Chapter 2
When Steve first went missing, as much as Bucky knew it was his own fault. The day it happened, the rest of the team had been summoned for a mission. The debrief seemed simple enough, a lower level alien threat that Bucky really paid no mind to. His vibranium arm had been sore as hell the past few weeks, so it has been determined days ago that he would be benched for the next few assignments. He hadn’t loved the idea of Stevie going out there without him to cover his six, but ultimately, as much as he hated it, he knew Steve was more than capable of taking care of himself and he was in a lot of pain. He finds himself distracted, eyes fluttering around the room before landing on Steve, like they always do.
They made an agreement early on to not sit across from each other. If there’s anything Bucky knows for certain in this world it’s that he is in love with Steven Grant Rogers, and he’s never exactly been good at hiding it. The first couple of meetings before they made the pact, Bucky found himself lost in his sweetheart’s eyes, trying to challenge him to a game of footsie under the table. Steve, to his credit, did try his best to ignore Bucky’s gaze, citing the “need to be professional Buck.” But more often than not, he found himself returning Bucky’s dopey smiles, inadvertently spurring him on. Needless to say, Fury had been less than thrilled by the lovebirds, making them stay after a meeting to scold them. Bucky didn’t give a damn, and he never has, but the lecture had embarrassed Steve, and as much as Bucky loved to see his baby blush, he would never purposely do anything to upset him.
So, under the new rules, on this snowy day in November, Bucky and Steve sit next to each other. Thor is rambling, giving every possible detail about the threat the team is about to face and Bucky is bored. Turning to face Steve, he watches him take notes, his tongue pressed against his teeth and his brow slightly furrowed in concentration. Impulsively, Bucky reaches for his hand under the table and Steve instinctively laces their fingers together, without batting an eye.
“With all that being said, I think this mission would be a great opportunity for the young Stark to gain some much needed combat experience.”
Immediately, the room perks up, and Bucky tears his eyes away from Steve to stare straight back at Thor. This is new, a variable Bucky had not accounted for, and it’s easy to see he’s not the only one uncomfortable with the suggestion.
Stark, known for patented disinterest in anything related to the bureaucracy of shield, has straightened up instantly at the mention of his son.
“First of all, Pete is not my kid, and I don’t know how many times I have to tell you all that. Maybe I’ll write it on Clint’s forehead. You need me to put it on a billboard or something? I’ll write it in big bold letters for you guys. What about a skywriter? Better yet I’ll use the suit if I need to.”
Bucky uses Stark’s rambling as an opportunity to detach his hand from Steve's, slipping his metal arm over his shoulder instead. Steve relaxes into Bucky’s hold, as he listens to Stark intently, while the rest of the team just rolls their eyes and scoffs at Stark’s antics.
Everyone in the room has heard this spiel from Stark a million times, but it's entirely meaningless. Bucky has only met Parker a few times, but it’s always been clear that he was Stark’s kid. They’re stuck at the hip, and Stark looks at that kid with so much parental fondness, that there’s not no doubt in anyone’s mind that Peter and Tony are father and son at this point.
“Get to the point Tony.” Clint grumbles distractedly from across the room.
“Okay, here’s the point, the kid’s not going. Pete’s got homework and we’ve been working on his massive project for the science fair, kid’s going through a lot and he’s stressed out enough, Plus, the kid’s like nine.So, no.” Tony is curt, eyes darting behind his sunglasses, gesturing with his hands for emphasis at the end of his spiel.
“Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a great idea. I’m not sure if bringing a teenager on a serious mission is a good idea.” Steve adds, speaking directly to Thor
“Although I understand your concern brethren, I can assure you,the mission shall be quick and rather effortless, a prime learning opportunity.” Thor retorts.
Bruce, though,sees straight through Tony’s bullshit, speaking to the underlying concern for his kid, hidden in his message.
“Well Tony, I know you’re worried about the kid’s safety, but Thor is right. I’ve read over the plan for this mission and it’s as routine as it gets. There have been a few unusual sightings of extraterrestrial waste around Queens. We aren’t even going to fight anyone! Besides, that’s the kid’s borough, eventually he’s going to check it out, whether we are with him or not.”
Stark goes quiet, he’s contemplating, trying to measure Bruce’s valid point against his own protective instincts.
Though Bruce’s words may have silenced Tony, Steve takes this moment to speak up again, straightening his back, breaking out his rarely used Captain America to command authority. “Peter barely has any training! I mean this in the most respectful way, but taking him out with us is a liability. We all love the kid, and no one wants to see anything happen to him. None of us could possibly be on our best game if we are constantly trying to watch his back too, and that’s a recipe for disaster.”
The room goes dead silent for a moment. Bruce makes eye contact with Bucky, a silent plea that Bucky is all too familiar with. Bucky lets out a small sigh.
It might be a new century, but Bucky’s sweetheart is the same stubborn little shit he’s always been. The same punk who won’t back down from a fight or an argument, no matter how petty or serious.
The only person capable of getting Steven Grant Rogers to change his mind is Steven Grant Rogers, always had been. That being said, Steve does value Bucky’s opinion more than almost anything else in the world, so sometimes, when the avengers know they can no longer appeal to Steve’s sense of reason, they ask Bucky to do their bidding. Usually, he says no. Fighting with Steve sucks, and he hates doing it, so unless Bucky feels particularly strongly about the matter, the avengers typically end up having to let it go, or waiting until Steve comes around on his own.
This though, Bucky does care about. He knows Parker has been training with Nat the last few weeks, and he trusts Thor and Bruce’s assessment of the mission. Though Bucky and Peter had only interacted a few times, it was clear Parker was a good kid, just looking to help out wherever he could, and Bucky thought it would boost the kid’s spirits. He really couldn’t see the harm in letting the kid tag along, and he tells Steve as much that night as they’re getting ready for bed.
“Stevie?” Bucky calls, as he rounds the corner to the bedroom after brushing his teeth.
“Yeah Buck?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
‘What about?” Steve questions from the bed. He looks up from the trashy muder mystery novel he had been reading as he waited for Bucky.
He looks so much better like this, Bucky thinks. Steve looks relaxed, sporting an old SHIELD hoodie he must have snagged from Natasha, and sweatpants Bucky is positive he just took out of the drier. Bucky loves it, loves the idea that he’s the only one that has ever gotten to see Steve like this, so unguarded. He’ll be the last too, if that ring stowed away at the bottom of the sock drawer has anything to say about it.
He’s wearing his glasses, a rare sight, even to Bucky. When Steve had gotten the super serum, he’d been so overwhelmed by the instant, dramatic changes to his body, that it took him a while to notice the small things the serum hadn’t been able to correct. Once he started to be more aware of the slight strain he still experienced in his eyes when reading, or the occasional moderate back pain leftover from his scoliosis, he hadn’t mentioned it to anyone for fear of sounding ungrateful. When Bucky was finally able to connect the dots, he placed a gentle kiss on Steve’s temple, before throwing his head back against the headboard in humorous frustration with his people pleasing diot of a partner.
Steve’s been working on his self-sacrificing tendencies overall, trying to put himself first, but Bucky huffs. He knows this conversation will definitely be his biggest ask yet.
Bucky lets out a grunt as he climbs onto the bed to join Steve. He grabs for him immediately, not giving Steve a chance to turn out the lamp or take his glasses off.
Bucky pulls him to his chest, until Steve is practically laying on top of him, and Steve lets out a soft giggle. At the sound, Bucky pulls back, so he can look Steve in the eyes.
“Hi.” Bucky whispers stupidly.
Steve giggles again, and Bucky thinks that might be the eighth wonder of the world.
“Hi Buck. That’s not a question though.”
Steve’s words wipe the smile off of Bucky’s face rather quickly. Bucky hates upsetting Steve, and this conversation is inevitably going to lead to an argument. Still though, Bucky tries to quell the unsettled feeling in his stomach, before he reaches out to run his fingers through Steve’s hair and ask him a question.
“Do you plan on keeping your promise to me?”
“All of ‘em. ‘Till the end of the line, you know that Buck.”
“You remember promising me you would slow down if I asked you to?”
Steve flinches slightly, and it’s clear that he remembers. It had been a while ago, when they were both drunk off their asses from one of Thor’s brews. There were a lot of tears that night, and gentle kisses. And as the moonlight reflecting softly on the empty bottles, they traded promises of a future, perhaps a few children, maybe some goats, but definitely some fucking peace.
“I know Buck, b-”
“Nah pal, no buts. This is me asking. I want the future that we keep putting off honey. I want it to finally be about us.”
Bucky can feel himself getting a little choked up thinking about it. He never thought he could have this. First the dangers of liking men in the 40’s, then the war, then HYDRA, then SHIELD, but here he is. Holding the only thing that has ever mattered to him in this world, who is ironically, now the only thing stopping their picture perfect plans.
“Buck, I just can’t do that right now.” Steve lets out tiredly. “You know I want that just as much as you do, but the world needs me right now.“I can’t sleep at night knowing people need my help, and I wasn’t there for them.”
“The world is always gonna need somebody honey. That doesn’t mean you always have to be the one to answer the call.”
It’s quiet for a moment, and Bucky blinks up at the ceiling in an effort to not get choked up By the time he looks back down at Steve, shedding his own silent tears, he decides there’s no need to hide, letting a few drop freely.
“I’m just so tired Buck.” Steve’s whispered words break Bucky’s heart.
“I know sweetheart. I know.”
“Who is gonna help ‘em Buck? Somebody’s gotta help ‘em.”
“We’ll figure it out honey. I don’t have all the answers as much as I’d love to give them to ya. But I know where we start.” Bucky brings his metal hand back up to caress Steve’s face.
Steve wipes his nose with the sleeve of Natasha’s sweater, before trying to bury his face in Bucky’s shoulder.
“That’s fucking gross Steve.” Bucky remarks, but he makes no move to avoid Steve’s snot ridden face. After all putting up with a little bit of gross is the absolute least Bucky would do for him.
Steve chuckles, and Bucky considers it a victory.
“Seriously though baby, you gotta start letting people help ya. I’m not asking you to quit cold turkey, but we gotta start looking at the long term honey.”
Steve nods. Bucky closes his eyes, not knowing how Steve would react to his next suggestion.
“What about Peter? I know he’s real young, but his heart’s in the right place. With a little bit of help from you and some time, don’t ya think the future is bright for him?”
“Of course Buck! But he’s a literal child-”
“I know Stevie, I’m just saying, it’s time to start getting ready to let the next generation take over, and Stark’s kid is the best possible little man for the job in a couple of years, yeah?”
Steve lets out a resigned sigh, and pauses before he nods in agreement.
“So you gotta start letting the kid tag along. Let him come on the alien trash mission. He’s only ever gonna get the experience he needs if you let him get out there. You gotta start getting ready to hand the reins over sweetheart.”
And maybe it’s a testament to Bucky’s eloquence, maybe it’s because Parker reminds Steve so much of himself, or maybe it’s the past century catching up to him, but for the first time in Steve’s life, he doesn’t fight.
Bucky should have known that Steve would give himself up for any of his teammates, especially the kid. Bucky should have never insisted Parker go, Bucky should have demanded he be there himself to watch Stevie's six, painful arm be damned. There are a million things Bucky wishes he had done, but instead, on a snowy night in November, Bucky calls Fury, and tells him to have Parker suit up for a “routine mission” that would change all of their lives forever.