Self-Discovery

The weeks flew past. Despite his initial trepidation, Loki found Risi a patient teacher. It had taken quite a bit of effort to get past his Asgard-ingrained biases regarding the Jotnar and being around one (much less being one. ...it was a work in progress.) but his innate love of learning had taken hold and, as long as he 'forgot' that this really was all about himself, he quite enjoyed learning more about the Jotnar and their homeRealm.

Of course, there were a lot of things that he'd heard that were completely false - Jotnar (most emphatically!!!) did not eat their children, for instance - and many things that were simply... different.

And sometimes that made them very difficult to comprehend.

"Understanding the anatomy and biology of what you plan to shift into is important. You are not actually becoming another creature - if you shift into a wolf, you will gain the heightened sense of smell and hearing, but will not think like a wolf, will not automatically move like a wolf. Your mind will still be your own and you will need to practice running on four legs before you can do it well as you will have simply taken the wolf's form and have none of its instincts. Since you are fundamentally Jotun, we will spend the next several lessons covering Jotun anatomy and biology. Though you should have little difficulty with basic mechanics like walking, there are fundamental differences from Aesir that you should be aware of. Not all of them are cultural.
"Unlike the Aesir, who acknowledge only 2 genders, based entirely on outward, physical characteristics, Jotnar have five recognized genders: Sire - you would say 'male', Bearer - female, Androgyn - neither Bearer nor Sire, Hermaphrodite - both Bearer and Sire in one body though they do need a partner to reproduce, and Mage. Jotunheim is very cold, so Jotnar do not have external genitalia - the various dangly bits are kept tucked inside when not in use. Aside from mages, it is therefore difficult for outsiders to tell the genders apart as they look very similar outwardly, and we will cover all those details in due time. They will be important for proper shapeshifting, as you wouldn't want to leave anything out and vulnerable. Even though Jotnar are mostly immune to damage from cold, it can still be uncomfortable. And dangly bits are not only vulnerable to temperature - they would be 'low hanging fruit', so to speak, for an ambush predator.

Loki's eyes had gone wide - and not just because no one on Asgard had ever spoken so blasély about ... 'dangly bits' ... to him before. That was bad enough, but his mind had caught on one, particular, phrase. "And mages are different?" That ... hurt, a bit. He was already different on Asgard, and it brought little but taunts and abuse.

"Of course." Risi blithely assured him. "I already told you that Mages of any race are smaller and grow more slowly than their non-mage counterparts. Stature is one way to tell a Mage from any other gender. The other is their horns.

Loki looked at his teacher. He'd noticed the black horns that curled against the sides of zher head, of course, but hadn't really ... thought about them. They were just one more thing that set her apart from 'normal' to him. ...and compared to the deep cobalt skin, towering height and ruby red eyes, had hardly seemed worth mentioning.

"Horns? Not the ...other stuff? Are they different shapes?"

Risi chuckled. "No. A Jotun of any gender may have horns of widely varied shapes. Mages are different because they have no horns, or only the barest nubs, even when fully grown. Young children are not born with fully formed horns, of course, but even by their first decade, there is enough visible difference to tell a mage from all others."

Loki felt a pang. At least among the Aesir, his oddness hadn't been that obvious that early. How did Jotnar mage children handle being so easily singled out? It's not like they could possibly fight back that young - Seidr took time to harness and control.

"Loki? Princeling? What troubles your mind?"

He pulled his errant thoughts back to his teacher, only now noticing his own racing pulse and shallow breaths. "That must be terrible."

Risi looked at him oddly. "How so?"

"To have everyone know you're a mage! To not even be able to hide it and pretend you're normal."

Loki's voice had sunk to a whisper and his eyes fell to the floor, so he only heard a quick hiss from Risi as zhe began to mutter furiously.

"I know not how the Aesir have dealt with you that you have felt the need to hide your gift, but Jotun mages are cherished. Our mages are gifts from the Norns themselves, and only a few are born in a given generation. They carry the hopes of the People and recreate our world in new ways. A mage-child would never need to hide who and what they are! Not among our People, at least."

Loki flinched slightly at the passion and underlying anger in zher declaration, and Risi settled back, forcing zhemself calm again. "Shall I tell you of the first Jotun mage? Perhaps that will help you understand their value to us."

Loki hesitated, but nodded.

“Long ago, when the Realms were young, the king of Jotunheim found zherself with child. The king and zher mate rejoiced at the news of an heir. However, that joy was not to last. The king's jealous younger sibling started a rebellion and amassed a force large enough to match that of the Jotun capital’s army. The king, sickened with sadness and grief at the betrayal, tried to reason with zhem, but it was for naught, and a civil war loomed over the People like a shadow and the king knew much blood would be spilled. The king's sadness for zher brother and zher People was so great, zher unborn child felt it while still cradled in the womb.

“And in sensing its Bearer's grief, the child, still in the womb, turned to the Norns for help, begging for a way to make zher Bearer's sadness vanish.

“The Norns heard the child's pleas and saw they were born of love, but warned zhem they could not simply give the power to stop a war for nothing. The child must exchange something for what zhe asked. The child agreed, and offered three things in exchange. Zhe offered to give up zher size in return for wisdom, zher physical strength for the ability to shape and wield Seidr, and zhe offered zher horns for the gift of seeing alternate paths to tread, and the changes they might bring.

“The Norns agreed, and bestowed the child the Gifts of unmatched wisdom, powerful Seidr, and the ability to see and guide changes large and small.

“And the child slept within zher Bearer's belly as zhe grew and awaited zher birth.

"The child was born small – smaller than any Jotun to have ever been born. At first, people viewed zher size as a bad omen, believing the birth was a sign of their coming losses and decline in power. But even still, the king and zher mate loved their child, naming zhem Toivoe - Hope - and did everything within their power to ensure zhe lived a prosperous life

“The shadows of war grew ever darker, and blood began to be spilt, even as the king had feared and tried to avoid. As time passed and the costs of the war increased, the child grew not in size, but in wisdom and power. And at a tender age, Toivoe mastered zher Seidr and utilized zher power to stop the war and heal the rift in the peoples' hearts. With zher wisdom, zhe found the best arguments to reason with those who could be saved from the war and honed a silver tongue to persuade them to listen. With zher Seidr, zhe bound those who did not wish to be saved. And with zher ability to effect change, zhe restored much that was destroyed within Jotunheim, and improved many things as well.

“And so Jotunheim settled into a period of peace and prosperity. Toivoe was worshiped and revered, and many mages were born of zher bloodline, all of small stature, all carrying the ability to wield seidr and create change. Jotunheim prospered and lived happily even after Toivoe passed.”

"I do not know the extent of the truth that is in this legend, but this much I can swear is true: mages are respected on Jotunheim. They must be wise to survive the demands of their Seidr, and they bring change in unexpected ways. Mages are expected to seek life and balance rather than death and destruction, but I have noticed that almost all Seidr-wielders of every race prefer to protect life anyway. I have been told this is because Seidr is intrinsically tied to life and health, but as I am no Mage, you'd be in a better position than I to know the truth of that.

Loki pondered that, and nodded. "I think so. Seidr is really so alive! There's a flow and pulse to it that's ... it's like a heartbeat, sort of. And Healing lessons are all about listening to that pulse and what it's telling about someone's health. I'm not very good at that. There's just so much everything, it's too noisy to hear one person's pulse. Is Moth- um, Queen Frigga's ability to see the future because she's a mage? I can't do that, either, so..."

Risi chuckled. "The All-Mother is no Jotun, so her future-visions are not of Toivoe's Gifts. From what little I know, she can see a possible future, but not the path to reach it. That is different from seeing the paths that lay before your feet and being able to see a distance down where they lead. As for your own abilities, there are many who say a Mage's ability to shapeshift comes from that Gift of Change. Also, you are young and have not trained, but I have it on good authority - several good authorities, in fact - that you are quite prone to chaos and mischief. And what are those but seeing - and taking - a different path than most people tread? Even if only for a short time, and only in good fun."

The sly smile Risi gave invited Loki to share in the joke, and he found himself smiling shyly in return. (He was still terrified of this whole thing, but maybe some parts weren't quite so bad.)