Chapter 20
It’s the first day after break. Your parents and you haven’t spoken much at all since the explosion of Christmas. Morgan refused to speak to you because you were mean to her for almost a week. But even if she had, you were barely leaving your room. The first couple days, Pepper convinced Tony to let you sulk in silence. After two days, Tony put his foot down. He programmed FRIDAY to only handle basic essentials but other than that she wasn’t to answer your commands. He stated to you that if you stayed in your room any longer, you would no longer have a door.
“Tony—“
“No. She is not shutting out everyone.”
“You think taking her privacy away helps?”
“You know what I think—“ you tuned your dad out by putting on headphones. And that’s how you spent the rest of break. Peter and Betty kept reaching out, but you don’t want to talk to other people who are going to keep forcing you to hear lies.
But today, you’ll have to face the music. In twenty minutes you’ll be at hell… oops, you meant high school.
“You ok back there kid?” You’ve had headphones on most of the ride, but Happy is hoping you’re ok. Tony is losing his mind from you not telling them anything. But, like the last few days, you say nothing. You instead look at the screen showing a phone call.
- That’s a NYC area code right? You don’t get many unknown callers, but you pick up. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this Y/N Stark?”
“Who’s asking?”
“My name is Jennifer. I am a nurse at Mount Sinai in Queens.” A hospital in Queens calling you?
“What is this regarding?”
“We have Evelyn and Thomas Y/L/N in the ER. You’re listed as their next of kin.”
“I am. What happened?!”
“They were hit crossing the street when a car ran a red light. They need surgery.”
“Do whatever you need. I’ll be there soon!” You hang up and turn to Happy. “Take the next right.”
“Funny kid. You’re going to school and that’s final.”
“Harold Hogan, you work for my family. And there has been an emergency. So take the goddamn right or I will hop out of the car.” You’ve never called him by anything other than Happy.
“Fine, I’ll turn. But where are we going?”
“Mount Sinai Queens. Should be on 30th.”
“Is it the kid?” You shake your head, but give nothing more.
“I will take you, but you have to tell your parents where we’re going and why.” You want to argue, but he speaks again before you can. “You tell them or I will u-turn and take you to school.”
“Fine.” You stare at your phone trying to decide who was the better choice to message. At the last second you decide your mom was the better choice. So you shoot her a message.
Y: not going to school. there was an accident. nana + pops in hospital.
P: I’m in a meeting, but I’ll leave ASAP. Tony can be there faster
Y: i can handle this. i’ll be fine. harold refused to drive me if i didn’t tell one of you
You wait for Pepper to tell you off, but instead, FRIDAY’s voice speaks out. “Boss connecting to car.”
“Friday no!” But your commands aren’t recognized still.
“Kiddo, what is happening?” You can hear the roar of the car as he, most likely, speeds down the street. “Pep says you’re skipping school and going to the hospital. Are you ok?!”
“I’m fine Tony. My grandparents were hurt. I’ve got it.”
“You and I are going to have a huge discussion about this attitude later on, but right now I am telling you- I will be meeting you. You are a child—“
“I’ve handled bigger issues.”
“That was a statement, not an opportunity to argue. You are a child, and this shouldn’t lie on your shoulders.”
“Well you seem to forget, im their next of kin, not you. So I will be handling this. Alone.”
“Bull fucking shit. You don’t get to shove me and your mom away just because you’re angry about something—“
“You seem to forget a lot that my mom is dead.” You swing the low blow as Happy pulls up at the hospital. “I have to go.”
“Y/N, we’re not done with this—“ you leave him yelling as you slam the door behind you.
The first nurse you see you explain, “my grandparents were brought it. I… I need to do something!”
“Ok, honey. First take a deep breath. What is the patients’ names?”
“Evelyn and Thomas Y/N.”
“And you are…?”
“Their granddaughter. Y/N Stark.” She looks at the computer to get the information for you.
“Ok, your grandparents were taken into surgery a little bit ago. Your grandfather has a broken wrist and ankle on top of the other health problems he already had. Are you aware—“
“Yes. I know the health stuff. What about Nana?”
“Your grandmother’s arm was dislocated. She also has three broken ribs, which is a concern because one of them punctured her left lung and it collapsed. They are trying to repair it while she’s on a ventilator.”
“Are they going to be ok though?” You feel tears start welling up, but refuse to cry.
“Hopefully. We have to wait and see. Now your grandparents come here regularly for their other appointments, but we do have some papers you need to fill out. DNRs, Medical Power of Attorney Directives—“
“Her dad is on the way.” Happy says interrupting her. “Y/N isn’t 18 yet.”
“Which patient is he related to?”
“He’s not. They’re my birth mother’s parents.” You glare at Happy, not feeling his namesake. “My mom is dead and I have no other relatives on that side of the family.
“Then it doesn’t matter if she’s 18. This is her responsibility alone. Her father can help, but ultimately, she is the one to make decisions.”
“You do understand who her father is right? Based off last name?”
“It doesn’t matter. There are legal boundaries and it doesn’t matter how many checks he writes, he has no legal control over her grandparents.” You like this nurse better and better with every passing second.
Peter keeps texting you. Trying to figure out where you are. But he’s not expecting much after the radio silence the last couple weeks. However, with first period over and you still nowhere to be seen, he makes an executive decision.
“Kid, I can’t talk right now. We’re waiting to hear from the doctors—“
“What happened? Is Y/N ok?” Peter’s panic climbs as he hears the sound of a hospital on the call.
“She’s fine. Hold on—“ Tony’s voice turns away from the call. “I don’t know what part of I don’t fucking care, she’s under 18 and won’t be making those decisions you don’t understand. You can either wait until my lawyer gets here or you let me sign. Don’t fucking try to make my 15 decide—“
“Parker, I’m fine. Tony is being a control freak. I’ll call you later.” You hang up, but Peter gets a text a few seconds later.
Y: nana + pops in accident. theyre in surgery.
P: what hospital?
Y: sinai
Peter knows if he tells you he’s coming you’ll tell him no. But you’re not going to face this alone. Even if Tony is there with you. So instead he slips out a side door, because he will always be by your side, whether you ask or not.
However, hearing you and your parents arguing is not what Peter is expecting.
“You can tell us over and over again, but you are a child. You are not going to make life or death decisions!” Tony is heated and you look about the same.
“You don’t get to make decisions about my grandparents. All you want is them gone so I have no one to turn to.”
“That isn’t true. You know Tony and I would never try to kill your grandparents.”
“Do I? I don't even know you all anymore.” You turn to storm off but your dad’s arm catches your arm.
“Whatever this angsty teenage bullshit is, it stops right now. Pepper and I have done nothing to deserve your anger. And you acting like a child is why I’m saying you’re not in the right headspace to make decisions about your grandparents. You say you don’t know us, but we’re exactly the same people we were a month ago. You shut us out. You changed and won’t tell us. But you don’t get to tell us we’re th—“
“Tony stop.” Pepper tries to deescalate the situation, especially seeing you shutting down.
“No. Let him spew his bullshit. Nothing has stopped him before. But while your lawyer is here, have them draft up some emancipation papers. Because I’m done with your rules and being treated like I’m nothing other—“
The Tony that interrupts you is one so livid, Peter has never seen him before. So livid, that he’s basically whispering. “No way in hell. You aren’t going anywhere. You’re not going to be emancipated, you’re not leaving. You are my kid. You are a part of me. So yell and scream, sulk and shut us out. Do your worst. But you will be coming home. I lost you once and I will never let that happen again. So listen and listen closely. I love you. Nothing that you believe has happened or has happened will change that. You are my kid and I…” Tony’s voice cracks but he clears his throat and continues. “I am not my father. I will not let my child shut me out. I will be right here, right here next to you until you realize I have always and will always be in your corner.”
You try to shove out of his arms to run, but this time it’s Peter that catches you. “Hey, I’ve got you.” Even though you want to yell at him for coming too, you are so goddamn tired. You just want to be held for one last moment before anything changes. And Tony hopes that Peter will help bridge the gap between you both for at least a little bit.
You’re tense in his arms. But, you’re letting him hold you, which is more than Tony can say of him and Pepper. You won’t even make eye contact with anyone and will only give one word answers to Peter. Your grandparents have been in surgery for a while. And with every minute that passes, the pit in his stomach grows deeper. So when he sees the doctor step out and look at you, he knows. Your life is about to change.
“Ms. Stark?” You look up and you’ve seen this look before.
“No.” You don’t want to hear it.
“Kid—“ Tony tries to help, but like every other attempt he’s made lately it just pisses you off.
“Don’t you dare! I don’t want to hear that they’re dead.”
“They aren’t. Your grandfather is out of surgery. His anesthesia hasn’t worn off yet.”
“And Nana?” Peter has a sense of what’s happening. He’s seen this before, but instead of your grandmother, it was his uncle.
“She is out of surgery. However, without a ventilator, her lungs aren’t going to breathe again on their own.”
“What?”
“Evelyn was a smoker for years. Between that, the damage from the ribs, and the rest of the accident, she would need new lungs to survive.” You can smell the spice of the white and gold cigarettes that had been a part of your childhood. “However, the likelihood that she would get a transplant is low.”
“Why?” You don’t get it. She is the best person you’ve known, why wouldn’t they give her new lungs?
“Well, to start, her body is in a weakened state. We don’t know that her heart could hold up until whenever a transplant could even be a possibility, especially since she had three instances during surgery that we had to restart her heart. If there was a set of lungs, even if they were ready right now to be placed, her body is most likely not strong enough to survive another surgery and then the healing from it. On top of that, she is ninety-three. They can’t give new organs to patients that won’t be benefiting from it.” The doctor is speaking but none of the words are registering.
Pepper steps in. “Sweetheart, I need you to listen ok?” Tony’s eyes stare back at you from your face. “Your grandmother has lived a long, wonderful life. But right now, the measures put in place, while they might keep her alive, it’s doing more damage to her. She won’t last much more drastic measures and I don’t think she’d want to go through that pain. Do you?” You shake your head but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. You don’t want to let her go. You can’t. “You signed a paper saying to do anything necessary to save her. But that’s no longer the best for her, right? So I think this doctor needs you to sign a DNR. And then you would have a chance to say goodbye before—“ She doesn’t even finish her sentence before you crumple to the floor, crying.
“I can’t lose her.” You sob. Peter is the one who responds.
“Baby, she is already gone in a way. Even if the most drastic of measures worked, she will never be exactly the person you know and love. And even though it hurts, getting to say goodbye is the best thing right now. You can tell her anything before she passes.
“Please, please don’t make me. Don’t make me tell them to stop.” You sob. Peter tries to wipe away your tears, but they’re falling too fast.
“Ms. Stark, I know this is hard, but we need a decision.” The words fade into the background as your mind goes back to the last time you were in the hospital for something diabetes related with Nana.
It was the first time you heard all the papers she was signing and even at 13, you wanted to know everything. So you asked her, what DNR stood for.
“Oh baby girl, it stands for do not resuscitate. For if something was to happen where your body wasn’t functioning, it’s whether or not the doctors should try to bring you back to life.”
You remember not understanding why anyone wouldn’t want to be brought back to life. “Why wouldn’t you?”
“Because sometimes, the body has fought all the battles it can. And we need to let people go on. Go to God. Go to where your mama is.”
“My mama? She’s in the ground. You showed me.”
“Well yes. Her body was put there. But her soul is in Heaven. She’s free of pain and suffering and can finally smile again. And after you live a long, long life, I am pretty sure she will be waiting to meet you as the mother she wished she could have been.” Nana’s face has a soft, yet sad smile. “It’s where I’ll get to see the daughter I wish you had known, instead of the addict you didn’t really know.”
“So, you’re not scared to die?”
“Well, I’m not scared to go to my Heavenly Father and I’m not scared to see your mother again. It’s not going to happen anytime soon though baby girl. But when the Lord decides my time has come, no. I won’t be scared, because I’ll be with your Mama again.
“Ok.” You whisper the words, but suddenly the words around you stop.
“Ok?” The doctor asks.
“Bring me the DNR. I’ll sign it.”
“Y/N—“ Three voices all try to say your name, telling you you can think it over. But you shake your head.
“She wasn’t scared to go. She said when the time is right she would be ready to see her daughter again, the one I didn’t get to meet. It’s time for her to go home to the Lord.” Your voice shatters as you talk about a God that whether or not you believe in, Nana did.
The doctor has you fill out the paperwork, one quick signature, and then adds, “If you want to come back and see them, you can. They’re in the same room right now.” You nod, swiping at the tears. You need your vision to be clear to see Nana for the last time. You feel it. You know she’s going to go, whether you’re ready or not. But it’s time for you to be the strong one. She was your rock for so long.
Walking into the room is harder than you think it will be. Nana is paler than you’ve ever seen her. Her eyes are closed, a plastic tube taped to her mouth. You’ve never realized how small she was. She was a hurricane of emotions and personality, but physically, she’s a blade of grass about to be blown away.
And sitting in the bed across the way, your Pops looks like he’s asleep, but he’s also so beat up. The casts, the IVs, all of it is terrifying and makes him look so different than the man who took you to the library, came to your daddy daughter dances, and made sure you knew that the Yankees were far superior to the Mets. Your arms wrap around you, trying to hold yourself together one molecule at a time.
Your throat wants to close. You feel like you want to lay down with them and not have to deal with this. How can you say goodbye? How can you live without the only people who have always been by your side?
“Bambina, I’m right here. I’ve got you.” You don’t mean to, but right now, you need anyone that isn’t going to leave. And maybe he is bribing the school to get a diploma, but right now, you need your dad.
“I-I-I-“ You break down crying again but instead of trying to run from him, you turn towards him. Tony wraps his arm around you.
“I’ve got you. It’s going to be ok.”
You shake your head. “No it’s not. I’m going to lose them both. And I’m not ready. I’m not ready to be alone.”
“You’re not alone kid. I’m right here. I know you’re mad, and I don’t know why, but nothing is going to take me from you. Especially now. Me and Pep, we are on your team and are not leaving no matter what. But right now, you’ve got a chance to tell them anything you want them to know.”
“Don’t go.”
“I’ll be right here.”
You force yourself to sit down on Nana’s right and lift her hand into yours. “Nana,” your voice cracks with tears, but you push through it, “I love you so much. I know you would say stop being so silly of course you know I love you. But I feel like I haven’t said it enough or thanked you for being there when my mom died. You and Pops never had to step in for a daughter who gave up everything for an addiction. But you did. And you’re the reason I am the person I am. I know you’re ready to see her again. And it’s ok. I’ll be ok. If it…” You gasp enough air to continue as a sob breaks through your speech. “If it’s time, you can let go. Go see the daughter you wanted me to meet. I’ll be ok.” You repeat it, sounding like you’re trying to convince yourself to Tony. “I love you. It’s ok to let go. I love you. I love you. I love you.” The heart monitor starts to slow down, but the nurse steps in to turn it off. “It’s- It’s- It’s—“ A sob wracks through you, “It’s o-o-o-ok to let go.” The nurse turns the ventilator off. “I love you.” It’s all you can say as her chest starts to slow down until finally, she stills.
The nurse holds two fingers to your Nana’s neck. “Time of death, 3:29pm.”
The tethered feeling you normal have is gone. You fall forward to hold on to your Nana. The tears pour down your face. Instead of the heartbeat you fell asleep to as a child, there’s nothing. Instead of arms pulling you in for hugs, or teaching you the way around the kitchen, they lay completely still on the bed. Nana’s gone.
Looking at you and your Pops standing by the grave, Tony can see how the death is hitting both of you. You lost your grandmother, but your Pops, he loves her. He lost the love of his life. Tony glances over at Pepper— what would he do if he lost her? He can’t imagine.
But, even if something did cause him to lose Pepper, he would have you and Morgan. His kids. You are the only family Thomas has left. And while he is trying to be strong for you, Tony can see it. A man who has had too many hits but doesn’t want to hear that final bell. He’s trying to keep going for you, but it’s getting harder with each step, each breath.
Pepper gives Tony’s hand a squeeze. She can guess where his mind is going. And in her other arm, Morgan lays a head on her shoulder crying. She doesn’t fully understand. How she went from just getting a grandmother to losing her in a few short weeks. But more so, she doesn’t understand how numb you are. And neither Pepper or Tony know how to explain it so Morgan understands.
“When it comes to speeches, all of you know Evelyn was normally the one to jump up and offer to speak.” The minister says bringing soft smiles to many of the people around the graveside. “However, as Evelyn has gone to her eternal home, her granddaughter has offered to say a few words.”
You run a hand across your cheeks before stepping forward. “Many of you knew Evelyn Gracie Winchester Y/L/N as so many different things. Maybe it was the leader of your bible study, the quilter, the poet, or as just one of the best people I’ve ever met.” A swipe at both cheeks. “I… I was lucky enough to know her as Nana. Now Nana raised me after the death of the biological mother I never knew. Her and Pops are the reason I am who I am. She and Pops are the reason I love to read. They are the reason I love watching reruns of I Love Lucy and made sure that no matter what was going on in the world, that I always felt like I was the greatest present they ever received.” A swipe, and another. “When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with a life changing disease. But through the entire five days of being in the hospital, learning to adjust, and everything after, she never left my side. Neither of them did. And she never let me see how it much it hurt her soul to see me in so much pain, especially after everything her own daughter went through.” Swipe after swipe, to continue to see the paper. “I saw how she would give up cigarettes to ensure we could pay for insulin, gave up going out on her birthday to afford the field trip my class was going on, or said she didn’t need Christmas presents so that Santa could bring me more instead. I saw all of it and I knew the sacrifices she made to ensure I had the best life I could. So while some of you have lost a friend, a sister in Christ, or your favorite neighbor,” swipes and a gasp of air, “I lost the woman who made me who I was supposed to be. I lost the whiff of roses coming down the hallway as I got ready for school, the warm chocolate chip cookies that she would say were homemade but came out of a tube, I lost one of the greatest people I ever knew. And like many of you, I don’t know how I’m going to handle this loss. Because how can you fill a hole that large in your heart?” Your voice breaks as you finish and let the sobs overtake you.
Tony steps forward to pull you into him. He never wants to see you hurting like this again. He can see how much it’s hurting you.
But the universe doesn’t always play fair. Especially when a drizzle of pain, turns into a hurricane of destruction. Which is how it seems the universe has decided your life needs to be when two days after the funeral, Happy got the call that your grandfather had passed in the middle of the night. A broken heart, the doctor’s guessed. Because there was no reason that your Pops would have left you right otherwise. His heart just broke too much. And now Tony and Pepper are left wondering if you’ll ever be ok after this.