Broken Down
Bucky can feel the pull of consciousness, but he chooses to ignore it. Maybe it’ll go away if he keeps his eyes closed.
He fades away again.
The next time, he can’t fall away into sleep, but stays in his bed all the same. He doesn’t want to get up. He floats, listening apathetically to the sounds of his house. He can feel the sun on his bed, trying to coax him up. But his limbs are heavy and his eyes refuse to remain open. It’s easier to just lay here.
He wishes he could fall back asleep.
Bucky doesn’t know how long he lays there. But eventually, there’s scratching at his door. With a whimper, he squeezes his eyes shut, hoping it’ll go away. It stops, briefly. Only to start again.
His eyes start to water as he thinks of getting up, facing the day.
Gotta feed the cat, he tells himself. You just have to feed the cat. That’s all. You can do this. It doesn’t help much.
Alpine starts crying in the hall, and Bucky grips his hair, curling in on himself.
You can do this. He tells himself again. Still laying there, he breathes until Alpine yowls, scratching more frantically.
He pushes himself up onto his elbows, letting his head hang down, already breathing hard. Slowly, he pushes himself up, and slides off the bed, so he’s kneeling on the floor, propped up by the bed. When Alpine yowls again, his breath hitches.
Please don’t make me. Please don’t make me. Please just let me die. Please.
He pushes himself up, urged on by the scratching at the door.
The blood rushes to his head, and he falls again.
He breathes. He’s not going to cry over getting out of bed. He’s not going to cry because he has to feed the cat.
He pushes himself back up, and gets to the door. He opens it.
Alpine meows, runs in and winds around his legs.
Shakily, Bucky makes the trip to the kitchen. He stands blankly, trying to remember why he came in.
Alpine meows.
Right… The cat.
He takes a couple deep breaths, and opens a cupboard. Closes it. Moves to another. Curses silently to himself and returns to the first one.
Taking out a random can, he opens it. He’s too tired to deal with mixing it with dry food, so he places it on the floor.
Alpine runs up and starts eating. Bucky stumbles back to his room and flops on the bed.
His phone starts buzzing, but he ignores it in favor of closing his eyes and unconsciousness