Being A Stark

Christmas break came faster than you expected. But that could be because you were part way into October when the snap brought you back. The past few weeks, Morgan has been singing Jingle Bells and Joy to The World on repeat as you studied for midterms. You haven’t thought about your grades because it will stress you out, but Betty texted you a few minutes ago that semester grades have been posted. So even though you don’t want to look, you will. You take in a deep breath before opening the digital report card.

English: 98

Calculus 1: 85

Chemistry: 72

German: 95

Biology: 74

Geography: 90

Art: 97

Gym: 90

“It’s a Christmas miracle.” You practically shout. 

“What is?” Your dad asks as he sets lunch in front of you and Morgan.

“I passed all my classes.”

“Even Chemistry and Biology? Wow it’s like your dad said at the beginning of your school year- Peter and I would make sure you passed.” You roll your eyes, but you know he’s right. Peter had spent more time helping you study for Chemistry than he spent studying for his own exams. But now that you have your grades, you can just enjoy your holidays, read some good books, and hang out with your family and Peter without guilt.

You do have the SI Christmas Gala, which will be your first public event since coming back from the snap. But you’re trying to not let that stress you out. It will be dressing up, taking some photos, and then eating a fancy meal. You’re not going to let it gift you any anxiety attacks, not when you have enough to worry about, and have spent too many nights stifling your sobs. The last thing you want is your parents coming find you in the middle of the night crying over the nightmares of Keiron, your dad paying people to believe you’re smart, or being snapped all over again. They didn’t need that kind of stress when they both carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

“Have you asked Peter about the gala?” Pepper asks at dinner a week before the gala.

“No, why would I?”

“Since you and he are seen holding hands in front of school all the time, the press will expect him to come as your date.” Your dad throws out. 

“Petey gets to go but I don’t?” The gala wasn’t even starting until basically Morgan’s bedtime, so Steve was going to come watch her so you and your parents can go to the gala. 

Your dad kneels down next to Morgan and whispers slightly loudly, “It’s going to be really boring. You’ll have more fun with Uncle Steve.”

“Can I have a juice pop since I’m staying home?” Morgan asks, trying to be bribed.

“You can ask Uncle Steve when he’s here.” Your dad says, not making a decision. Steve will usually say yes because he falls for making Morgan happy every time, even if it means extra juice pops. And you know all you have to do is text Peter with the details. He’ll say yes no matter what.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” Peter asks once again as you lift the red floor length gown a little to walk up the stairs in the heels that might be a couple inches too tall. 

“Between you and my dad, I think you’ve both mentioned it about two billion times... in the last hour.” It’s one thing for your dad to say it over and over again. He’s your dad. He has to tell you you’re beautiful, even if you’re not. But if Peter tells you again and you have to pretend to believe him, you don’t know if you can force a genuine reaction this time.

“Well let me make it two billion and one.” Peter says but you cut him off with a hand over his mouth.

“No, right now it’s time to suffer through the line of reporters and then you can tell me ok?”

“Fine.” He concedes to your terms.

You had thought maybe this would be ok. Peter here as your date, you only had another three reporters and you were done with the press line and then you could just be a person at a party instead of the daughter of one of the richest people in the world and most well known Avenger. You don’t know how many more times you can hear people ask you how you feel about your dad saving the world. 

“So I have to ask,” you wait for the question you feel coming, the same one you’ve answered so many times. But the words out of the brunette’s mouth are different, “when will the Tony Stark wing of MSST be opening?”

“The what?” You try to swallow the panic of hearing Keiron’s words out of someone else’s mouth.

“You know what I mean. Your dad makes a lot of donations. Donations get wings built with the donor’s name plastered on it. Your school would be the next place anyone expects a wing for the Savior of the World to get, especially with you there.” Suddenly everything clicked into place. The Christmas miracle of passing was nothing more than what Keiron had said— Tony was bribing the school to pass you. She didn’t even have to say it. She was going to write about how Tony Stark has a stupid kid that is only passing because of donations.

“Hi there. Sorry to interrupt; need to steal my kid.” Your dad’s voice spreads a layer of calm like butter, but you know it’s only temporary. “I’ll catch up and finish this interview with you later. Right now, my darling daughter is needed for a family photo.”

You force a tight lipped smile on your face so that you wouldn’t be called stupid and rude in the same article.

Peter could tell from across the room that something was off. You may have a smile painted on your face, but he knows you. He can see the pain that you’re hiding behind a smile that seems real to everyone who doesn’t know you. Tony must have noticed it too since he was having you finish the press line with him and Pepper instead of letting you continue on your own.

You’re momentarily pulled from the trance you were in of the reporter talking to your parents when your favorite citrus notes wrap around you as Peter wraps an arm around your waist. His lips press into your temple before he whispers, “I love you.” The words make breathing a little easier.

Pepper keeps her eyes towards the reporter and answers questions to keep Tony from saying things he shouldn’t, but you’re still close enough that she can see the moment you relax a bit with whatever Peter had said. “How about you call my assistant and set up a time for Tony and I to finish this interview with you later?” Pepper suggests wanting to get you away from the reporters. 

“We’ve got a teenage boy who’s probably starving and a daughter who is not getting to be alone with him when she looks this stunning.” Your dad teases and is surprised when only Peter really replies.

You do roll your eyes as Peter throws out, “I would never do anything like that Mr. Stark!”

“Kid, I’m teasing. But I know that you’re always starving.” 

“I could eat.”

“You always can babe.” You tease softly, and the three people who know and love you are hoping this teasing means whatever happened has passed. As the four of you walk away, Peter’s hand squeezes your waist. 

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks softly, your parents a few steps ahead to give him room to check in with you.

“What? About how hell is empty because all the devils are here?” You tease quoting one of the greatest writers instead of telling him. You’ve thought about telling Peter so many times. About everything that Keiron spits at you with vile and hatred interlaced, but he is too trusting and would believe your dad didn’t do anything, which would just lead to fighting and possibly a break up. And if it comes down to dealing with Keiron’s words or losing Peter, you know which you’ll pick.

“No, well yes, but you know what I’m asking.”

“Parker, I'm fine. Promise.” You let the lie roll off your tongue as if it was easy to lie to the one person you love with your whole heart. But how can you tell Peter that the reason you’re sad is because of your want to believe that your dad wouldn’t do the thing you know he did? How can you tell him that you’re the stupidest of the Stark family? Especially when you know his reassurance would also be a lie.

As you look down at your phone to check your blood sugar, Peter shakes his head ever so slightly, because he sees your dad looking back and wanting to see what’s wrong. But he doesn’t know how to get you to be open about whatever the reporter said that made you freeze. “You coming?” He hears your dad toss out lightly, trying to get a gauge on you.

“Yeah, yeah, be there in a second Dad.” You roll your eyes again as you grab Peter’s hand to pull him towards the table set up for your parents and their guests. It’s mainly SI people, especially higher ups. You’ve met them a few times, but it’s not like the Avengers who feel more like family than coworkers of your dad’s. So instead you look at the vegetarian food sitting on your plate and bolus for the few carbs in the bread, potatoes, and the chocolate cake sitting by your water glass. At least the food looks good and maybe you’ll blow some of your dad’s money on some of the auction items… actually, no, he’ll blow money on something ridiculous that you and Pepper both say he doesn’t need to. 

It had been a fun night for the most part. Your feet hurt from the heels you had worn all night and your body is so tired from dealing with press before dancing the night away. So there’s no reason that your brain shouldn’t let you go to sleep. Especially when you’re exactly where you should be blood sugar wise. But yet here you are, spending the rest of the night sitting in the kitchen, with the book your attention is barely staying with, all alone so you don’t wake up the rest of the people who can sleep calmly.

So you reach for the water glass sitting in front of you, taking a sip. You go to set it down, but your phone lighting up distracts you and the glass topples from your hand to the floor when you thought it was on the table completely. Your hands fly to cover your mouth to try and keep the gasp that escapes your mouth quite, even though you’re pretty sure it’s not nearly as loud as the glass that shattered.

“Broken glass in kitchen. Alerting Boss.” FRIDAY’s voice rings out.

“No Fri! Don’t wake him!” You say but it’s too late, you already hear two sets of feet running downstairs.

The lights turn on completely, instead of the five percent you had turned on when you came down. Your mom has blue gauntlets on that are lit up and your dad has a baseball bat ready to swing at the intruder that isn’t here.

“Y/N?”

“Kiddo?” Your parents' voices speak simultaneously, before your dad continues. “What are you doing up at whatever fucking time it is?” Clearly he’s not fully awake.

“We didn’t get an alert that you were low?” Pepper questions softly, not wanting to assume but at the same time, her mom senses are going off that something is wrong with her daughter, and this isn’t a physical thing. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” You shrug. “I’m sorry about the glass, I’ll clean it up!” You go to stand but your dad shakes his head. 

“It’s ok, Constant Recycling Apparatus Pickup can get it.”

“You named your machine CRAP?” You hadn’t heard this one yet. And your mom hadn’t either it seems by the way she rolls her eyes. 

“Besides the point,” Tony deflects from the question. “Why are you up?”

You think for a second before saying. “Just couldn’t sleep.” It’s easier to explain. Even though Pepper wants to stay, this feels like a daddy daughter conversation.

“I’m going to go check on Morgan.” She places a kiss on the top of your head. “No inventing.” Your mom throws out, trying to help the mood.

“Cross my heart.” Tony draws a cross on his chest before turning his head to look at his oldest daughter. “Wanna talk about it kiddo?” He asks sitting down next to you.

“Talk about what?”

“Well why my beautiful daughter is—”

“Stop.” He waits for you to continue. “Stop saying I’m pretty.”

“Why can’t I say that?”

“Cause pretty girls don’t spend Friday nights alone in the kitchen.” 

“But you didn’t—” 

“I went to a required party. But no one really wanted me there.”

“That’s the farthest thing from the truth. I wanted you there. So did your mom. And a certain speederboy, I know for a fact he only came for you.” Your dad references the name you tease Peter with from time to time.

“Just go back to bed. I’m fine.”

“No you’re not kiddo. And that’s ok. I just want to know how to help.” Your dad drops the jokes, something he only does when he’s really worried.

“It doesn’t matter. You have more important things to worry about.”

“No. I don’t. You, Morgan, Pep— that’s the most important things in my life and always will be.” You can’t look at him. Saying something like this to someone else, fine you could understand. But to lie to your face… That’s too much.

“Just go to bed please.” 

“Y/N, you can push and push, but I’m not going anywhere. I will say it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you. There hasn’t been a day since I met you that I haven’t loved you with my entire being. And I will sit with you through every day, good or bad, and remind you over and over again about how much I love you.”

“Yeah enough for me to pass my classes right now I get it.”

“What?” Tony’s lost. What does him loving you have to do with your classes?

“I get it, ok? I’m losing your interest with everything I’m doing. Whatever. I know it doesn’t matter. I’m going to bed.” You get up to walk away, before you tell him all the truths you know now.

“Hold on. Kiddo, before you go completely tumblr teen angst, just tell me—”

“I’m tired. Good night.” You walk away, trying to hold back your tears until you can lock yourself in your room. He doesn’t need to know that you know you only passed your classes because he made a donation of some kind most likely. No one needs to know. Starting tomorrow, you’ll build your walls up so no one sees the person you aren’t, that you don’t meet their expectations of what being a Stark means.

“Wait—” But you’re already moving up the stairs as fast as you can before Tony can stop you. “What just happened?” He asks no one.