Self-Discovery

Frigga looked forward to her twice-weekly contact with Lady Dyaddyn. They had trained in Seidr work together as young girls, and remained good friends through the millennia since. Dy had been the one to pick up on the hints Frigga had dropped, realized that she had a secret she desperately needed to get out, figured out the pernicious magic that prevented her from doing so. Dy had been relieved to find out Frigga herself was not in danger, and equally appalled when she finally understood the depth of Odin's deceptions. As a mage, as a mother herself, she understood the implications and why Frigga would do anything to head off the future tragedy-in-the-making that was her son's life. Dy had suggested fostering Loki out, had offered to sponsor him at one of the many academies on Alfheim where she lived.

Not only had Dy been instrumental in saving her younger son, but Loki's studies had provided the impetus to increase their contact with each other. Though they had remained friends, they had talked with each other perhaps a handful of times a year. Frigga looked forward to their talks not only to hear of Loki's latest triumphs and escapades, but of her friend's life. Frigga waited as her favorite scrying mirror pulsed pale blue and clouded over before clearing to show Dy's smiling face.

"Frigga, Dear!" (Ah, today's call was more serious, but not something they could speak openly of - they both knew the normal communications spells could be eavesdropped on with relatively little difficulty. Dy calling her 'dear' instead of 'darling' was code: watch for hidden meanings)
"I have a question I hope you are able to answer. ^{(It touches on things the geas of silence may hinder)}
We found out that Loki has a bit of an allergic reaction to blue woad - nothing serious, dear, just a bit of a skin reaction^{(it's about Loki's Jotun heritage)}
but it was very uncomfortable for him. ^{(he's in a bit of distress)}
Since blue woad is one of the ingredients in the salves used to soothe such skin irritants, I am wondering if you could tell me what alternate solutions you have? ^{(we need more information if possible)}
Or perhaps you can refer me to an herbalist who might have other recipes? ^{(is there anyone else we can ask)}
I know you're brilliant dearest, but you are busy with your own duties, too. ^{(We don't want to burden you unnecessarily)}"

Frigga smiled. "Lady Eir is our head Healer and has treated Loki since infancy. ^{(she knows the truth)}
She can tell you far more than I can about how best to treat his allergy." ^{(she is able to speak of it)}

Dy's face lit up. "Excellent! I am sure she is a very busy lady, as well. If you could please pass along a request for a patient consultation, ^{(complete privacy and discretion required)}
I will keep my schedule open tomorrow for her convenience. ^{(respond soon - urgent but not emergency)}"

Lady Eir had not been certain what to expect when Queen Frigga asked her to talk with the Lady Dyaddyn ...about Loki being allergic to blue woad, of all things. Eir knew well enough that the second prince was not allergic to such a mild, common weed. Though it was native to Alfheim and not used as frequently on Asgard in skin-soothing salves, the most common of them did contain it. Loki had been treated for his frequent scrapes, abrasions and burns often enough to know for certain that it was not a problem.

Therefore, something odd was afoot.

The discussion with Lady Dyaddyn and two Elven Healers proved interesting. They crammed a great deal into the hour Eir had set aside - only slightly more than normal for a patient consultation, but - Loki being Loki - any number of possibilities existed as to the real reason for the call. Fortunately, they had all come straight to the point as soon as the privacy wards had snapped up. The Healers were happy to know as much as Eir could tell them, and Eir was pleased that Frigga had managed to reach out to others - it had not occurred to her that Odin's 'protection' of his adopted son was yet another cruelty to be laid at his feet. She'd had no idea that the binding over his power had not been altered as his control improved. Such a fundamental spell did not affect the general health and would not show up on the basic scans for such minor issues as Loki had come to the Healers' Halls for. She assured them that, to the best of her knowledge, Odin would not know whether the binding had been circumvented as Frigga had laid the original spell. However, it was possible that Odin had added new spells - monitoring or otherwise - using the binding as a base after the initial work was done. In any case, Loki's natural protective reaction to extreme cold should be a non-issue, and Odin would not be able to tell without personally examining Loki whether the binding had been tampered with.

Eir had known Frigga was under a geas to not speak of Loki's heritage - had, in fact, learned of it scarcely two decades prior when she tried to speak with Frigga about a particularly bad sunburn Loki had gotten. Frigga had apparently also been mostly unaware of the geas - or at least the extent of it - until then. Eir had been able to use Healing techniques for pain blocking enough for Frigga to force a few words past her lips, but the rest of the details had been inferred from weeks of careful prodding to find the edges of the spell. Had Odin been any more skilled at Seidr-work, Eir would have been utterly furious at the frankly terrible job he'd done. Bending the limits of the geas was ...unpleasant, to put it mildly... and that fact combined with the fact that it could be subverted, even temporarily, pointed to shoddy work all around. A proper geas would simply prevent the proscribed action from being taken, torture need not apply.

As it was, she was furious that Odin would even attempt such a spell despite his complete lack of skill in delicate Seidr work. It was only Frigga's wish to not let Odin know his work had been discovered that had Eir holding her tongue until the Queen could set a few safeguards in place. As Loki was not being harmed by the situation, she had been content to let that issue lie as well. For the time being.

However, the shoddiness of the geas meant that Odin would not be warned of their attempts to work around it - he had trusted to its strength and barbaric consequences to keep it intact. Eir considered herself lucky Odin had not known that Frigga had consulted with her on how best to set the spell to bind Loki's Seidr and lock him into an Aesir form to keep him safe from the prejudices and hatred so many Aes held toward any and all Jotnar because of the war. It had been a complex work, though relatively simple in concept. Frigga was skilled enough to simply borrow Odin's connection as King to Asgard's inherent magic through their Marriage Vows, without involving him as an active participant, which further attenuated Odin's awareness of and connection to the spell. Using that connection, the spell Eir and Frigga had designed convinced Loki's Seidr that Aes was his default form, and prevented him from accidentally using his natural abilities to change shape or coat things in ice.

The sheer strength of his native Seidr had more than warranted a binding on that as well. Young children have notoriously poor impulse control, and no one needed an infant to be able to destroy a room just because he was hungry and fussy.

The last several minutes were spent tossing around ideas of how to proceed, and what precautions should be taken. Eir was more inclined than the Elves to give her King the benefit of the doubt (at least that incompetent Seidr work was at least as much a factor as malice, if nothing else), but agreed that something must be done as Loki was certainly old enough to begin training his native abilities safely.

When their hour was up, The Elven Healers thanked her for her help, and promised caution in prodding at the bindings. Eir, for her part, agreed to keep the cover story of a rare allergy and to look into 'alternative recipes' in case the current suggestions proved ineffective and further consultation was needed.

Privately, she'd also look into ways to release the geas on Frigga, too. Chances are there were many useful details the Queen knew and simply couldn't share.

"Loki! Are you ready, dear?" Yven called. Loki took one last glance in the mirror and ran out the door. He was both excited and nervous, for today he would be meeting a new teacher. A real Jotun.

When Yven had first told him, Loki had been afraid. Jotun were the monsters of legend and fireside terror tales. Yven had reminded him of his lessons on the History of the Realms and the discussions they'd had of Asgard's bias and the political needs that gave birth to such lies. She had also pointed out - yet again! - that a mage must have a firm sense of self, and understanding more about Jotun lifecycles and biology would be necessary knowledge. She was right, of course. (That didn't mean he had to like it.)

Loki reminded himself of all this as they traveled to the Royal Healer's Hall where the meeting was to take place. It didn't help much. He was still nervous, still facing a creature of childhood nightmares as he fought the urge to hide behind Yven as he looked up (and up) at his new teacher. Standing well over 3 meters tall, the Jotun was impressive, and scary. He swallowed nervously, hiding his shaking as best he could as he bowed when introduced, but otherwise stayed still and quiet, watching.

Yven explained everything, now that they were under a shield - his heritage, the binding on him... Everything. The Jotun - Risi - looked increasingly interested as the explanation went on. There had been a flash of ... something... when Yven had mentioned his adoption by Odin, but it was gone before Loki could try to name it.

After a great deal of talking, several magical and medical scans, more talking and some tentative plans for lessons, Loki had the chance to ask a question that had been festering since he'd been told what he truly was: "On Asgard, Jotnar are called Frost Giants, and you... fit the giant part. If I'm a Jotun, why am I so small? Why am I always the smallest and weakest?"

Risi seemed amused by the question. "There are a few reasons for your current size, Princeling. First, you are still very young. It takes time to grow. Second, you are a mage - and a powerful one at that. Life requires energy. Growth requires energy. Magic requires energy. Much of a mage's energy is channeled into their Seidr, rather than their body. Mages of any race grow more slowly than non-mages of that race for that very reason. Also, you are Jotun. Our bones and bodies are somewhat denser and stronger than most other races, and we grow slowly because instead of just inches, we grow strength. Also, you may have noticed that the children you know here and on Asgard would grow a handspan over the course of a year after remaining almost unchanged for decades prior?"

Loki nodded. He had been teased all the more after Thor had shot up like a weed at 500.

"Jotun do not have growth spurts like that. Jotunheim is an unforgiving land. Unlike Asgard, there is no summer of abundance where man and beast may glut themselves. Winter rules all the year 'round. Food and other resources are always there, but do not have the cycles of plenty and scarcity. In the cities, resources are managed carefully that catastrophe will not bring starvation, but even with that, there is enough, not plenty. This constancy affected how the Jotun adapted to survive. Unlike the Aesir, unlike the Vanir, we do not have cycles of sudden growth. Jotnar grow slowly and steadily their entire lives, and our lives can be long indeed.
"For their first decade, perhaps, Jotnar grow relatively quickly and mature faster than Aesir, simply to survive. A small, smart creature survives better than a large, stupid one, especially in harsh environments. Jotnar evolution favored brain over brawn in the earliest stages of growth. Within their first year, a Jotun child comes to understand perhaps as many words as an Aesir would at three, and are fully mobile. Though they lack strength and stamina and still require much care, they can follow simple instructions. In contrast, many Aesir do not even walk before their second year, and are similarly slow to speak. After the first year, more energy is put into the body, and that is the fastest period of gain in height. Within their first two or three decades, Jotnar children are able to survive on their own should it be necessary, and their growth shifts again, building strength to match the height they have gained. Though they are by no means adult, they are mature enough to think through simple options and consequences, to make reasonable short term plans. Mages in particular tend to mature very quickly. Their Seidr demands it.
"You are still small because you are a mage and because you are still very young. An Aesir reaches nearly their full growth by their first millennium. By your second millennium, you will have surpassed those you have grown up with because they will have stopped growing and you will not. The giants of your legends were the ancients, not the average. I, myself, am nearly 8 000 and still considered in my prime. To compare, most Aesir live to be perhaps 5 000, and that is old.
"According to our legends, a mage's power also grows continually throughout their lives. The older the mage, the stronger. It also said that the older the mage, the wiser - for they have managed to not destroy themselves. Great power can be corrupting, and mages must learn to not heed such a siren song if they are to survive. They must be wise enough to think things through each and every time they commit to a working or try something new. Even the thousandth - the ten-thousandth - time they work a spell, they must not become sloppy in their preparations from long familiarity. They must weigh the risks carefully in each new venture.
"Very few Jotnar die of old age. This is in part because we live such a long time that death due to violence or the harshness of our land is far more likely. The chances of a mage dying young are even higher. For one as powerful as you already are, the binding you are under is not an unreasonable precaution. Once you harness your Seidr fully, young Loki, you will need to become very wise, very quickly, I fear."

Risi was admittedly curious. There had been just enough information given at first to pique zher interest in taking on this new challenge, and a multitude of precautions and unusual levels of subterfuge had been used in travelling here. It had been a couple millennia since zhe had visited Alfheim, but this all seemed decidedly unlike the people zhe remembered.

The slender, shy child zhe was introduced to was also unexpected. Nothing at all about his appearance indicated him Aesir, much less of Odin's house. He was too graceful, too pretty, too ... well, too old for his young age.

Then the explanation was given, and it all made sense. Too much sense, and a tiny, horrified suspicion began to grow in the back of zher mind. Zhe shoved it aside and focused on the tasks at hand - the scans of both the child and the magic that bound him. The questions the child had. The answers - carefully worded - zhe gave.

There would be time later to (dis?)prove zher thoughts.