Panic Attack
Glass shatters, and Steve is thrown forward by the momentum of the Valkyrie hitting the ice. He manages to land on his hands and knees, gasping as a wave of ice and water hit him, drenching him instantly.
He shivers and tries to breathe in the freezing air. It knifes down his throat, and his lungs don’t want to expand.
Clenching fists, there’s a sharp pain as hands grip the rubble caused by the fight earlier, caused by the impact. The same pain in the knees where he had fallen into it.
The water swirls around him, pulling heat out from his body and he shivers.
Steve can’t breathe, and he’s not even completely submerged yet. He considers swimming, wondering if he would be pulled down by the currents caused by the sinking machine.
He wonders if the drowning would be quicker than the freezing. Or if the serum will try to prevent that too.
Hours seem to pass as he stays there, gasping, slowly freezing.
Something brushes his shoulder, and he startles, throwing himself back. He hits something, and maybe he's lucky nothing sharp was on it to impale himself on.
Someone approaches, and for one hysterical moment, he thinks it’s the Red Skull, back from wherever the Tesseract pulled him. But no. They have dark hair, and a familiar face. Hands held where Steve can see them as they kneel down in front of him.
“Buck,” He tries to say, through chattering teeth. Feeling relieved, Steve closes his eyes. He must be dying, and Bucky is here to take him home. He opens them when the water pouring into the ship slows and stops. It’s no longer swirling, he can no longer feel it. I must be dead, he thinks to himself.
Bucky reaches out for him, but Steve needs to say something first. Before Bucky takes him. Although, once he says it, he’s not sure if Bucky will want to take him with him anymore. But he has to say it. He never got the chance, after Bucky died, and now that Steve is dead too, he can.
“I’m sorry, Buck. I missed you so much, I’m so sorry that I let you fall, I’m sorry that I let you die. I’m so sorry.”
The words don’t come out as well as he wants them too. He wonders if it takes practice, talking when you’re dead, since there’s no air. The words come out mumbled and stilted. Forced from numb lips, past the pain in his chest.
Bucky frowns at him, and says something that Steve can’t understand. He wonders if he’s back to being half deaf. If it is part of his punishment, to go back to the weak thing he was in death. But if that’s the price he must face for his failure, he will gladly pay it.
If that’s what it takes to be with Bucky again.
Bucky reaches out and smoothes back the hair on his forehead, before firmly pulling him up. Steve stumbles, falling back into Bucky, who catches him around the waist.
Steve holds on tight, shaking.
“Are we dead?” He whispers into Bucky’s ear. It’s strange that Steve’s so tall, if he’s back to how he was before. “You’re dead. I'm pretty sure I am too,” he mumbles, letting his head fall into Bucky’s neck. Bucky is so warm, and Steve has frozen to death. Maybe he’s going to have to stay here after all. “I’m sorry you’re dead. It’s all my fault. I should have caught you. I should have, should’ve died, then. Not you. I missed you, I’m sorry I killed you.” Bucky’s shoulders hitch, and he walks backwards, pulling Steve gently away from the ruins of the ship.
Bucky grabs something, and wraps it around Steve’s shoulders. A few steps later, and he’s pushing Steve back and down. Steve falls gracelessly, still unable to breathe clearly. He must have asthma again.
Bucky turns to go, to leave him again. Steve cries out, reaching forward to snag Bucky’s hand.
Somethings dig into his hand, but he refuses to let go. “Please,” he begs, “please don’t leave me yet.” He can’t breathe again. Only shallow breaths as he watches Bucky through blurry eyes.
Bucky turns back, and kneels in front of him, eyes sad. He leans in and places a kiss on Steve’s forehead, before taking his hand and placing it gently over his heart. Bucky reaches out, gently wiping at Steve’s cheek with his thumb, fingers tucked under his ear. Bucky leaves his hand there. Says something, Steve still can’t hear past the wind, and breathes deeply. After a couple breathes, Steve copies.
He closes his eyes, slumping against Bucky, exhausted.
They breathe.
The rushing in his ears die down.
“There you go, sweetheart. You’re doin’ great,” Bucky murmurs, rumbling beneath Steve’s fingers. Steve opens his eyes again, and looks around. There’s Bucly, still kneeling in front of him, eyes sad, hair escaping the tail he had put it in. Glancing around the bathroom, he winces when he sees glass and water from the broken shower all over the room. Steve’s still in his soaking uniform. He must have stepped in the shower fully dressed still, after he returned from his mission. There’s a towel around his shoulders, and he’s still shivering from the cold water.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
Bucky shakes his head, and gives Steve a small smile.
“Nothing to be sorry for. You with me again, doll?”
When Steve nods, Bucky kisses his cheek.
“I’m going to get the tweezers from the first aid kit and get the glass out of your hands. Then, we’re going to get you out of those wet things and warm you up a little. Ok Stevie?”
Steve shudders, closing his eyes briefly, but nods.
“Ok, good. Wait here.” Bucky kisses his cheek again, and stands.
Steve watches him leave.