’s Butters’ parents who sent him there.
“Are they not going to find your car weird? At night, in front of a dormitory and was never here before?”
“There are other cars.” Kenny turns off his own.
“Yeah okay but, maybe-”
“Tweek, we aren’t infiltrating some group. If they are suspicious they aren’t going to destroy the car.” They share a look before Tweek anxiously glances back to outside. Kenny moistens his lips before he grabs his friend's shoulder, startling him a bit. “You want me to drive you back?”
Tweek roughly turns around to frown at him. He isn’t sure if Kenny is saying that to have a way out or is genuinely worried, either way it won’t work. “No. I’m okay.”
The cold is a careless sensation on his skin when they step out. He has a small jacket on but it’s purely for the style. Whatever makes Tweek insensitive to the cold might actually make him worry so he tries to not think too much about it.
Kenny settles his arms on his car’s roof with a goofy smile. “So for Christmas you want an Elmo?” he jokes, cracking into a throaty laugh when Tweek glares at him.
“I will kick your ass! I can’t deal with two possessed muppets in my room.”
“It’s just a muppet!”
“No it’s not!” He shrieks and only flips him off because he is too far to punch him. “Wait— you don’t actually have me this year, right?”
Kenny shakes his head. “Who did you get? Me?”
“No but I’m not telling you more,” he replies.
This year he has to find something for Nichole, which will probably be one of those BL manga she always talks about. That’s going to be a nightmare to get and Tweek fears that he falls into it too because from what she says, it’s the best stories ever.
“Ken!”
Tweek looks behind Kenny to recognize the figure of the cheerful voice. Butters, fitted with a baby pink sweatshirt, jogs toward them with a smile competing with the sun even in the middle of the night. Kenny barely has the time to return the greeting that he is caught in a big hug. He seems to have grown a few inches - he is taller than Kenny.
“Uh, hey Butters,” he returns with an awkward embrace and a clear throat. His torment slips out with the lower tone he was using. His eyes search for Tweek who just gives an awkward smile.
Tweek hesitates to walk over since they seemed to have a moment. Butters looks at Kenny with words waiting on his lips but instead he glances to notice him.
“Hi Tweek,” he sheepishly greets as he shifts on his feet, hands now holding on Kenny’s jacket.
“Hi -ngh- we aren’t late, right?” He tries to start the conversation as he joins them. His hands are already tugging on his sleeves.
“No, not at all,” Butters smiles, “I just came so you fellas don’t have troubles.” Butters doesn’t seem to notice the few steps away Kenny has taken in a half-manner to stretch. “Come on, I even got marshmallows!”
Tweek forces a friendly smile and doesn’t miss the chance to roughly nudge his friend when he doesn’t follow Butters right away. He could already feel that it is going to be awfully awkward. The thing is to see if it would be because of Kenny’s lame tactics to avoid Butters or how hard Butters tries to be friendly with them without obviously ignoring Tweek. He braces himself to follow Butters and Kenny inside the dormitory.
“Ben asked something to get the supervisor distracted,” Butters confides with a canny grin.
“That’s your roommate, right?” Kenny politely asks, earning a fantastic view on Butters’ dimples when he nods.
Tweek has decided to stay in the back in case they want to talk only between them two. Just as he is about to follow them in another corridor, Kenny grabs him and turns him around.
He gives him a confused look. “What?”
Kenny grimaces. “I can’t do it.”
Tweek frowns and retrieves his arm to, without true anger, punch his shoulder. “What the fuck are you saying now! We are already here,” he hisses with a twitching eye.
“I can’t do it!” Kenny growls back just as he hits him back.
He gasps and returns the fist. “You are! I didn’t come for nothing!” He tries to keep his volume low for Butters to not hear.
“Did you see his ass?! I swear he was swaying his hips— Tweek I want to-“
“Of course I didn’t! Keep it in your pa- Butters,” Tweek squeaks when he notices him curiously frowning at them not far away.
Kenny swipes around, practically hitting Tweek in the process. If he squints, he can see the top of his ears pinkening.
“Is something wrong?” Butters whispers as if they are in a game. His knocking knuckles brushes off the small reassurance he wants to show.
“No Leo— Butters, nothing is wrong,” Kenny replies just as his hand flies to the back of his head as if he brushes them and directs a discret middle finger at Tweek. “Well, uh, maybe-“
“We were just talking -argh- about Stan and Kyle!” Tweek cuts and pushes his way to join Butters who had grown more puzzled with Kenny’s speech. “You know they were in a fight and -ngh- they just made up but Kenny thinks they should already jump into something without -uhn- thinking.”
Kenny almost has the time to openly glare at him but Butters glances at him with his doe-like eyes. He clears his throat and stuffs his hands into his anorak. “Yeah.”
“Well they should, right?” Butters immediately agrees with a smile crinkling his unmatched eyes. “Ken is good at that stuff, I think he is right.”
Tweek shrugs with a half-smile when he realizes that his words are directed at him– as if he is daring him to disagree. If it isn’t a lie, he would have wondered why he is directly agreeing with Kenny without even knowing the full story.
Kenny mouths to him ‘traitor’ when they continue to follow Butters in the corridor. Tweek ignores him to type a text to Stan and Kyle after he decides he shouldn’t try his chance asking advice to Cartman. Tweek tries to not worry at the lack of signs from both of them and wishes they could be here to help him deal with this tension.
Butters’ shared room looks comfy enough to not be miserable. It’s obviously separated in the middle, offering the same things from one side to another. They have working heaters, which might not sound incredible, but Tweek is relieved to know they aren’t just stocked here without a care about their comfort.
He freezes at the sight of a crop top, mini-skirt, two garters and the freaking heart-shaped choker– and is that a cat-eared headband. Fucking hell. All of which is Hello Kitty themed and definitely sexual. Kenny also completely stopped, going as far as not breathing anymore. Tweek glances at him to check if his brain hadn’t exploded. Kenny has his erection face on.
“Hamburgers, sorry I forgot,” Butters chirps and quickly takes his clothes off of his bed with a guilt-free smile, “I was tidying my closet and I didn’t want you to wait in the cold.”
Tweek is this close to having a heart-attack because this was definitely a thirst-trap and somehow he just had to witness this. Honestly, he doesn’t want to know Kenny’s taste because he is already aware enough but he can see that it worked perfectly.
“Kenny,” Tweek hisses, taking advantage of Butters putting these forbidden clothes in the closet, and kicks him in the shin when his eyes don’t move from the bed. He finally looks up to him but there are no thoughts behind his eyes. This is going to be hell.
It’s obvious that Butters planned this and he can’t believe that there is nothing that could convince him otherwise. Tweek doesn’t really want to judge but feels like he has a right since he got in the middle of this situation - a braindead Kenny who just smiles and nods at whatever Butters is saying as he puts on a movie on his laptop. He really hopes Butters isn’t an exhibionist and just… a bit slutty because this is never going to leave his mind. This is some Professor Chaos bullshit plans but now it’s to get into Kenny’s pants? Talk about a new low for villains.
If Tweek wasn’t here, sitting next to the two, they would probably be going at it. It’s even worse than third-wheeling Kyle and Stan on a normal day - they don’t completely forget that Tweek is here or tangle their feet like some nuns trying to flirt. He tries to text them another time but they don’t even seem to have read his previous texts. With how his mind keeps turning around the picture of the clothes, inadvertently picturing Butters wearing them, he has to speak about it before his brain explodes. His friends are a short list so Tweek has to weigh down pros and cons before deciding that texting Tolkien is his safest option.
Tweek - 22:41pm
Help
Tolkien - 22:42pm
?
He is that type of person to text with only punctuation marks. It slightly annoys him but he can’t really complain.
Tweek - 22:42pm
I think I’m in the middle of a weird freaking sex date between Butters and Kenny
Tolkien - 22:42pm
What
The fuck
Tweek - 22:42pm
I saw something I shouldn’t have
Tolkien - 22:42pm
Wait.
Tweek frowns at his screen until he has a notificiation that he is added in a groupchat.
You were added in the group chat: dork + Red Racer + weak boner = Craig Tucker
-Tolkien: we’re all hanging and they keep looking over my shoulder
-Jimmy: *gasp*
not true
-Clyde: Tolkien is lying
but what’s going on with Butters and Kenny
are they boinging
-Craig: did you just write boinging
-Jimmy: sound of me fucking your mom
-Tweek: Oh my god
-Tolkien: they are drunk
-Craig: what’s going on Tweek?
-Tweek: urh
you cant tell anyone
-Clyde: THREESOMEE?
-Jimmy: *gasp*
-Tweek: NONO??
THEY AREI
IM NOT
Kenny and Butters met up but keny didnt want to go alone so I had to go with him but Im spretty sure tis a DATE
-Tolkien: Why?
-Jimmy: why is Kenny scared of Butters?
-Tweek: it’s complicated
but
I saw something
- Craig: what?
-Tweek: I think Butters wanted to thirsttrasp Keny to fuck
-Clyde: like in real life?? How?
just asking
-Jimmy: bro
-Clyde: :( learning from the gays isn’t a sin
-Craig: never fucking speak ever again
-Tweek: on butters bed was a full
uh
sexy?? Hello kitty outfit
-Clyde: WHAT
-Tolkien: Hello Kitty?
like Butters dressing up as a cat or real hello kitty clothes
-Tweek: uuuuh both?
-Jimmy: holy moly
-Tweek: crop top, skirt, garnets and all
-Jimmy: GARNETS
-Tweek: headband and choker too
-Tolkien: he wans’t wearing it but it was on his bed?
-Tweek: yee,,?
It worked on Kenny though he had his boner face on but like
Butters said he was cleaning his closet and forgot to put it back in
But everything was pretty clear and not folded so like
Clyde sent a picture
Clyde sent a picture
Clyde sent a picture
-Clyde: this?
-Craig: wtf
-Tweek: THIS IS IT
-Clyde: OMG BUTTERSIS A LUST
SLUT
-Jimmy: Tweek you’re in the middle of two horny teenager
run
-Tweek: THIS ISNT UFNYN
-Craig: you should leave them too
can’t mccormick deal with his alone
-Clyde: yea Tweek they can’t fuck with you in the same room
I mean they can but
yeah
-Tweek: I cant,
Kenny drove us here
-Clyde: u into it?
-Craig: omfg shut uP Clyde
-Tweek: NOBUT IT PROMISE
I PROMISED KENNY I WOULDNT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN
-Jimmy: why??
-Tweek: Im here as a cockblocker
-Tolkien: Tweek wtf would you agree
We are talking about Kenny
and Butters is as horny as him I guess
-Clyde: hey we can pick u up:!!!
-Jimmy: we are all drunk
-Tolkien: we could call a taxi?
-Tweek: no no no its fine
i cant leave Kenny alone
even if I want to
-Craig: really?
-Tolkien: you’re just going to stay there?
-Tweek: yeah
it’s not so bad
If I could forget about Butters’ hello kitty dress up though I owuld be better
-Clyde: not gonna lie
-Tolkien: omg Clyde
-Clyde: ITS NOT THAT WEIRD??
-Jimmy: the choker is definitely for a leash, just saying
-Craig: you two shut up
-Tweek: uh
why is that the name of the groupchat
-Jimmy: you wouldn’t believe me
-Clyde: haha
Clyde changed the name of the groupchat to OnlyBors
Clyde changed the name of the groupchat to Only Brps
-Clyde: just having fun
my man Craig does NOT have a weak boner
-Tolkien: clyde stop
Craig left the groupchat
Tweek is a bit perplexed but supposes that they were just having fun at Craig’s expense. He only wanted the context, though from their reaction it's a secret and he shouldn’t pry. For a second he might almost believe that Clyde knows what he is talking about when it’s about Craig’s boner but Tweek doubts these two would be into each other - at least Craig isn’t from what he heard from him.
He doesn’t even know what the movie is about but it looks pretty cool - not worth this weird movie night with two horny people in denial next to him so Tweek plans to watch Nimona by himself whe he can. Butters shifts on his spot, coming closer to Kenny inches by inches.
Kenny’s head unnaturally turns to Tweek with a wide pleading look. Tweek doesn’t give him a deadpan, opting to be at least supportive, but he is never going to put a finger between these two when they look ready to eat each other’s faces. Butters has the laptop on his lap, so he is sitting in the middle, and now Tweek should scoff over too if he wants a proper look at the sceen. He only gratifies his attention to Kenny, though he doesn’t really try to talk with them, but Tweek could be dead and have the same impact. He doesn’t really mind though he worries what might start beside him; if it wasn’t impolite he would put his earphones on. Tweek doesn’t even need to be a wingman but he also can’t leave since Kenny is the one who drove here and there aren’t any buses left - he has checked.
They are laughing about something and he makes the mistake to check on them to see how their eyes linger on each other for far too long when there is a movie playing in front of them. He would take Stan and Kyle anytime over these two.
“I’m really happy you are here,” Butters whispers.
Kenny clears his throat and obviously sends an S.O.S signal to Tweek who ignores it to look at his phone. Why the fuck did he come again?
“Sure, me too.”
Because Kenny is too stupid to see that Butters wants to make out with him and brush each other’s hair. Butters smiles and puts his head on his shoulder. If Tweek doesn’t hear the explosion inside Kenny, he easily pictures it. Their hairs are almost the opposite shade of each other, complementary and suiting so well together that Tweek feels like an alien even if he is also blond. Tweek can’t see what other discussion they have but Butters takes a few seconds before looking back at the movie.
Tweek isn’t sure what to think since he has never been that close to the Stotch son. But his words sound too priceless to be simply friendly. He nervously checks his texts and discreetly grimaces at no new messages. Though he could text Tolkien again or their whole gang again but Tweek can’t bring himself to.
Butters remembers about the marshmallows after a moment but Kenny stops him to go fetch them himself even though it’s right on the desk on their right. He is clearly stretching his legs and adjusting his pants but Tweek keeps quiet, even when he sits back on the bed and Butters snuggles up to him. They don’t offer him marshmallows for five minutes before remembering that Tweek is right here .
The door slowly opens at some point. Kenny hastily pauses the movie and they watch the new figure quietly walk in, trying to be as quiet as possible before realizing they spotted him. Tweek can guess it might be Ben, Butters’ roommate, and he has fantastic blue hair that you can even notice in a dim room. He pauses to watch them before signing at his desk and walks up to it to pick up a book from a drawer. Tweek tries to send him a S.O.S in morse code with his eyes but it doesn’t seem to work. Though Ben’s eyes pause on him with a slight incomprehension before walking out.
“His hair is really cool,” Butters comments. “I like it.”
Kenny doesn’t answer and Tweek checks on him with a swift glance to realize he just realized how Butters and him are in each other’s face by his grimace and his attempt at moving his hips away.
Tweek clears his throat and feels bad enough for him to speak. “Yeah.”
Kenny fills his cheeks with too many marshmallows and Butters glances at Tweek before he starts to leave some breathing space between him and Kenny. He really completely forgot about their third wheel.
Tweek decides to try his luck with Stan or Kyle again but he is still ignored. Which is starting to be odd because Kyle always has his phone with him and annoyingly never really puts it on mute. He sends to the two of them a ‘I should’ve left you on that street corner where you were standing‘ to make clear that he is not happy with them and better not ask him for anything.
He could hear some whispers between Kenny and Butters, almost talking in each other's ears. Kenny has some amazing self-control to still be here. They seem to only be speaking about the movie but they are too big assholes to share with Tweek even if he hasn’t followed what’s going on outside from the pink character being a shapeshifter.
Tweek has never been on a date up until now. He also never thought his first date would be as a third-wheel. Kenny will probably disagree with him, insisting that he would have never brought him to a date like that, but Butters definitely thinks that’s one by the look of it.
Jimmy texts him privately, asking how it is going, but Tweek has nothing else to add than what he says before so he just replies with ‘still the worst date ever’. He will probably share with the rest of his friends. In exchange—without asking but Tweek is happy nonetheless, he gets a picture of Craig mixing something for Clyde to drink. A horrible dare by the colour of the drink and the distress on Clyde’s face before he spits all of it in the sink.
It’s when Tweek needs a distraction and reaches for a marshmallow that he spots one of Butters’ legs between Kenny’s. Retracting his hand to watch with confusion the proximity, Tweek sinks in a breath. His friend looks desperate by the tense line of his jaw, with a shaky smile, and he can recognize the angle of his eyes that they might as well be petting each other and it would have the same effect. Tweek has watched a dozen of cheesy films to know that it’s not how you would act around friends. Even Kenny when he is flirty and touch-starved isn’t that touchy.
But it is also Butters , the last kid in South Park to understand that riding someone isn’t on their back like on ponies.
It’s particularly embarrassing to watch two people hugging like their life depends on it when you only got a ‘see ya’ as a goodbye; not that Tweek minds the lack of attention that much. This unnecessary sexual tension will kill him but thankfully he probably won’t have to deal with theirs and Stan and Kyle’s since Butters changed school. He is never going to anything if there are only Butters and Kenny. Tweek would rather spend a night in his closet with his cursed Kermit.
Kenny looks at Tweek, looking for obvious help during the hug as if he is mangled by a wild bear. Though after a minute Tweek starts to worry that he might never let Kenny go. Butters has a sad pout, abslutely heartbreaking, and Tweek feels bad enough to just give him Kenny and never come back.
“That was so much a date,” Tweek breathes out when they are a few miles away from one of the worst moments of his life.
Kenny scoffs without tact and shifts on his seat, waiting for the green light. “It wasn’t a date. I had many dates, that wasn’t one. You fuck during dates. We didn’t even kiss—because I controlled myself. See?”
Tweek answers with a deadpan look but decides to not mention his obvious boner through the night. “You’re rambling! Kenny, I was right next to -urgh- both of you the whole time! And thank God you -argh- didn’t jump on him!”
He ponders to mention that Butters wouldn’t have probably mind that when Kenny scoffed— again .
“No.”
“He was almost climbing on you! I’m serious Kenny,” he argues. “And that fucking Hello Kitty sexy suit! What do you think it was for?! There were no other clothes out except for that” Tweek takes a deep breath to gather words, “we saw how Stan and Kyle act -ngh- around each other. Alright, Butters doesn’t act like them but -er- he was only talking to you. You brought me in the middle of your date!”
“I didn’t,” Kenny exclaims and glances at him before looking back at the road. “Tweek I swear it wasn’t a date, Butters is always like that. We used to cuddle and watch movies together before. Why do you think I was scared to see him again?” Kenny pauses, moistens his lips and shakes his head. “It’s natural for a guy whose parents are assholes to be that touch-starved. Butters compensate for me, that’s all.”
“That doesn’t explain everything,” Tweek frowns.
“Tweek, please.”
“Kenny.”
Their eyes confront each other before Kenny stubbornly looks away. “Look, it’s a good thing that I agreed to see him.” Tweek would have smiled if it wasn't for the next words. “It’s clear why me and Butters really shouldn’t happen.”
“What?” He croaks out, not noticing that they arrived in his street, “what the hell are you -ngh- talking about, man?”
Kenny keeps quiet and parks in front of Tweek’s house.
“Do we need to talk about it now? I have a hookup in ten minutes,” he replies with disinterest.
“Wha– Kenny! Don’t try that shit now!” Tweek takes out the car key without thinking, probably would have thrown it through the window if it was open.
“What the— I know how to start a car without the key, you know that right?” Kenny retorts with a frustrated frown.
“I will bite you if you try!” He retorts with the same intense glare. “What is that shit about you and Butters not possible? You -argh- like him! You even said you wanted to eat his ass! And I’m pretty sure he likes you back. Did you see his thirst-trap?”
“I’m a man of taste! You can’t say that he doesn’t have a great ass!”
“I don’t want -argh- to look at that! It’s not my crush !”
“And I don’t want him to be my crush either!” Kenny shouts with wide stormy eyes. “What the fuck would I do with a guy like him! His dad already tried to kill me! I have nothing that could interest Butters. He doesn’t need trash .”
Tweek twitchs with an exasperated snarl but he only glares at the car key in his hand. “Man, don’t say that.”
“I will never get out of here. Maybe I don’t live with my parents anymore but,” Kenny articulates. He can recognize his next breath, a struggle to not cry. “Maybe I won’t be like them but I’m stuck here, in South Park. I will never get into college or get enough money to start a new life. I—I just want to make sure Karen can. And if I can do the same for Leo it’s enough.”
“That’s-that’s not…”
“You can’t tell me anything when you think the same, Tweek,” Kenny argues with a mutter and a daze in his dark eyes that clashes with Tweek’s conflicted gasp. “I will never have what I need to go to college– just like your parents don't plan to help you to get out.”
“It’s not about me,” he weakly retorts after a quick glance at his house.
“I know,” Kenny apologizes under his breath and his hands shuffle in his worn-out anorak pockets. “It’s just South Park. Not everybody can escape this shithole.”
Tweek’s jaw tenses. Kenny and his companionship has partly come from that - Kyle and Stan will definitely find a way to get out of here but them two? They could live but probably end up homeless or dead.
“I get it.”
“I do think you could go for it and get out of here,” Kenny says. “Like getting a gig with your music. Even if you are scared, I’m sure that-“
“I know,” Tweek cuts with a violent twitch. “Don’t fucking analyze me.”
“I’m not-“
“Then don’t talk like you know shit.”
“Don’t be a bitch.”
“I’m going to be bitch when you’re one.”
“Then tell me honestly, what would you do?” Kenny inquires with his face all tortured around a randomness of emotions. Tweek wants to hug him. “If you were in my shoes—alcoholic parents that won’t leave you alone, only have shitty jobs to barely get food. Would you try to date Leo?”
Tweek wants to say that he should confess nevertheless– that he can’t predict how the future will go and that maybe doing that step will bring him to better things; but then he thinks about Craig and how fucked up Tweek’s brain is to be that obsessed about this poor guy who probably don’t pay attention to him. Even in the craziest world where Craig might be like Butters’s shoes, and Tweek in Kenny’s, adding on that Craig’s life seems pretty okay from afar – Tweek wouldn’t date him. It would destroy him to see Craig stopping to love him when they really get to know each other; if he doesn’t kill him first with his madness. They aren’t soulmates like Kyle and Stan.
“Maybe-”
“I’m not going to put Leo in my shitty life when he should have everything in the world.” Kenny’s Adam’s apple jumps before his head miserably settles against the headboard.
“I don’t want to hurt him,” he pleads with a morose voice.
“You’re— you’re not bad -ugh- at school,” Tweek starts, “you could have a scholarship or-or something.”
“Yeah,” he scoffs, “same chances for me to win the lottery, and I don’t even play.” With a frown, he encourages his friend to answer his previous question. “What would you do?”
Tweek glances at the car key as he nibbles his lower lip. He is also scared, just like him, and he is no one to give him a lecture. Reluctantly, he hands them with a small shake of his head.
“I just think he likes you,” he whispers without his previous confidence. After all, Tweek isn’t an optimist. What would be the use of it?
“I don’t think so,” Kenny waves off, “Leo just cares. He is going to leave for university, get his parents off his back and he will have a nice life. I’m fine with that.”
“You’re not,” Tweek mutters back, not doubting that he wishes for the best but there is an intense longing in his words, and takes off the seatbelt. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Sure.” He looks at him before his hands fly through his hair. “Sorry, it wasn’t an easy night. I didn’t mean—you know.”
“It’s alright, Kenny.” With a shrug, he opens, breathing in the relief mingled in with winter air. He doesn’t step out of it until he turns to have a look at his friend. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?”
Kenny’s planned hook-up is probably real and waiting on him, but he accepts and properly parks his car before sneaking in with Tweek. The moment they pass his treshold, they both lose curl on their lips but neither mention it. They are fine, staying quiet next to each other to not compare their heartbroken thoughts. Tweek wants to say that his company is priceless and almost makes everything not so bad but he is too tired. He quietly takes a bag of pretzels and a cup of coffee, struggling to worry about Kenny and everything they said.
He still thinks that Butters should have his word in the discussion but Kenny would never ask him in any way; too worried that he would cause him some guilt or pity and Tweek can fully understand why. What if it is about Craig - Tweek is just ogling like one who does at their favorite actors because he is obsessed. Something as unhealthy as his addiction can’t be love. Tweek never grew up with natural and healthy thoughts, it disgusts him but doesn’t know how to be worthy. It’s fine if he stays alone and watches, helping others find their happiness - maybe Tweek will manage to handle himself in a few years.
But he doesn’t have the same courage as Kenny, or the knowledge to enjoy the smallest thing. Maybe the most important factor here is that his friend has something to fight for. Siblings always change something in your life - Tweek watched it through his friends but never experienced it.
It might be why Kyle is so mature. Kenny is too but likes to be carefree more than often. Stan’s sister isn’t something Tweek knows much about, just that Stan and her finally got along when she left for college; and their parents’ divorce gave them a good bonding subject. Cartman seems to only care about himself and Tweek is convinced that he would have killed his siblings if he had some.
Tweek probably would have grown more anxious and unstable if he had a little sibling—his parents would have definitely forced him to babysit as soon as he could talk. But maybe it would have been better. Not for his imaginary little sister or brother, because they would have learnt how to do coffee at their first step just like Tweek; both pushed into the coffee shop to do the chores and have to bury down the need to scream at their parents.
Most of the time Tweek feels like he is at a train station, not anxious about the crowd itself but about what they are doing here. Everybody has a destination and Tweek would still be in the back. Until a train crushes him.
His parents plan to make him work in the family business. If he is lucky he could get out of South Park if they open a shop in another city, which won’t probably happen. They aren’t really ambitious, just coffee-lovers. And no matter how much Tweek loves coffee and an excuse to bake—he doesn’t plan to work in this or any other coffee shop if he can help it.
He would have to pick economics or ‘something that will be useful for the family business’ if he goes to college and not be disowned. Family business is such a fake term. Tweek’s family is not a family. Tweek feels alone, getting fake attention just so his parents have nothing to feel bad for.
Younger, he did hope that his mother would do something. But she either doesn’t want to disagree with his father or simply only cares about Tweek because he is useful. The latter is too painful to think about, Tweek settles on something less dramatic.
With heavy dark bags under his eyes, but without the desire to sleep, Tweek settles in his bed with a last look at Kenny sleeping, bundled in his blanket.